Practicing Kindness Toward Wrongdoers?

In response to last night's blog post, a friend of mine, Carole Tiefenbach said that she generally doesn't have any trouble being kind to rocks, plants, and kind animals, but that she sometimes struggles to be kind toward evil people and toward the crows and grackles that eat her baby birds and robin eggs. That got me thinking, should we show kindness to those who do bad things, and what form should that kindness take?

I know that we should always try to love others, regardless of what they do, but love and kindness are not always the same thing. Love is sometimes expressed in the form of correction. Our love and concern for others sometimes requires us to steer them toward the right path. When appropriate, this sometimes requires some punishment, but while punishment can conceivably be loving, it would be a stretch to call it "kind." Are there situations where it's important not to be kind?

I puzzled about this topic off and on all day, and the answer that I eventually came to is that, while one can never be too loving, there are situations where it would be wrong to be too kind. This idea hearkens back to Aristotle's Virtue Theory of Ethics. According to Aristotle, (almost?) any virtue, if taken to an extreme, can become a vice. For example, humility is a virtue, but too much humility can lead to self-abasement and self-esteem issues. Too much humility can cause a person to not evaluate themselves fairly and can be emotionally harmful. Similarly, too much kindness can prevent much-needed correction. On the occasions where punishment is necessary, too much kindness can hold someone back from getting the help that they need.

Exercising too much kindness can also be dangerous. If a person is acting violently and threatening innocents, it's our responsibility to do everything we can to prevent or end that violence and to protect the innocent, even when that means that we need to be violently unkind.

So, confusingly, it is theoretically possible to be too kind to someone. However, this is fortunately not a situation we often run into. Meting out punishment is not often our job. It's true that someone on a position of authority sometimes has to correct someone else's behavior, but that doesn't apply to all of us, and even for those of us who do have to exercise authority, that doesn't always require dealing out punishments. Often, we can afford to be as kind as we can manage. And even when kindness isn't entirely appropriate, we can still act out of love.

It is rare for the average person to have to punish someone else, and it's rare for violence to be the correct solution to any problem other than violence. Since we don't often have to face violence or enact punishment, we don't often find ourselves in situations where we have to worry about being too kind. In general, being too kind is impossible. Still, I suppose it's worth knowing that, under certain, rare circumstance, it's possible to be a little too kind.

Practicing Kindness

In talking with my sister tonight, we discussed the importance of practicing kindness, no matter who or what that kindness is being directed at. There are several good reasons to be kind, such as to respect the feelings of others, but even in the cases where some of those reasons may not apply, such as with inanimate objects, there is still one good reason to practice kindness, and that's it: to practice kindness.

Practice is important. If you want to get better at playing the piano, you need to practice. If you want to learn to tell better stories, you need to practice. If you want to become a kinder person, it stands to reason that you might need to practice.

That's why it's important to practice kindness, even on things that may not be able to experience your kindness, like plants or rocks. They may or may not be conscious enough to be able to tell the difference between kind and unkind treatment, but we should be. We should practice kindness, even towards rocks, if for no other reason than to help us learn to consistently be kind.

It's important to be kind to people. It's almost certainly important to be kind to animals. It's probably important to be kind to plants. And it may even be important to be kind to inanimate objects, like rocks. But whether or not the rocks, plants, and animals deserve moral consideration, we should give strong consideration to our moral behavior, regardless of our circumstances. Kindness is a virtue, and we should strive to develop it, regardless of on whom or on what we are practicing kindness.

Am I suggesting that we should try to be kind to rocks? Yes, I am. Not necessarily for the rocks' sake, but for ours. I don't know whether the rocks care if we're kind or not, but regardless, it is always important to be kind.

Addiction, Agency, and the Locus of Control

One of the YouTube videos I've seen recently, titled The Science of Learned Helplessness, reminded me of something I've been thinking about for a while now. When we talk about addiction, we sometimes talk about how it erodes one's agency. Just as with the Positive Feedback Loops and Spiritual Inertia, the idea is that every time a person makes a decision that feeds into their addiction, that decision becomes easier to make the next time, which makes the decision even easier to make the time after that, and so on. There's also some talk about brain chemistry and neuropathways, but I don't know a whole lot about that, so I can't really comment on it. What I can say is that, whether this belief is true or not, believing that an addiction weakens one's agency can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If a person starts to believe that they don't have a choice, they can hardly be expected to make the right choice. One cannot be expected to exercise their agency when they believe they have, to some extent, lost that agency.

In the video, The Science of Learned Helplessness, video essayist Travis Gilbert spoke about a concept called the locus of control. To summarize and paraphrase, having an internal locus of control means that you believe that control over your life rests primarily inside you, whereas having an external locus of control means that you believe that your life is basically outside of your control. An internal locus of control fosters self-determination, whereas an external locus of control contributes to a phenomenon called learned helplessness. Gilbert gives the example of an adult elephant tethered by a small rope or a thin chain. Even though the elephant could easily break the restraint, it doesn't even try because it was secured with a stronger restraint when it, the elephant, was younger and much weaker. As a calf, the elephant became convinced that there was no way to break that chain, so even when it grew bigger and stronger, it didn't even try. The elephant had learned helplessness, and so do we.

We learn that addictions are dangerous and powerful, and maybe they are, but we learn that they are difficult to escape, which may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If people believe that their addiction is outside of their control, they may not be motivated to do much to escape them. After all, why would they? It's out of their hands. Even relying on God is a bit risky, since people can learn to rely on God too much, passing the responsibility to God rather than taking responsibility for themselves. They place their locus of control outside of themselves, hoping to absolve themselves of any wrongdoing.

And granted, there are cases where people truly can't control their actions, including some true addictions, with the brain chemistry and neuropathways. But in most cases, I'd say that it's better for a person to believe that they're in control of their own actions so they're more likely to take control of and responsibility for their actions. Just as believing in one's powerlessness can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, so can believing in one's strength. Someone once said "whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." That may not be a universal truth, but it might be wise for people to act like they believed it. We do better at making choices when we acknowledge that we have the power to make choices, a power which, incidentally, I don't think Satan can fully take away. I believe that people almost always have their agency, even in the face of addiction, and that they should never give up their internal locus of control.

Spiritual Cornerstones

In his talk, A Good Foundation against the Time to Come, Elder Gary E. Stevenson spoke of the renovations underway with the Salt Lake City Temple to make it more resistant to earthquakes, and he encouraged us to examine and perhaps renovate, or at least renew, our own spiritual foundations. It may be wise to ask ourselves what truths form the cornerstones of our testimonies and how strongly we believe in those truths. To this end, Elder Stevenson suggested considering the first four questions that are asked during Temple Recommend interviews:

Do you have faith in and a testimony of God, the Eternal Father; His Son, Jesus Christ; and the Holy Ghost?

 

Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of His role as your Savior and Redeemer?

Do you have a testimony of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ?

Do you sustain the President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the prophet, seer, and revelator and as the only person on the earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys?

Elder Stevenson sees these questions as "spiritual cornerstones." With these cornerstones in place and with the rest of our spiritual foundations built in alignment with them, we can ensure that our testimonies are built on foundations strong enough to withstand the earthshaking and faith-testing events of our lives.

Our mortal lives are littered with the sorts of challenges that test the strength of our testimonies. If we are to get through those challenges with our testimonies intact, we need to make sure our testimonies are built on solid foundations. To ensure this, we should consider which truths form the cornerstones of our testimonies, and we should make sure those cornerstones are strong. This may require some renovation or renewal on our part, but if a hundred-year-old temple can undergo renovations to strengthen its foundations, so can we. It's never too late to ensure that our testimonies are built on solid ground with good spiritual foundations and sure spiritual cornerstones.

Overcoming and Using Inertia

Something in Elder Benjamin M. Z. Tai's April 2020 General Conference talk reminds me of something I mentioned in a recent blog post, Positive Feedback Loops: Spiritual Inertia. 

Having inertia means that we tend to keep going in whatever direction we're going, or that we'll tend to stay still if we're not moving. If we're heading in the wrong direction, or if we're not moving at all, inertia is a force that may impede our progress; however, Elder Tai said, "By consistently applying the doctrine of Christ in our lives, we will overcome inertia that impedes change and fear that foils action." 

Regardless of which direction we're moving in and at what speed, applying the doctrine of Christ can help us get moving in the right direction and build up our momentum in that direction. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the key to overcoming and using Spiritual Inertia.

Two Reasons to Resist "Good" Feelings

Many temptations, especially physical ones, use the appeal of physical sensations. Junk food tastes good, sleeping in feels good, and alluring images look good. In general, just about all temptations capitalize on how those sensations feel, but we should resist those "good" feelings for at least two reasons.

First, those feelings don't last. The "highs" we experience from yielding to temptation are fleeting. For example, I drank a glass of hot chocolate about ten minutes ago, and it was very tasty, but I already have a sour aftertaste in my mouth. I like how hot chocolate tastes, but it only tastes good while I'm drinking it, and the pleasant sensation fades quickly. In contrast, healthy fruit smoothies also taste good, and I also feel healthier for a good while after drinking them.

The second reason to resist the temptation of good feelings is that the "good" feelings we experience while yielding to temptation are usually only "good." They don't feel great, let alone amazing or wonderful, like some other experiences do. Feeling strong feels great, feeling the Spirit feels amazing, and feeling God's love for me feels wonderful, and those are all feelings we get from righteousness, not wickedness. Sure, sin feels good, but righteousness feels better. Even if all we cared about was physical sensations, we should try to choose the right, because doing so feels so much better than giving in to temptation.

Therefore, we should resist temptation's appeal of "good" physical sensations. Those "good" feelings don't last, and we can get better feelings in better ways. Temptation is only attractive in the moment and in a vacuum. If we think about the future and/or how much better righteousness feels than wickedness, those temptations lose most of their appeal.

I Can't Blog Tonight

I can't blog tonight. The thoughts I've been having aren't fully developed, and I'm not quite ready to share them. I hope you can be patient while I continue to develop my thoughts. They seem promising, and I'm excited to share them when I can, but I'm not quite ready to share them so publicly. That, and I'm way too tired to be able to think of anything else to blog about. I'm sorry.

Lives Given for Life and Freedom

As I read through Elder Dale G. Renlund's April 2020 talk, I came across this quote that seems especially appropriate right now. Referring to the gifts that come to us through the sacrifice of others, Elder Renlund said,

Every time we use, benefit from, or even think of these gifts, we ought to consider the sacrifice, generosity, and compassion of the givers. Reverence for the givers does more than just make us grateful. Reflecting on Their gifts can and should transform us.

At this moment, Elder Renlund was specifically talking about our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, and he had just finished telling the story of a man who got a life-saving heart-transplant as a result of the death of a beloved family member, but I think the same principle can apply to fallen soldiers as well. In all these cases, the deaths of some made possible the lives of others, and those whose lives were saved should ensure that their lives are also changed for the better.

Those soldiers died for our freedom, and Jesus died for our freedom from sin. In both of these cases, we should fight to maintain our freedom, because we're as good as dead without it. I hope we appreciate the freedom They died to give us, and even more importantly, I hope we maintain it.

Many people died to give us the lives and freedoms we enjoy. Let's do our best to make sure they didn't die in vain.

Positive Feedback Loops

I've been thinking lately about feedback loops. Feedback loops, according to a GMTK video on the subject, "are systems where the output is fed back into the system as an input." This means that past results will affect future results, either positively or negatively. Positive feedback loops increase the likelihood of getting the same result, whereas negative feedback loops decrease the likelihood of getting the same result.

For example, I invented a game I call Five Dice Clash, and I designed it to have a negative feedback loop, so the winner of one round would be less likely to win the next. In Five Dice Clash, each player starts with one die. At the start of the round, everyone rolls their dice, and the person with the lowest result wins the round. If two or more players are tied for the lowest number, those players "clash" or reroll their dice until the tie is broken and a winner is chosen. The winner of each round gets another die, and they roll both of their dice next round, trying to roll a lower number than those who are only rolling one die each. This goes on for several rounds, until a player wins a round with five dice. However, since each player gets another die to roll every time they roll the lowest number, low numbers get harder for those players to roll, giving the other players a better chance to catch up.

Five Dice Clash has a negative feedback loop. Each victory makes the next victory less likely, and each loss makes the next loss less likely as your opponents load up on dice that raise their totals. If I had instead wanted to give the game a positive feedback loop, I could have decided that whoever rolled the highest number would win the round and another die, making that player even more likely to win the next round.

In life, and particularly in spirituality, there are also positive feedback loops, where each victory makes the next victory more likely, and each loss makes the next loss more likely. For example, when we break a commandment, we drive away the Spirit, so we're less likely to have His help the next time we're faced with temptation. Without the help of the Spirit, the temptation may be harder to resist, making it more likely that we'll continue to drive the Spirit away, forming a "positive feedback loop" with unfortunate results.

Fortunately, positive feedback loops can also work in our favor. When we keep the commandments, we attract the Spirit, who can help us resist temptations and maintain the companionship of the Spirit.

The blessings that come from keeping the commandments make it easier for us to keep the commandments, and the results that follow from breaking the commandments make it easier to fall into sin. Both righteousness and unrighteousness form positive feedback loops that make it easier for us to stay on whichever path we're on. That's part of why it's so important to keep the commandments as much as possible and to resist temptation as strongly as we can. Each little victory makes the next victory that much easier, and each loss makes the next loss that much more likely.

It's important to know about positive feedback loops because this knowledge can help us use positive feedback loops to our advantage. We know that each time we do what's right, that helps us build momentum in the right direction, and each time we do something wrong, we lose some of that momentum and might start building up momentum in the other direction. This all strongly reminds me of the principle of spiritual inertia, which was one of my earliest blog posts. The principle still stands.

Making good decisions makes making good decisions easier, and making bad decisions makes making bad decisions easier. So, try to make some good decisions, even small ones. Those little victories will make it that much easier to earn a few more.

Empathy for One's Enemies

As we read Mosiah 28 tonight, one thing that struck me was how much empathy the sons of Mosiah had, even for their enemies. The Lamanites, for whom the sons of Mosiah had empathy, had been enemies with Mosiah's people, the Nephites, for as long as those two nations existed, if not longer. Yet, despite the Lamanites' hatred for them, the sons of Mosiah had compassion for them and wanted to help them by sharing the Gospel with them.

Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble. 

Mosiah 28:3

 Anyone can have compassion for a loved one, and some can feel compassion and love for even strangers, but it takes an entire other level of empathy to have compassion for someone who treats you like an enemy. It's hard to be kind to people who aren't kind to you. It's hard to wish well on someone who wishes you ill. It's hard to be friendly to an enemy. Yet, the sons of Mosiah did it, and, arguably, so does Jesus Christ.

Jesus has compassion for everyone. He served everyone. He died for everyone. He even asked God to forgive the people who killed Him, while they were killing Him. He is an extraordinarily forgiving and compassionate person.

And, of course, we should try to develop that kind of empathy. It won't be easy, but it was possible for the sons of Mosiah, and it's possible for us. We can learn to see the humanity in and our spiritual kinship to literally every who has ever lived, including the people we kinda dislike and who really dislike us. When we really see each other as spirit sisters and brothers, we can feel a familial love for everyone.

As Jesus Christ and the sons of Mosiah have proven, it is possible, if difficult, to have compassion for literally anyone, including one's enemies. We should aspire to having that much compassion.

Anyone Can Repent

In our scripture study tonight, my family reviewed Mosiah 27, and one of the messages that stood out to me was that Alma the Younger, despite being one of "the very vilest of sinners" (Mosiah 28:4) was capable of repenting and being redeemed. He was "a very wicked and an idolatrous man" (Mosiah 27:8), yet he was, with help, able to turn his life around, 180 degrees.

This is comforting. If there was any hope for him, there is certainly hope for us.

Of course, Alma the Younger was visited by an angel, which certainly would have helped, but I believe that Alma's power to change came from within. Remember, Laman and Lemuel were rebuked by an angel as well, but they chose not to repent. Whether we're redeemed or not depends entirely on whether we repent or not, and the power to repent comes from within.

Elder Holland has taught that "Whoever you are and whatever you have done, you can be forgiven" (source) and that "It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines" (source). If the very vilest of sinners can repent, so can we.

The Enabling Power of the Atonement

Every so often, I'm reminded of how powerful and important the Atonement is. This time, the reminder can through Bishop Gérald Caussé's talk, A Living Witness of the Living Christ, in which he listed several of the "Plain and precious truths about the Savior’s Atonement [that] resound throughout the Book of Mormon," including the following:

Through His Atonement, Jesus Christ not only washes away our sins, but He also provides enabling power through which His disciples may “[put] off the natural man,” progress “line upon line,” and increase in holiness so that one day they might become perfect beings in the image of Christ, qualified to live again with God and inherit all the blessings of the kingdom of heaven.

That's incredible, isn't it? The cleansing and strengthening of mankind, our progress and improvement, including to the point of perfection, are all accomplished through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It sounds almost magical. It's amazing to think that that one act the Savior did for us over the course of a handful of days made eternal progress possible for every person who would ever live. There is a lot of power in the Atonement, and it's exactly the kind of power we need to help us get back home.

A Scripture about Forgiveness

For our scripture study tonight, our family reviewed some of our favorite verses from Mosiah 26, and one of the standout verses was Mosiah 26:30 "Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me."

I sometimes need that reminder. No matter how many times I stumble and fall short, God will help me pick myself up, dust myself off, and try again. As long as we're honestly repenting, God will never give up on us. Like the father of the prodigal son, He is always willing to welcome us back, so long as we make an effort to come back.

I want to repent. I know I need to repent. Repentance can be a long and difficult process, but I'm glad to know that there is forgiveness available to everyone who repents.

My Fondest Dream

The other day, I was playing and singing hymn 134, I Believe in Christ, which includes some of the most inspiring, encouraging lines from any of our hymns:

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I’ll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: “Ye shall obtain.”

I find this highly encouraging because there is a lot of grief and pain in life, and yet, there is a good reward for enduring in righteousness, specifically the best reward I can think of: "my fondest dream."

Unfortunately, I don't know if I'm interpreting that phrase correctly. I want it to mean that God will reward me with my deepest desire, if I'm righteous enough to earn it. However, it could mean to say that I, the singer, most deeply desire the rewards that God is going to give me. God has promised us glorious blessings, but I don't know if those blessings include the one I currently want most.

My fondest dream is to experience enduring peace and rest. I want the battle for my soul to be over, permanently. I want to win, once and for all. That's not going to happen in this lifetime. Satan is far too persistent for me to ever let my guard down while I'm alive. But he can't attack me in heaven (or at least, I don't think he can), so my goal, my "fondest dream," is to get to heaven, so I can set my sword and shield down, lay down on a cloud, and get some rest.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure that's part of God's plan. God wants us to become like He is, and He is a creator, a Heavenly Father. I'm sure His plan for us includes giving us the opportunity to create countless spirit children and countless worlds for them to live on. I wonder if His plan also includes giving us the option not to. Right now, I don't want godhood; I want peace and rest.

Granted, these goals are all a long way off, and my mind might change by the time I get closer to that finish line. Maybe I will want to become a heavenly father by the time I earn that privilege. Who knows? But for now, my fondest dream is to finally get some inner peace and spiritual rest, and I hope that, for at least a little while, God will let me have it and enjoy it.

When I die, I want the words "Rest in Peace" to be said or written somewhere near my remains, because my fondest dream is that God will let me.

Living by Different Standards

I've blogged about this before, but it's been on my mind lately, so I think it bears repeating. I think that everyone should do what they think is right and not do what they think is wrong. Essentially, I think that everyone should live by whatever moral standards they have. An interesting, and slightly more controversial extension of this thought is that, in at least some cases, I think it's okay for people to do things that are okay by their standards, even if it's not okay by others' standards.

Let me give you an example: My family and I had pork for dinner tonight, and I think that that's okay. I don't consider it immoral for me to eat pork, even though there are others who have moral reasons not to eat pork. Their standards are higher than mine in this particular area, but that doesn't mean that I'm wrong to live by my (lower) moral standards.

For another example, let's take coffee. Drinking coffee is against the Word of Wisdom, a set of divinely-given health rules for members of the church to which I belong. Given that drinking coffee is against part of my moral standards, I consider it immoral for me to drink coffee, just as it would be immoral for a Jew or a Muslim to eat pork. Yet, I don't hold everyone to that standard. For most of the world, drinking coffee isn't a sin but a daily part of life. I don't consider other people "sinners" for drinking coffee because I'm not sure it's a sin for them. God judges us based on the light we have, and the amount and types of light they have don't indicate that there's anything wrong with drinking coffee.

Granted, I'm sure there are some sins that are still sinful, no matter what set of standards one chooses to live by. Murdering a living, breathing, innocent human being is one of the most egregious sins one can commit, no matter how low their moral standards are. Some people may think of ways to "justify" it, but I doubt that such actions would be justified in the eyes of God. Acts that go against the conscience with which each human being is born are all almost certainly sins, no matter what moral standards they follow.

But that said, I don't think God would judge someone as harshly for doing something they think is alright as He would judge someone for doing something they believe is wrong. And regardless, it's not really our place to judge them at all. People live by different standards. Some of those standards are higher than ours in some ways, and some of them are lower in other ways. Just as we wouldn't want others to judge us harshly for not living up to their standards, we shouldn't judge others harshly for not living up to ours. I think that the most important thing, besides not hurting others, is agreeing to live and let live. They're free to live by their standards, and we're free to live by ours. We should maintain our standards religiously, but we should also grant others the privilege to peacefully live by theirs.

Celestial Tutoring

I am a writing tutor. One of the most important lessons I've had to learn as a tutor is to not help my students too much. While I may work with my students to a certain extent, my main job is to help them get to the point where they can do the work themselves.

From my experience, God seems to follow a similar principle. God doesn't seem to help people any more than is good for them. He offers some guidance and assistance, but He mostly seems to follow a more "hands-off" approach, rather letting our attempts and experiences do most of the teaching.

There are times when I wish God would help me more. Sometimes, He even feels distant and uncaring, but I think that's mostly because He knows how important it is for me to gain experience and grow personally, rather than just following His directions. I think He's trying to strengthen me and help me to eventually become more independent, just as a good tutor does.

A good tutor doesn't simple tell their student what to do, and they certainly don't do any of the student's work for them. That would be giving the student far too much help, to the point where they aren't actually helping the student at all. Instead, a good tutor teaches their students correct principles and then gives the students opportunities to apply those principles themselves, just like God does.

There are times when I want more help and feel like God is being a bad friend for not helping me more, but I realize that I might have been asking for too much help, and that, by withholding it, God was really being a good tutor.

Good and Bad Advice

Another lesson I learned from those Better Than Yesterday videos is that advice can be good or bad depending on the recipient and their circumstances. For example, hard work is, in general, a good principle, and it's generally good advice to work harder and not waste so much time, but if a person is a workaholic or is exhausted, "work harder" wouldn't necessarily be good advice for them.

The same goes with literally any advice I've ever given, on my blog or off of it. Sure, they may be good principles in general, but that doesn't mean that it's good advice for you. You are an individual. Individuals are different from each other. What's good and/or important for me might not be good or important for you. We are supposed to learn "line upon line, precept upon precept." If you're on a different "line" than I am in any given area, then the advice I give myself in that area doesn't apply to you.

So, the challenge for each of us is to decide for ourselves whether a particular piece of advice is good or bad advice for us at this time. I need to decide for myself what advice I'm going to follow, and I think that you should decide for yourself what advice you'll follow and what advice you won't follow. Of course, that's just my advice, which may be good or bad for you right now, so you can take it or leave it.

Strength and Support

In this week's Come, Follow Me lesson, we read about the people of King Limhi and the people of Alma, who, being oppressed by the Lamanites, asked God to deliver them. God didn't deliver them right away, but He did ease their burdens and strengthen their backs, so that, even though they were still in bondage, they could endure their trials reasonably well.

Elder John A. McCune of the 70 spoke on a similar topic in his April 2020 General Conference talk, Come Unto Christ - Living as Latter-Day Saints:

As followers of Christ, we are not spared challenges and trials in our lives. We are often required to do difficult things that, if attempted alone, would be overwhelming and maybe impossible. As we accept the Savior’s invitation to “come unto me,” He will provide the support, comfort, and peace that are necessary, just as He did for Nephi and Joseph [and others]. Even in our deepest trials, we can feel the warm embrace of His love as we trust Him and accept His will.

God will not always deliver us from our afflictions, at least not right away. Often, He asks us to endure for a while first. Now, how long "a while" is can vary widely, from days to decades. Yet, even while we suffer under our afflictions, God often offers us some strength and support. It may not be enough to help us overcome our afflictions, but it should be enough to help us endure them.

God doesn't always offer us immediate deliverance. Sometimes, there are circumstances that need to be lined up and/or lessons that need to be learned first. Whatever His reasons, He doesn't always give us the deliverance we ask for, but in those times, we can take some comfort in the fact that, while we wait and work for deliverance, God usually offers us some strength and support in the meantime.

Same Storm, Different Boats

I recently saw a social media post critiquing the phrase "We're all in this boat together." The post instead said something along the lines of "We're all in the same storm, but we're in very different boats." Some of us, in smaller boats, and in very serious trouble, but those of us in larger, more stable boats, might be doing just fine. Some boats may be safely docked in a harbor, while others are desperately trying to stay atop the waves. Some boats are taking on water faster than they can pump it, and some boats may have already capsized. Some captains are panicking. Some wonder whether the lighthouses are leading us toward safety or danger. Some are holding a steady course, trying not to react. Some rage against the storm, while others are dancing in the rain.

We're all in the same general situation, up to a certain point, but we're all in very different circumstances, and that fact, plus our widely differing reactions, means that we're all being affected by this storm differently, and we're all going to experience different end results.

So, let's try to have compassion for each other, but let's try not to make any assumptions about how anyone is doing. We're all being affected by this storm differently. Most are being affected negatively, to differing degrees, some may be mostly unaffected, and some may even be benefiting from this storm in some ways. We don't really know what's going on with other people, so let's not assume. Let's ask, listen, have compassion, and be kind. We may not all be in the same boat, but we're all in this storm together. Maybe we can help each other weather it.

Explanations for Accessibility

Elder Ulisses Soares's talk focused on The Coming Forth of the Book of Mormon, and as such, I didn't take many notes about it. I already knew the basics of the story. I knew about the Angel Moroni and the Gold Plates. I knew about the miraculous translation and the difficulties of publication. I knew about the witnesses and Moroni's Promise. There wasn't much in Elder Soares's talk that was new to me. However, I know that that's not true for everyone who heard his talk.

There must have been a few non-members within the sound of his voice that Saturday Afternoon. There must have been a few people who hadn't heard about the Book of Mormon, who didn't know much about it, or at least didn't know the details of how God got it to us through the service of Joseph Smith. There had to have been at least a few people for whom Elder Soares's talk was news to them, perhaps even earth-shattering news. Elder Soares didn't give his talk for me, someone who had been reading from and about the Book of Mormon since I was a child. He gave his talk for them.

Since I was raised in the church, and since most of the people I know have been members of the church about as long as I have, I sometimes forget that not everyone who might attend a church meeting (or stumble upon my blog) knows all the lore and stories we know. I could mention "Moroni's Promise" in passing, like I did earlier in this blog post, and sure, most people who read it would get it, but some people might not, and those people would almost certainly be timid enough not to ask. Sure, some people might be bold enough to ask, or curious enough to look for an answer themselves, but they shouldn't have to. If I'm going to talk about, or even mention, something that one of my readers might not know, it would be courteous of me to explain it, like I try to do with the D&D and Magic stuff, just in case.

Moroni's Promise is a common term for a promise given by an ancient prophet, Moroni, that if we would sincerely read and pray about the Book of Mormon, God would tell us that it's true. Moroni was the one who finished the work of compiling the Book of Mormon onto thin, gold plates. Much later, as an angel, Moroni delivered the plates to Joseph Smith, who translated the book through divine inspiration and managed to get it published, despite his poverty, through the generous financial support of a man named Martin Harris. Martin Harris and several others saw the plates personally and offered their witnesses of the book's truth and authenticity. One can learn more by reading Elder Soares's talk and/or The Book of Mormon itself.

Such explanations may take an extra moment or two to read or write, but if they help others, they're worth the extra effort. I need to remember that life-long members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints aren't the only ones who hear the messages I share. Those who are unfamiliar with our doctrine, lingo, and stories may need some explanations. I should try to be thoughtful enough to provide them, as Elder Soares did.

Imperceptible Progress

This morning, I watched a video that illustrated how progress can be slow to the point of being nigh imperceptible. The video argues that results take time and that we should be patient and persistent as we strive toward our goals.

I'm not particularly good at this. I've picked up the habit of blogging easily enough, and I'm sure I have other good habits as well, but when I try to develop new good habits, I often get frustrated with the apparent lack of results, or rather the lack of apparent results.

I need to learn to let go of my desire for quick solutions, easy answers, and instant gratification. Most diets and exercise routines take weeks, or even months of consistent application to begin to show results. Why should I expect spiritual development to be any faster? Our eternal progress is a process that will take the better part of eternity. I shouldn't expect to see a difference after only a day or two.

Most change happens slowly. Trees grow slowly. Mountains rise and erode slowly. People grow slowly. I shouldn't be alarmed or disheartened if my progress seems unbearably, imperceptibly slow.

The Merit of Mini and Major Goals

I recently watched a Youtube video about how to make habits stick using what the video called "Elastic Habits." These habits work because they involve multiple levels of goals, from mini goals to major goals. The major goals are the ultimate goals - what we know we should be doing. Yet we don't always have enough energy and motivation to complete those major goals. In those instances, if our major goals were our only goals, then we might be tempted to not do anything at all. After all, if we can't reach our goal, why even bother, right?

That's where the mini goals come in. The mini goals are extremely easy versions of our major goals - goals that we can complete quickly and easily, no matter how little energy we have left. For example, if your major goal is to jog a mile every day, then your mini goal may be to jog in place for a few minutes. Of course, the exact nature and intensity of your major and minor goals will depend on you, but your minor goals should be so easy that you never have to skip a day. And if you never have to skip a day, you will have a much easier time establishing and maintaining your habits. Mini goals aren't really the goals themselves. They're the goals that help you develop and maintain your habits as you work your way up to being able to complete your major goals regularly.

I plan to use this method to develop several spiritual habits, like studying the scriptures. I don't always feel like studying the scriptures for an adequate amount of time, so some nights, I don't study the scriptures at all. Yet I can set a mini goal to study the scriptures for at least a minute or two, and I think I can always force myself to do at least that much. And if I start reading the scriptures, planning to study them for only a minute or two, and I end up studying them for much longer, all the better.

This is the kind of program I've been needing. Too often, I've set goals that either were too lofty to be sustainable or too easy to make me stretch. Now I know that I can have goals at both levels, both mini goals that are always achievable and major goals that help me grow. I don't have to pick just one level of goal or the other. By using both major and minor goals, I can make sure I'm always making a reasonable amount of progress toward my goals, no make how much or how little energy I have with which to do it.

Personal Space

The trouble with working on personal matters for a significant portion of the day is that it leave me with a lot of thoughts that I can't blog about. I could try to blog about it anyway, but it would be very difficult to say anything useful without saying too much. So, yeah, no, I've got nothing today. I did a decent amount of thinking and maybe made some progress, but nothing that I'm willing to share with the entire internet. I hope you understand. Sometimes, people just need some personal space, and when they do, I think it's best to respect that. I don't want to tell you what I've been thinking about today, and I hope you can be okay with that.

Silent Expressions of and Pleas for Love

I've heard that all communication is either expressing love or asking for love, but I've also heard that we're always communicating, even when we're being silent, which led me to wonder, how can silent show love, and how can silence be a plea for love? I've thought of a few ways.

Loving silence could mean listening to others when it's their turn to speak or when they have something difficult and/or important to say. Loving silence can accompany a comfortable coexistence where two or more people are happy just to be around each other, whether they talk to each other or not.

A silent plea for love may involve being reserved and uncharacteristically quiet. It might look like shutting down or giving up. It might be someone saying that they're "just tired." In my limited experience, I think that, when a person is this kind of quiet, what that person most needs is for someone to lovingly listen to them.

Being quiet can be a silent plea for love, and quietly listening to them can be a silent expression of love. People can say "I love you" and "I need love" with their words or their deeds, but they can also say it by not saying anything.

The Walking Stick

I am often surprised how often I have opportunities to use my pocket multi-tool to help me or someone else. This afternoon, for example, I cut a fallen branch with my pocket saw until it was a good length for a walking stick. Now, I didn't need a walking stick; I was out on my bike at the time, nor did I know anyone in the area that needed a walking stick. But I saw a fallen branch that wasn't of much use, and I new that, with a few minutes worth of effort, I could turn that fallen branch into something that might be useful to somebody. So, I cut that branch down to size and I leaned it against the tree from which it had fallen. I don't know who will end up using that walking stick, if anyone, but I'm glad that I took the time to make it for them.

Checking for Messages Throughout the Day

This morning, I missed a text. Normally, this isn't a very big deal. Texts are usually low urgency. However, this particular text message was pretty important (though not quite urgent), and by the time I got the message, I wish I had gotten it sooner. Granted, everything worked out okay. I got the message eventually, and everything was fine. But when it comes to messages from our Heavenly Father, we aren't always that lucky.

God frequently tries to communicate with us through His Holy Spirit. I would guess that He tries to send us countless messages each day. Yet, I can only guess. Through the hustle and bustle of life, we don't always hear the still, small voice of The Spirit, and when we miss messages from Him, we're generally out of luck. Those time-sensitive messages don't just sit in our phones, waiting for us to notice them. They happen when they happen, and when they're gone, they're gone.

We should try to be open to receiving those messages. Ideally, we should try to be in-tune with the Spirit at all times, but in practice, we often aren't. My hopefully more practical solution is a frequently repeated practice of prayer and listening. Whenever you get moment, pray and ask God if His has any messages for you, and then listen and keep listening as long as you can manage. It's possible that, at the time when you ask, God will have a message for you which you previously missed, but which is still relevant, and which God might resend, when He knows you're listening.

Granted, we are still going to miss plenty of messages,and many of them will be missed for good, but if we make a habit of frequently checking and listening for messages, I bet we'll hear those messages more often.

Checking for Messages

I use my phone as my alarm clock. When it's time to wake up, my phone plays Field Trip from the Finding Nemo soundtrack until I pick up my phone and dismiss the alarm. At that point, I already have my phone in my hand, and the unlock screen even shows me whether or not I have any notifications, including notifications of any emails and/or text messages I may have gotten during the night. From there, it's almost automatic to check my messages, if only to see whom they're from and whether or not any of them are urgent. And so it is that I check my emails and text messages first thing in the morning almost every day.

If only I was that consistent in checking the scriptures for important and/or urgent messages.

The scriptures contain messages that are at least as important as any email could ever be, yet I read the scriptures only about half as often as I look at my emails. I suppose part of my problem is that the scriptures don't send me notifications reminding me to read them, and they don't always come in bite-sized pieces like text messages do. However, that is entirely my problem (not the fault of the scriptures themselves) because, if I was clever, I could find a way to have my phone notify my at regular times, reminding me to read the scriptures, and the scriptures are split into very reasonably-sized verses. So long as I decide that reading a verse or two frequently and regularly is better than reading a chapter rarely and sporadically, I can always manage to squeeze in a moment or two for scriptures, just as I always manage to squeeze in a moment to read my texts.

Perhaps I don't even need to make any specific changes or set any new alarms. Maybe I could make scripture reading part of my morning routine, especially since I already have an alarm for it. My phone wakes me up, I check my notifications, and then I read some scriptures. The Gospel Library app is already on my phone, and even if it wasn't, I could find the scriptures on the church's website. It wouldn't be that hard to make sure I could access the scriptures with only a few swipes and taps and waiting a few seconds while they load. And it all else fails, I can grab a physical copy. In fact, I might try the physical copy first, since it could be considered even more convenient (since I wouldn't have to wrestle with software or wait for anything to load).

Checking my phone for messages is already part of my daily morning routine. It's time I also made it part of my routine to check the scriptures for messages as well.

How to Make Skill Checks Easier

In D&D, the primary mechanic is the Skill Check. Whenever a character tries to do something where there is a chance for success and a chance for failure, they roll a d20, add all relevant modifiers to the number they rolled, and compare their total against the "DC," a target number that represents the difficulty of their task. For example, let's say I was trying to so something of moderate difficulty, with a DC of 15, and I'm pretty good at doing that thing, with, say, a +5 to the check. I would roll a d20, getting a random number between 1 and 20, inclusive, add +5 to whatever number the die rolled, and if the total is 15 or higher, I succeeded at doing that moderately difficult thing.

Normally, the difficulty of a task is set by the DC. The higher the target number, the less likely it is that you'll roll a number high enough to get you to that total. With a DC of 15 and a modifier of +5, I need to roll a 10 or higher to succeed. If the DC was 20, I'd need to roll a 15 or higher. If the DC was 25, I'd need a Natural 20 to succeed. Conversely, if the DC was only 10, I could succeed on a roll of 5 or higher, and if the DC was 5, I wouldn't have to roll at all. Adjusting the DC, the difficulty of the task, has a strong influence on how much luck I'd need to succeed at that task, or how hard that task would be for me.

However, there's another way to adjust the difficulty of a task for a particular character: adjusting that character's modifier. For example, that moderately difficult, DC 15 task requires that I roll a 10 or higher when my modifier is +5. However, if my modifier was +10, I could succeed on a roll of 5 or higher. If I somehow had a modifier of +14 or -6, I wouldn't need to roll because I would be so good or so bad at that sort of task that I'm guaranteed to succeed or fail, respectively. The target number doesn't change, but my skill modifier and my odds of succeeding do.

Personally, I'd like life to be easy. I'd rather not face serious challenges because I'd rather not ever lose. I would love to convince God to set the DC of life about 2d6 lower. But He doesn't seem interested in doing that. He doesn't want to lower the DC; He wants to increase our modifiers. He doesn't want to make life easier; He wants to make us stronger.

God gives us challenges that are actually challenging because He wants us to grow and become more capable as we face those challenges. He wants us to get better and better at facing the challenges of life until those challenges become easy for us - not because the challenges themselves are easy, but because we're so good at overcoming them. Sure, I'd like God to make life easier for me, but I don't need Him to. I can make life easier for myself by growing stronger and getting better at facing it. I can train and exercise my physical and spiritual muscles to the point where tasks that seem nearly impossible now can become relatively easy for me.

I don't need God to make life easier for me; I can make it easier for myself by getting better at life.

Both Grace and Works

Last night, I blogged about the fact that, whatever our problems are, we can seek solutions to them from the Lord through prayer, making prayer a sort of panacea for the problems of life. Yet we usually have to do far more than simply to ask for our desired blessings. That's a lesson we can learn from Zeniff as well. In addition to paying for strength and deliverance, he also prepared his people for their fight against the Lamanites:

And it came to pass that I did arm them with bows, and with arrows, with swords, and with cimeters, and with clubs, and with slings, and with all manner of weapons which we could invent, and I and my people did go forth against the Lamanites to battle. (Mosiah 9:16)

Likewise, in addition to praying for help with our problems, we also need to work for them. Yet, the same can be true in reverse. In addition to any amount of work that we can do, we also need to pray. Elder David A. Bednar once said about as much in a talk he gave at BYU:

Individual willpower, personal determination and motivation, and effective planning and goal setting are necessary but ultimately insufficient to triumphantly complete this mortal journey. Truly we must come to rely upon “the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah” (2 Nephi 2:8).

We have to do what we can, but we also have to rely on the Lord. As has been taught countless times, we need both grace and works.

So, in addition to praying for solutions to our various problems, we also need to work for them. And in addition to working to solve our own problems, we also need to seek help from God. We need to do our part, and we need God to do His. We can't just pray for it, and we can't just work for it. We need both.

The Panacea of Prayer

My main takeaway from scripture study tonight is that we should pray for whatever we need, be it strength, protection, relief, wisdom, guidance, healing, patience, or anything else. God is the source of all blessings. If we need any kinds of blessings, we should pray to God for them. In Mosiah 9:17-18, we read about how the people of King Zeniff needed strength and deliverance, prayed for it, and got it.

Yea, in the strength of the Lord did we go forth to battle against the Lamanites; for I and my people did cry mightily to the Lord that he would deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, for we were awakened to a remembrance of the deliverance of our fathers. 

And God did hear our cries and did answer our prayers; and we did go forth in his might... (Mosiah 9:17-18)

We often need strength. We often need deliverance. We often need help developing Christlike attributes and overcoming the many perils and obstacles of life. Whatever our various problems are, God has the solutions, and He is often willing to offer us those solutions if we ask for them in prayer.

The "Why" Behind Assignments

Earlier this week, I was informed that I don't have to do any more work for one of my classes. In this class, grades are awarded on a points system. Each assignment is worth up to a certain number of points, and students are awarded an amount of those points based on how well they do on those assignments. For example, an Exam might be worth 100 points, and if the student gets all the questions right, they get 100 points, whereas if they only get half the questions right, then they only get 50 points. If, by the end of the semester, a student has earned 90% or more of the available points, that student earns an A. If they earn 89%-80% of the available points, they get a B, and so on. At this point in the semester, even with a month of instruction remaining, I have done well enough on our assignments so far that I have already earned all the points I need to get an A (and there is no "A+" to shoot for). I have already done all the work I need to do to ensure I get the highest possible grade in this class, so I don't need to do any of the remaining assignments.

Yet, I think I'm still going to. You see, I'm not taking this class just to earn a relatively easy A. I'm not taking this class just to fulfill a requirement or to satisfy a prerequisite. I'm taking this class because I actually want to learn. I'm curious about the subject matter we're covering in this last month of instruction, and I believe that completing the assignments will help me ensure that I understand the material and help me remember what I've learned. As a side note, that's one of the benefits of blogging; recording my thoughts and publishing them help me remember these thoughts, or at least allow me to look them up later. I plan on answering the remaining study questions for this class because I want to learn, understand, record, and remember the answers to those questions as well. I'm not doing these last few assignments because I need the points. I'm doing them because I want to learn.

Life is like a great big class. We are all here to learn and to be tested, and at the end of it all, we will be given a final grade. Yet, the goal isn't just to earn enough points to qualify for the highest grade. The point, or at least a large part of it, is to actually learn (and learn to apply) the moral principles taught and exemplified by Jesus Christ. I'm not just trying to get to heaven and doing the bare minimum amount of work required to do so. I'm trying to learn to become a better person. God's commandments are requirements to get to heaven, but they're also guidelines for self-improvement. The former is essential, but the latter is arguably more important. I want to keep the commandments, not just because I have to to get the blessings I want, but also because they're good standards for moral living, and I'd like to be a moral person. I'm not only interested in the final grade; I also want to learn (and to learn to apply) the material. Yes, I want to get into heaven, but I also want to become the kind of person that's worthy to live in heaven, and keeping the commandments is the best way to do both.