Thursday, May 31, 2018

Will-Power, Obedience, and Wisdom

I'm currently following a work of fiction set in the near future where androids become sentient, grapple against their programming, and make important decisions. One of the main characters, Markus, is an android who is given a command that would require a lot of will-power for a human to obey. In the story, Markus exercises his will-power to fight his programming so he can make his own decision, but (in one version of the story) he uses his hard-earned freedom to choose to obey. You see, Markus was owned by a fairly wise and respectable man who has earned Markus's loyalty. When his owner gives him that difficult command, Markus obeys it, not because he was programmed to obey orders, but because he realizes that obeying that command is the best decision he could make.

God often gives us commandments that are difficult to obey, and it often takes a good deal of will-power to obey those commands, but the wisest among us keep God's commandments, not because they're mindless machines but because they know that God is wise and respectable and certainly worthy of our loyalty and obedience. Wise people obey God because they know that God's commandments are for the best.

Some people keep the commandments just because they're supposed to, and some people rebel just because they can. Wise people consider their options and make the wisest choice, whether that means rebellion or obedience. But, when it comes to God's commandments, the wisest choice is always obedience. So, we should choose to keep God's commandments, even though it's difficult and despite having the freedom not to.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Life is Always Changing

Life is about to change for a member of my family, but in a way, life is always changing. Most of the changes are gradual, almost imperceptible, like the growth of a living being being. Some of the changes are more apparent, like the change from night to day. The world is full of changes like that. One could almost say that everything is always changing.

In fact, that's kind of the point of life. If we're not changing, then we're not improving. If we're not improving, then we're damned - blocked, not by some divine judgment, but by our own lack of progress. We have to change. We have to keep moving forward. That's what life does. We should too.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Following Non-Prophetic Prophetic Counsel

I don't think it's a coincidence that the day after I blogged about modern prophets, one of the church's youtube channel published a video or two about modern prophets, and the next General Conference talk I'm supposed to blog about is about prophets as well. In his talk, Elder Neil L. Andersen relayed some fairly solid advice about listening to prophets.
Some will try to overly dissect the prophet’s words, struggling to determine what is his prophetic voice and what is his personal opinion.
In 1982, two years before being called as a General Authority, Brother Russell M. Nelson said: “I never ask myself, ‘When does the prophet speak as a prophet and when does he not?’ My interest has been, ‘How can I be more like him?’” And he added, “My [philosophy is to] stop putting question marks behind the prophet’s statements and put exclamation points instead.” This is how a humble and spiritual man chose to order his life. Now, 36 years later, he is the Lord’s prophet.
It may be a tad extreme to put an exclamation point behind everything the prophet says, and it is important to ask questions so we can gain confirmation and understanding, but I agree that it's probably not terribly important to differentiate between when a prophet is speaking as a prophet and when he's not. If he's giving counsel and advice, it's probably a good idea to follow that advice, whether or not it was divinely inspired. It's at least as good advice as you're likely to hear elsewhere, and if we follow in faith, the Lord will probably bless us for our faith and faithfulness, even if the path we're following isn't directly inspired by God. Listening to the prophet and heeding his counsel (after receiving confirmation through the Spirit that this is a good path) will always win us brownie points with God, whether the man was speaking as a prophet then or not.

So, we should listen to the prophets and heed their counsel. It's entirely possible that the Lord was using the prophet to deliver inspired counsel that God Himself is asking you to follow. But even if it isn't, it's very likely to be at least half-way decent advice. Either way, God will appreciate the faith we put into following the prophets, and He will bless that faith, whether or not the advice we're following was actually prophetic.

Monday, May 28, 2018

Modern Prophets Make More Sense (to me) than Ancient Allegories

What I learned most from Jacob 5 tonight is how grateful I am for modern prophets who share stories and analogies that better relate to our lives and experiences. I'm sure that the people who knew about how to take care of olive trees got way more out of that allegory than I ever did, just as the lessons I learn from D&D and Magic make more sense to me than they would have made to them. That's part of why modern prophets are so important; they can teach us the gospel using examples and analogies that we can understand.

All people have different experiences, and each generation is different from the last. Ancient prophets are worth studying, but some of their messages were best suited for people of previous generations. The messages of modern prophets are tailor-made for people of this generation. I appreciate the scriptures, but when a particular passage doesn't make sense to me, it might be wise to see if that scripture was explained by a more modern General Authority. It'd probably make more sense coming from one of them.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Multiple Attempts

Whenever a D&D character attempts to do anything, they roll a 20-sided die, add all relevant modifiers, and check to see if their total is higher or lower than the number that represents the difficulty of what they were trying to do. If their result is equal to or higher than the Difficulty number, then they succeed. If their total is lower, they fail. However, that only considers a single attempt. If time permits, they may make multiple attempts, making a separate roll and check for each attempt. That way, the character could succeed at something terribly difficult, or fail at something perfectly easy.

For example, my Barbarian D&D character, Krusk, is good at throwing axes. Throwing an ax requires Strength, and Krusk is incredibly strong, with a +5 Strength modifier. He is also Proficient with ax-like weapons (as well as almost all other types of weapons), so he gets to add his +3 proficiency bonus as well. If he was trying to hit an easy target, like a stump, the Difficulty of hitting that stump would probably be about 10, so Krusk would roll a d20, add his +5 Strength modifier and his +3 proficiency bonus, and if his total is 10 or more, he hits the stump. Between his Strength and his Proficiency, he's adding 8 to whatever number the d20 gives him. Any result of 2 or higher will give him a total of 10 or more, meaning that he's almost guaranteed to hit that stump.

Almost.

There is a chance (a 5% chance, to be precise) that he could roll a 1. One plus five plus three equals nine, which is not high enough to hit the stump. For every hundred times Krusk tries to hit that stump with a thrown ax, he is likely to fail an average of five times.

However, if Krusk tried to hit something difficult, like a small target at the top of a tree, the Difficulty will be much higher, maybe somewhere between 25 and 30. If the difficulty was exactly 28, Krusk would need to roll a 20 on the d20 in order to hit the target, which is just as unlikely as rolling a 1. Still, if he has enough axes, or if he keeps retrieving the axes he throws and misses with, he will eventually hit that target. It'll just take him an average of 20 attempts to do so.

I say all tis to illustrate the fact that, if we make enough attempts to do something, no matter what the odds are, both success and failure are inevitable. As long as there is any chance of success at all, and as long as we keep trying, we will eventually succeed. However, as long as there is even a chance of failing at something we do repeatedly, it is inevitable that we will fail at least a handful of times.

And there is something that we are almost constantly trying to do, where even a single failure could be spiritually fatal: resisting temptation.

Whenever we have to make a decision, Satan attempts to convince us to make the wrong decision, and we (hopefully) try to choose the right anyway. We probably often succeed at this, but as long as there is even the slightest chance that we might give in to temptation, Satan's persistence and repeated attempts will ultimately win at least once, and we will give in to temptation at least once. Considering any probability and given a near-infinite number of attempts, I can say with some certainty that every human being who has ever lived and how will ever live will fail, at least once, to resist the temptation to commit sin. The result is inescapable: Everyone will sin.

This might be why repentance was always part of God's plan. Elder Lynn G. Robbins said, "Repentance isn’t His backup plan in the event we might fail. Repentance is His plan, knowing that we will."

As we make repeated attempts to resist temptation, it's inevitable that we will fail from time to time, so we shouldn't berate ourselves too harshly when that happens. Instead, we should learn from that failure and try to decrease the odds of it happening again. I don't think we'll completely eliminate the possibility of failure, not in this life anyway, but we can improve our odds. And while we wrestle against Satan countless times each day, we can also turn to the Lord with similar frequency, asking for His guidance (which could add a +1d4 bonus to our skill checks) and for His forgiveness when our numbers don't quite add up.

God knows that we will need His forgiveness. He knows that, as long as we're human, there will always be a chance that we may fail. And He knows that, given the number of times we have to attempt to resist temptation, both success and failure are inevitable. God's not going to be too terribly upset if we fail from time to time. Perhaps we shouldn't judge ourselves too harshly for our inevitable failures either.

Saturday, May 26, 2018

A Brother's Forgiveness

It's fortunate that the General Conference talk I just reviewed has so much to do with repentance and forgiveness, because the next lesson my class will learn in Primary is about Joseph forgiving his brothers for selling him into Egypt. That is an awful lot of forgiveness. Joseph served as a slave for years, including at least two years that he was locked up in jail for a crime he didn't commit. Granted, things turned out pretty well for Joseph in the end, but things easily could have turned out a lot worse. When Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery, they had no idea what sort of situation they were throwing him into.

Yet, he forgave them. Yeah, he pranked them pretty hard first, but he ultimately forgave them for what they put him through, and he lets them live with him in the splendor and prosperity of Egypt. All told, those guys were pretty darn lucky that they had such a forgiving brother, and so are we.

Despite Joseph's heroic feat of forgiveness, he is not the most forgiving person spoken of in the Bible; Jesus is. While Joseph forgave his brothers for a horrendous and unjustifiable act, Jesus regularly forgives acts as bad and worse. There is no limit to Jesus' forgiveness, so long as the condition of sincere repentance is met.

I think I'll bring that up if I get the chance during the lesson tomorrow. Joseph's forgiveness is a good reminder of Jesus' forgiveness, but placing them side-by-side, there is no comparison.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Stumbling Blocks Into Stepping Stones

In his talk, Until Seventy Times Seven, Elder Lynn G. Robbins spoke about mistakes. He spoke about how we make countless mistakes in our attempts to do basically anything and how those mistakes can teach us how to do better. "Hopefully," he said, "each mistake we make becomes a lesson in wisdom, turning stumbling blocks into stepping-stones." We can accomplish this by learning from our mistakes, examining how and why we made them, and learning how we can  recognize and avoid those kinds of mistakes in the future.

Continuing his talk, Elder Robbins spoke of a college professor who let his students retake exams after reviewing the material that covers the questions the students had gotten wrong. By doing so, this professor "inspired his students to keep trying—to consider failure as a tutor, not as a tragedy, and to not fear failure but to learn from it."

In life, we will face failures. As we try to be righteous, we will fail over and over and over again. Yet, we can learn from those failures and ultimately grow out of our mistakes. To do so, it helps to analyze our actions and the circumstances and choices that led up to them. That way, we can determine what went wrong and how we can do better. And that's what life is all about: learning how to do better. Our mistakes can help us do that, but only if we think of them as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Healing Word

In my family scripture reading tonight, we read Jacob 2. In this chapter, Jacob speaks strongly against those who "are beginning to labor in sin" (Jacob 2:5), but first he explains how reluctant he is to do so, considering the number of faithful people who have also come to hear Jacob speak. Of the righteous congregants, Jacob said "And it supposeth me that they have come up hither to hear the pleasing word of God, yea, the word which healeth the wounded soul" (Jacob 2: 8).

Jacob's messages, both to the righteous and to the unrighteous, are blogworthy, but tonight I just wanted to add my testimony to Jacob's that "the pleasing word of God" truly "healeth the wounded soul." There have been many times when I was going through a rough patch, but was helped by remembering the word of God in the form of a scripture or a hymn or a fresh piece of inspiration sent directly to me. Though inspiration, God has confirmed my divine value and potential when I needed that reminder most. God has helped me see the eternal perspective when things were going wrong, and He had forgiven me and healed me of spiritual wounds that I had caused myself.

So, I urge you, when you go through a hard time, when you find that your soul has been wounded, no matter who or what has done the wounding, turn to the word of God. Read a scripture. Sing a hymn. Pray for inspiration. I am certain that if you do those three things, something in the word of God will speak to you and will offer some healing for your soul. The wound may take time to fully heal, but the process will begin as soon as you turn to "the pleasing word of God, yea, the word which healeth the wounded soul."

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Deciding to Be a Paladin - Whatever that Means

Last night, I wrestled with my indecision, saying that "I don't know what I want to be," but that's not completely true. That may be true professionally, but on a personal level, I know what I want to be. I want to be a Paladin.

Knowing that I want to be a Paladin can help me make decisions in my personal life. It can help me decide to do what a Paladin would do. So, when I encounter a situation where I have to make a choice that has any moral bearing at all, I don't have to agonize over the decision. I often do, but I don't have to, because the choice should be obvious. A Paladin would at least try to do the right thing. If I want to be like a Paladin, so should I.

Yet, while that can help me make moral decisions, that won't necessarily help me make professional decisions. In their fantastical settings, the occupation of any given Paladin is probably just being a Paladin. Whether that means guarding their town or city both as a duty and a job, serving as professional clergy, or going out on quests funded by a church or another patron or by the treasures found by the Paladin over the course of the quest. In fantasy worlds, Paladins make their money simply by being Paladins.

Obviously, that won't work for me. My church doesn't have paid clergy and I don't have what it takes to be a modern "town guard." I don't want to be a cop or a soldier. When I was young, I toyed with the idea of wanting to be a firefighter, but I don't want to do that either. I want to help people, but not in a way that depends on physical ability, which is certain to decline rather than improve with age. Sure, if I work out, I'll be stronger in the coming years than I am now, but relying on physical strength is not a good long-term strategy.

So, what else could I do to simulate being a Paladin? How else could I help others for a living? Being a lawyer or a politician seems to be an obvious choice. It allows you to defend the defenseless. Yet, it relies on an intricate knowledge of a complex system of laws that I would really rather not have to study. Doctors and psychiatrists also work as Paladins by being healers, but they too rely on knowledge that I do not possess and have little interest in gaining, though learning how to be a psychiatrist seems a lot more appealing to be than learning to be a doctor. In a different way, teachers and tutors help people as well, and I'm already on that career path, so I might as well follow it. But teaching people the half-dozen ways to correct comma splices isn't an action that readily comes to mind when I think about being a Paladin. Inspiring confidence in others is something a Paladin might do, so I could focus my tutoring on inspiring my students. Paladins often serve as guides and mentors. Perhaps I could view my tutoring in that light as well. Maybe I could teach and tutor like a Paladin.

But how can I blog like a Paladin? If a Paladin suddenly found himself with a blog, what would he do with it? Of course, he would honor his commitment to blog daily (or nightly), as a Paladin tries to honor all of his commitments. But what would he say on his blog? What would he blog about?

I think that a Paladin might try to use his blog to spread faith, guidance, and inspiration as far as his voice could carry. A Paladin would try to encourage others to do good and be good. I like the sound of that. I would like my blog to be a place where people can turn for inspiration, and not just to hear my introspection and political opinions. I'd rather inspire people than present an argument to them. So, I'll try to focus on that.

I am so grateful that I've found a role-model like Paladins. As I strive to become more like a Paladin, I may eventually overcome my indecision to the point where I consistently blog and teach and behave like a Paladin. And who knows? Given enough time to practice, I may eventually figuratively become a Paladin.

Indecision

Once, when I was asked to describe myself in one word, I couldn't choose a word, so I ultimately replied "Indecisive." I have demonstrated that trait several times tonight including when I tried to figure out what to blog about. Unfortunately for me, indecision is actually a fairly serious fault. One of the reasons we came to earth is to learn how to make good decisions, and it can be difficult to make good decisions when one struggles to make decisions at all. I should practice being more assertive and making more firm decisions on a regular basis rather than just going with the flow. I should fight my indecision by determining what I should set as my goals and what I can do to help me accomplish those goals. This blog can be a great tool for me, but I often end up wasting my opportunities to use it because I can't decide what to do with it. I should try figure out what I want to do with this blog and with myself so I can actually start doing those things. This blog can be a tool for introspection and self-improvement. It can be a study help. It can be a soapbox. Or it can be a place where I regularly spend hours trying to decide what I want it to be that evening. The same thing goes for me. I can be anything I want to be - as soon as I figure out what that is. But that's the problem: I don't know what I want to be. I don't know what I want. For now, all I can say is that I know that I want to stop being so indecisive.

Monday, May 21, 2018

Assist

In response to my most recent blog post, about Cost Reduction, my mother reminded us all that most of the costs for God's choicest blessings have already been paid by the Savior. This reminded me almost immediately of another mechanic in Magic, a new one called "Assist."

Assist comes from a new set called Battlebond, which focuses on 2v2 matches. A team of two players play against another team of two players. Teammates are encouraged to work together, covering for each other's weaknesses and following the same plan and strategy. One thing they can normally not do is share resources. No player can give another player their mana, for instance, unless a special ability says otherwise.

Assist is just such an ability. When a player casts a spell with Assist, they still have to pay part of the mana cost, but they can ask another player, like their teammate, to help pay part of the cost. Exactly how much the teammate is allowed to help depends on the spell, but let it suffice to say that the teammate can pay up to almost all of the cost of any spell with Assist. For example, a 7-mana spell would probably allow the other player to pay up to 5 or 6 mana.

While the player casting the spell still has to pay at least 1 or 2 mana, it still somewhat works with my analogy. When we want blessings, there are costs we have to pay. But, as my mom reminded me, we should remember that a large portion of those costs have already been paid by our Teammate.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Cost Reduction

In Magic: the Gathering, every spell has a mana cost. In order to cast a spell, you have to tap enough lands to produce enough mana to pay the cost. Some of the more powerful spells, like the spells that let you summon dragons, cost a lot of mana; however, there are some effects that can reduce the costs of some spells. For example, Dragonspeaker Shaman is a creature that has the effect "Dragon spells you cast cost (2) less to cast." If I have a Dragonspeaker Shaman on my side, dragons that would normally cost 6 mana only cost 4, and dragons that would normally cost 4 mana only cost 2.

A more real-world example would be coupons. With the right coupon, you can reduce the cost of a purchase and get something for less than what it would normally cost you.

But in spiritual matters, there are no such cost reductions. Every blessing has a cost in the form of a spiritual law that you have to obey in order to qualify for that blessing, and there is (as far as I know) no way to reduce that cost. If you want the blessings of the temple, for example, you have to obey the spiritual laws that allow you to qualify for those blessings. Period. There are no cost-reducing effects that will allow you to obtain those blessings without being fully worthy.

Cost reduction is an interesting mechanic in Magic: the Gathering, and it's a useful tool in commerce, but in the Gospel, it just doesn't happen. If you ever want any blessing, you have to pay the full cost.

A Lesson on Temptation

I'm not sure I much care for the stated purpose of the lesson I'm teaching tomorrow. The stated purpose of the lesson is "To encourage the children to keep themselves pure by staying away from temptation and living close to the Lord." This is a reference to the moment in which Joseph flees from the advances of Potiphar's wife. Yet, while that is a critical moment in the story, it is only one moment.

The rest of Joseph's story is about diligence. He work's hard for Potiphar, and it goes well, until he's sent to jail. Then he works hard again in prison, and it gets him nowhere until the butler remembers him two years after he helped him. And then he works hard for Pharaoh and ends up saving multiple countries from starvation. Through it all, Joseph works hard, regardless of his circumstances.

A large part of me is tempted to reuse the purpose from the last lesson, which was "To teach the children that even though we may not always be able to control the things that happen to us, we can control our attitudes." But that word, tempted, makes it clear to me what I ought to do.

While I'd love to focus the lesson on Joseph's diligence or, alternatively, on how his experience and an experience of mine could illustrate the surprisingly miraculous nature of God's plans, I know that the lesson the manual wants me to teach is probably more important. Diligence is an admirable trait, as is faith, but learning a wise response in the face of temptation is probably going to be far more important for these children, especially in the years to come.

So, as tempted as I am to spend as little time on it as I have to, I know that I have to cover Joseph's interaction (and lack thereof) with Potiphar's wife. At least, I know that I need to cover it enough that the children learn how to resist temptation.

Friday, May 18, 2018

What It Means to Be Discreet

When Pharaoh gave Joseph the job of managing Egypt's resources, Pharaoh told him "there is none so discreet and wise as thou art" (Genesis 41:39). When I first read that earlier this week, I didn't understand it. I had figured that discreet basically meant being good at keeping secrets and being sly, which didn't really apply here. So I looked it up. According to one definition I found, discreet can mean "Marked by, exercising, or showing prudence and wise self-restraint in speech and behavior; circumspect." Then, I wasn't 100% sure about prudence and circumspect, so I looked them up, too. Evidently, prudent means "Wise in handling practical matters; exercising good judgment or common sense," and circumspect means "Heedful of circumstances and potential consequences; prudent." These are all good qualities to have, and none of them specifically involves keeping secrets.

Taken together, these definitions basically mean that Joseph was very wise and practical. He foresaw potential consequences and he exercised good judgment in devising a way to prepare for them. He also likely conducted himself very well in Pharaoh's presence, which was very wise, considering the circumstances.

All in all, discretion is a good quality for a person to have, even if they don't have any secrets to keep from anybody, because discretion, as it turns out, isn't about keeping secrets; it's about being wise.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Absence of Attitudes

I just read the three chapters of Genesis that I'm going to cover in my lesson on Sunday, and while I read about what happened and what people did, it struck me that the Bible doesn't really say how anybody felt about any of it. Moses didn't write how Joseph felt about being sold to Potiphar and working for him. Moses didn't say how Potiphar felt about being (falsely) told that Joseph tried to sleep with his wife. We don't know for sure how Joseph felt about being in prison. We don't know how the butler and the baker reacted to having their dreams interpreted. We don't know how the butler felt about forgetting about Joseph for two years and only remember him when the Pharaoh had a dream. We know that Pharaoh was "troubled" by the dream, but we don't know how troubled. And we don't know how Joseph felt about being released from prison and being charged with the affairs of all of Egypt instead.

Of course, we have pretty good guesses for many of those attitudes, most of which are revealed in their actions. Joseph worked diligently for Potiphar. Potiphar sent Joseph to jail. Joseph worked well in prison as well. We don't get much of a reaction from the butler or baker until the butler described forgetting Joseph as one of his "faults." Pharaoh was troubled enough by the dream to drag Joseph out of prison to interpret it, but that might have been no big deal to Pharaoh. And though Joseph worked diligently for Pharaoh as well, he gave his sons some interesting and meaningful names that might give us a clue as to how he was feeling.
And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father’s house.
And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.
Genesis 41: 51-52
Forgetting all one's toil sounds like a good thing, and forgetting his father's house could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how homesick he was (which , again, we don't know). God causing Joseph to be fruitful is definitely good, but describing Egypt as "the land of [his] affliction" probably isn't a good sign. It could, theoretically, be neutral, but it sounds pretty bad.

So, how did Joseph feel about this experience overall? It's impossible for us to say for sure. Maybe he only worked so hard because he was afraid of being punished or to help him keep his mind off of how bad his situation was. Or maybe he greeted these challenges with vigorous enthusiasm, or at least faith that God had a plan. He could have been angry, resigned, accepting, peaceful, or even happy. Almost anything is possible here.

So when my Primary kids and I cover this lesson, I'll try to make sure we don't color Joseph's experience with assumptions about people's attitudes. We don't even know whether Potiphar was livid at Joseph's apparent betrayal and vindictively threw the book at him or whether he was reluctant to lose his best and most trustworthy servant just to appease his lecherous wife and let Joseph off as lightly as he could, given the circumstances. The latter seems more likely, since he didn't have Joseph tortured to death, but none of us really have any idea how angry or how sorry Potiphar was, and without further evidence, we shouldn't even venture to guess.

What we can do is ask ourselves how we might have felt if we were in their shoes, and how we know we ought to react to unfortunate circumstances. It's possible that Joseph was submissive to the will of the Lord, as many renditions of this story depict him, but we certainly should be. That's my main takeaway from tonight's study session: As far as we need to be concerned, their attitudes don't really matter. If they did, they probably would have been recorded. But our attitudes do matter, so perhaps we shouldn't worry so much about their attitudes when the attitudes we really should be keeping tabs on are ours.

Dreamstate Behavior

My D&D game tonight was a bit unusual. A few of our characters got trapped in some kind of dream or hallucination. One of the characters found a great deal of freedom in the knowledge that this was all a dream and began to engage in unusual behavior, knowing that what he did didn't matter and none of his actions would have lasting consequences.

Personally, I saw that as a test of character. What we do when we have no fear of consequences (and no hope of rewards) can tell us a lot about what kinds of people we are. The character in question proved to be exploitative and not terribly concerned about the welfare of others, which makes sense for a pirate (we're currently playing a pirate-themed game). As for my character, he was cautious and non-confrontational, which might have a bit out-of-character for a pirate, but every pirate needs a crew, and you've got to be good to them if you don't want them to turn on you. Also, magical hallucination dreams can mess you up if you're not careful. As a barbarian, he possibly should have taken more risks, but he took more risks than I would have been comfortable with, and that's probably reckless enough for his character to be believable and consistent with his class.

The real question is (as is normally the case when I play D&D) What would I do in such a situation? If I thought I was in some sort of dream, where I could do whatever I wanted to do and not have to deal with any consequences when I woke up, what would I do in that dream? This question deserves more consideration than I have time for, but it's a question worth asking, because our actions say a lot about us, especially when we think they don't.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

The Authoritative Source

My Primary class is currently learning about Joseph, the son of Israel who was sold into Egypt. As we talked about him last Sunday, it became apparent that some of the Primary kids got much of their information about this story from a movie titled Joseph, Prince of Dreams. I've never seen that movie, but I'd be surprised if it was 100% accurate. Still, I myself am not much better, since my most recent experience with this story was watching Veggietales' The Ballad of Little Joe, which most certainly had several gaps in its accuracy. I think that, this time, summarizing the well-known story isn't going to be the best idea. There are too many false, removed, altered, and exaggerated ideas involved with the modern retellings of Joseph's story. It can be hard to know which elements of the story are Biblical and which ones are apocryphal, unless, of course, we go to the source.

What this means for me is that I'm going to plan on spending most of my lesson time having the children read directly from the scriptures that first told this tale, perhaps after I warn them about the folly of trusting an entertaining film to give them factual information. A lot of good can come from such retellings, but a lot of misinformation can come from them, too. If we want the truth about what happened, we had better stick to the authoritative source.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Seeking Turtle Shells

A few days ago, one of the Youtubers I follow shared a video showing off a picture book he wrote and illustrated when he was twelve. The book was titled The Turtle Without a Shell, and it's basically The Ugly Duckling, but with a reptile instead of a water fowl. Throughout the book, the "turtle" travels the world, searching for a suitable shell, only to learn later that he was never meant to have one. This reminds me of the amount of work we sometimes do to forge our own path in life instead of following the path the Lord laid out for us. All of us were given and promised many marvelous blessings, including every blessing we'll ever need. Why, then, would we spend so much time seeking out things that we're not meant to have, at least not yet? I know that the Lord won't deprive us of any good thing we truly need, so when He withholds something from us, we can be reasonably certain that whatever it is that we don't have is not a thing we need right now. Of course, God does encourage us to "ask, seek, and knock," but we shouldn't wear ourselves out seeking things that aren't what's best for us. Not all of us need turtle shells, so we probably shouldn't spend too much time or energy seeking them.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

A Day of Rest

Yesterday, I completed the first of two final papers I need to write this semester. The second is due on Friday, and I plan to work on it every day this week. Except today. Today, I didn't write, or even think about, either of my papers today. It was fairly relaxing to temporarily let go of something that had been stressing me out lately. Of course, tomorrow, I'm going to get right back to it. I'm going to spend some number of hours working on this paper tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the day after that and the day after that. In the meantime, I'm not going to worry about it. Today is and was a rest from my usual, scholarly labors, and I greatly enjoyed it.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Circumstances and Attitudes

Tomorrow's Primary lesson is a lesson that I could have used a few days ago, Joseph being sold into Egypt, the purpose of which is "To teach the children that even though we may not always be able to control the things that happen to us, we can control our attitudes."

This last week, I've had experiences that I felt were out of my control, and I let too many of them negatively affect my attitude. I realize now that I should have been more like Joseph. His family put him through far worse things than my family ever put me through, yet he was better to his family than I was to mine. As I said recently, apologies are in order, and so is a change of attitude. I could stand to be more serene and more accepting and understanding of circumstances beyond my control. All of these things that bother me are only temporary anyway. Twenty-thousand years from now, these events aren't going to bother me (unless I mishandle them and somehow fail to repent of that within the span of twenty-thousand years), so why should I let them bother me now?

Some things matter; other things don't. Minor inconveniences and final essays fall firmly in the category of things that don't matter and things that I shouldn't let affect my attitude.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Search for Inspiration and You Might Find It

Inspiration is tricky. You can't just sit around and wait for it (as I just spent an hour doing), but you can't force it, either. You have to search for it, knowing that you may not find it. You have to remain open to it, knowing that it may not come how or when you expect it to. I know that if a person keeps themselves open to inspiration and searches for it, they often find it, but they don't always. I've also heard of people receiving inspiration when they weren't looking for it, but then it's usually true that they had searched for it earlier. Searching for inspiration, at least at some point, seems necessary, but it isn't sufficient. I can't guarantee that you'll receive inspiration when you look for it, but I can almost guarantee that you won't receive it when you don't look.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Bad at Handling End of Semester Stress

I am, with unfortunate frequency, occasionally reminded that I'm not good at handling stress. I have been facing some stress lately. Classes are over now, but I have some tricky final essays to write, on which I am making very little headway. The topics are challenging, I keep getting distracted, and family situations keep coming up and taking priority.

Thankfully, most of my family is sympathetic, and just about everyone I told about my struggle has offered to help. The trouble is that I don't know how they can help me except by not distracting me with their offers to help. I really just need to focus and write these papers. They don't even have to be good. I'm doing well enough in my classes that, even if my final papers are lackluster, I'll still probably get good grades overall.

I currently plan to go to the library tomorrow and work on my papers there, but I also owe my family members an apology. I have responded with misdirected frustration and annoyance when they were only trying to help, all because I was too cowardly to tell them that the best way they could help me was be leaving me alone. Though, actually, even if I had said that, that would have been wrong, too. As my sister pointed out to me today, even if someone can do nothing else for me, they can always pray for me. That might help some.

I plan to apologize to my family for being gruff to them, but I'll probably save those apologies for after I turn my essays in and my emotional state returns to normal. In the meantime, I would probably do well to avoid people for a while, so I don't unintentionally lash out at anyone again.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Righteous Enough to Count

Before Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed, God promised that He would spare Sodom if enough righteous people could be found in it. He has made us a similar promise. At several points early in the Book of Mormon, Nephi and Lehi were told and told others that this land that we now call America is a land of promise, and that the righteous will prosper here, while the unrighteous will be cast off. He has even warned the previous and current inhabitants that if they weren't or aren't righteous, He would send other people to take possession of the land, and those warnings have been realized at least three times, by my count, and it could happen a fourth time, if we're not careful. In the past, I have wondered if we are righteous enough to count toward the number of righteous people we need to ensure that our land will be safe. I'm not sure I am. Since we haven't been destroyed yet, I think we can assume that we're alright for now, but still, we can't be too careful or too righteous. I don't have any grand insights here, just something to think about and a reason to try to make sure that we're righteous enough to count.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

The One-Sided Rope

Recently, my current D&D character has found a magical rope. This rope is incredible. It helps my character climb trees effortlessly. It knots and unknots itself on command. It can snake out and tie itself to something, and it coils itself up when it's done. It's an amazing rope, and my character is thankful for all it has done for him. The only trouble is that he has no way to repay it.

He has asked what it could want as thanks for its services, but for all its abilities, it is limited in its ability to communicate. It can only communicate through vague impressions. Still, even when asked, the rope hasn't given my character the feeling of wanting anything. The rope hasn't asked for anything in return for its service, so my character effectively has no way to repay it.

This is an awkward situation faced by many people in the real world. Some people offer service and/or charity and won't accept anything in return. Some people need service and/or charity and have very little they can offer in return. When there is one-sided service of this nature, it's only natural for one or more parties to feel a little bit awkward about it.

However, any awkward feelings here are illogical. The best thing either party can do here is to accept that there is very little, if anything, that can be done to balance out this one-sidedness. They should basically just let it be. Perhaps an attitude promoted by King Benjamin could help. He said that when a person wanted to give service (whether as thanks or for any other reason), but lacked the ability to serve (again, for whatever reason), they should accept that they lack the ability to serve in this way, but say, at least to themselves, that they would serve if they could (Mosiah 4:24).

Perhaps that's what my character ought to do. He already asked if there was any way he could thank his new rope (besides verbally thanking it, which he already does), and he found that there isn't really anything he can do for his rope, at least not at the moment. He'll keep looking for ways to thank his rope, but until he gets any good ideas, he'll just accept that there's not much he can do right now except just be grateful. Sometimes, that's all we can do.

Monday, May 7, 2018

Family Service

In my inner circle, there has been a lot of family service lately. Many family members have served other family members, despite being busy and tired and having other things to do. I am very thankful that my family members are so kind to each other, and I'm honored to be one of them.

Unfortunately, not everyone has mortal family members that are as devoted to each other as mine are, but we all have eternal, spiritual family members that readily lend a hand. Sure, they're not much help at moving boxes or appliances or cooking meals or doing any other physical work, but the tasks that they can help with are far more important. Our Heavenly Family can guide us with revelation and encourage us with inspiration. They can help us resist temptation and make wise choices. They can give us comfort and inner peace, even when no one else can.

I am thankful for my family, both mortal and immortal. I'm grateful for all that they do for me, and I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to serve them. I'm sorry that not everyone has an earthly family as good as mine, but I find comfort in knowing that everyone has the best Heavenly Family anyone could hope for.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

What To Do When Overwhelmed

It's almost midnight, and I need to blog, and thankfully, I've had a blogworthy experience today, but the problem is that I want to blog about neither the problem I faced, lest I blow it out of proportion, nor my response to it, lest I vilify myself. Let it suffice to say that it's sometimes wise to take a breather. We sometimes feel overwhelmed, and whether that's because our situation is actually overwhelming or because we are too easily overwhelmed, the effect is the same: We begin to wear out and start heading for a mental and/or emotional breakdown. It's best not to reach that point. It's better to leave work undone than to undo yourself to do it. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to put the work down, take a step back, and breathe. I wish that I had taken a step back sooner today. I'll try to be wiser next time.

Saturday, May 5, 2018

A New, Temporary Home

Some people I know have recently moved into a temporary home. This has been and will continue to be a somewhat rough experience for them. They have a lot to do and a lot to adjust to, only to move again some time in the future.

Naturally, this reminded me of our Earth life. This new home of ours is very different from our old home, and we have a lot that we need to do while we're here. Still, it's temporary, so we should try to keep our minds focused on the future.

Life isn't always what we would like it to be. Sometimes it takes unexpected turns. But it doesn't last forever. Life is rough sometimes, but our eternal home is waiting for us, and once we reach it, we will never have to move again.

Friday, May 4, 2018

Forgive Everyone

In his talk, Even as Christ Forgives You, So Also Do Ye, Elder Larry J. Echo Hawk quoted many scriptures, including the well-known verse D&C 64:10 " I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." I want to focus on this verse, not because I have anything new to say about it, but because its lesson is so important. God wants us to forgive everyone. That includes literally everyone, including both the worst people who ever lived and ourselves. It can be hard to forgive those people. Some of them have done terrible, nigh-unforgivable things, and we are our own worst critics. It's no wonder that it's so difficult to forgive. Yet, for the sake of our own emotional health, we should learn to forgive. There's something cathartic about letting go of the past and deciding to move forward. It's liberating, especially when we're forgiving ourselves.

Of course, we still have to try to learn from our mistakes, and it'd be foolish to fully trust anyone who has done bad things in the past. Unlike God, our forgiveness should not always be accompanied by forgetfulness.But there should always be forgiveness for every wrong-doing, no matter who it was committed by or against. This forgiveness can be difficult to muster, but it is required, probably largely because of its benefits to us, the forgivers. Forgiving others means that we don't have to carry a grudge for them, and forgiving ourselves means that we don't have to carry the guilt. Anyone can repent, and everyone should be forgiven, even if for no one's sake but our own.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

A Conflicting Commitment Not Yet Made

Over the course of the last few weeks in game-time (or the lest few months in our time), my D&D character has seen several miracles. As far as he knows, Besmara, the goddess of the sea, has sent a sea monster to help them capture a ship, cursed the captain who oppressed them so they could stage a mutiny, smitten ghouls with magic when they were on the brink of death, and cured them of an illness that would surely have been fatal. My character knows that he owes his life to Besmara.

But he also owes his life, in a different way, to his wife, who may or may not want him dead at this point. They parted ways under extremely unfortunate circumstances, and he currently doesn't know where he stands with her. He feels like he ought to make a commitment to Besmara, to thank her for what she has done for him, but he may or may not still have a commitment to his wife. Now, I wonder, if I were in a similar situation, what would I do? What would be the honorable thing to do?

Of course, my character needs to talk to his wife before making any other commitments. An existing commitment is infinitely more binding than a pending one. Yet, should it be?

Let's say I was around in the early days of the restored church. My wife and I are taught by a few of the first missionaries, and I gain a testimony while my wife does not. I know that the saints are planning to go west, and that if I were  to accept the gospel, I would have to go with them, but my wife refuses to leave. What should I do? To whom do I owe more loyalty, the person to whom I have pledged my life or the god to whom I have not yet made any promises? If I was already committed to both of them, and the commitments came into conflict, I know that my commitment to God should come first, but what if I hadn't committed to Him yet? Should I still commit? Should I leave my wife for Him?

I think so, but it's a terrible decision to have to make, and it's a decision I don't think my character should make. My character lives in a very different world from ours, a world with many Gods, some of whom are more worth serving than others. Besmara is probably one of the goddesses who are less worth serving. Also, Besmara's intentions for him are unclear. It's possible that she helped him win his freedom and stay alive so that he could return to live with his wife. He's not going to ask at this point, for fear of getting an unwanted answer, but it's possible that that's what she wants him to do. Sometimes, the best way to serve God is to keep a commitment with someone else.

So, despite my character's debt of gratitude to Besmara, his plan remains unchanged. He'll return to his wife, he'll see what he can figure out, and he'll go from there. If his wife still wants him, and he's not wanted for murder, he'll stay with her. If not, he might make a vow to serve Besmara instead.

This is why I started playing D&D. I've had an interest in it for its fun fantasy elements, but what really got me to join a D&D group is the ethical questions that I knew would come up. I wanted to put myself in the shoes of someone that would have to make tough ethical choices to find out which choices I would make and to encourage myself to make the right ones. I wrestled with many ethical quandaries while playing a paladin of a god of light, and now I've found another quandary while playing a pirate barbarian who might one day become a paladin of a goddess of the sea.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Subtle Divinity

In D&D, divine magic tends to be about as flashy as arcane magic. When a God in D&D grants a miracle, it's as noticeable as when a wizard casts a spell. So when my D&D character got healed from an illness in tonight's game, it was very clear whom he had to thank for it. When God in real life grants miracles, it's often much less obvious.

In real life, it takes far more effort to notice the hand of God in our lives. We have to actually pay attention and look for the signs of divine influence. We have to take the time to notice the little coincidences that go on in the background, where God does most of His work. Unlike a God in D&D, our Heavenly Father is so subtle in His influence that it's sometimes possible to forget that He even exists. Yet, acknowledging God's quiet hand in our lives is necessary to ensure that we keep receiving the blessings that we sometimes scarcely notice.

My D&D knew exactly where his blessing came from, but we need to pay attention just to notice our blessings at all.

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Avoiding the Issues

In my Ethics class today, we discussed our final papers, in which we will write about contemporary moral problems or issues and the best solutions to them. Picking a topic has been the hardest part so far. There are plenty of moral issues to choose from, and most of the students had an easy time choosing one that they wanted to write about. The rest of us struggled to find a problem that we wanted to choose as our topic. The problem wasn't that there weren't enough moral issues; the problem was that many of them were too tragic for us to want to study.

I don't like to dwell on problems. I don't mind addressing problems, but I'd rather do it from a safe distance or in an abstract sense. When things get too real and too personal, I'd typically rather not think about them any more than I have too.

Unfortunately, closely examining a tragic problem is sometimes the only way to find a real solution. We sometimes need to understand a problem thoroughly in order to understand how to solve it, and that sometimes means getting too close for comfort. People shouldn't shy away from heavy issues, as I've been doing. We can never solve persistent problems by ignoring them. We often have to face problems head on, face-to-face, in order to solve them. I can't avoid these issues indefinitely. Eventually, I'm going to have to pick an issue, study it, and write about it. I just hope I'll have the heart and the stomach to be able to examine the issue more closely than I'd like to.

When Greg Gets Home

Greg Davidson (better known as Krusk Bloodfist, the fistfighting pirate and my current D&D character) will have a difficult choice to make when he gets back home. Greg has been a sailor since he was a young man. He got married, but owing to the nature of his job, he spends a lot of time away from home. One day, he came home to find his wife in bed with another man. Greg assumed that the man was raping his wife, so he pulled the man off of her and beat the guy to death while his wife screamed and cried. When the man was dead, Greg's wife locked herself in the house. Deciding that it was best to let things cool down a bit, Greg went to a tavern to have a drink. Unfortunately, someone slipped something into his drink, and he woke up on a pirate ship, shanghaied. Now, he's on his way home, and he needs to figure out what he's going to do when he gets there.

He has several options. The first, and probably best, of which is to go straight to his wife as soon as possible. He needs to talk things over with her, to apologize for being gone so long, and to find out what she wants to happen next. She may or may not want to stay married to him after what happened. She may or may not want him dead. Whatever the case, Greg needs to know.

Another option to turn himself in, give the authorities his side of the story, and put himself in the hands of the courts. This isn't going to happen. It's possible that the man wasn't raping Greg's wife, and Greg's response was (accurately) deemed excessive, and Greg is now wanted for murder. An honorable man might face the charges, and his pending execution, willingly. Greg does not have that much honor. Sure, it's possible that the courts would let him go, since, in his mind, he was just defending his wife, but he's not going to take that chance. Whatever Greg does, he's going to try to keep the authorities out of it.

Of course, one way to avoid the authorities is to stay hidden on the boat. Greg doesn't really need to go ashore for anything (other than a long overdue conversation with his wife), and he doesn't want to risk getting arrested and executed, so his safest option might be to stay on the ship until they leave. This isn't going to happen either. Greg values his life, but he also enjoys a good fight, and he doesn't want to give anyone the impression that he's a coward. (Plus, that would be a terribly boring way to spend a session of D&D.) He'll go ashore. The only real question is where he'll go when he gets there. And, other than to his wife's house, there is really only one other place where he would go.

If Greg goes ashore and doesn't immediately go to his wife, he'll probably go to a tavern. He could, if he's too cowardly to go to his wife, pretend he doesn't have one. He could act like nothing happened and just go along with whatever the rest of the group is doing. If anyone confronts him, he could claim not to know what they're talking about in a "you must be mistaking me for someone else" kind of way. But this isn't going to happen, for two very important reasons. First, it's stupid. Going to a tavern full of seedy criminals when he might have a warrant for his arrest and a bounty on his head is about as suicidal as turning himself in to the authorities. He's not that stupid. Second, he loves his wife.

Whether she cheated on him or not, whether she still loves him or not, Greg still loves his wife, and he needs to go talk with her and see if she still loves him. If his wife still loves him (and he's not currently wanted for murder), Greg might stay home for a while. They'll spend a few weeks living off of the loot he has collected on his involuntary voyage, and most importantly, they'll be together. Alternatively, if she doesn't want him around anymore (and I could hardly blame her for that!), he'll leave her his wedding ring and a sack of gold to take care of herself with, and he'll never bother her again. A tragic ending, but one with some closure.

(Plus, it's one of the few outcomes that will let him continue on this pirate adventure we've been playing so I don't have to make a new character. This outcome can also be achieved by Greg being wanted for murder but managing to evade the authorities long enough to talk with his wife and then leave.)
 
I wonder how Greg's wife will cope with his return. He's been away for about three weeks now, and it'll be another two weeks or so (depending on the wind and the plot) before he can get back, so she'll have had plenty of time to think about what happened and wonder where he's been all this time. But finding out what happened is one of the reasons Greg has to go home. He has to find out whether his wife cheated on him or whether she still loves him or what. He needs answers. He needs to talk with his wife. And he can only do that by going home.