Introversion Inversion

So, I'm an introvert. Or at least, I think I am. I generally find social interaction draining. I get tired of spending too much time with too many people. And yet, tonight, I had a social interaction with a group of people for 2-3 hours straight, depending on how you measure it, and afterward I was far more energized than I was when I started. Granted, it was a small group - only four people beside myself - and most of them were quiet most of the time. Also, it might have helped that the people I was with were my friends, people who make me feel comfortable and appreciated. And we were playing D&D, my favorite game in the world, and it was a great session. Almost everyone got a moment to shine, and everyone seemed to have a good time, which means that I, as the DM, mostly succeeded.

I don't know if being energized by a small, comfortable, fun gathering is already a known feature of introversion or whether it's an exception. Perhaps that's something I should study, to try to learn more about myself. It's true that I'm usually drained by social encounters, but was energized by this one. Is this something that's known to happen with introverts, or is this a sign that I'm not 100% introverted? I'll have to do some research to find out.

In the meantime, I'm glad that I can keep learning about myself, including what drains and energizes me. I think I also ought to list things that cause and relieve my stress and things that strengthen and weaken me. It'd be good to have lists of things to seek and things to avoid, so I can use that wisdom to seek a good life, continually growing stronger, preferably without running too low on energy or building up too much stress.

I want to be a strong, energetic, unstressed person again, and to that end, it may be good to learn what to seek and avoid to help me accomplish that.

Temporarily Swamped

Today was a busy day, and tomorrow, unfortunately, promises to be just as busy. The semester is coming to a close soon, and many students are coming to tutors like me for help with their final papers. The D&D game I run on Wednesdays is also coming to a close, meaning that, in addition to working on my own final homework assignments and several other people's as well, I also need to plan the boss fight with Strahd von Zarovich and his lackeys, which I will run tomorrow. I'm pretty swamped. But I'm glad to know that this rough patch is temporary, that Christmas break is right around the corner, and that if I can make it through the next week or two of greater than normal busyness, I can afterward, thankfully, relax. I'm looking forward to getting some rest after all of this, but in the meantime, I'm just going to try to get through it as well as I can.

Try

Someone recently complimented my performance. I told them "Oh, thank you. I try." They said "You don't try, you succeed." And I said "I succeed because I try."

I think that trying is vitally important. We need to make an effort in order to improve. If we don't actually try, then whether we succeed or fail, we will stagnate, and our skill will eventually atrophy. However, if we do try, then whether we succeed of fail, we will grow, and that growth will lead us to more and more consistent success.

I don't think our performance should be measured by how well we do. The results of our performances could be based largely on luck, natural ability, or innate talent, none of which are actually earned. Rather, I think our performances should be evaluated by our level of effort, and perhaps the skill that we've worked to acquire. Essentially, I don't think we should be judged by how well we do. Instead, we should be judged by how hard we try.

The Shortest / Best Talk I've Ever Given

As it turns out, I needn't've worried so much. The first speaker took up most of the time, and the hymns took most of the rest of the time, leaving only a few minutes for me. I shared the highlights, what compassion is and how we can show it, and I ended with my testimony of how important it is to practice compassion. But what made it the best talk I've ever given is how it encouraged me to practice what I preached.

Speaking of which, I owe you all an apology. I've been rude. I was so worked up about how others' actions affected me, I didn't care how my reactions affected them. It's difficult to act with compassion in the (perceived) absence of compassion, but I shouldn't have let that become an excuse to behave rudely. I'm sorry to all of you. I plan to do a better job of practicing compassion and considering others' feelings from now on.

They say that speakers typically get more out of their talks than their audience does, and I think that was certainly true this time. The congregation got a definition, an anecdote, and a few tips. I got a lesson that got me out of a funk and changed how I'll interact with others. It was a rough experience at points, but I'm glad I was asked to give this talk.

I Am Not/Now Prepared

I am not prepared. I had only a week to prepare for my talk, and I spent so much of that time doing holiday stuff and dealing with my own personal issues that I am now at the point where I'm giving the talk in about 12 hours, and I don't even have an outline yet. I'd better get started.

A typical way to begin a talk is to state the topic of the talk along with a dictionary definition. According to the Oxford Dictionary, compassion means "sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others." It comes from the Latin "Compati," meaning to "suffer with." When we have compassion for someone, that means we suffer with them and have pity and concern for their sufferings and misfortunes.

I suppose, then, I'll want to give some examples, but given that I'm the last speaker, I'll want to keep my outline mostly modular, so I can expand on, reduce, or even eliminate sections of my talk, as time requires. I should try to have several examples at the ready, to fill time, but to be willing to cut them if time is short. I wonder if this would be a good place to put my bicycle seat story. Maybe not yet. It might go better in a more call-to-action-y section.

Once we know that compassion means to suffer with someone, and possibly have some examples of what sorts of suffering we're talking about, I think it'd be good to talk about what we can do about that suffering. This'll be good for me, since there are many possible answers, and I can list and elaborate as many and as much as I need to.

So, let's brainstorm. What can we do to practice compassion and help others?

Sympathize - Try to understand, and let them know you understand, what they're going through.

Forgive their offenses against you (if any). This point (or the last one) would be a great place for the bicycle seat story.

Lend a hand - Maybe get their permission first, and I can also list multiple possible ways to lend a hand, from a shoulder to cry on to financial assistance (especially the financial one, because the previous talk will have been about the Law of Consecration).

Actually, speaking of consecration, there's a few points I should probably make about the "Infuriating Unfairness" Elder Dale G. Renlund spoke about, including how the Lord will consecrate our afflictions for our gain, especially as we seek to alleviate the afflictions of others. I should bring some of that up in my Examples of Suffering section. That way, I'll have brought Elder Renlund up early enough in my talk that it won't seem completely out of place if I bring him up again later.

There's another point that Elder Renlund made that I'll want to slip in somewhere, time permitting. Basically, the question is: "If this unfairness and suffering are so bad, why doesn't God fix it?" and I have three answers to that. 1) He will resolve all unfairness, and He is likely already doing far more in that respect than we realize. Karma is a widely recognized phenomenon. Perhaps karma is some measure of divine justice, ensuring that people get the rewards and punishments they deserve, in this life or the next. 2) Suffering can be good for us. It builds character, if we let it. And 3) God wants to leave some of the work of alleviating unfairness to us. I've got a good, semi-relevant quote ready to go, but it basically boils down to God wanting to give us the opportunity of practicing Godly work.

These are fantastic points, and I'd love to fit them in somewhere, but where? Maybe between the Examples of Suffering and the advice for how to Practice Compassion. That way I could go from a) suffering stinks to b) Why does God let this happen? and from c) God wants us to help fix it, to d) here's how we can help alleviate suffering. Or, if necessary, I can go straight from a) suffering stinks to d) here's what we can do about it.

So, I've got four main sections so far.

1. Definition of Compassion

2. Examples of Suffering

3. Why Doesn't God Fix This?

4. What Can We Do?

Sections 2. and 3. can be reduced or eliminated for the sake of time, and sections 2. and 4. can be expanded if time permits.

From there, I can conclude with my testimony of the importance of compassion in addressing all of life's many problems. All people need sympathy and compassion. All people sometimes need help. It is the moral responsibility of those who have been blessed to share those blessings with others. If we were blessed with an abundance, we can share with those who lack, and that's as true with money as it is with knowledge, emotional stability, and physical strength. There are as many ways to help people as there are people who need help, and it's important for each of us who are able, to do our part.

Or something along those lines. One should almost always speak as directed by the Spirit through the Testimony part of their talk. I mostly just wrote that out for the people who bothered to read this stream-of-consciousness style, talk planning "blog post."

So, that's the plan. I have the outline written out in another document. I'll print it up and have it ready as I give my talk tomorrow morning. I feel better prepared now. Thank you for helping me hash this out.

The Most Challenging Talk I'll Have Ever Given

This might be a challenging talk for me. I'm supposed to talk about Compassion, within the context of the Law of Consecration, and that in itself seems easy enough. Many people are suffering; our hearts (and generous contributions) should go out to them. 

But it'll be hard for me to talk about compassion when I, personally, have felt deprived of it. There have been times when I felt desperate for people to care how I felt, and their responses made it seem like they didn't. To quote myself from earlier this year (and I hope you'll pardon the "unacceptable" language I had used), "When a person is already upset enough to use crude language, the last thing they need at that moment is a(n effing) lecture about it." I needed compassion. I need compassion. And if I can't get it from those who are members of this church, then I thank God that I can still get it from people who aren't.

But I can't say any of that over the pulpit. 

For once, I need to make sure I don't put too much of my own thoughts and feelings into a talk. I'm better off focusing more on the Conference Talk I'm supposed to reference and perhaps a personal anecdote about a bicycle seat. I'm better off making this the most boring, emotionless talk I can make it, because if I actually think about how the subject of "compassion" makes me feel, I might find myself speaking with a volume and/or vocabulary that is unconducive to the spirit of reverence.

I should be writing an outline for my talk, but I'm having a hard time focusing on it because I'm upset about how little compassion I get when I act out when I'm upset.

I need to stop thinking about myself. I need to focus on those who are less fortunate than me. Yes, I need compassion, but they need compassion more, and so I need to make sure I don't make my talk all about me.

An Introvert's Thanksgiving

Today, my family had a Thanksgiving dinner, and I was a little worried about it. As an introvert, I don't deal well with there being a lot of people or noise. I was worried that I'd get overwhelmed. But thankfully, I was able to slip outside a handful of times, usually with only one or two family members at a time, where the cool air and the quieter atmosphere was much more pleasant for me, helping me recover from and brace myself for the more boisterous environment indoors.

I survived. And what's more, thanks to being able to take occasional breaks, I actually kind of enjoyed myself. I still don't want to join groups that large very often, but since I was able to slip away when I needed to, I found the whole experience quite manageable.

I'm thankful that I was able to spend time with my family today, and I'm especially thankful that, thanks to being able to take breaks when I needed them, I was able to enjoy it.

Non-monetary Compassion

I have been asked to give a talk on "compassion for others" in Sacrament Meeting this week, but in the context of the week's given topic (which is also the first speaker's topic), it seems clear that I'll mostly be speaking about a certain kind of compassion. The topic of the week and the first speaker is The Law of Consecration, and the Conference talk I was given to help me prepare my talk is about Infuriating Unfairness. From this, I can guess that I'm meant to focus on monetary compassion, alleviating unfairness by consecrating what we can to ease the suffering of others.

Yet, charity is not what I immediately think of when I think of compassion. The word compassion comes from the Latin "Compati," meaning to "suffer with." Compassion means empathy, or at least sympathy. Compassion means to care about the suffering of others. It has far more to do with emotion than money.

For example, several months ago, I was feeling terribly overwhelmed and frustrated, and I regret to admit that I got upset enough to shout and swear. A family member in another room heard me and sent me a message asking what was going on. When I explained how I felt, my family member told me that I was exaggerating, that I needed to be more adult, and that crude language was never acceptable, or at least, that's how the message felt when I read it. The message that I perceived as exhibiting a severe lack of compassion only added to my frustration, and the conversation devolved further from there until I felt the need to leave the house and silence my phone in order to cool off. Since then, I have often thought that if my family member had responded with compassion and helped me alleviate the feelings of frustration I had felt rather than criticizing me for swearing, that would have been far more effective at getting me to the point where I no long felt like swearing.

Similar situations play out with many kinds of bad behavior. Often, a person "acts out" because of underlying negative feelings. If we practice compassion and help them alleviate the bad feelings, the bad behavior will likely stop as well.

People need compassion. People need to feel heard and felt and understood. It can be tempting to chide them and to offer advice for how they should stop their behavior, but focusing on their behavior merely treats the symptom, not the cause. If we consider why they're doing what they're doing and why they feel how they feel, we can get closer to the root of the issue and help them both feel better and do better.

Naturally, most of this won't go into my talk. In my talk, I'll focus more on the kinds of suffering that monetary and/or material assistance can relieve. But no matter what kinds of suffering we or others are experiencing, one way to help is through practicing sincere, genuine compassion, to care about them and their problems, and to try to help them feel better in any way we can, whether that means giving them financial assistance or giving them patience and sympathy.

I'm ashamed of how I acted that night those months ago, and I hope my family member is, too, but it taught me a valuable lesson. When people are suffering enough to act in ways that cause others to suffer too, they don't need scolding; they need compassion.

Advice about Advice

One of the personal struggles that I'm working on right now is how I respond to advice.

Part of my problem is that I'm too used to dealing with authority figures. Teachers have authority over their students. Supervisors have authority over employees. Parents have authority over their children. And church leaders have authority over the church. Often, the "advice" I hear is really more like "commands," than mere "suggestions" or "possible options." So, when one of my peers gives me advice, I treat it like I treat the "advice" that I get from other people, like the person thinks they have the authority to tell me what to do.

In essence, I respond badly to advice, especially when I already feel stressed or overwhelmed, but a conversation I had after my less-than-good response helped me learn a better way to consider advice: to merely consider it. Think about it for a while, weigh the pros and cons, and discern for myself whether I, personally, should heed that advice at this time. Advice should almost always be considered, but not always heeded. Regardless of the advice we get, or who we get it from, we should always think and choose for ourselves.

So, my advice about how to respond to advice is to take it with a grain of salt, so to speak. Even the best-intended advice can be wrong sometimes, and even generally wise advice can be not right for a given person at a given time. You and God know your situation better than anyone, so while it's wise to seek wisdom from many potential sources, only you and God can say for sure what advice you should follow or disregard.

I hope that I can develop the wisdom to be willing to listen to other people's advice and still have the wisdom to make my own, then better-informed, decisions.

God Forgives

For family scripture study tonight, my family just read the story of Jonah, or perhaps rather, the story of Nineveh. Jonah had been instructed to warn the people of Nineveh that destruction awaited them at a certain time if they didn't repent. But the people did repent and fasted, and they were spared. As the given time passed, destructionless, Jonah remarked on how merciful the Lord is, and there is some truth to that.

I don't believe that the Lord actually wants to destroy anyone. He isn't itching for any opportunity to punish people for stepping out of line. He is merciful. He is willing and eager to forgive. Though our actions caused Him suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, His suffering is over, and He would rather forgive us than cause us to suffer, too.

I am grateful for the mercy of the Lord and for the example He has shown of extending forgiveness to others. We should be just as forgiving, if not even more so. "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (D&C 64:10). And given how forgiving God often is, that's saying something. God wants to forgive, and so should we.

God is Seated

Right after Sacrament Meeting today, I saw a little girl standing in the doorway between the Chapel and the Foyer. She was crying for her mother, but her mother was seated nearby, on the couch in the foyer, calling to the little girl. There were no obstructions between the girl and her mother. The mother was in plain sight of the girl. The little girl wanted her mother, but all she had to do to be with her mother was to walk back to where her mother was sitting.

Naturally, when I saw this, I thought of God. We are all currently distant from God. We want Him in our lives, and we wish He would come to us, pick us up, and carry us back to where we can sit with Him. But God is seated. He isn't going to come down from heaven to pick up each of us individually. It's up to each of us to go to Him.

I don't quite recall which person moved first to reconnect the girl and her mother. I think it was the mother who went to her little girl, but I couldn't say for sure. But I can say that God doesn't seem to come down to His children as often as they ask Him to. Rather, He calls us to ascend to Him. Of course, He makes sure it's possible for us to come to Him, and He even sends us helpers to guide and support us on our way back to Him, but He Himself remains seated, so it's up to us to make our way back to Him so we can sit down beside Him.

Little Victories

There's a sign on the refrigerator in my home that says "Little Victories every day." I don't know if I accomplish victories "every day," but I suppose that depends on how "little" the victories can be and still count. I suppose anything important enough to get written down and checked off of a To Do list could count as a victory. In that sense, every task completed can be counted as a victory. Every load of laundry washed and folded, every stack of presents wrapped and cards signed, every email sent, every shower taken, ever blog post written, can count as a victory. In that sense, I achieve victories every day, whether I wrote the task down or not.

When we feel overwhelmed or discouraged, it may help to list our tasks for the day, both those we've already completed and those we have yet to do, to congratulate ourselves for whatever we've done so far, and to make a plan for what we're going to do next. Seeing the tasks we've completed will give us a bit of satisfaction, and seeing the next steps to be completed will give us an actionable plan for what to do next to secure further victories.

Achieving little victories can be encouraging, and it can be easier than we sometimes think. If we focus on taking it one step at a time, and we appreciate every positive step we take, we can achieve countless little victories, many of which will add up to bigger victories ahead.

Good Music

This evening, I went to an RSVP (Reconciliation Singers Voices of Peace) concert, and it was wonderful. Much of the music was peaceful and touching, and the few songs that weren't were rousing and fun. Several times, I felt the the choir sounded angelic. I highly recommend going to one of their concerts or getting one of their CDs. It is a privilege to hear them sing.

Tonight, they reminded me (in case I needed another reminder) that music itself is wonderful. Listening to music can be a spiritually uplifting experience. I should listen to such calming, peaceful music more often. There are times when I'm studying or commuting when I could also be listening to good music. I should take advantage of those opportunities more often.

Good music is good for the soul, and my soul could use more good music.

I Love Autumn

I love autumn. I love the cooler air, the scattered breeze and showers. I especially love the changing colors of the leaves. I live in Sacramento, the city of trees, and many of those trees are deciduous. I love that the trees' colors grow warmer as the air itself grows cooler. But even as the air cools, I can bundle up, maybe turn on a heater or light a fire in a fireplace, and drink hot chocolate.

Naturally, there are also the holidays. I'm not much of a fan of Halloween, but as soon as November starts, the ghoulish decorations start to get replaced with festive ones as everyone gets ready for Thanksgiving, and then Christmas.

I like the quiet, reflective moments I get to enjoy as I think about the people I love and the people who love me, and I feel grateful for everything in my life that led me to where I am now. Sure, my life isn't perfect, but autumn isn't about perfection; it's about change, and I feel like my life is changing for the better. It feels warmer in some ways, and perhaps cooler than others, but it's certainly more colorful, and I have ways I can brace for the cold. I'm not looking forward to the coming winter storms, but I'll manage. The seasons are changing, and though it isn't always pleasant, change can be good.

I love autumn. It's beautiful. It's colorful. And I'm prepared to brace for the cold.

Giving Myself Grace

This morning, I gave myself some much-needed rest. After being dismally tired last night, I turned off my alarm, slept in, took a shower, and skipped going to the gym today. Arguably, some of those choices aren't normally the healthiest, but today was not a normal day. Today was the day after an evening in which I was so soul-crushingly tired that I broke down sobbing on the floor. This was not normal, and it should not be normal. I desperately needed more rest than I was getting, so I gave myself more rest than normal.

And, as it turned out, the gym coach seemed to accept my decision. When I got to school later than normal, too late for a workout before work, he was understanding. He acknowledged that we all have off days and that it's okay for us to take breaks when we need them. Naturally, it helped that I was otherwise fairly diligent about attending the gym, having made it there almost every weekday (apart from Fridays) for the whole semester. I suppose it's easier to give myself grace (as the coach put it) when I didn't need that much of it.

I also acknowledge that I was lucky to have the option to give myself rest. Not everyone can just choose to take it easy on a given day without facing dire consequences. It's not always practical for us to give ourselves rest.

But we can give ourselves grace. We can appreciate that we are doing the best we can with the strength, energy, and wisdom we have, and we can forgive ourselves when we fall short. Of course, all the cliches apply. Nobody's perfect. Everyone falls short sometimes. Etc. We should each give ourselves as much grace, compassion, and understanding as we would give other people (and we should give other people more grace, compassion, and understanding than they deserve, or at least, I try to). I've apologized profusely to those who were affected by my failings, and they have forgiven me just as many times. I should forgive myself, too.

God is merciful. If we are to follow His example, we should be merciful, too, even with ourselves. God teaches us to give grace to those who need it, and everyone needs grace. We should, when necessary, give ourselves some grace, too.

Giving Myself Away

I'd rather not air my dirty laundry on my blog so often, but I have less than an hour to blog about something, and this is the only thing I can think of right now.

Don't spread yourself too thin. Don't give too much of yourself to too many people, or at the end of the day, you'll find that you have nothing left.

I help people. I help people for a living. I help people habitually. I help people because it's the right thing to do. But sometimes, I help too many people, and I run out of steam. I get overwhelmed and stressed and frustrated, and sometimes, I even get snappy.

I don't want to be like that. I don't want to get mad at the people I love. I don't want to not have enough energy left to spend time with the people I love. I don't want to end the day with so little energy left that I get upset with my own family.

So, I need to stop helping people so much. I need to save up my energy so I have some left for my family at the end of the day. I need to not spread myself too thin.

It takes energy to not be a jerk, and I don't have enough energy to not be a jerk to everyone. So, until such a day as I have infinite social energy, I need to save some of that energy for my family, which means I need to not spend all my energy helping people during the day.

There is only so much of me to go around. I need to be more careful about giving my limited time and energy away.

There Ain't No Rest for the Wicked - But There May Be Mercy

This morning, I was thinking about the sociological implications of the song Ain't No Rest for the Wicked. The song examines three sinners/criminals: a prostitute, and mugger, and an embezzler, highlighting certain similarities between them and commenting on society and perhaps even human nature. Yet, there are also noteworthy differences between the first two criminals and the last one.

The prostitute and the mugger are street criminals. The point-of-view character of the song describes encountering them on his way home, and they both ask him for money, either offering him a good time or threatening to shoot him. In both cases, the POV character chalks their lifestyles up to personal choices, asking them "Why'd you do this to yourself?" and "What made you want to live this kind of life?"

But personally, I'm not sure they had much of a choice. Granted, we always have agency. We can always, at least theoretically, choose to suffer and perhaps starve rather than break our moral principles. Yet, poverty can make people desperate, and desperate people often make desperate choices. Sure, theoretically the prostitute and mugger could have made different choices, but realistically, their life circumstances likely practically forced their hands.

Not so with the embezzler. The embezzler seemed not to be quite so desperate, and given another character detail we know about him, he should have known better. The embezzler was described as a preacher, having stolen money from the church he represented. The singer/POV character took a pot-and-kettle/glass-houses approach to the preacher and his crime: 

But even still I can't say much,
Because I know we're all the same.

Oh yes, we all seek out to satisfy those thrills.

But I'm not sure I see it that way, and I'm not sure God sees it that way, either. Naturally, I hope that sinners will receive some mercy for occasionally giving in to their natural inclinations, even their inclination to steal, but I'm not sure that's what's happening here. The prostitute and mugger were likely in a far more desperate financial situation than the preacher was. They weren't trying to "stuff[ their] bank account with righteous dollar bills." They were trying to feed their families and pay their bills. I think God would look more sympathetically on their situations and actions than He will on the preacher's.

The song seems to be sending a message about society and human nature, but the message I take away from it is one of sympathy and mercy. Those who are in bad situations sometimes make bad decisions. Maybe they had other options, but it can be hard to say. I have a good deal of sympathy for those who feel the need to steal or to sell themselves to survive. I have far less sympathy for those who steal in order to go from living modestly to living comfortably or luxuriously.

Yet, even then, perhaps I shouldn't be so quick to judge. Perhaps the preacher/embezzler was trapped with a desperation-inducing amount of debt. Perhaps the embezzler couldn't afford to keep his family homed, clothed, and fed unless he did what he did. God knows his (fictional) situation; I don't. Therefore, God should be the one to judge him, not me.

I was going to end my blog post by condemning the embezzler and saying that those of us who are blessed to live comfortable, if modest, lives shouldn't harshly judge those who are less fortunate, even when they commit sins and crimes to get by. But upon reflection, I've realized that we don't really know each other's situations, so perhaps we shouldn't judge anyone, no matter how blessed or privileged they appear to be.

We all need mercy and sympathy; some more than others. May we and God have sympathy and mercy on us all.

We Affect Each Other

There's a song that's been on my mind a lot lately, For Good from the Broadway Musical Wicked. As I understand it, not having seen the musical in full, For Good comes near the end of the musical, when the two main characters, about to part ways, sing about the effect that they've had on each other. 

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you.

I think this may be more true than we realize. We all have an effect on each other, and the people in our lives all have effects on us. These effects are often subtle, and the changes can happen so gradually that we don't realize they're happening, but we are all shaped by those around us, and we have an impact on others as well.

Both of these aspects are important to bear in mind. I makes sense to be aware of how others affect us, so we can choose friends who are a good influence on us. And similarly, we should be careful to ensure that the influence we have on others is a positive one. As long as we are changing people by our existence in their lives, we should try to ensure that we're changing them for the better and that they are doing the same for us.

I don't know whether or not we're led to people for the express purpose of affecting and/or being affected by them, but I know that we affect each other anyway, intentionally or not. Knowing that, we should be aware of the affect we have on others and the affects they have on us, and in both cases, we should try to ensure that the effects we have on each other for the better.

Practicing Coexistence with Pets

I don't like pets. I consider them a nuisance more often than not. They make noise. They make messes. They're a chore to take care of. I know that there are benefits to pet-ownership, but I'm willing to bet I could get the same benefits in other ways or learn to live without them. I don't need any pets.

But I do need to learn how to live with them. My family owns pets. Some members of my family love pets. It may be that I will have to share my home with pets for the rest of my life. So, as much as I dislike pets, I have to learn how to coexist with them.

Perhaps that the lesson I'm supposed to learn from pets: how to coexist with others, particularly those whom I dislike or whose habits I dislike. One cat keeps sitting in my laundry, and another cat keeps sitting in my chair, but that hardly matters. I need to remain kind to these animals I live with, partly because I know they don't know any better, and partly simply because it's important to be kind, especially to those to whom it isn't easy to be kind. That is what it means to be tolerant, to be able to coexist with someone of something, even it they bother you.

We all have to learn how to coexist with each other, especially with the people whose ideas and behavior we dislike. It can be difficult to tolerate some people, but that's why tolerance takes practice. If it was easy, it wouldn't really be "tolerance." We need to learn to coexist with each other (and each other's pets), even when we think we'd be more comfortable if we didn't have to learn to coexist.

My family members' pets are teaching me the virtues of tolerance, coexistence, and patience. And if I can learn to practice these virtues with pets, I should certainly learn to practice them with people, too.

A Tireless Mind

I'm tired. I've been tried for hours, which unfortunately makes it more difficult to come up with things to blog about. I'm grateful that my resurrected body won't have this problem. We're often reminded that our resurrected bodies will be physically perfect and tireless, but I thin that they'll be mentally tireless, too.

Right now, I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open and forming coherent sentences. I'm glad to know that, when I'm resurrected, I won't have these challenges and shortcomings anymore.

Righteous for the Reward

I keep seeing these ads for Biolife, a company that pays people to "donate" plasma. I put "donate" in quotation marks because is it really a "donation" if you're getting paid? But the main message of the ad prompts a similar question from me. The ad says that "Generosity is rewarding," but I wonder, is it really "generosity" if you're doing it for the reward?

I'd say that it's still Good to "be generous" and "donate" plasma, even if you're doing it for the money, and apparently I'm not alone in that opinion. God offers blessings for the righteous, but is it really "righteousness" if we're "being righteous" just for the blessings. Arguably not, but the good still gets done anyway. Those who donate plasma for payment still save lives, and that life-saving work should be rewarded. Hence the payment, the rewards, and perhaps even the blessings.

Naturally, God wants us to be good out of the goodness of our hearts, but some of us occasionally need more motivation than that. That may be partly why heaven exists, and it's almost certainly why God told us about it. He knew that we would additional motivation from time to time, so He offers us great blessings, and He tells us how we can earn them, perhaps trusting that that which we initially did for rewards, we would eventually do out of habit, and that which we do out of habit, we would eventually do because doing so is part of who we are. So, God offers us blessings in exchange for righteous actions, trusting that we would form righteous habits and develop righteous hearts.

We can do something similar. Apparently, Biolife does. We can offer rewards in exchange for the behavior we want to see. Is it manipulative? It doesn't have to be. It can be no more than an offer, a promise, and an option - take it or leave it. Is it shallow? At first. Those who do good for the rewards start out doing good only for the rewards. Their heart isn't really in it. At this stage, it is crucial that the good behavior is rewarded with good outcomes. If someone does good solely for the blessings, and then the blessings don't come, or at least don't seem to, then they may be tempted to wonder whether there's any point to doing good. Yet, if the good behavior is rewarded, it may be repeated and rewarded again, leading to a self-reinforcing cycle that can ultimately become a habit and even a part of a person's personality.

God offers blessings to people in reward for righteous behavior, so I doubt that many would consider it wrong to do so. And if it's not wrong to make the offer, I doubt it's wrong to accept it. It's okay, and even Good, to do Good, even if only for the blessings. The good gets done either way. I personally don't see any problem with the idea of being righteous for the sake of the rewards.

Cultivating Our Soil

It's fairly well known that the Parable of the Sower, found in Matthew 13, Mark 4, and Luke 8, is really more about the soil than the sower. Some seeds fall on good soil and grow, while other seeds fall on bad soil and get parched, choked, trodden, or eaten. As the interpretation goes, we are the soil. Some of us are receptive to the knowledge and wisdom of God, while others are not.

Yet, something that I heard recently reminded me that we don't have to always stay whatever kind of soil we are now. We can change. Through diligent effort, we can change for the better, and if we're not careful, we can change for the worse. If our ground is stony or thorny, we can remove the stones and thorns. If our ground is hard, we can plow it. But if we don't water and weed our soil, it can become bad ground, even if it started good.

I'm grateful to know that we won't always remain the way we are now. People change. If we are wise, careful, and diligent, we can change ourselves for the better. We can cultivate knowledge and wisdom and weed out falsehoods and foolishness. We can become better soil if we choose to. I'm grateful to know that progress is possible and that I don't always have to remain the kind of soil that I have been.

How to Help an Overwhelmed Introvert

One of the challenges of being introverted is that help can become unhelpful. Sometimes, I get tired, cranky, and overwhelmed. At those times, my family sometimes, generously, offers to help. They try to help me not be overwhelmed by assisting me with one of my tasks, or perhaps they simply offer me comfort and support. Yet, despite their good intentions, their offers to help can backfire. Every offer of assistance and comfort is another (albeit small) social interaction that can drain my energy even further, when it's already dangerously low. Every text they send me, offering comfort, support, or worse, advice, is a text that takes social energy to read and answer. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to snap my phone in half or throw it across the room because of a poorly timed but well-intended text.

I don't expect most people to understand this, but when I'm feeling overwhelmed (and I hope it's obvious that I'm overwhelmed, because I'll likely be too overwhelmed to explain it), sometimes the best thing people can do for me is to give me some space. I'll get my work done (preferably without help), I'll calm down if I have to (preferably without further agitation), and I'll manage my emotions and energy levels as well as I can (preferably without people draining what little is left of my social and/or emotional energy). It's good that people what to help me, and I'm grateful for their desire to help, but sometimes, the best way to help me is, paradoxically, to leave me alone.

A Neat Little Proverb

Earlier today, a friend of mine shared what he called "a neat little proverb" with me.

Be Brave Enough to stand against danger alone,

Be Wise Enough to know when you cannot,

And be Strong Enough to ask for help.

We don't often have to "stand against danger alone," but there are other things we must do, and there are times when we have to do them alone. It takes a certain amount of courage and a certain kind of strength to face life's dangers and challenges alone, and we should all strive to develop that strength and courage in ourselves.

And when the challenge is beyond us, or when we would otherwise benefit from a helping hand, it's good to be wise enough to know when we need or could use some help. Even when we are brave enough to face challenges alone, it's smart to know when we can't and/or don't have to.

Yet, asking for help can sometimes be a challenge in its own right. It takes wisdom to know whom and when to ask, and it takes courage and strength to be willing to ask. Often, we let our pride or our desire to not be a burden to others prevent us from seeking the help that we need and that is readily available. But there is strength in numbers, and one kind of strength is the will to do what it takes to get more strength, even ask for help.

There are times when we need the strength and courage to stand alone, and there are times when we need the strength and courage to ask for help. May we always have the strength and courage to do what we must, and may we have the wisdom to know which kinds of strength and courage to exercise.

Choose To Be Kind

I think that the last part of Red's message from yesterday bears repeating for emphasis: "We can always choose to be kind, and that will always matter."

She said this in the context of someone who is doomed to suffer some terrible fate and can nonetheless choose to help others, even though they can't save themselves. Yet, what she said is true of people in every situation. We can always choose to be kind, no matter what our situation is.

I came very close to forgetting that lesson this evening. It was late, and I had already done so many things to help my family, and I felt like them asking me to do yet another favor for them tonight would push me over the edge. But they kept asking for help, and I almost stopped choosing to be kind. Thankfully, their requests ran out before my patience did, but it's humbling to know that, even in moments of growing impatience, I can still choose to be kind.

Normally, the choice to be kind is easy, but even when it's difficult, it's still possible. I need to be better at remembering that and at always choosing kindness, regardless of my circumstances.

The Doings of the Doomed

One of the uplifting messages I heard today came from a Trope Talk YouTube video about doomed heroes. In the outro, the speaker, Red, shared her thoughts about how a story about a doomed protagonist can still be more inspiring than depressing:

There is an odd, heartbreaking, satisfying grief in bearing witness to the heroics of a protagonist who's been dead from the beginning, who cannot possibly save themselves and is no longer trying, who is instead using every second they have left in the narrative to make the story a better place for everyone who will outlive them, because while we spend most of our lives caring for ourselves and driving our own narratives, at the end of the day, no matter what the night holds and what secret tragedies may be lurking for us, we can always choose to be kind, and that will always matter.

I find this relatable because, whether we know it or not, we're all doomed to die eventually, and when the inevitable happens, one of the few things that'll matter is whether and how much we made life better for everyone else. And if that's one of the few things that'll matter at the end of our lives, shouldn't that also be one of the only things that matter during it? When faced with mortality, people tend to pay a lot of attention to the choices they make and how they spend what little time they have left. But whether we face it or not, we're all mortal. All our days are numbered, whether the number is great or small, known or unknown. But the number of days we have left shouldn't matter to us, when one of the few things that really matter is how we spend them.

Personally, I'm going to try to use every day I have left, be they few, hundreds, or tens of thousands, to try to make life better for other people. I won't always succeed. I won't always succeed in trying. But if I have to die eventually, I hope I'll leave this place a little better than I found it.

The Virtue of Courtesy

Whenever my brother and I walk our mom's dog, we always bring poop bags with us, often more than we think we'll need. We always clean up after our dog, and we sometimes clean up after other people's dogs, too. It's just polite, like picking up litter and tidying up messes. We try to make the neighborhood we share with others a better place for our having been here, rather than a worse one.

We should all try to practice this kind of courtesy. We should all try to make life better for the people around us, or at least try not to make life worse. We should try to accommodate and care for others. We should try to lift them up rather than tear them down. We should clean up our own messes as best we can, and we should quietly help others with their messes as well. I think the world would be a much better place if we all had this commitment to the virtue of courtesy.

Too often, I find evidence of people making life worse for others. I smell cigarette or weed smoke. I see broken alcohol bottles and other trash. I see how people are hurting themselves and creating discomfort and danger for the people around them. But I, whose thankfully better-hidden pot is no less black than their brutally visible kettle, try not to judge. I have to work at trying not to make my problems other people's problems, as we all should. While it's wise to seek and accept help when needed and/or offered, it's courteous to try not to create problems for others.

As with most of my blog posts, this message isn't actually directed at any of you. These are lessons that I am learning and that I still need to learn. If you learn something too, that's great. I hope we can make the world better together. But these messages are mostly directed to me. I'm glad that I try to clean up my own and other people's messes. I should keep that up, and I should try not to make any more messes than I can't avoid making. I try to make other people's lives better, and that's good, but I should also keep trying very hard not to make anyone's life worse.

We all have to live with each other, some more closely than others. We should all do our parts to make and keep this world a comfortable place for everyone to live in together.

In the Right Place at the Right Time

Yesterday, I got lucky, or rather, I was blessed, to be the right person at the right place at the right time so that I could be a blessing to others.

I slept in a little bit yesterday morning. I knew I'd have some time between my morning exercise and my first tutoring appointment, so I cut into that time by half an hour so I could rest for another half hour before catching the bus to school.

On my way to school, I saw someone I recognized: the man with the lunchbox, whom I often run into while waiting for the bus. That morning, he was going for a walk with his wife and kid. His wife, having walked a bit ahead, paused to let them catch up. But the place at which she stopped was in front of someone's driveway, and that someone was ready to leave.

Something I haven't mentioned about the man and his wife before, because it wasn't relevant before, is that the two of them seem deaf, and I am now confident that at least the wife is. I've never seen either of them communicate audibly, just with signs. And when the person whose driveway the wife was blocking asked her to move and even honked at her, she couldn't hear him and didn't notice him.

But I, having happened to notice their deafness in our previous interactions, and having tweaked my schedule slightly to have happened to be there at that moment, knew what was going on, and I was able to step in to help. I informed the driveway owner that the woman was deaf, nonverbally got the woman's attention, and directed her attention to the man in the car in the driveway behind her. She cleared the way, the man drove away, and I felt lucky to have been the right person in the right place at the right time.

It felt then, and it feels now, that God had been working through me to make that little miracle happen. This is odd because I hadn't felt like I was being directed. I had chosen to change my schedule that morning because I was tired and lazy, not because I got the impression that it was, for some reason, important to leave later than normal that day.

A similar "coincidence" had happened years ago when I had taken a stray pitbull to the pound and was able to adopt her a week later with timing that seemed too lucky to have been mere luck. I hadn't felt impressed to leave the dog at the pound; I was just doing what I had thought was the best thing to do, and by some miracle, I turned out to have been right. God had turned my mistake into a miracle, and yesterday morning, He turned my laziness into a miracle, too.

God is very good at working miracles through imperfect people. We make mistakes and bad decisions every day. And yet, more often than is probable, those mistakes can work out to somehow have been the best thing we possibly could have done. I'm grateful that God is pulling strings to make miracles out of the decisions we make, and that, regardless of where we go, what we do, or when we leave, we frequently (miraculously) tend to end up in the right place at the right time.

X Is As X Does

This morning, following a conversation I had previously had about cowardice, I sort of stumbled into the maxim, "X is as X does." Traits and behaviors are good or bad to the extent that they cause or reduce happiness or suffering. For example, cowardice is sometimes evil in that it prevents people from taking actions that would prevent or alleviate harm. Yet, cowardice is not always evil. There are times when no bravery is required, so the cowardice does no harm. Cowardice is as cowardice does. In the cases where the cowardice does nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong with the cowardice.

This maxim may also apply to other things, even to good things. Normally, my blog is a good thing, because it encourages the generation and sharing of spiritually-uplifting and informative thoughts. But last night, my blog wasn't as helpful. The thoughts I generated last night weren't really worth sharing, and they certainly weren't worth stay up that late for. In fact, insofar as my blog kept me up later than was healthy for me, it could be said that my blog was, at least in that moment, harmful. Of course, the same could be said for many of the activities I engage with. Sometimes, they are good in that they cause happiness and help to reduce the harm caused by stress, and other times, they cause harm by keeping me up late. The activities themselves are neither good nor bad, but their effects can be either.

Some people say that "evil is as evil does," and I think it's true. Evil actions and traits are considered "evil" because of the evil (or the suffering) that those traits and actions cause. Similarly, good actions and traits are good because of the good that they do. It's all well and good to say that you have charity, empathy, and compassion, but unless you actually practice those traits, they aren't actually doing any good.

I only stumbled into this maxim this morning, but I currently think that it's a good rule of thumb to judge by. We can tell whether is something is good or evil by the good or evil they do. And since traits can have multiple effects, some good, some bad, those traits can be a mix of good and bad, along with everything else. We can judge everything by its actions, effects, and results, and we can tell whether something is good or bad based on the good or the bad that it does.

Out of Energy. Out of Time.

There are many events from today that I could blog about, but a lot of them are morally nuanced enough that it would take a good deal of time and energy to unpack them. I was dangerously low of energy hours ago, and now I am also desperately low on time. You're not going to get a quality blog post from me tonight. I'd apologize for that, but I'm even more sorry that I didn't give up sooner so I could go to bed at a reasonable time. At least I can go to bed now.