Try

Someone recently complimented my performance. I told them "Oh, thank you. I try." They said "You don't try, you succeed." And I said "I succeed because I try."

I think that trying is vitally important. We need to make an effort in order to improve. If we don't actually try, then whether we succeed or fail, we will stagnate, and our skill will eventually atrophy. However, if we do try, then whether we succeed of fail, we will grow, and that growth will lead us to more and more consistent success.

I don't think our performance should be measured by how well we do. The results of our performances could be based largely on luck, natural ability, or innate talent, none of which are actually earned. Rather, I think our performances should be evaluated by our level of effort, and perhaps the skill that we've worked to acquire. Essentially, I don't think we should be judged by how well we do. Instead, we should be judged by how hard we try.

The Shortest / Best Talk I've Ever Given

As it turns out, I needn't've worried so much. The first speaker took up most of the time, and the hymns took most of the rest of the time, leaving only a few minutes for me. I shared the highlights, what compassion is and how we can show it, and I ended with my testimony of how important it is to practice compassion. But what made it the best talk I've ever given is how it encouraged me to practice what I preached.

Speaking of which, I owe you all an apology. I've been rude. I was so worked up about how others' actions affected me, I didn't care how my reactions affected them. It's difficult to act with compassion in the (perceived) absence of compassion, but I shouldn't have let that become an excuse to behave rudely. I'm sorry to all of you. I plan to do a better job of practicing compassion and considering others' feelings from now on.

They say that speakers typically get more out of their talks than their audience does, and I think that was certainly true this time. The congregation got a definition, an anecdote, and a few tips. I got a lesson that got me out of a funk and changed how I'll interact with others. It was a rough experience at points, but I'm glad I was asked to give this talk.

I Am Not/Now Prepared

I am not prepared. I had only a week to prepare for my talk, and I spent so much of that time doing holiday stuff and dealing with my own personal issues that I am now at the point where I'm giving the talk in about 12 hours, and I don't even have an outline yet. I'd better get started.

A typical way to begin a talk is to state the topic of the talk along with a dictionary definition. According to the Oxford Dictionary, compassion means "sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others." It comes from the Latin "Compati," meaning to "suffer with." When we have compassion for someone, that means we suffer with them and have pity and concern for their sufferings and misfortunes.

I suppose, then, I'll want to give some examples, but given that I'm the last speaker, I'll want to keep my outline mostly modular, so I can expand on, reduce, or even eliminate sections of my talk, as time requires. I should try to have several examples at the ready, to fill time, but to be willing to cut them if time is short. I wonder if this would be a good place to put my bicycle seat story. Maybe not yet. It might go better in a more call-to-action-y section.

Once we know that compassion means to suffer with someone, and possibly have some examples of what sorts of suffering we're talking about, I think it'd be good to talk about what we can do about that suffering. This'll be good for me, since there are many possible answers, and I can list and elaborate as many and as much as I need to.

So, let's brainstorm. What can we do to practice compassion and help others?

Sympathize - Try to understand, and let them know you understand, what they're going through.

Forgive their offenses against you (if any). This point (or the last one) would be a great place for the bicycle seat story.

Lend a hand - Maybe get their permission first, and I can also list multiple possible ways to lend a hand, from a shoulder to cry on to financial assistance (especially the financial one, because the previous talk will have been about the Law of Consecration).

Actually, speaking of consecration, there's a few points I should probably make about the "Infuriating Unfairness" Elder Dale G. Renlund spoke about, including how the Lord will consecrate our afflictions for our gain, especially as we seek to alleviate the afflictions of others. I should bring some of that up in my Examples of Suffering section. That way, I'll have brought Elder Renlund up early enough in my talk that it won't seem completely out of place if I bring him up again later.

There's another point that Elder Renlund made that I'll want to slip in somewhere, time permitting. Basically, the question is: "If this unfairness and suffering are so bad, why doesn't God fix it?" and I have three answers to that. 1) He will resolve all unfairness, and He is likely already doing far more in that respect than we realize. Karma is a widely recognized phenomenon. Perhaps karma is some measure of divine justice, ensuring that people get the rewards and punishments they deserve, in this life or the next. 2) Suffering can be good for us. It builds character, if we let it. And 3) God wants to leave some of the work of alleviating unfairness to us. I've got a good, semi-relevant quote ready to go, but it basically boils down to God wanting to give us the opportunity of practicing Godly work.

These are fantastic points, and I'd love to fit them in somewhere, but where? Maybe between the Examples of Suffering and the advice for how to Practice Compassion. That way I could go from a) suffering stinks to b) Why does God let this happen? and from c) God wants us to help fix it, to d) here's how we can help alleviate suffering. Or, if necessary, I can go straight from a) suffering stinks to d) here's what we can do about it.

So, I've got four main sections so far.

1. Definition of Compassion

2. Examples of Suffering

3. Why Doesn't God Fix This?

4. What Can We Do?

Sections 2. and 3. can be reduced or eliminated for the sake of time, and sections 2. and 4. can be expanded if time permits.

From there, I can conclude with my testimony of the importance of compassion in addressing all of life's many problems. All people need sympathy and compassion. All people sometimes need help. It is the moral responsibility of those who have been blessed to share those blessings with others. If we were blessed with an abundance, we can share with those who lack, and that's as true with money as it is with knowledge, emotional stability, and physical strength. There are as many ways to help people as there are people who need help, and it's important for each of us who are able, to do our part.

Or something along those lines. One should almost always speak as directed by the Spirit through the Testimony part of their talk. I mostly just wrote that out for the people who bothered to read this stream-of-consciousness style, talk planning "blog post."

So, that's the plan. I have the outline written out in another document. I'll print it up and have it ready as I give my talk tomorrow morning. I feel better prepared now. Thank you for helping me hash this out.

The Most Challenging Talk I'll Have Ever Given

This might be a challenging talk for me. I'm supposed to talk about Compassion, within the context of the Law of Consecration, and that in itself seems easy enough. Many people are suffering; our hearts (and generous contributions) should go out to them. 

But it'll be hard for me to talk about compassion when I, personally, have felt deprived of it. There have been times when I felt desperate for people to care how I felt, and their responses made it seem like they didn't. To quote myself from earlier this year (and I hope you'll pardon the "unacceptable" language I had used), "When a person is already upset enough to use crude language, the last thing they need at that moment is a(n effing) lecture about it." I needed compassion. I need compassion. And if I can't get it from those who are members of this church, then I thank God that I can still get it from people who aren't.

But I can't say any of that over the pulpit. 

For once, I need to make sure I don't put too much of my own thoughts and feelings into a talk. I'm better off focusing more on the Conference Talk I'm supposed to reference and perhaps a personal anecdote about a bicycle seat. I'm better off making this the most boring, emotionless talk I can make it, because if I actually think about how the subject of "compassion" makes me feel, I might find myself speaking with a volume and/or vocabulary that is unconducive to the spirit of reverence.

I should be writing an outline for my talk, but I'm having a hard time focusing on it because I'm upset about how little compassion I get when I act out when I'm upset.

I need to stop thinking about myself. I need to focus on those who are less fortunate than me. Yes, I need compassion, but they need compassion more, and so I need to make sure I don't make my talk all about me.

An Introvert's Thanksgiving

Today, my family had a Thanksgiving dinner, and I was a little worried about it. As an introvert, I don't deal well with there being a lot of people or noise. I was worried that I'd get overwhelmed. But thankfully, I was able to slip outside a handful of times, usually with only one or two family members at a time, where the cool air and the quieter atmosphere was much more pleasant for me, helping me recover from and brace myself for the more boisterous environment indoors.

I survived. And what's more, thanks to being able to take occasional breaks, I actually kind of enjoyed myself. I still don't want to join groups that large very often, but since I was able to slip away when I needed to, I found the whole experience quite manageable.

I'm thankful that I was able to spend time with my family today, and I'm especially thankful that, thanks to being able to take breaks when I needed them, I was able to enjoy it.

Non-monetary Compassion

I have been asked to give a talk on "compassion for others" in Sacrament Meeting this week, but in the context of the week's given topic (which is also the first speaker's topic), it seems clear that I'll mostly be speaking about a certain kind of compassion. The topic of the week and the first speaker is The Law of Consecration, and the Conference talk I was given to help me prepare my talk is about Infuriating Unfairness. From this, I can guess that I'm meant to focus on monetary compassion, alleviating unfairness by consecrating what we can to ease the suffering of others.

Yet, charity is not what I immediately think of when I think of compassion. The word compassion comes from the Latin "Compati," meaning to "suffer with." Compassion means empathy, or at least sympathy. Compassion means to care about the suffering of others. It has far more to do with emotion than money.

For example, several months ago, I was feeling terribly overwhelmed and frustrated, and I regret to admit that I got upset enough to shout and swear. A family member in another room heard me and sent me a message asking what was going on. When I explained how I felt, my family member told me that I was exaggerating, that I needed to be more adult, and that crude language was never acceptable, or at least, that's how the message felt when I read it. The message that I perceived as exhibiting a severe lack of compassion only added to my frustration, and the conversation devolved further from there until I felt the need to leave the house and silence my phone in order to cool off. Since then, I have often thought that if my family member had responded with compassion and helped me alleviate the feelings of frustration I had felt rather than criticizing me for swearing, that would have been far more effective at getting me to the point where I no long felt like swearing.

Similar situations play out with many kinds of bad behavior. Often, a person "acts out" because of underlying negative feelings. If we practice compassion and help them alleviate the bad feelings, the bad behavior will likely stop as well.

People need compassion. People need to feel heard and felt and understood. It can be tempting to chide them and to offer advice for how they should stop their behavior, but focusing on their behavior merely treats the symptom, not the cause. If we consider why they're doing what they're doing and why they feel how they feel, we can get closer to the root of the issue and help them both feel better and do better.

Naturally, most of this won't go into my talk. In my talk, I'll focus more on the kinds of suffering that monetary and/or material assistance can relieve. But no matter what kinds of suffering we or others are experiencing, one way to help is through practicing sincere, genuine compassion, to care about them and their problems, and to try to help them feel better in any way we can, whether that means giving them financial assistance or giving them patience and sympathy.

I'm ashamed of how I acted that night those months ago, and I hope my family member is, too, but it taught me a valuable lesson. When people are suffering enough to act in ways that cause others to suffer too, they don't need scolding; they need compassion.

Advice about Advice

One of the personal struggles that I'm working on right now is how I respond to advice.

Part of my problem is that I'm too used to dealing with authority figures. Teachers have authority over their students. Supervisors have authority over employees. Parents have authority over their children. And church leaders have authority over the church. Often, the "advice" I hear is really more like "commands," than mere "suggestions" or "possible options." So, when one of my peers gives me advice, I treat it like I treat the "advice" that I get from other people, like the person thinks they have the authority to tell me what to do.

In essence, I respond badly to advice, especially when I already feel stressed or overwhelmed, but a conversation I had after my less-than-good response helped me learn a better way to consider advice: to merely consider it. Think about it for a while, weigh the pros and cons, and discern for myself whether I, personally, should heed that advice at this time. Advice should almost always be considered, but not always heeded. Regardless of the advice we get, or who we get it from, we should always think and choose for ourselves.

So, my advice about how to respond to advice is to take it with a grain of salt, so to speak. Even the best-intended advice can be wrong sometimes, and even generally wise advice can be not right for a given person at a given time. You and God know your situation better than anyone, so while it's wise to seek wisdom from many potential sources, only you and God can say for sure what advice you should follow or disregard.

I hope that I can develop the wisdom to be willing to listen to other people's advice and still have the wisdom to make my own, then better-informed, decisions.