Last-Minute Resolution Review

Time for a last-minute review of my goals for 2020.

Prayer - Formal Morning and Evening, Conversational Mid-day.
Hymns - Sing/Hum while Walking, Play Piano after Work
Meditation - At least Weekly, if not Daily

I almost want to add a goal or two that start with vowels so I can spell something with the acronym, but that would be short-sighted and poorly thought out. Besides, PHM is good enough. I might still pronounce it as "Fame" or "Fam," even without the vowels, or maybe I'll pronounce each letter individually, like ATM or HDMI.

The term I use to refer to the goal isn't as important as the goal itself and remembering to achieve it. Case in point, I can't remember if I said a prayer this morning, but I will certainly say a prayer tonight, and I'll try to remember tomorrow. I also played the piano yesterday, even though work won't start until mid-January. I should also meditate sometime soon. My plan is to meditate at the temple, if nowhere else, but we didn't go to the temple this week, and I didn't meditate at home. I will tonight, maybe right after posting this. Or right now. There's no time like the present.

I feel good about these goals. They're all good things to do, and I feel like they'll help me. Of course, they can only help me if I remember to to do them. Hopefully, blogging about them multiple times will help. I ought to also print up a list of these goals and put that list somewhere where I'll see it. Even putting a small note with "P.H.M." on it somewhere on my computer might do the trick. Referring to this goal on my blog throughout the year might also help. Doing either or both of those things should help me keep my goal.

In addition to remembering to keep my goal, I also need to not beat myself up for slipping up or falling short from time to time. The purpose of these goals is to help me draw closer to God. Beating myself up for not being perfect yet isn't going to accomplish that. Repenting will. So, when I fall out of the habit, as I'm certain I will, I'll dust myself off, recommit to the resolution, and carry on from there. There's no point in getting upset at myself or dwelling on how human I am. I am a child of God. I have the potential to become perfect. It's going to take time, and I'll make plenty of mistakes along the way, but I'll get there so long as I don't get discouraged and give up.

In a few moments, I'm going to begin a new year. This is a great opportunity for me to let go of whatever mistakes I've made in the past and instead focus on creating a better future. I believe that these resolutions I've made will help me do that. In my meditation just now, I pondered what my "best self" looks like, and while I don't have a clear, specific answer to that right now, I know that part of it is having a strong connection to God. Praying to Him daily, singing His praises, and focusing my thoughts on Him and my journey to Him will help me strengthen my connection to Him and help me be a better person. I want to be a better person by the end of 2020, and I believe that, if I keep these resolutions, I will be.

Thanks for Nothing

Today, I sent out a bunch of Thank You notes, thanking my family members for the gifts they got me, but I also received a Thank You note from someone to whom I hadn't given a gift. She thanked me for a gift I had gotten the family and for some service I did, both for the family and for her, but if you were to ask me, I'd say that it was nothing. The service I did for her and the family was nothing special. It's certainly nothing that warranted such a nice Thank You note. I was just helping out. I don't really think much about that sort of thing, but the person who gave me that note evidently felt gratitude for it anyway, and she even made me a note to thank me for it. She thanked me for something that I had thought was nothing.

This makes me want to thank her and others for the "nothings" they do for me and others. I want to thank my family members for the little things they do to help the family, including me, just as I was thanked for the little things I did. These small acts of service may not seem like much - they may be nothing, compared to the larger gifts and acts of service that people give this time of year - but these small acts of service still bless our lives, and those blessings amount to a lot more than "nothing."

So, the next time I thank someone and they tell me "it was nothing," I hope I remember to correct them. It wasn't nothing. Whatever it was, however small it was, it meant something to me. Or, if I'm feeling snarky and the mood is right, I might not fight against their "it was nothing" comment and instead say "well, in that case, thanks for nothing."

Good Goals

Today, I watched a Youtube video about why many New Year's Resolutions become abandoned. People tend to bite off more than they can chew and to leave their goals too vague to actually accomplish. People concern themselves with what they want to accomplish, not what steps they need to take in order to get there. I don't think I fell for that trap with my resolutions, but I could easily do that with my ultimate goal.

Ultimately, I want to become perfect and qualify to live in the highest layer of the Celestial Kingdom, but that is and incredibly lofty goal, and there are countless thousands of smaller steps I need to take in order to reach that lofty goal. If I had set "Become Worthy of the Celestial Kingdom" as my New Year's Resolution, I would certainly fail. It's a hard goal to reach, and I have no plan. Instead, it's recommended to break down lofty goals into tiny, achievable steps. For example, I'm going to try to draw nearer to God through Prayer, Hymns, and Meditation, and I have set specific times to perform specific actions to accomplish that goal. My hope is that being nearer to God will give me greater access to God's guidance, which will help me identify my next steps. The ultimate goal is still the same, but the current goal is a specific and manageable step toward that goal.

When I watched that Youtube video earlier today, I had been hoping for some guidance to help me improve my goal, but it turns out that I actually had the right idea. It's a small goal, but that means I know that I can do it. It won't get me far, but it is a step in the right direction. And it's specific and focused enough that I know exactly what I'm going to do. I have good goals for my New Year's Resolutions. I hope you do, too.

Why Today Felt Like Christmas

Today was great. Today really felt like Christmas, even more than December 25th did. Today, I went to my sister's house. I exchanged gifts with members of my family and watched other family members exchange gifts with each other. We played with our new toys, ate plenty of treats, and played together at the park. Then, at home, we opened a few more gifts, watched a movie, and stayed up late playing a game. We had a lot of fun today, and we did it as a family.

I guess that's what I really love about Christmas: having fun as a family. This is especially true when it means having fun playing with new toys and/or games that we gave each other, but I suppose that isn't necessary. We can have fun together anytime, doing anything. We don't have to be playing with something new. Sure, the new toys and games are exciting, and the fun of the game is enhanced by our gratitude for the game and our gratitude (and/or relief) that the game was well-received, but what's really important is that we share the experience with family.

I think that's why today felt more like Christmas than Christmas did. On Christmas day itself, we didn't do much, and we certainly didn't do much together. Today, a lot more happened. There was much more excitement and many more activities, and most, if not all of those activities were done in groups.

What I've learned from this experience is that I want to play games with my family more often. Often, when we get together, we generally do either of two things: watch a show together or play games by ourselves. One is passive, and the other is solitary. If we want to recapture the fun of Christmas, we will instead need to actively do fun things together. That's what I want to do because today was a fun day. I'd love to have more days like it, and I thankfully don't have to wait until Christmas to do it.

Brainstorming 2020 Resolutions

List of Activities and Practices That Would Help Me Draw Closer to God:

Morning and Evening Prayers - Make communing with God the first and last thing you do each day.

Daily Scripture Study - When? Mornings would be good for now, less so when Christmas break ends. Maybe I could read scriptures on my phone while I'm on the bus? That should work.

Temple Worship - Maintain the practice of going to the Temple with Mom every week (some exceptions allowable eg. illness, urgent service opportunities).

Service - Serving family counts. Is it enough, or should I set a specific goal to do more? What should I count as "service"? Would giving blood count?

Hymns - I'll continue to participate in Choir, but I could use more good music in my life. I should start playing the piano again, so long as it doesn't annoy people.

Meditation - Is that different from prayer? Should it be? I think so. Prayer involves communicating with God, while meditation allows a person to clear their mind. Stilling and centering one's thoughts is different than direction them toward God.

D&D - Play Good characters only. Preferably Fighters, Clerics, and Paladins. That would mean changing Grixis from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Good, but I think I can justify that. He'd still be a Rogue-ish Wizard, though. He's far from being a Paladin, but he can still be a good person. I can relate to that.

Be a Paladin - How? Paladins are Lawful Good knights who use divine magic to fight against evil. I'm doing okay on Good, my Lawfulness could use some work. Divine magic = the Priesthood. I'm not sure how I feel about fighting against evil. I can certainly fight against the evil in myself, sure. But should I try to fight the evil in the world? In what way? I suppose I could speak out against evil, but I would have to carefully choose what evil to speak against. It'd have to be something that I feel strongly about and that is at least somewhat socially acceptable on a left-leaning campus. I suppose I could fight poverty.

I'm over-complicating this. I have several ideas. What specific goals do I want to set? I'll keep doing what I'm already doing, but what do I want to focus on adding? What would help me the most?

Let's focus on Prayer, Hymns, and Meditation. They're similar enough in purpose and in practice that I think I can focus on all three at once. Prayer and Meditation can blend into each other, and Hymns can be used during Meditation. D&C 25:12 says that "the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me," so there's that.

Okay, I have my focus. What, specifically, should I set as goals? We've already established the goal of daily morning and evening prayers. Maybe I should include mid-day, Tevye-esque, "conversational" prayers. Would daily meditation and hymn-singing be too often? My gut says 'no,' but when would I do them? I can sing hymns basically whenever. Maybe I'll incorporate that into my commute. I should also play the piano, maybe when I get home from work? I'll ask Mom if she'd be okay with that. But when should I meditate? When I get home, maybe? It should be at some time when I can be somewhere I can avoid distractions. Pulling that off daily might be asking too much. I might be able to do it at the institute, but it'll be tough to nail down an exact time for it. Guaranteed, I can meditate at least weekly. Maybe that'll suffice if I can't manage daily.

So, here's what I've got so far:
Daily morning and evening prayers
Mid-day, Tevye-esque, "conversational" prayers
Sing hymns while walking from place to place.
Practice Piano most weekdays (Maybe)
Meditate at least weekly, at the Temple, if not daily at Home or at Institute.

I suppose I could make some kind of checklist out of that, and if I wanted to get really serious about these goals, I probably would. Maybe it'll suffice to print this list of goals and keep the list somewhere where I'll see it. The bottom line for today is that I've set these goals. Later, I'll decide how I'll remind myself to keep them.

Morning and Evening Prayers

I know that this has nothing to do with Christmas, but our family just read Alma 37, and I read some good advice in verse 37:

Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

Now, the ideas of counseling with the Lord and having morning and evening prayers are nothing new. We've had that advice basically forever. Yet, I often fail to remember it, so this was a good reminder for me. I especially like the idea of prayer being the first and the last thing I do each day. I'm going to give it a shot and see how long it lasts. Maybe I'll make a resolution of it, for what that's worth.

I want to draw closer to God. This blog is supposed to help me do that, but praying more often would certainly help, too. Maybe I should make a list of things I could do to help me draw closer to God and choose some of them to focus on in 2020. Prayer and scripture study could certainly be on that list. I'll try to think of other things to add to the list tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm going to start by trying to remember to pray more often, at least in the morning and evening. I should pray more frequently; multiple times daily wouldn't be too many, and I really like the idea of beginning and ending every day with prayer.

Good Tidings to All

I just saw (and shared) a picture of a cat-person (I think they're called "Khajiit" in her universe) offering a present to a dragon. The picture had the caption "Good tidings to all... even dragons." This gave me pause for thought (no pun intended), so I looked it up and, sure enough, Luke 2:10 tells us that "the angel said unto them [th shepherds], Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people"[emphasis added]. Everyone is blessed by the birth of Jesus Christ, even the people who don't believe in Him, even those who never heard of Him, even those who actively fought against Him and crucified Him. Everyone.

How is this possible? In what way are literally "all people" blessed by the birth of Jesus Christ? I can think of at least two ways. The first is a bit of a cop-out, and the second will take some explaining. First, the easy one:  Resurrection. Thanks to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, everyone who has ever been born, or even just conceived, will be resurrected with a perfect, fully-functioning, pain-free, immortal body. Everyone who has ever had a body or will ever have a body will ultimately be given the best body they could possibly hope for, and they get to keep them forever. Isn't that cool? I'm looking forward to having a body that never gets tired and is immune to injury and disease.

There's another aspect of the Atonement that offers forgiveness and salvation to everyone who seeks it. Yet, as awesome and essential as that is, it doesn't really help everyone. There are those who don't seek salvation and don't repent, and for those people, it's like that part of the Atonement never happened:

But remember that he that persists in his own carnal nature, and goes on in the ways of sin and rebellion against God, remaineth in his fallen state and the devil hath all power over him. Therefore he is as though there was no redemption made, being an enemy to God; and also is the devil an enemy to God. - Mosiah 16:5

Jesus also performed miracles while He was on the Earth, but those didn't bless everyone, either. Compared to the all-time global population, only a relatively small number of people were personally cured by Jesus, and even if we could those people's friends and families as being positively affected by those miracles, that still only blesses a small percentage of the people who were alive on the Earth at that time, much less across the whole history of the Earth.

Not even Christ's teachings bless everyone in the world. While there are many, many people who are blessed directly by the teachings of Jesus Christ, and even more people are blessed by the actions of those who follow His teachings, I must admit that there are still some people who slip through the cracks. There are those who, by being in the wrong place at the wrong time, have never heard of Jesus Christ and have never interacted with anyone who had. There are some people who are completely unaffected by the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Yet, even those people are blessed by Jesus. The people who were not blessed by the teachings of Jesus Christ are instead blessed by the Atonement of Jesus Christ which covers both those who repent of their sins and those who sin in ignorance and are "without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law" (Moroni 8:22). So, for each person on Earth, either they heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ and were therefore blessed by the life and teachings of Christ, or they didn't hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ and are "without the law," so they're granted mercy and redemption through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

So Jesus birth was good news to everyone in at least two ways. First, His victory over death means that they will be resurrected, and second, they either learned His teachings and/or were redeemed through the power of His Atonement. Through these methods, Christ's birth offers "good tidings" to everyone, even the worst people who ever lived. First, everyone will be resurrected, no exceptions, and second, either they heard the teachings of Jesus Christ and were blessed to have the opportunity to follow those teachings (even if they ultimately threw away that blessing by rejecting that opportunity), or they didn't hear the teachings of Jesus Christ, and their sins were committed in ignorance and are therefore covered by the Atonement. Either they were blessed to have the chance to seek mercy, or they didn't get that chance and will receive mercy anyway. And, either way, they're guaranteed to be resurrected, so at least there's that.

It seems amazing to me that there are two separate ways in which literally everyone who has ever lived or will ever live are blessed by Jesus Christ. So, when the angel said that those "good tidings of great joy" would "be to all people," he really meant it.

The Date on which We Celebrate

According to tradition, December 25th is the day on which we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. However, December 25th is not the day on which Jesus was born. In fact, I have it on good authority that He was actually born on April 6th. On April 6th, 2014, Elder David A. Bednar said in a General Conference talk, "Today is April 6. We know by revelation that today is the actual and accurate date of the Savior’s birth." However, in my own personal opinion, none of that matters. It doesn't really matter whether Jesus was born "In the Bleak Midwinter" or not. That's trivia. What matters isn't when Jesus was born, but why. Similarly, it doesn't matter when we celebrate Christ's birth, but how.

We celebrate Jesus' birth on December 25th, but we could just as well celebrate it on April 6th or June 11th or any other date. It's not important whether we celebrate Christ's birth on His actual birthday or not. What's important is that we celebrate Jesus' life at all and that we do it with the reverence it deserves, regardless of whatever fun festivities may or may not also be happening on whatever day we decide to do it.

Gifts from the Heart

The last verse of In the Bleak Midwinter echoes a sentiment in The Little Drummer Boy and What Shall We Give?, in fact, it starts with much the same question:

What can I give Him, Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd I would bring a lamb,
If I were a wise man I would do my part,
Yet what can I give Him, Give my heart

Gift-giving is a part of Christmas that causes some concern for many people, namely because it can be hard to know what to give people. It seems like other people have it so easy. If a person has a special craft or talent, they can give gifts related to that talent. If a person is rich, they can just buy expensive gifts. Yet, expensive gifts aren't always the best gifts. Gifts of one's talents are better because they represent an investment of personal time and effort. But it seems to me that the best gifts are those that come from the heart.

When it comes to giving gifts to God, that's all we can offer Him anyway. No mortal man will ever accrue as much in the way of resources as God has, so we can't buy God the perfect gift, and the shepherd's lamb wouldn't be that great a gift either, since we're passed the days of offering such sacrifices. Yet, there are other sacrifices God wants us to make, and there are other ways we can give good gifts to God and others.

We can make gifts of our time and talents, but ultimately, what we do for others isn't as important as why we do it. That's why I think that the best gifts are those that serve as expressions of love. That was the original idea, wasn't it? The greatest gift ever given was also the purest expression of love. We should follow that example. Whatever gifts we give to God and each other, I hope they come from the heart.

In the Bleak Midwinter

Until recently, I wasn't familiar with a Christmas carol titled In the Bleak Midwinter. I heard an instrumental version recently and looked up the lyrics. From what I found, the idea of the song seems to be that, Jesus Christ was willing to be born in very humble circumstances, despite His divine nature. He was worthy of heaven, yet He was willing to be born on Earth, "In the Bleak Midwinter." He had been worshiped by angels, yet He was satisfied with the adoration of farm animals. This all reminded me of how humble Jesus was. He knew that most of the world wouldn't recognize Him for who He was, but He only cared about that for their sakes, not for the sake of His ego. He was willing live among mortals, to temporarily give up the paradise of Heaven, all for our sakes. He loved us so much that He was willing to leave Heaven in order to give us a way to return. I'm thankful that He did that. I'm grateful that Jesus Christ was willing to come to Earth, to live among us, to suffer with us, and to die for us. He was the Son of God, yet He was willing to be human for 33 years, for our sakes. That's love.

A No-Stress Christmassy Day

Earlier this month, I said that there was "too much 'Christmas.'" Today, I had just about the right amount. I did some Christmas shopping, wrapped a few gifts, helped two of my siblings work on some homemade gifts, and listened to some Christmas music. I spent most of the day doing Christmassy things, yet it didn't overwhelm me. That was probably because I wasn't stressed about any of it.

I knew exactly what I was getting when I walked into the store and about how much it would cost. I walked in, bought the stuff, and walked out. I got it done early (in the day), so I wasn't under a time crunch. I didn't worry about whether the gift will be well-received because I included the receipt with the gift. If they don't like it, they can return it and buy whatever they want. No stress.

The wrapping wasn't too stressful either. They were simple shapes mostly, and the paper's all going to be torn to shreds anyway. It doesn't matter that some of the tape was applied crookedly. If anyone notices, that would be impressive, and if they say anything about that, I think that says more about them than about me. Did I do a perfect wrapping job? No. Does that matter at all? Also no. No stress.

Helping my siblings with their gifts, I was in my element. I wasn't in charge, I wasn't the idea guy, and it wasn't on me if things started to fall apart. I wasn't responsible for making sure the job got done well. I was just there to help. That's what I'm good at: helping. They asked me to fetch things, find things, clean things, and I did. I was mostly just an extra set of hands, and that's a job I know I can handle. No stress.

And the music was just for fun. It wasn't a huge production. I didn't have to go anywhere. I didn't have to perform, especially not in front of a crowd. I just put on some music and listened. Most of them were classic songs played in unique ways, and I enjoyed both the familiarity and the surprises. The music may have even reduced whatever stress I might have been experiencing. Listening to that music was less than no stress. It was negative stress.

So yeah, today was a great day for me, and almost all of it involved Christmas. About a week ago, I felt overwhelmed because there was "too much 'Christmas,'" and I still stand by what I said then: "I don't have a problem with Christmas itself. I have a problem with the noise that typically comes with Christmas." The problem isn't that there's "too much" Christmas; it's that I'm doing it wrong. I went to a party I didn't want to go to, I worried too much about Christmas presents, and I let something I normally love, music, become an obligation instead of a source of support. I worried too much about the parts of Christmas that don't really matter, and I wasn't thinking enough about the one part of Christmas that really does matter.

Like I said a week ago, "Christmas isn't supposed to be stressful." Thankfully, today wasn't.

Unlucky = Cursed?

I've blogged before about how "Lucky" really means "Blessed" (Thanks to Teresa for the inspiration!). Whatever we think we receive by random good fortune, we actually receive by the grace of God. But tonight I started to wonder: If "Lucky" really means "Blessed," what does "Unlucky" mean? Are unlucky people "Cursed"? Sometimes, though not always.

It's certainly true that people pull down just penalties upon themselves (curses, if you will) and that such karmic justice is sometimes attributed to "bad luck," but I don't think that all instances of bad luck are the result of cosmic justice. After all, Jesus, Job, and many of the early saints didn't deserve the bad fortune they faced. They weren't cursed by God, at least, not for anything they did wrong. Instead, in Job's and the saints' cases, those afflictions were opportunities to prove (and/or develop) their faith and faithfulness and to earn tremendous blessings, and in Jesus' case, most of His suffering was necessary to bring about the most tremendous blessing anyone could receive. So, in a sense, some trials are blessings, or at least opportunities to gain blessings.

Just because a person experiences bad luck, that doesn't mean that they aren't blessed of that God is cursing them for any wrongdoings. It could simply be a trial of their faith, a natural consequence of their own or another's actions, or perhaps even dumb luck. Given God's power and His interest in us, I'm not sure how much I believe in luck, good or bad, but I think I know God well enough to know that not all instances of "bad luck" are indications that anyone is "cursed."

Character Growth

In many stories, daresay most, the protagonist isn't perfect. Most good, complex characters have flaws and strive to overcome them, and they usually succeed by the end of the story. Those who enjoy these stories may be inspired by the growth of the protagonists and may seek to overcome their own flaws and achieve their own character growth. This is good and possible and important, but it's also harder than fiction makes it look.

In stories, characters tend to change quickly, sometimes changing the entire direction of their lives over the course of a two-hour movie. That's partly because movies skip over (or make montages out of) the long periods of time over which change really happens. In fiction, characters can change overnight or over the course of a few days, and that can happen in real life as well, on rare occasions, but most of the time, change is slow enough and gradual enough that we don't even notice it.

So, don't get frustrated if you feel you aren't changing quickly enough. Change takes time, time that most fictional stories don't have. Fictional stories make character growth happen quickly. We usually can't. Instead, we should focus on making slow but steady progress. We grow more like trees than like weeds. Fictional stories tend to complete character growth in hours, but don't hold yourself to that standard. We are eternal beings. Our character growth is a process of eternity.

Cooperation

I love cooperation. I love when people work together. I love when people support one another. I love when people share their successes and even failures with each other. That's part of why I love D&D, the best cooperative game I've ever played. It's also why I love being in a family. My family works together, and that's how we make it work. Cooperation is important and empowering, and it can even be fun! I'm a big fan of cooperation.

On Not Understanding Tools

I both do and do not know how to solve a Rubik's Cube. I know how to turn the sides of a cube to unscramble them. I know which moves to use at which times, but I have very little idea how those moves work. I don't know much about which moves move which pieces in what ways. Thankfully, I don't need to know how it works; I just need to know how to make it work.

Similarly, there's a lot I don't know about certain ordinances, the Priesthood, resurrection, and the Atonement. I'm not sure I understand all the forces at play here or how they interact with each other. Again, thankfully, I don't need to know. I don't need to know why baptism is essential in order to know that baptism is essential and how to perform them. I don't need to know how the resurrection will work out in order to be confident that it will. And I don't need to know how Jesus Christ was able to take my sins upon Himself; I just need to give my sins to Him and try not to make more of them.

This may seem foolish. I'm using powerful tools I don't fully understand. Yet, we all to that every day. We don't all know how computers work, but we know enough about them that we can use them to do great things. So what if I don't know the difference between a CPU and a GPU? I don't need to know how a computer works in order to use it.

So, while it's true that there are several gaping gaps in my Gospel knowledge, I think I know enough. At least, I know enough to let me make good use of the Gospel and its ordinances to bless myself and others, and that's all I really need for now. Of course, I'd love to study the Gospel more and better understand it, just as I would love to learn more about Rubik's Cubes and computers. Such information could help me to use those tools even better. But in the meantime, I understand those tools well enough to know how to use them, and at this stage of my life, that's all I really need.

Learning and Practicing

I've learned a valuable lesson from my Creative Writing class: While one can learn a lot from traditional education, knowing how to do something in theory is a lot easier than being able to do it in practice. Case in point, I can easily dream up fantastic worlds, characters, and stories, but when it comes down to actually putting one of them into words, onto paper, I struggle. Turns out, I'm better at writing essays than writing stories, and the reason for that is practice. I've written countless essays for my various classes, and I write a mini pseudo-essay every night. I have lots of practice writing essays, and I'm good at it. I don't think that's a coincidence. I also don't think it's a coincidence that I'm struggling to write a single decent story, despite all I know about story-writing. Since I don't actually practice writing stories, I'm having some trouble actually writing a story.

Of course, that just means that this assignment is good practice, and it's a sign that I need to practice more. Maybe I should add short-story-writing to my daily routine, especially if I eventually want to be any good at it. I've learned a lot about story-writing, but if I actually want to learn it, I need to put it into practice.

Too Much "Christmas"

The problem with Christmas is that there's too much of it. Too many songs. Too many treats. Too many presents. Too many parties and concerts and other events. Too many distractions from the core purpose of Christmas. Heck there are even too many reminders of the true meaning of Christmas, preaching to the choir for the umpteenth time.

I'm kind of sick of it.

Christmas parties are nice, for the people who like them. Christmas songs are nice, in moderation. Christmas presents are nice gestures, until/unless we stress out about them.

Christmas isn't supposed to be stressful. It isn't supposed to be noisy. It isn't supposed to burn people out or drive people crazy. It's supposed to be peaceful, spiritual, and quiet. I could really go for some peace and quiet.

So, for the rest of the Christmas season, I'm going to try to cut back as much as possible. I'll sing a few Christmas songs, exchange a few gifts, and maybe hang up a few lights, but other than that, I'm going to try to keep everything to a minimum. I want to simplify my Christmas this year. Maybe that'll help me feel the Spirit instead of feeling stress.

I don't have a problem with Christmas itself. I have a problem with the noise that typically comes with Christmas. I want to cut out as much of the noise as possible, leaving only a nice, simple, reverent Christmas. I really hope this works.

Repenting in Prayer and in Deed

The other day, I felt especially bad about something I had done, and I told myself that I should get down on my knees and repent, but then I thought that's not really how repentance works. Repentance means change, and while it's possible to change your mind, or even your heart, over the course of a single prayer, repentance also includes a change of behavior. We don't fully repent while we're on our knees but while we're only our feet, going about our daily lives. We can ask for forgiveness, promise to change, and even declare that we have changed, but that can't be the end of it. Repenting in prayer isn't enough on its own. To completely repent, we also need repent in deed.

On Not Avoiding Missionary Opportunities

On Fridays, Mom and I usually go to the Temple, but I almost decided not to go today and for one of the lamest reasons I can think of. I had to go to work this afternoon, immediately after our Temple trip, and I didn't want to go to work that well-dressed. I was worried that it might raise questions, and that I would then have to answer said questions. To reiterate, I almost decided not to go to the Temple because I was worried that I might have a missionary opportunity afterward.

I'm relieved to say that I ultimately chose to go to the Temple today (unlike last week. I can't remember why I decided not to go last week). I am also ashamed to admit that I'm a bit relieved that the dreaded missionary opportunity never came up. No one commented on the button-up shirt  or the tie I was wearing. Maybe they didn't notice? After all, I was wearing a sweater over them, but still, the white collar and blue tie were perfectly visible over the collar of the sweater. And yet, no one said a word about them, and I didn't say a word about the Temple or Ordinances or anything else that I had been dreading having to explain.

In my defense, I work at a Liberal-leaning college (as redundant as that phrase is), and my workplace in particular may have reason to take offense at my religion in particular, since two of my coworkers (one of whom outranks me) are gay. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is infamous for being anti-gay, regardless of our actual teachings about those who experience homosexuality, and I worry that if I act openly Conservative, let alone openly LDS a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I could lose my job. If a question became a discussion, and the discussion became an argument, and the argument created a "hostile work environment," I could potentially be fired for causing friction between myself and my coworkers. Of course, I could potentially mitigate this risk by emphasizing my "live and let live" attitude, but why take the risk?

Of course, that's no excuse for cowardice. I need to stand on a soap box or anything, but I shouldn't hide my beliefs under a bushel either. I don't need to share my beliefs unbidden, but I shouldn't avoid giving people opportunities to ask me about them. Going to work today, my plan had been to not point out that I was dressed formally (which I didn't) but to tel anyone who asked me about it that I had been to the Temple that morning, and if they then asked me about the Temple, I would do my best to explain. I was going to let them initiate the conversation, and I'm ashamed that I'm glad that they didn't. I should welcome opportunities to share my faith with anyone who asks about it. Instead, I count myself lucky that I went to work in formal attire and didn't have to tell anyone why.

I almost didn't go to the Temple today because I didn't want to have a missionary opportunity, and I'm glad that I didn't have one, because I'm worried that, if and when I have missionary moments at work, they might go badly for me. I hope I get over that fear and have the courage to talk about my beliefs if and when people ask me about them, even at the risk of losing my job. People have sacrificed far more than just their jobs for the sake of the Gospel. I, too, should practice the courage to openly live and share it.

Deciding the Outcome of a War

Every so often, I put off blogging until too late at night, when I'm too tried to be able to think of anything to blog about. I'm too tired to remember if anything blogworthy happened today, and I'm too tired to think of anything blogworthy about anything that happened today. I'm too tired to blog, yet I can't go to bed until I blog about something. Of course, the solution is to blog sooner, probably after having pondered blogworthy thoughts during the day. That may work in the future, but it doesn't help me now. For now, I think I'm going to accept the limitations of my mortal, physical body and try to make a mental note that, in the future, my spirit will have to work extra hard to overcome my body's deficiencies. It's just another way my spirit and my body are at war with one another. I'd say "I hope my spirit wins," but that depends entirely on me. My actions decide which side of me grows stronger. But right now, I think the wisest course of action would be to go to bed.

The Battle is Real

It's sometimes easy to forget that our fight against Satan is real and ongoing. It's so easy to get caught up with what's going on in the physical "real world," that we can end up ignoring or even disbelieving in the spiritual world. We might even forget that Satan and his forces of evil exist because we don't see them directly, which is exactly what he wants. Satan wants us to trust only in our eyes and other physical senses, completely ignoring our spiritual sense, because he wants us to forget that we're at war. And of course he would want us to forget that. There are few better ways to win a war than by convincing the enemy to stop fighting, and we're not likely to keep fighting this war if we forget about it.

It's important to remember that we actually are fighting against the devil and his evil spirits, that all of this is real, and that our souls are at stake. Satan wants to make us forget about this war or think it isn't real. That's why it's so important to remember that it is.

Duty and Goodness

Is doing one's duty a good act? If someone does what they're supposed to do because they're supposed to do it, is that a good thing for them to do?

In terms of D&D, no. It would not be a "Good" act. It would be a "Lawful" act, and I'll try to explain the difference. A Lawful Neutral character (that is, a character who obeys the rules and laws of society, but isn't swayed by Good or Evil) would obey the rules and laws of society, whether the rules are good or evil. If a Lawful Neutral character had a legal duty to evict a starving, elderly widow because she had no money and couldn't pay her rent, he very well might do it. On the other hand, a Neutral Good character (or a character who does good, within the law when possible but outside the law when necessary) might look the other way and let the widow keep her home.

These two examples reveal an important truth: When one has a legal duty to do something evil, it is not good to obey that duty. Therefore, doing one's duty just for the sake of doing one's duty is not necessarily good.

But what if one has a duty to do something good? Would it be considered "good" for them to do it, even if they only did so out of duty? My answer is Yes and No. The answer is Yes, because their duty is to do a good thing, and if they do it, a good thing is done. That is, by definition, good. For example, if a person has a legal duty to feed the hungry, and they do, then the hungry get fed, and that's almost certainly a good thing, at least for the hungry.

Yet, I don't think it would necessarily count as a good act for the purpose of evaluating the duty-doer's soul. I think that goodness is measured mostly by motivation. For instance, if a person tries to do good, but it goes badly, I think they still get points for trying. Meanwhile, on the other hand, if a person's actions are not motivated by a desire to do good, but coincidentally happen to be good, I'm not sure that fully counts as them doing good. If a person tries to hurt someone, but ends up helping them by accident, I don't think we would count that as a Good act.

So, by my estimation, doing one's duty because it is one's duty is, by itself, neither good nor evil. It can have good or evil results, depending on whether one's duty is to do good or evil, but I'm not sure how heavily that bears on a person's soul. In order for an act to be considered Good for the purpose of measuring a soul, it must be motivated by a good desire, and I don't think adherence to duty counts.

So, no, doing one's duty is not, by itself, a good act. Bummer. I guess I'll have to earn my brownie points by actually going beyond doing my duty to intentionally do good. At the very least, I'll have to do my duty, not just with the intent to do my duty, but also with the intent to do good.

"Merciful, Nonjudgmental, and Kind"

Of course this applies to those suffering from mental illness, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if mental illness was the context in which this quote was given, but I wonder if this quote also applies who suffer from a far worse mental condition: being wrong.

I don't mean being mistaken about some minor, inconsequential thing, like whether or not pineapple goes  on pizza or what the best or worst Star Wars movie is. I mean being dangerously, politically wrong about a matter of critical moral importance.

For example, let's say, (totally not) hypothetically, that there was a group of people who actively promoted and celebrated the murder of children. Would God still want us to be "merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind" to them?

I suppose the answer to that question depends on what, exactly, we mean by those terms. Of course, we should be merciful in that we should extend forgiveness and not seek vengeance for past sins, but we should also do what we can to prevent future sins against the innocent. We should be nonjudgmental in that we shouldn't judge them to be bad people, but we should also justly judge and correctly identify bad behavior. And while we should be kind enough to gently teach them the error of their ways, would it truly be kind to allow them to go on in those errors, knowing that they are (perhaps unwittingly) doing the work of the devil and condemning themselves to hell? I mean, it's their choice, right?

I think Aristotle had it right. Almost any virtue, if taken to too great an extreme, can become a vice. It may be possible to be too merciful, it's certainly possible to be too nonjudgmental, and it is downright easy to be too kind. Yet, those virtues are still generally virtues, and while it's possible to go too far with them, it is also possible to make the opposite error. It is easy to be too unmerciful, too judgmental, and too unkind. We should be careful to avoid both extremes.

What does that mean for those who promote child murder? I'm not sure, except that we should probably try to prevent our response from being "extreme," even in the fact of such an extreme example. Perhaps we should be mostly merciful, not terribly judgmental, and at least somewhat kind. That's probably not what Elder Holland intended, but I'm taking his quote out of context anyway, so I'm already in for a penny. I think it's generally better to have more of any given virtue than less of it, but even with virtues such as these, I think it's possible to take them too far.

Two Paths to the Same Place

One of the Youtube videos I watched today was from one of the more scientifically-oriented channels I follow, and they provided further evidence for something that I had always suspected. The video is titled "An Antidote for Dissatisfaction," and the proposed antidote is Gratitude. The video suggests that the more we exercise gratitude for what we have, the happier and more satisfied we'll be. But that isn't what I suspected. I already knew that from listening to the Prophets and Apostles. What I suspected was that, once scientific knowledge caught up with religious knowledge (and/or vice versa), the two sources of knowledge would reinforce each other. Truth is truth, and if any path to knowledge ultimately leads to truth, they're both going to lead to the same conclusions, even if they take different routes to get there.

That's why I'm not outright dismissive of Creationism or the Theory of Evolution. They seem to contradict each other, but that doesn't mean that one is right and the other is wrong. Maybe there's a piece of the puzzle we're missing that ties the two together. Maybe God created all species via evolution. I'm not sure exactly what the answer is, but some day I will be because at that time, both science and religion will be giving me the same answer. Now, I don't know whether science will find out that God created the animals or whether God will reveal that evolution was a key tool of creation, or whether science and religion will both give us some other answer entirely, but I believe that there will be a time when the truth is supported by both of these sources of it.

Science caught on that gratitude is a key to satisfaction, and one day, God will teach us the same Laws of Physics that science has already begun unraveling. As long as both of these sources are pointing us toward truth, we shouldn't be surprised to find that both of these paths lead us to the same places.

Knowing One's Own Weakness

I suppose that there's value in knowing one's own weaknesses and limitations. For example, I know that I get frustrated sometimes, especially when I'm tired. This information is useful to me because it tells me that I need to be extra careful how I interact with people at night. Knowing about this weakness allows me to watch out for it so it doesn't get the better of me as often.

Still, it'd be better not to have the weakness, but knowing about the weakness helps with that, too. Knowing what the problem is is a step toward determining the cause(s) and finding a solution. In this case, I can try to avoid people at night, perhaps by going to be earlier, so I don't have an opportunity to get testy with them. I could also make a habit of applying deep breathing exercises at night, especially when interaction with others is unavoidable. If I develop the right countermeasures and apply them consistently enough, I can practically eliminate this weakness, but I need to acknowledge and understand this problem so I can find the right solutions.

Of course, I'd rather not have this problem, but as long as I have this problem, it's good for me to know about it.

Using Talents to Bless Others

I just watched a documentary about RSVP, Reconciliation Singers Voices of Peace, a music group that dedicates much, if not most, of the proceeds from their CD sales to charity. I've attended their (Free!) concerts on a handful of occasions, and I can personally recommend them as excellent musicians. (Link to their Facebook page, in case you're interested.) But their talent isn't why I'm blogging about them. I'm blogging about them because they use their talents to help others.

All people have talents, some of which more immediately and obviously beneficial than others. For instance, those with medical talents have a fairly clear and direct way to bless others. Those who can knit, crochet, sew, or quilt can make warm clothing and blankets for those that need them. Those who can build and/or repair houses can also donate their time in directly helpful ways. However, many other talents, like singing, are most beneficial to others when one also applies the talent of creative thinking. Singing for someone may help them in some ways, and that can certainly be comforting and uplifting, but for a singer's help to go beyond that, the singer would need to get creative with how they use their talent to bless others.

For those of us without obviously, directly beneficial talents, we need to find creative ways to use our talents to bless others. Perhaps, to make things a little easier for ourselves, we can follow RSVP's example and use our talents to raise awareness and to raise money for good causes. For another example, there's a Youtuber I follow named Timothy Hickson, who runs a channel titled Hello Future Me. His talents lie in analyzing fictional stories, characters, and worlds, mostly to entertain others, but at the moment, he is using his Youtube channel to raise money for Crisis Textline, which provides support for people who suffer from depression and mental illness. At the time I'm writing this, he has raised $10,280. By the time you read this, that number is almost certain to be even higher, and it's all going to a good cause.

Perhaps we can do something similar. Those of us who can craft can sell craft goods for charity. Those of us who can bake can sell baked goods for charity. I use my moderate writing talent to help my fellow college students with their writing skills and assignments so they can get through college and hopefully land decent careers. Perhaps there's more I can do.

We all have talents, and many of those talents can be used to help others. We just might need to get creative with our talents and/or monetize them so we can raise money for charity. There's always some way we can help. RSVP uses their singing talents to raise money and awareness for good causes, and Timothy Hickson is, at this very moment, using his Youtube channel for good as well. If talents like singing and literary analysis can be used to bless others, I'm sure our talents can as well.

No Shame in Weakness

Today, I talked with someone about how, sometimes, people let their pride stop them from seeking help and what a tragic waste that is. All of us need help from time to time. After all, we're only human. There is no shame in having weakness. However, there is a certain strength in having the wisdom to seek help. Those who seek help often get it, and that help gives them an advantage. Everyone has weakness, but only those with enough courage to acknowledge their weakness can get the help they need to make up for it. So, acknowledging a weakness is not, itself, a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength. There is no shame in having a weakness, but it takes a certain kind of strength to acknowledge that weakness.

Daily Repentance

I sometimes forget that repentance isn't just for major sins; it's also for minor shortcomings and everything in between. As such, it makes sense to repent, not just whenever we do something seriously wrong, but whenever we do anything wrong, or even just fall short of perfection. After all, perfection is our ultimate goal. So I think it would make sense to take a moment in our daily, evening prayers to ask for forgiveness for anything we've done wrong over the course of the day and then to wake up each morning with the resolve to try to do better. Since we fall short of perfection every day, I think it makes perfect sense to repent every day as well.

Time is (Somehow Surprisingly) Short

The end of the semester has snuck up on me. We came back from Thanksgiving break, and suddenly, there are only two weeks left in the semester, more like a week and a half at this point, including only one weekend in which to write the final papers for my classes. Thankfully, they don't seem to be huge or terribly complex assignments, but I thought I would have more time to work on them.

Of course, life is like that sometimes. We don't always see what's up ahead of us, even when it should be fairly clear. I knew that the semester only lasted until mid-December, and I knew that Thanksgiving break went right up to the end of November. I knew for half of the semester that I had these assignments coming up some time in the future, but I didn't pay much attention to that. I didn't look far enough ahead in my calendar. Now the end of the semester is only a week and a half away, and I'm not entirely prepared for that.

I hope I'm better prepared for the Second Coming or for my own death, when that time comes. I know it's coming, and I have a vague idea that one or the other will happen within my lifetime. I have a handful of decades, tops, before I need to be ready for Judgment. Will I be ready? Or will I procrastinate indefinitely, continually thinking that "some time in the future" will always be "some time in the future"?

The semester is almost over. "Some time in the future" is happening now. Very soon, I will have to turn my papers in, and when I do, I'll have wished I had spent more time on them. As long there's nothing more than my grades at stake, that's not a terribly huge deal, but when my immortal soul is at stake, I hope I will feel that I had spent an adequate amount of time preparing for that.

Self Love

In my literature class, we just read a short story about a princess who couldn't decide which suitor to marry and ended up falling in love with a collection of junk items that seemed to be enchanted to resemble a reflection of herself. The Royal Advisor who assembled this seemingly supernatural contraption took the princess's attraction to it as a sign that the princess would only ever love herself, calling her selfish and spoiled. However, in our discussion of this story, some of us wondered whether it actually is wrong for a person to love themselves, or whether a certain amount of self love could actually be healthy.

My answer to this question is that it certainly is okay for a person to love themselves. In fact, we may even be commanded to. Jesus said "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself," and "Love one another." If we are supposed to love others and if we're supposed to love others as much as we love ourselves, that means that we are supposed to love ourselves. However, it is possible for self love to go too far. If our self love turns into self absorption or self obsession, then we have arguably gone too far.

As to whether the princess went too far, I think that, by the end of the story, she had. Even knowing that her lover was a pile of junk, she fawned over that junk until it nearly killed her and almost certainly drove her at least temporarily insane. Naturally, we don't need to take our self love that far. We can leave it as loving ourselves to the same extent that we love our best friends. It is good and healthy, mentally and spiritually, to love ourselves as much as we love others, no more, no less.

Joy Despite Afflictions

This week's Come, Follow Me lesson focused a lot on how we can experience joy, despite our afflictions, and that works well enough for those of us who don't suffer much, but I wonder how a message like that might sound to someone who suffers much more than I do.

They say that happiness is affected more by our attitude than our circumstances, but our circumstances aren't all that bad, especially compared to others'. I suppose I should only speak for myself, but I've got a pretty decent life. I'm not rich, but I don't suffer from poverty either. I never worry about not having enough food to eat. I never worry that my utilities might get shut off. And when a problem arises that I can't solve on my own, I'm confident that I hire someone to solve it for me, assuming I don't already know someone who'd be willing to help me for free. All told, I live in fairly terrific circumstances. Sure, I can experience joy and happiness despite my circumstances not being completely perfect, but what about those who are far worse off than I am? What about those who experience true poverty and affliction? What about those who experience constant pain and/or fear for their lives? There are countless people, in this country and many others, whose situation is far less agreeable than mine is. Can they find joy and happiness, too?

Perhaps, if they consider the eternal perspective. Life is short (on the eternal timescale), and those who faithfully endure afflictions they didn't deserve will receive great blessings in the afterlife. If one believes that, perhaps they can bear their afflictions with enough patience that it's possible for them to see the silver lining to their suffering and perhaps even experience some joy.

It's easy for me, a person who doesn't suffer much, to say that attitude is everything, and there are some people who, historically, experienced joy, even in the face of terrible suffering, but I think that experiencing such joy in the face of such suffering takes more than just a positive attitude. I think it also takes a certain amount of belief in the fact that, in the end, everything that is unfair about life will be made fair through the power of the Atonement. Those who experienced unearned suffering will be compensatarily blessed, and those who caused unearned suffering will receive their just desserts. If one believes that God is ultimately kind and fair, perhaps one can experience joy, even in mortality, despite the fact that mortal life usually isn't kind or fair.