For the Gospel Essentials class, which I attend on Sundays during the second hour of church, we take turns teaching the lessons in class. Every once in a while, the leader comes out with a list of who's teaching when. My turn is up next, and the lesson we're on is Eternal Marriage. I don't know if that was just the luck of the draw, or if the person who picks exactly who teaches when thought he was being funny, but I'm one of the last people I would have chosen to teach Eternal Marriage in Gospel Essentials class.
I'm not married, and I have no plans to start seeking to become married any time soon. My parents aren't married, and most of my family is happier for that fact. To me, Eternal Marriage is a good ideal, and if it works for people to have a happy marriage in this life, good for them, but there are hundreds of billions of good, saintly people who have died while not married for time and all eternity, and I bet God has a half-decent plan for their Eternal Happiness. So if the person in charge of the Gospel Essentials class pulled a few strings to give me this teaching assignment, hoping that I'll realize how essential Eternal Marriage is and think "I'd better get working on that right away," he's going to be disappointed. I am a huge fan of God's "Plan B"s, so forgive me if I'd rather not bend over backwards stressing about how I'm not living up to "Plan A." I agree that we should all be striving for "Plan A," and I assure you (not that it's any of anybody's business) that I am. But Eternal Marriage is not the next item on the checklist for me, and if I don't get around to it by the time I kick the bucket, I'll just have to wait 'till things get sorted out in the Millennium. I shouldn't have too long to wait. We've been in the "Last Days" since the 1800's. The Millenium couldn't be too many more centuries away.
I think I should stop being sarcastic now. It's not healthy.
But honestly, Eternal Marriage isn't something I'm working on, or even know all that much about. I think Mom and most of my siblings will agree that Mom's and Dad's marriage was less than ideal, and it might be better if it didn't persist through the eternities. And like I said a moment ago, I'm sure that God has a killer "Plan B." Yeah, Eternal Marriage is essential to exaltation, but I'm sure that whoever gets to that point in their spiritual development will find or have found some worthy person with whom they can tie the knot. I know that God won't lock the doors to the Celestial Kingdom on anyone just because they didn't get hitched when they should have. Even if it's a major sin to not get married, I've heard of this thing called "Repentance."
Then again, taking from that perspective, not getting married now because I figure I can get married later (or not keeping a commandment now because I figure I can repent later) sounds like a REALLY bad idea. So, does God want me to get married in the temple? Yes. Does He want me to get married now? Well, define "now." He probably wants me to get married before I die (or at least try to), but here's the kicker - I have no way of knowing how much, or little, time I have left until I hit that deadline. To stay on the cautious side, I may want to get married ASAP, but despite the foolishness of procrastination, it may be equally foolish to rush in before I'm ready. Certainly I should get a stable job first, which is a large part of the reason I'm not shopping for engagement rings now.
But there's another reason I'm not anxious to get a temple marriage any time soon: Eternal Marriages only matter in the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom (if I'm interpreting the scriptures correctly). Do I honestly think that I'm going to end up there? Am I bold enough to say that if I were to die right now, I'd be perfectly welcome into the paradise of God, and would feel comfortable there, like I had earned the right to be there? Honestly, I can't. Even given what I know about repentance, and "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" (Isaiah 1:18), I still can't imagine that I'd feel that I deserved to be there. I'm working on my Eternal Progression, of course, but given where I am and how far I still have to go, perfection does not seem like a realistic goal. And, yes, I know that God has a plan, and He knows stuff about His plan that we don't know. It could be that He's more lenient than some scriptures suggest He is, or that I'm better qualified for Eternal Glory than I currently think I am. I admit that my thinking is flawed. It could be that I'm going to end up in the highest level of heaven. I doubt it, but it's possible.
But I'm not the only one who has to take that bet. To get married in the temple, I'd need to find someone who's willing to take that bet with me. And if someone is willing to marry me, that's probably because they just don't know me very well. There are skeletons in my closet that would make any good person think twice about jumping the broom with me. Even if I built up the courage to tell them everything there is to know about me, even if they still had enough courage to stay, and even if I could take them to the temple, which I'm not always sure I'm worthy to do, could I walk with them to the highest layer of heaven, or would my sins hold me back? Anyone I marry would probably have to go on without me, and find someone more worthy to marry when they get there. Even if they're okay with taking that risk, there'd be some emotional pain involved, and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone I love enough to marry. It'd probably be safer to wait and see if I ever qualify, then find out who's still unattached when I get there. Unless I make a significant amount of progress, both spiritually and economically, while I'm still breathing, getting married later is my "Plan A." It's not a great plan, but at least it doesn't involve a significant emotional risk. I'm trying to get to heaven. I honestly am. And I understand that miracles do happen, but I can't promise that one will, and I don't want anyone to bet their happiness on my success. It seems all too likely that I'll just let them down.
So... yeah, I'm teaching about Eternal Marriage on Sunday. I'm not sure what I'm going to say. I'm definitely not going to say all of this! But I'll think of something. Probably something simple, like "God wants us to be happy. Good marriages can bring happiness. Through God's plan, that happiness can last forever." Something sappy like that. I'll probably throw in a paragraph about God's "Plan B"s and temple ordinances, including marriage, being performed for the dead, and everything getting sorted out during the Millenium, in case we don't get everything sorted out by then. Other than that, I'll just follow the manual.
1 comment:
Study and pray.
Faithful individuals who do not have the opportunity for Celestial Marriage in this life will have the opportunity later. People who have died on their missions or in wars or as children - do you think God would shut the door on them??! Others who have lived worthy and looked for a mate, but not found one - maybe their chosen companion was one of the above. But, if we live selfish lives and choose not to marry, I am not so sure.
Better not to marry than to marry badly. It takes more than going through the temple to make a Celestial Marriage. While I believe that any two people randomly put together who were truly striving to be righteous can have a happy, celestial marriage, I somehow think you can take it up a notch or two by uniting righteous, KINDRED spirits. Choose carefully, live righteously.
About you - I think you are a better person than you give yourself credit for. We don't have to be perfect TODAY, we need to be WORKING on it. Admittedly most of us should be working more diligently than we are, but if you are facing forward and trudging along trying to take more steps forward than sliding back, that counts.
Although you may not be ready to get married now, you can be working now towards eternal marriage, which includes developing spiritually, preparing to support a family - education and job!, improving family relationship skills, learning and practicing things like home maintenance, gardening, repairs - taking care of things etc. etc. Working on your Paladin skills, man skills, relationship skills, etc are part of preparing for eternal marriage.
For me - It sometimes bothers me that I am "happily divorced" and I wonder where I stand. I had my chance and I/we blew it. I know that for me, honestly, if I was on the celestial track (which I was less so while in an unhappy marriage) the idea of living with that person forever was not a "heavenly" possibility. It was more repugnant that the idea of not making it to the top. (which is in question, anyway) Except that I might lose the privilege of being your mother. I don't know how that works. I trust that we could at least still be friends. Perhaps I can still have the opportunity for celestial marriage (although for many reasons it is hard to see happening in this life), or maybe I will be lucky if I can make ministering angel. I don't know. But God does and I trust His wisdom and His love. If I TRY to live His will it will be ok.
God is good at plan B, but we should try as hard as we can to live plan A.
I believe in Celestial Marriage and I believe that there is little that can be more beautiful or give more joy than true love. I love to see couples who have lovingly grown old together and are sweethearts. That is the earth goal. They will be young and beautiful again and still very much in love and can be sealed forever. Awesome! I rejoice for them and in them.
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