Why I Don't Want Time Travel

I recently watched a video about a game called "5D Chess with Multiverse Time Travel," which is almost exactly what it says on the box. It's chess, except that the pieces can move back in time to create branching timelines. Checkmate any opposing king in any timeline, and you win, but bear in mind that the king might travel back in time to escape what might otherwise have been a checkmate, or the king that you put in check in the past may receive reinforcements from the future. It's insane. But what's interesting is that, according to the video essayist, there's a consensus in the 5D chess community that using time travel just isn't worth it. Creating a new timeline somehow helps the opponent more than it helps you. The essayist speculates that there may be a deeper meaning to be gleaned from the strategic unviability of time travel in 5D Chess:

Perhaps the game's true purpose is to teach us that time travel wouldn't actually fix our problems after all, that it only ever makes them more complicated, and that the best option is to fix them now, in the present, without dwelling on the impossible fantasy of rewriting your own past.

I have a few mistakes in my past that I'd like to rewrite, but doing so would change my life in unpredictable and possibly undesirable ways. I am the person that I am partly because of the mistakes I've made and the lessons I've learned from them. I'd definitely be tempted to rewrite the past if I could, but I have no idea what that would mean for my new future, so I'm probably better off leaving my past as is.

Yet, that doesn't mean that I can't learn from the past. I can take my past as is, mistakes and all, and build myself a better future. I can use my past mistakes to learn to make better choices in the present, which will lead me to a better future. I can't change my past, but I can determine my future.

There are some aspects of my past that I'd like to change. Doubtless, you do, too. But even if we could change our pasts, we have no idea how our lives would turn out differently if we did. Perhaps it's best to leave the past as it is and to work toward a better future. I've made bad decisions, but I'd like to think I'm learning from them. If my past mistakes ultimately help me become a better person than I would have been without them, then I hope I would be wise enough not to change them, even if I could.

Love and Loss

In our scripture reading tonight, we read D&C 42:45, which speaks of love and loss: "Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die, and more especially for those that have not hope of a glorious resurrection."

It's normal to mourn for those we lose, just as it's normal to miss those that move to another city or state. We want to spend time with them, but we can't, at least not for a while. Even if we know that they've gone to a place where they're happier, the separation can still be painful, even if it's temporary. I'm glad for our knowledge of the afterlife and resurrection and for the comfort that that knowledge brings, but I still expect to feel pain when I'm separated from those I love. I'll miss them. And it's okay to miss them. I'm just glad that I won't have to keep missing them forever.

Our Advocate With The Father

Tonight, in our Family Scripture study, one of the scriptures we read reminded us that Jesus described Himself as our advocate with the Father (D&C 110:4). I don't know exactly what our Final Judgement will look like. I don't know who all will be demanding justice. I don't know whether we'll plead on our own behalf or whether we'll be our own harshest critics. But I do know that we'll have at least one person in our corner, and He's the same person who made it possible for us to escape the grasps of sin and justice.

Jesus Christ paid for our sins, and He would very much like those sins to be forgiven. He made an immeasurable sacrifice for us, and He doesn't want that sacrifice to have been in vain. He opened the gates of heaven for us, and He wants us to go through them. No matter what we've done, He wants us to repent, forsake the sins He paid for, and become clean and acceptable before God, having reached Final Judgement with a miraculously spotless record.

I'm thankful that, no matter how badly we think of ourselves, there's always at least one person who's pulling for us and advocating for us. I'm thankful for my Savior. I'm thankful for His Sacrifice, for His forgiveness, and for His support. Without Him, I could never reach the gates of heaven. And heck, if not for His advocacy, I doubt I would dare to pass through those gates. I am not my strongest advocate. Thankfully, Jesus Christ is.

Ask Why It Was Sent

Tonight, my family watched DreamWorks' Prince of Egypt, and while there are at least half a dozen blogworthy songs and scenes in that movie, a line sung by the queen of Egypt stood out to me tonight. She, believing in ancient Egypt's brand of polytheism, sang: "When the gods send you a blessing, You don't ask why it was sent." But, in many cases, it kinda makes sense to.

God gives us blessings, not only for our own benefit, but also so that we can use those blessings to help others. The rich should help the poor. The strong should bolster the weak. The educated should teach the uneducated. Anyone who has any blessing should use that blessing to help those who don't have it. Moses was given the blessing of freedom, and it was his responsibility to use his freedom to free others.

We should consider the blessings in our lives and then ask God what He wants us to do with them. Personally, one example is that I have some skill for writing (or so say the teachers who have given me good grades), and one thing that God wants me to do with that blessing is to blog, to share faith-inspiring or at least vaguely-spiritual messages with the apparently dozen-ish people who read this blog, including myself. Naturally, I have other blessings, and there are other ways God wants me use them. Doubtless, the same is true with you. If you're feeling daring and think you can handle having one or two more things on your plate, you might consider one of the blessings God has given you and, with real intent, ask why it was sent.

Salvation Is Partly Up To Us

Tonight, for Family Scripture study, we read about how Jesus Christ saves mankind from the Fall, yet, it's important to note that that's partly up to us.

The Fall of Adam and Eve has two parts: Physical and Spiritual. Physically, the Fall means that mankind became mortal. With very few exceptions, every human being will eventually die, if they haven't already. However, every human being will also be resurrected (or at least transformed or translated or whatever), if they haven't already. Resurrection is a free gift from Jesus Christ, made possible when He Himself broke the bands of death and became "the first fruits of them that slept." That part's taken care of.

The part that's up to us is the Spiritual aspect of the Fall. Spiritually, the Fall means that we are separated from God, and that separation grows or shrinks based on our wickedness or righteousness. As we make bad choices, we drift farther away from God, spiritually, but as we repent and make good choices, we draw closer enough. Ultimately, if we are righteous enough and repent enough, we can finally return to live with God again. However, this is almost entirely up to us. We can get some help from God and Jesus, but we also get some hindrance and temptation from the devil. In the end, it's up to us what we do and where we end up. It's possible for us to be saved from the spiritual aspect of the Fall, but it's entirely up to us.

So, to say that Christ saves mankind from the Fall is mostly true. He saves us from the Physical Fall, and He makes it possible for us to be saved from the Spiritual Fall, but it's ultimately up to each of us to determine whether we'll be Spiritually saved or not. Not all people will choose to be saved, so even though Jesus made it possible for them to be saved, He won't necessarily save them. We are already guaranteed to be saved from the Physical Fall, and we can also be saved from the Spiritual Fall, but that part it mostly up to us.

Perseverance and Patience

This morning, I had a small problem - tiny, really. I had just gotten a new phone, and, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to make the notifications from one of my apps visible, but not audible. The setting to do that seemed not to exist. Either the notification would make an annoying chime, or there would be no notification at all. I'm ashamed to say that I was frustrated by this. It was a minor problem, yet it seemed that there must be a simple solution, and yet, I couldn't find one.

Thankfully, I finally found a way to make the phone do what I wanted, but not until after I had wasted my whole morning on it, frustrated, and with a bad mood. This was not a good way to spend my morning, or rather, it was not a good state to spend my morning in. The task was somewhat worthwhile, and I persevered in accomplishing that task. Yet, I wasn't patient.

The Guide to the Scriptures defines Patience as "Calm endurance; the ability to endure affliction, insult, or injury without complaint or retaliation." I met only half of that definition. I endured, but not calmly. I suffered an "affliction," albeit an incredibly minor one, but I complained about it to everyone in earshot. I persevered (mostly out of stubbornness), but not patiently.

I should work on being more patient. I should work on remaining calm, regardless of circumstances. I should learn to complain less and to retaliate never. I trust that I will face greater afflictions, insults, and injuries than the one I suffered this morning. I hope I will endure those more patiently then how I endured this one.

Change

Change is a tricky thing. Some changes are for the better, and some changes are for the worse, and sometimes, it's hard to tell which way a change will turn out until after the change is made. Yet, for all the variability and uncertainties of change, I can think of a handful of constants about it. Change always requires some adjustment, some "getting used to." And change is always an opportunity to grow, at least in wisdom. We can learn from every change we make and from every change life throws our way.

I'm not a huge fan of change. I'm not fond of the adjustment period, and I've experienced enough negative changes to not be too optimistic about any given change. But, love it or hate it, change is inevitable. We cannot always escape change, and we can't put it off forever. Perhaps, then, I ought to change my opinion about change. Since change is inevitable anyway, I might as well look forward to learning and growing from them, as well as to the possibility that any given change could be a change for the better.

Change is a tricky thing, and I don't typically like it, but, considering the inevitability and the potential upsides of change, I might do well to change my attitude about change.

Is God Omnipotent?

Here's a hot take: I don't think God is Omnipotent. I think that there are certain things that God cannot do. I think that the scriptures that say that God has "All Power" are either exaggerating or speaking in specific contexts. God, of course, has a tremendous amount of power, especially over His own domains, and that power if functionally unlimited, as far as we need to be concerned most of the time. 

Yet, I believe that there are laws of justice that even God Himself has to obey. Even God cannot break the laws of justice and escape the consequences. Alma 42:25 "What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God."

Granted, I think God can break the laws of justice. He has the power to do so, as do we. He just can't escape the consequences of doing so any more than we can.

There are laws that govern the universe, laws that existed before God was formed, and even God has to obey those laws or suffer the consequences. So, no, I don't consider God Omnipotent. There are some things that even God cannot do, because even God can't break the rules and get away with it.

"Everlasting Fire"

D&C 29:26 But, behold, verily I say unto you, before the earth shall pass away, Michael, mine archangel, shall sound his trump, and then shall all the dead awake, for their graves shall be opened, and they shall come forth—yea, even all.

27 And the righteous shall be gathered on my bright hand unto eternal life; and the wicked on my left hand will I be ashamed to own before the Father; 

28 Wherefore I will say unto them—Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.

So, this kind of confuses me. As far as I know, the "everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels" is Outer Darkness, yet I thought most of the wicked would go to the Telestial Kingdom:

D&C 76:81 And again, we saw the glory of the telestial, which glory is that of the lesser, even as the glory of the stars differs from that of the glory of the moon in the firmament. 

82 These are they who received not the gospel of Christ, neither the testimony of Jesus. 

83 These are they who deny not the Holy Spirit. 

84 These are they who are thrust down to hell.

But as I was looking up these scriptures, I saw a verse that might explain this:

D&C 76:85 These are they who shall not be redeemed from the devil until the last resurrection, until the Lord, even Christ the Lamb, shall have finished his work.

So, while the wicked will ultimately end up in the Telestial Kingdom, it seems like they'll spend some time with the devil first. I don't know whether that'll happen in Spirit Prison or in Outer Darkness, but either way, it's only temporary. They will be "thrust down to hell" and cast out "into everlasting fire," but then they shall be "redeemed from the devil [at] the last resurrection."

That comforts me a bit, not for my own sake (personally, I'm aiming for Terrestrial or better), but for the sake of the rest of mankind. I don't want anyone to suffer, and I certainly don't want them to suffer forever. I'm glad to know that, despite God's threats, only a handful of people are going to suffer for eternity. Almost everyone, even the most wicked of us, will still end up in a Kingdom of Glory. I think that's merciful, and I'm glad God shows that much mercy, even to the wicked.

An Unimaginable Amount of Love

Sometimes, it's hard to imagine how much God must love me. I feel like God must not love me, given how difficult I am with Him and how distant He feels from me. But there are people in my life who love me more than I can understand, and if God loves me more than that... that's difficult to imagine. I thank God that He loves me with an unimaginable amount of love. For as little as I feel the love that others have for me, I feel like I could use all the love that I can get.

Forgiving Myself

I know it's a bit early, but...

D&C 64:10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

Including ourselves. What this means for me, personally, is that I need to forgive myself for all the mistakes and dumb decisions I make and to stop beating myself up over them. It's not healthy for me to hate myself for being human, and it's not realistic for me to expect to be perfect right now. Of course, I should always strive to be good and to improve myself, but I'm always going to fall short of perfection, and I should stop blaming myself for that. I'm only human, and so long as I'm human, I should show myself the same human kindness that I would show anyone else. Humans aren't perfect. Humans make mistakes. So long as I am human, I will repeatedly, understandably, make mistakes. I really ought to forgive myself for that.

The Light of Christ is for Everyone

I was poking around in The Guide to the Scriptures, and I came across the article about The Light of Christ, and reading it was a nice reminder that the Light of Christ has a place in everyone. "It is an influence for good in the lives of all people." It kind of reminds me that God is looking out for everyone, and that He's helping everyone, even those who aren't members of His church, even those who have done wrong.

I'm glad that God, through the Light of Christ, is helping everyone. That gives me hope that, despite everything, He's still helping me.

Two Tips for Superior Scripture Study

In his talk entitled Be Strong in the Lord, Elder M. Russell Ballard gave some good advice regarding scripture study. Of particular note, he advised us to study "for a set amount of time rather than to just read a chapter or a certain number of pages" and to study "topically as well as chronologically." Essentially, he advised us to spend time in the scriptures, following our own inspiration to determine where and what to study next, and not just to plow through the scriptures, one chapter after another, reading from one end of the book to the other. If we study what interests us and what we are inspired to study, we're more likely to find messages that will sink in, that will be directly pertinent to us, and that will be remembered and applied. I plan to follow this advice in my personal scripture study (insomuch as I remember to study the scriptures at all). Hopefully, it'll help me have a more personal experience with the scriptures, and it'll help me find messages that apply to me and that I can apply in my life.

By studying as directed by the Spirit and my own questions, and by studying for a period of time rather than reading a set amount of pages or chapters, I hope to make my personal scripture study a bit more personal.

Links and Chinks

In a talk given by M. Russell Ballard, titled Be Strong in the Lord, Elder Ballad spoke of the Armor of God being less like Plate armor, with few, large pieces of metal covering large portions of the body; and more like Chain mail armor, with countless interconnected metal rings. Each ring can represent an act, good or evil, that either strengthens the armor or weakens it. Good acts are sturdy rings, creating strong links to the other rings, and ultimately forming strong Chain mail armor. Evil acts are flimsy rings, loosely connected to one or two other rings, perhaps not even a solid loop. Such rings leave us with weak points in our armor, "chinks" which the adversary can exploit to attack us.

It's worth noting that each individual ring is tiny. Elder Ballard said that "it has been my experience that there is not one great and grand thing we can do to arm ourselves spiritually. True spiritual power lies in numerous smaller acts woven together," or in this case, linked together to form strong chain mail armor. The greatness of our deeds is largely inconsequential. Rather, what is more important is the total number of good deeds and our consistency in performing good deeds rather than evil ones.

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Similarly, chain mail armor is weakened by having weak links in it. We should try to be aware of the weak rings in our armor and the chinks that they create, and try to replace those weak links with stronger ones. This, ultimately, means changing our behavior and habits, so that we do fewer evil acts and more good ones. The more good acts we do, the more strong rings we add to our chain mail, and the stronger our armor becomes.

Let us do more good acts and fewer evil ones, however grand or small those acts may be, so our armor can have stronger links and fewer chinks.

Only Personal

Tonight, during our Family Scripture study, we read stories that reminded us that personal revelation is just that: Personal. We can get answers from the Holy Ghost, independent from the church, but those answers can only apply to us and those within our stewardship, not for others. Outside of church leadership and other authoritative roles, we can each only get revelation for ourselves. A lack of understanding of this principle lead to some confusion in the early church, but it doesn't need to confuse us anymore. We know how the church is organised. We know who can receive revelation for whom. And that includes most of us receiving revelation for ourselves, and only for ourselves.

Back to Obedience School

Our dog is prone to making messes. She isn't very obedient. She's just, in general, a bit of a handful. And yet, I wonder to what extent we are any better. We can be willful sometimes, even disobedient, and every day, we make messes that The Savior has to clean up. It couldn't be much easier for God and Jesus to deal with us than it is for us to deal with our kids and/or pets.

So, whenever the dog makes a mess for me to clean up, or whenever she pulls on her leash and/or refuses to listen to commands, I'll try to remember that I, too, make messes, pull at my metaphorical leash, and struggle to listen and obey. Just as I have a hard time dealing with the family dog, I'm sure my Heavenly Father has a hard time dealing with me. Perhaps it would be best for me to try to be more clean and obedient, perhaps even as clean and obedient as I wish our dog would be.

Better

I was feeling really tired and frustrated a bit ago, but then I talked with a close friend, got a few things off my chest, played a relaxing game for a while, and got in some good laughs. I won't say that everything is 100% better now, but they are better, and "better" feels pretty good.

A State of Rest

Prompted by one of our Sacrament Meeting talks, I went to the last chapter of the Book of Mormon, and I found some inspiration in a few of the verses there, including the last one:

Moroni 10:34 And now I bid unto all, farewell. I soon go to rest in the paradise of God, until my spirit and body shall again reunite, and I am brought forth triumphant through the air, to meet you before the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead. Amen. 

This offers me some hope for some amount of rest after death, at least until the resurrection. In fact, come to think of it, I think Alma spoke of the Spirit World, the space between death and resurrection.

Alma 40:11 Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

12 And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.

"A state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow." That, indeed, sounds like Paradise. And I know it won't last forever, but I don't really need it to. Probably, once I've rested up a bit, I'll be ready to continue my eternal progression toward ultimate perfection. I'm just glad to know that, between mortality and eternity, I can enjoy a state of rest.

An Unfortunate Duration of Effort

When President Nelson spoke of how "Everything to do with becoming more like the Savior is difficult," that's not all he said about it. He also said, "It takes effort, a lot of hard work, a lot of study, and there’s never an end. That’s good! That’s good, because we’re always progressing. Even in the next life we’re making progress."

I'm not 100% sure I agree with the prophet's assessment of how endless hard word is a good thing. I'm not too keen on it, personally. My hope is, and for quite some time has been, that I could reach a comfortable point in my eternal progression and then take a nice, long break - perhaps not a permanent one, but a restful one. I want rest. I want peace. I want there to be an end to the struggle between my physical and spiritual selves. Almost a year ago, I said, "When I die, I want the words 'Rest in Peace' to be said or written somewhere near my remains, because my fondest dream is that God will let me." That's still true. I still want to "Rest in Peace" when I die.

But it sounds like that's not what God has in store for me, or for anyone. He still wants us to become perfect, to become Gods and Goddesses, and to carry on the work of creation into the eternities. He wants us to become like Him. I just wonder if He is, or ever can be, okay with us choosing not to do that. Would God forgive me if I decide not to carry on the family business? I'm okay with doing anything I have to do to earn my place in heaven, but once I've done that, I'll be satisfied. Will He be?

I'm worried that the answer may be "no." I'm worried that God won't be satisfied with letting me rest once I get to heaven. I'm worried that, with this attitude, I might not get to heaven at all. I'm worried that, for all His talk about the importance of agency, not following His plan for us isn't an acceptable option. I'm worried that God will never let me rest.

I don't want an afterlife with endless effort and hard work. If that's the afterlife that God is offering us, I'm really not sure I want it.

An Unfortunate Amount of Difficulty

"Everything to do with becoming more like the Savior is difficult." 

-President Russel M. Nelson

That's unfortunate. I generally prefer things to not be difficult. I avoid complications and difficulties whenever possible. I usually avoid unnecessary challenges, unless I think that those challenges would be relatively easy for me. Becoming like Jesus Christ is not an easy challenge for me. And, unfortunately for me, it's not an unnecessary one, either. To reach the Celestial Kingdom, where families can be together forever, we have to keep striving for perfection, and Jesus Christ is our perfect example of a perfect person.

So, no, I don't get to take the easy way out. No part of this process is going to be easy. I just hope that it's ultimately going to be worth taking on such a difficult task.

Trust

Today, I watched Raya and the Last Dragon, in which the main character, Raya, struggles to trust others. Meanwhile, the other titular character, the last dragon, Sisu, has the opposite problem, being far too trusting. By the end of the movie, Raya learns to trust others, with the movie apparently presenting the argument that we should trust each other. Yet the fact remains that there were at least a handful of characters in the movie that have proven themselves to be unworthy of trust.

As usual, I think that the best course of action lies somewhere in the middle. Raya was wrong to never trust anyone, and Sisu was wrong to always trust everyone. We should trust those who prove themselves to be worthy of trust, and we should be cautious with strangers and with those who have proven to be untrustworthy. Granted, we should sometimes give other people a chance, maybe even a second (or third) chance, even if we don't know we can fully trust them, but we should still be cautious about how much trust we invest in those who haven't proven to be trustworthy.

There are a handful of people I know that I trust completely, and there is one individual in my life that I don't trust hardly at all (I don't want to name names, but rest assured, she isn't human, in case you were worried that the one individual was you). For just about everyone else, I give a measured amount of trust.

I think it's wise to trust a handful of people, because most of us know a handful of people who are worthy of trust, but I also think it's wise to be cautious with most people, including strangers. For the most part, trust should be reserved for those who have proven worthy of it.

The Miracles of Plumbing

It used to be that one had to go to the river to fetch water, or at least to a well, and even then, one had to be cautious with the water to ensure that it was clean and pure. But now, we can get clean, fresh water at the turn of a knob, from the comfort of our homes.

It used to be that one would have to heat one's water by setting or hanging the water over a fire (after having made the fire with gathered firewood) until the water warmed up to something close to the desired temperature. But now, we can get hot water about as easily as we can get cold water, and we can get water of whatever temperature we want by turning the knobs precisely.

It used to be that waste would have to be buried or left in deep, foul-smelling pits. But now, we have fresh water in such abundance that we can use it to flush our waste down pipes and far away, to places where the waste can be properly dealt with.

Even setting aside the modern miracles that our ancestors could never have dreamed of (electricity, cell phones, the internet, etc), we have miracles aplenty from plumbing alone. Our access to clean, fresh water of any desired temperature is nothing short of miraculous, and we should not take that miracle for granted. As I understand it, Texas has struggled with water quite a bit recently. I sympathize with them, but I count myself lucky that I can't empathize with them. Even while camping, I've continuously enjoyed many of the blessings of plumbing.

I've never had to live without the miracles of plumbing, and I pray that I never have to.

"Lay Aside the Things of This World"

D&C 25:10 And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better.

I wonder to what extent the Lord wanted Emma Smith (and us) to do that. I'll grant you, the things of the better world, the eternal things, are infinitely more important than temporal things. They last infinitely longer. Still, the things of this world are still essential. We still need physical food and water to eat and drink. We still need physical shelter and clothes to wear. We need temporal things, which require time and/or money to acquire. To get money, we have to work, which takes time. No matter how you slice it, we have to spend some of our limited time on Earth making sure we have everything we need to remain on Earth a little longer. If we completely "lay aside the things of this world," we'll find ourselves headed for the next world sooner than God had planned.

So, I doubt the Lord intends us to take this advice too literally. There will still be some need to attend to temporal matters, even as we prioritize the spiritual matters. We can "lay aside the things of this world" to some extent, but as long as we are making an effort to stay alive, the things of this world will still be of some concern to us. I think I get God's meaning. Don't worry too much about temporal things. But temporal things are still essential to our temporal existence.

There needs to be balance. We can and should prioritize the spiritual world, but we can't afford to neglect the temporal world completely. Nor should we neglect the spiritual world in preference for the things of the temporal world. Both are important. Both are essential. The spiritual matters are the higher priority of the two, but we still need to give at least some time and attention to the physical matters as well.

"Require Not Miracles"

Tonight, I read some advice that would have been pertinent a few days ago. In D&C 24:13, we read "Require not miracles." Granted, there are some listed exceptions, but receiving personal revelation was not one of them. We are frequently blessed with personal revelation and other blessings, even miraculous ones, but we're not entitled to them. We shouldn't demand or require them, no matter how badly we feel that we need them.

I often feel like I need blessings, as I felt the need for personal revelation a few days ago, but I really need to be patient with God and wait on His time for His blessings. God has promised miracles, but He hasn't made many promises about when those miracles would come. Sure, I'd like for the blessings to come sooner rather than later, but the Lord will provide His blessings in His own due time, regardless of if and when I "require" them.

I'm sure I'm not the first person who got frustrated about blessings not coming when needed, expected, or wanted. Perhaps I ought to adjust my expectations when it comes to God. He has a different, greater perspective than I do. As much as I, from my perspective, feel like I need miracles, I shouldn't require them until God, from His perspective, sees fit to provide them.

Choosing the Right

One good thing about retaining my agency is that I can make choices for myself. I can choose which paths I walk down and take most of the credit (or blame) for my decisions. Granted, when I make bad decisions, that's on me. I can try to blame the devil for tempting me, but it's ultimately my decision to make. Similarly, while some credit can go to God and the Holy Ghost for inspiring good decisions, I'm still the one making them. Neither God nor Satan can take full responsibility for the choices I make. A significant portion of the credit or blame falls to me.

And thankfully, though my actions may not always reflect this, I generally prefer to choose good. I do service for others, sometimes out of duty, and sometimes by voluntary choice. I try to resist temptation and uphold high standards, even though I don't always succeed. I am, generally, a good person, and I take a certain amount of pride in that. I am largely responsible for my own decisions, and I usually choose the right.

There are times when I wish I had less agency because there are times when I misuse it. However, ultimately, I'm glad that I have the power to make my own decisions and that I often, though not always, make good ones.

Agency

I kind of have a love/hate relationship with agency. I value my agency, yet I almost wish I didn't have it. Ages ago, I would have gladly given up my agency to become a tool in God's hands, but now I know it doesn't work like that. God's plan requires us to be allowed to make our own decisions, no matter how much better God is at making decisions than we are. We are supposed to make our own mistakes and learn from them. Bad decisions are part of the plan, and it's important that my decisions be my own. So, I have to retain and continue to exercise my agency, no matter how much I wish I could hand it over to someone wiser than me.

No Save Files

One thing I like about video games that I'm not fond of in real life is the ability or inability to create and reload save files.

In many games, you can save the game almost any time you want, and you can usually go back and reload old saves. If an encounter goes badly, or you change your mind about a decision you've made, you can go back, reload an old save, and move forward from there.

In real life, there is no going back. Every decision is permanent. There's no way to go back and try out different options. The only thing you can do is move forward from wherever you are right now.

I've made lots of dumb mistakes in my life, and I wish I could go back and change them, but I can't. All I can do is take what I've learned and try to move forward. I hope my future is brighter than my past has been because at this point, there's no way to go back and change it.

Being Good

I am not perfect. No one is. I take some comfort in the fact that we don't have to be. The Atonement of Jesus Christ can make up for our imperfections, and while we should always strive to be the best people we can be, the Atonement can help us when and where we fall short. Becoming perfect is a process of eternity. In the meantime, we can at least be good. We can help one another, love one another, support one another, and serve one another. We can follow basic moral principles most, if not all, of the time. We can at least be good, no matter how fare from perfect we are.

I have plenty of sins to repent of and habits I should refine before I can consider myself perfect, but in the meantime, I'm going to take some comfort in the knowledge that I am still a good person and that, for now, that is enough.

In the Absence of Personal Revelation

I don't know if I received revelation today. I felt some amount of peace, but few specific impressions. Thankfully, I know what to do in instances like these. In the absence of revelation, the best thing to do is to study out your situation (preferably done before seeking revelation), make a decision, seek confirmation, and (if no inspiration warns you away from this course of action) proceed with the faith that God won't let you go too far down the wrong road without some kind of warning.

Sometimes, God doesn't give us the answers to our questions. Sometimes, that's because He knows we already know that answer. Sometimes, it's because He trusts us to find our answer on our own. Sometimes, it ultimately doesn't matter what choice is made, like whether I have Frosted Mini Wheats or Honey Bunches of Oats for breakfast tomorrow. God won't tell me what cereal to eat tomorrow because it doesn't matter. God won't tell me explicitly whether He exists or not because He knows I already know. And God didn't tell me how to resolve the heavy matter I mentioned last night, perhaps because He trusted me to make a good decision myself.

So, if God trusts me, I'm going to trust myself, too. And if it turns out that our trust was misplaced, I trust that God will warn me of that fact before it's too late.

Grateful for Personal Revelation

Heavy matter has been weighing on my mind recently, an I've decided to make it a matter of intense prayer and personal reflection, but I'm comforted in the opinion that that's probably going to work. I believe in personal revelation. I've received it before. I'm confident that, if I go to God in prayer with the right frame of mind, I will most likely get an answer.

I'm thankful that God loves His children enough to answer our prayers and to offer us guidance when we need it most. I'm thankful for the confidence I have that God's answer will help me make this heavy matter a little lighter.

Tempter, Tempted, and Accountability

For my Shakespeare class this week, we're reading the first three acts of Othello, in which a character named Iago conspires with several unwitting individuals to ruin the title character's life. Over the course of the play, Iago manipulates several individuals into participating in his evil plans, which makes me wonder: How do agency and accountability apply to this situation and others like it? When one person convinces another to do something wrong, who is at fault? If someone has to pay for the sin or the crime, who should, or how should the penalty be distributed?

My first thought is that the actual actor is responsible for his or her own actions. We each have the power to make our own decisions, regardless of what anyone says to anyone else. Everyone must answer for their own actions, regardless of how they became convinced to take those actions. Yet, what does that mean for the manipulator? Does the tempter get off scott free? Or perhaps the temptation is a sin unto itself, regardless of its success or failure.

Arguably, the manipulator should take the full blame for what happens. After all, it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for them. Just as a puppeteer is responsible for the actions of a puppet, the manipulator should be held at least somewhat responsible for the actions of the manipulated. But then, if the tempter takes some of the blame for the sin, does that diminish the blame of the tempted? Is a person less at fault for some evil thing they did because the devil told them to do it?

It's a thorny issue. One could argue that they're both to blame, but then justice would demand two punishments for one sin, which doesn't seem completely just, unless they each only receive a portion of the punishment, which doesn't seem fully just either.I like what I said earlier about the temptation itself being a sin, even if it's unsuccessful. That way, the tempter can get his just desserts, even as those tempted get theirs.

Granted, I may grant the tempted some leniency, based on the extent to which they, the tempted, knew what they were doing. If they knew that what they were doing was wrong, of course there should be justice for that, but if they were tricked into doing something wrong, when they thought they were doing something good or neutral, it stands to reason that that wrongdoing should be answered upon the head of whomever tricked the doer into doing it.

I don't think I'm going to come to any definite conclusions tonight, so I'll close with a warning to watch what we do and to be careful not to be manipulated into wrongdoing. There is a tempter around, and we will be held at least partly to blame for every temptation we fall into.