My Nowhere-Near-Death Experience

This morning, my health situation seemed a bit dicey. I woke up with some serious chest pain, pain that, for all I knew, could have been a sign of a life-threatening ailment of my heart and/or lungs. I contacted an advice nurse, made an appointment with a doctor, and went to the hospital. They checked my pulse and blood pressure. They listened to my lungs and heart through a stethoscope. They took x-rays. The results were a mix of good news and bas news, both of which being that they couldn't find anything wrong with me. My heart and lungs looked and sounded fine, yet the pain persisted. The going theory is that the pain is caused by a strained muscle, like a cramp. It's painful and annoying, but not life-threatening. The pain should go away in a few days with the aid of ibuprofen and some gentle stretches. It's already much less severe than it was this morning.

Still, those few hours of pain and uncertainty were rather telling. I may not have been dying, but I thought I might have been, and the thoughts I had in what I thought might be my last few hours of life can tell me a lot about myself. On my way to the hospital, I was allowed an opportunity to come to grips with the possibility that I might be dying. I thought about whether I was okay with dying right then or whether I wanted to stay on Earth a bit longer. For what it was worth, I asked God to let me stay. I may have been asking mostly for my own sake, but if my own sake was the only one being considered, I doubt God would have listened to me. My behavior has excluded me from asking (and expecting to get) blessings like that. That's partly why I wanted to stay: to give me more time to repent. Then again, an eternity would scarcely be enough time for that. But part of the reason I wanted to stay was the effect my passing would have had on others. There are people who depend on me, physically and/or emotionally. I have to stick around, if only so I can keep helping them.

Thankfully, it seems as though I'm going to stick around a little while longer. I have some achy muscles to deal with, but they're not so bad anymore. I expect to sleep tonight. I'm thankful for that. But I'm even more thankful that I can reasonably expect to wake up. My experiences of this morning have reminded me that I have reasons to be alive on this earth at this time. As long as those reasons still exist, I hope I do too.