True in Time

I'm still trying to convince myself that it's okay to act like a paladin, or rather to act like a moral and virtuous person, when I'm not one. It feels like I'm lying, but the reason I'm lying is to help me make it true. I'm not just faking it until I make it; I'm faking it to help me make it. It is my hope that acting like a paladin will help me become a paladin, and if I succeed, it won't be a lie anymore. I tell myself that I am a paladin to remind myself to be a paladin, and if I actually heed that reminder, I will be a paladin. So the statement "I am a paladin" is not technically true yet, but my hope is that it will be true in the future, which would make it kind of quasi-true now.

This situation reminds me of the time in 1 Nephi 5:5 in which Lehi says "I have obtained a land of promise," even though, at the time he says that, it'll still be years before he sees it. Lehi must have had enough faith in God and His promise to consider the whole Promised Land thing a done deal. It was yet to happen, but Lehi considered it so certain that he could treat it as though it already had happened.

I am not as certain that I will be a paladin as Lehi was that he had received a land of promise. I may fail to become a paladin and thus make a liar of myself. Yet, if that happens, I'll have worse sins to worry about than lying, so I haven't got much to lose, and if I do become a paladin, not only will the worse sins be taken care of, but also the statement "I am a paladin" will have become true. So, it is not yet true that I am a paladin, but if I tell myself that I am enough times for me to believe it and act on it, the statement will become true in time, sort it's kinda sorta as good as true now.