Here (But Too Tired) to Help

I sometimes say that I'm "Here to Help," and whether I say it or not, it's almost always true. Helping is something I do quite often. It's something between my most persistent habit and my life's purpose. Wherever I am, whatever's going on, I'm probably there to help. I help people for a living. As a writing tutor, I help people with their writing assignments. I help my family with chores, dishes, errands, and odd jobs like handyman type stuff. I help my friends by running D&D games for them every week. I help people consistently, and I'm generally happy to do it.

Yet, there are times when I feel tired and overwhelmed, and I don't feel like helping, and sometimes I help anyway, but at those times, I tend to be grumpy about it. Sometimes, I don't have enough energy to be helpful and polite at the same time. Sometimes, I don't have enough energy to be either. Sometimes, I just need to remove myself from the situation, take a few deep breaths, and rest.

I wonder what, if anything, this says about me, apart from the fact that I'm human. Can people become tired of practicing their habits? Can people get tired of fulfilling their life's purpose? It seems to me that practicing a habit or fulfilling one's life's purpose should be practically effortless, perhaps even invigorating, but it's not. Not always.

But I suppose that makes some sense. Let's say that someone habitually plays Baseball. They love the game, and they play it as much as they can. Yet, playing Baseball takes energy. One can burn calories by running bases and by throwing, hitting, and catching balls. If they haven't eaten or rested enough, it's possible for their body to simply run out of steam, no matter how much they love the game.

Maybe that's true of me, too. Maybe it's possible for me to simply not have the energy to help others from time to time, even if it is my life's purpose. A person may love playing Baseball or helping people but still face the fact that there's only so much of it they can take before they can't do it anymore, at least not until they've rested. Maybe I don't need to beat myself up for occasionally running out of steam.

It's good to help people, and I'm glad I help others more often than not, but it's also okay to get tired. It's okay to need rest. It's okay not to help everyone at all times. Even for me, a person who is almost always "here to help," it's okay if I occasionally can't. At least, I sure hope it is.

I am here, on Earth, to help, but I'm sorry that I am occasionally simply too tired to.