Never Alone

It's amazing how holidays tend to sneak up on us. You see them in stores a month or more early, then you forget about them until the holiday actually arrives. At least, I do. It still hasn't fully dawned on me that today is Easter.

Here's a seasonally appropriate message from one of my favorite General Authorities from a General Conference four years ago. The Mormon Messages version is only 5 minutes long. The full talk posted below it is almost 20 minutes long. Both versions are worth sharing.




I've never tried to share two videos at once before. I hope this works.

Watching these videos, especially the full message, I've been thinking about the bond between Christ and us, who have declared ourselves as His followers. His faithfulness is unfailing. Because of what He did that first Easter weekend, we will never need to feel alone or comfortless. As Elder Holland said, "Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are." God will never leave us alone.

But this bond between us cannot be one-sided. Again quoting from Elder Holland:

My other plea at Easter time is that these scenes of Christ’s lonely sacrifice, laced with moments of denial and abandonment and, at least once, outright betrayal, must never be reenacted by us. He has walked alone once. Now, may I ask that never again will He have to confront sin without our aid and assistance... 

This Easter week and always, may we stand by Jesus Christ “at all times and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in, even until death,” for surely that is how He stood by us when it was unto death and when He had to stand entirely and utterly alone.

In other talk from Elder Holland, a more recent one, he speaks of an exchange between the resurrected Jesus and His chief apostle, Peter. Peter and many of the apostles had gone back to their old life of fishing, but citing the miracle He had performed when He first called Peter to be one of His disciples, the Savior (might have) said (something like), "Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do."

 Our Lord has done a great work for us. At a great personal cost, He has made it possible for us to become free from sin. But as a token of our gratitude for what He has done, He wants us to do some good works for Him. He wants us to bless others and lead them to the light. He wants us to follow in His footsteps and become like Him by doing the kinds of things He did. He stood by us when we desperately needed Him to. He wants us to stand by him now. May we find the courage to be faithful to Him who has always been faithful to us.

Oh Say, What is Truth?

This morning I looked for a talk on the subject of truth because I have a belief concerning truth and I want to have that belief confirmed as either true or false. The belief is this: If a statement is true, it is true no matter who said it.

The reason this belief came up is that I recently wrote something that I think is true, hope is true, and believe would be very inspiring to me and to others if only it were true. To me, the thing I wrote seems true, but I'm having trouble believing it because I'm the one who said it. Here's what I said:

We all have superpowers. We don't all have telekinesis, super-strength, or the ability to fly, but we each have our own gifts. Some save lives. Some enrich lives. You regularly do both. [I was writing this to my Mom, who donates blood and does many other good things.] Regardless of what our various abilities are, we can all do something to help. It's the decision to act for the betterment of humanity, even just a small part of humanity, that makes us heroes.

I want to know if it's true. I want it to be true, but I don't trust the source of this quote. This could very easily be something someone made-up, and people want to believe it just because it sounds good. I believe that if it is true, then it's true, even though I'm the one who said it. But how can I know if it's true?

As soon as I thought that question, I knew I already knew the answer. I can ask God. All truth comes from Him, ultimately. He shares it with us through prophets and apostles, but also through doctors and scientists, wise men, and occasionally, maybe, even through normal people. Maybe this is true, and for whatever reason, God chose to share this truth through me. I'm not sure how easily I'll believe that, but I can pray to find out for sure.

The trouble with that is that I doubt that I can trust myself to correctly interpret God's answer to my prayer. I can ask Him, and He can tell me "True" or "False," but if I misinterpret the answer, I might as well have not even asked! If I ask Him and He tells me and I get the answer wrong, not only will I not know whether the statement is true or not, I may end up thinking that I "know" something that isn't true!

Instead of taking that risk, perhaps I could dissect the statement piece by piece with reason and logic, and determine whether the statement is probably true or probably false (taking into account that my logic may be wrong).

Part 1: We all have superpowers.
This is obviously not true because we do not all have superpowers. Not even all superheroes have superpowers. The statement is so false, it's ridiculous. However, perhaps when viewed in context with the rest of the message, we see that the meaning of the statement is not literal, but figurative, and the figurative meaning may be true, even though the literal meaning is not.

Part 2: We don't all have telekinesis, super-strength, or the ability to fly,
This is certainly true. I know I don't have any of those powers, and if I am included in the "we," then we don't all have those powers.

Part 3: but we each have our own gifts.
This part's trickier. If you've read the Gospel Principles manual on the subject of talents, you will have read that we were each born with and/or can develop special talents. If these talents can be termed "gifts," then it can be said that we each have our own gifts, and this part of the statement is true.

Part 4: Some save lives.
This is true. Watch the news.

Part 5: Some enrich lives.
This is true. Watch General Conference.

Part 6: You regularly do both.
I was speaking to my Mom when I wrote that. As Bloodsource will readily tell any blood donor, "Yes, you do save lives." And she enriches my life almost constantly, so this part of the statement is definitely true.

Part 7: Regardless of what our various abilities are, we can all do something to help.
With this one, I'm not sure. Those who have the ability to communicate can help others but sharing feelings of love, peace, and support. Even if all one can do is smile, that can help. But suppose a person is totally paralyzed and are physically unable to do anything. They can still listen to other's problems and mentally pray for them. And if they're deaf, they can still pray. I'm pretty sure God made everyone with some way that they can be a blessing to others, so this part of the statement is probably true.

Part 8: It's the decision to act for the betterment of humanity, even just a small part of humanity, that makes us heroes.
This is the important part, and I have no idea. We'd have to define what a hero is and what it means to "deci[de] to act for the betterment of humanity." It sounds good, but sounding good isn't nearly enough to make something true. I want to know what you think - whether you think this is true or not.

So we have:
Part 1: Unclear - Literally False, Figuratively Possibly True
Part 2: True
Part 3: True
Part 4: True
Part 5: True
Part 6: True
Part 7: Probably True
Part 8: Unclear

So the statement is mostly true, and possibly entirely true, but there's still a good chance that part of it - the important part - is false.

So I'm right back where I started. Maybe I should pray about this. It couldn't make me much more clueless than I am right now.

Be Your Best Self - Seminary Answers

In his talk, President Thomas S. Monson didn't really say what it means to "Be Your Best Self," but he did give us some advice on how we could do it: Study Diligently, Pray Fervently, Live Righteously.

President Monson admits:

These suggestions are not new; they have been taught and repeated again and again. If we incorporate them into our lives, however, we will have the strength to withstand the adversary. Should we ignore them, we will be opening the door for Satan to have influence and power over us.

I seriously want to just copy down the entire talk after that point. It's kind of like those scriptures where you want to highlight the good parts, but it's ALL good, so you highlight the whole page. I'm not going to do that to you. But here's a link to the talk. It's a really good talk. I'll try to share only the highlights of the highlights.

Study Diligently

Study them as though they were speaking to you, for such is the truth.

I promise you... that if you will study the scriptures diligently, your power to avoid temptation and to receive direction of the Holy Ghost in all you do will be increased.

Pray Fervently

To those within the sound of my voice who are struggling with challenges and difficulties large and small, prayer is the provider of spiritual strength; it is the passport to peace.

Prayer is the means by which we approach our Father in Heaven, who loves us. Speak to Him in prayer and then listen for the answer.

Miracles are wrought through prayer.

Live Righteously

God... will sustain His servants in righteousness as they avoid the evils of our day and live lives of virtue and purity.

Finding Brad in the rear of the bus and learning what the problem was (accidental food poisoning), Steve and Mike felt helpless. Finally it occurred to them that they were elders and held the power of the Melchizedek Priesthood to bless the sick. Despite their total lack of experience in giving a priesthood blessing, these two new elders had faith in the power they held. They laid their hands on Brad’s head and, invoking the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood, in the name of Jesus Christ uttered the simple words to bless Brad to be made well.

From that moment, Brad’s symptoms were completely gone. The next morning he took his place with the rest of the band members and proudly marched down the streets of Calgary. The band received first-place honors and the coveted blue ribbon. Far more important, however, was that two young, inexperienced but worthy priesthood holders had answered the call to represent the Lord in serving their fellow man. When it was necessary for them to exercise their priesthood in behalf of one who was desperately in need of their help, they were able to respond because they lived their lives righteously.

Back to my own thoughts.

I'm grateful for President Monson sharing the importance of these "Primary answers," and a few of the promised blessings associated with them. Recently, I discovered (or rather, was told through the scriptures) that I need to remember to pray fervently in order to gain the spiritual strength I need to choose the right. God meant for me to find that scripture, and I'm sure He meant for me to find this talk as well. He wants to guide me.

I'm grateful that He's still striving with me, even though I so frequently forget to strive with Him. He wants to save me, but He can't do it alone. He needs me to make good choices, and I need His help in doing that. It's a partnership. If He and I work together on this, He can get me home.

Our Spiritual, Physical, and Carnal Selves

The only thing on my mind right now is something that I really don't want to talk about. Not here. Not yet anyway. Maybe I can find something else to share.

I haven't watched/listened to President Thomas Monson's April '09 talk Be Your Best Self recently, but the title alone is intriguing. My first thought is that everyone has the potential to be very good or very bad, just as a thermometer can indicate being very hot or very cold. President Monson's advice seems to  be to stay as close to the "good" end of the scale as we can. But, being a Gemini, I can't help seeing another interpretation of the advice to "be your best self." Here's my twist on it:

Every person you'll ever meet has an (at least) dual nature. If nothing else, we have our bodies and our spirits. Our bodies, and the desires and needs of our bodies, are very simple. They want food, comfort, sleep, many other things that are good for us, and even some things that are not good for us. I'd call this our "carnal selves," but the word "carnal" has a bad connotation in our church, and having a body is not a bad thing. Let's instead call it our "physical selves."

Our spirits are harder to define (partly because there aren't many scientists that have put years of research into understanding the nature of the human spirit as they have with the human body). Our spirits' desires and needs are less well known. However it is known (or supposed by me) that our spirits have the desire to feel and express love, and to observe beauty in music and other forms of art, including nature.

At first observance, it would seem that our spirits are better than our bodies in the things that they desire, and therefore, our better or "best" self is our spiritual self. Therefore, we should be our spiritual selves and not our physical selves. But that isn't fully true.

We already were our spiritual selves, and just our spiritual selves, in the pre-mortal existence. If that was, and still is, our best selves, why would we need to come to Earth and gain bodies? Some would say, "experience," and that's a very good point. However, it's not the only reason we need bodies. If it were, we could come down to Earth and gain bodies so we could gain experience, and once we had obtained sufficient experience, we would no longer need our bodies. We'd discard our bodies at death and once again become purely spiritual, but now a bit wiser, selves.

...Until the Resurrection. Our bodies are an important part of our selves. Our spiritual selves and our physical selves must combine in order to create our "best self." I'm not going to pretend to understand all of this; All I'm saying is that our bodies are good and important, and we need them to help us "be our best," whatever that means.

However fuzzy that concept may be, God has been much clearer on the subject of which aspects of ourselves we don't need. And now, I think, I can return to the term "carnal self," and for the purpose of this blog post, I'll define "carnal self" as everything that is bad about our bodies, including a wide variety of evil passions and desires like pride, envy, and lust.

The carnal self is part of our physical selves, and as far as I understand it, its purpose is to strengthen our spiritual selves - especially our spiritual selves' control over our physical selves. It strengthens the spiritual self by giving the spiritual self an opportunity similar to an athlete's opportunity to train against an opponent or rival. By struggling against, and ultimately overcoming, our carnal selves, our spiritual selves become stronger, and thus our overall "self" is improved.

However, our carnal selves are not part of our best selves, so when our spirits have been sufficiently strengthened by experience, our carnal selves will be removed (unless I'm wrong). This removal (if it occurs) may be by our own efforts - our spiritual selves totally overcoming our carnal selves; by ourselves with God's help; or by God's direct intervention. I know that when we're resurrected, our bodies will be changed. I don't know which aspects will be kept or which aspects will be removed or replaced. But if our "carnal selves" are everything that's wrong with our physical selves, they'll have to be removed or overcome somehow before we can be our best selves.

While I don't know everything about this topic and I really ought to read that talk, it seems pretty obvious that some parts of us are good and some parts of us are bad, so it's equally obvious which parts of us we should strengthen and which parts of us we should strive to overcome. Some aspects of ourselves fall into a grey area, and maybe we should leave those parts alone until we understand them better. In the meantime, God has given us plenty of stuff we can work on. Perhaps we should start with improving those aspects of our selves.

Angelic Help

As much as I love Paladins (and many of you know that I really like Paladins), I'm also coming to really love angels. Last night, I had a talk with my Bishop. There's a personal challenge that I've been struggling with and he just wanted to check up on me. I reported that things were going well. When he asked me what I've been doing that's been helping me, I answered "Clenching my right fist," then I explained.

A while back, it probably would have been a few months by now, I was inspired by a sister in our ward who was teaching the Gospel Essentials class. She said that if a person needed extra help, they could pray for angels to aid them. I left the class early to find a quiet place to pray. When I knelt down, I asked Heavenly Father to commission angels to be with me, to watch over me, to help me choose the right. Then I clenched my right fist and felt that I was physically holding on to the iron rod. Now, whenever I have the need of angels, I feel a gentle reminder to clench my fist and hold on to the iron rod.

Now that I've been thinking about angels, they seem to show up all over the place in the scriptures. When Alma first met Amulek, Amulek had been not-so-faithful to the gospel. He had felt promptings, but had ignored them. Finally, an angel came to him and told him to make his home ready to receive (Alma) a servant of the Lord. And Alma would have never gone to Amulek's house in the first place if and angel hadn't appeared to him as well, telling him where to go.

In the talk he gave on October 2008, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught that there are at least two kinds of angels - mortal and immortal. The immortal angels are split into two categories - those who have bodies and those who don't. The angels that don't have bodies are spirits, either born and died or not yet born. They can be messengers, guides, comforters, etc. They are often invisible, but they sometimes appear to people to give them special, specific direction. Immortal angels with bodies are righteous people who have been resurrected or translated. I think they can be invisible, but I'm not sure. These resurrected or translated angels have mostly been sent to participate in ordinances, restoring the priesthood authority that was lost from the earth with the death of the apostles, but I suppose the could act as messengers, too.

The mortal angels Elder Holland spoke of are simply good people who are doing the will of God. He said:

I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.

In closing, I'd like to repeat Elder Holland's plea from the video that I shared a few weeks ago: "In the process of praying for those angels to attend us, may we all try to be a little more angelic ourselves—with a kind word, a strong arm, a declaration of faith..."

We all need angelic help from time to time. Some of us need it more often than we know or are willing to admit. There is no shame in seeking heavenly aid. The Savior Himself was helped by angels once or twice. If even He could use such help, certainly we could! As disciples of Christ, we are expected to serve, bless, and uplift others. May we follow the examples of angels in doing so, and eventually become angelic ourselves.

See [Ourselves] as [We] May Become

This weekend, I had the wonderful privilege of attending an Elder's Quorum meeting in which my brother-in-law, Ryan, was giving the lesson. This was a special privilege because I don't get to see Ryan very often, much less hear him give a lesson, and because it was a really good lesson. Teachings For Our Times lessons are usually really good, but this one in particular had a special resonance in me that I'd like to share with you.

The title of the original message is "See Others as They May Become." It was given by President Thomas S. Monson in October of 2012. But as you can see in the title of this blog post, I heard President Monson's/Ryan's message from a different perspective.

Anyone who has read my blog more than a few times knows that I'm often down on myself. I sometimes doubt my self-worth, and during those times, I'm grateful for those of you who have left comments of comfort and support. When President Monson started his talk by saying that a woman needs to be told that she is beautiful, valued, and worthwhile, and that "men are very much like women in this regard," I knew exactly what he was talking about.

Most of my bad feelings about myself stem from what I've done, what I've failed to do, and what I continually fail at doing. I generally feel incompetent, and therefore worthless. But President Monson and my brother-in-law were teaching important principles when they gave their lessons, one of which was that "people can change. They can put behind them bad habits. They can repent from transgressions. They can bear the priesthood worthily. And they can serve the Lord diligently."

Something that I need to remember, as I've probably mentioned several times before, is that I have great potential, even if I can't always see it and don't always believe it. Even though I haven't been, and am not now, the way that I'd like to be, that doesn't mean I have to stay that way. I can change, improve, and reach my potential.

In his talk, Presiden Monson shared the following story:

During the 1940s and 1950s, an American prison warden, Clinton Duffy, was well known for his efforts to rehabilitate the men in his prison. Said one critic, “You should know that leopards don’t change their spots!”
Replied Warden Duffy, “You should know I don’t work with leopards. I work with men, and men change every day.”

President Monson went on to say that many people just need some encouragement. Some people just need someone to believe in them, and they'll live up to their potential. My guess is that some people just need to believe in themselves.

As spirit children of our Heavenly Father, we were born with infinite potential, and something that's important to remember is that we still have that potential! We can still be everything that our Heavenly Father wants us to be.

As Mom and I were driving back home yesterday, we listened to many General Conference talks, including Elder Holland's talk about Laborers in the Vineyard. He taught that a certain land-owner went out to hire workers early in the day, then again at mid-day, then at mid-afternoon, and finally at the "eleventh hour" which was about as close to the end of the working day as they could get. Each time, he hired more workers, and all of the workers, regardless of when they joined the work force, were well-paid.

The moral of the story (or one of them,) is that no matter how much time has been lost, there is still enough time to change, as long as the Savior says there is still time. No matter how many opportunities we've ignored or lost, just like yesterday morning, God will give us more and more opportunities to do the right thing, to change ourselves, and to live up to our potential. Our all-powerful Heavenly Father wants us to succeed, and He's willing to pull quite a few strings to make that possible for us. We will always be required to make the choice and the change ourselves, but God will always give us opportunities to do that.

President Monson shared the story of a missionary who experienced great success by picturing his investigators and potential investigators as being clean-shaven, well-groomed, and dressed in baptismal clothing. Ryan added that he tries to see people as robed with Celestial Glory. By picturing others as they may become, we are able to treat them differently. By picturing ourselves as we may become, we're able to treat ourselves differently.

As President Monson taught (and I hope that he'll forgive me for adding [inclusions] to his original words):

We have the responsibility to look at our friends, our associates, our neighbors [and ourselves] this way. Again, we have the responsibility to see [all] individuals not as they are but rather as they can become. I would plead with you to think of them [and yourselves] in this way.

As we do, we can gain the kind of perspective that our Heavenly Father has. I'm sure that when He looks at us, He sees us as we may become. As we look at ourselves and each other as we may become, we'll gain more Christ-like feelings for ourselves and for others, which can motivate us to live up to our potential and encourage others to do the same.

Keeping a Covenant

This morning, I forgot to blog. Well, actually, that's not totally true. I thought of blogging, but then I forgot again. But last night I overheard a conversation of a man who refused to make a promise that he knew he wasn't going to keep, telling that when he makes a promise, he keeps it. I made a promise/commitment (it's about the same thing in my mind) that I would blog every morning. I haven't failed that promise yet, but I almost did.

While we were driving south on I-5, we were listening to talks from the most recent General Conference. In one of those talks, President Monson mentions that he frequently says that when the Lord inspires us to do something, we should act without delay. The Lord prompted me to Blog this morning, but I didn't. But thankfully, He prompted me again.

On our way up a few days ago, Mom and I got lunch/dinner at a McDonald's. Printed on the bag was a reminder that many McDonald's offer free Wi-fi. So when I was prompted to pull over and blog, I thought 'but how will I connect to my blog?' I saw a sign for McDonald's.

There were other little miracles that allowed me to blog this morning, too. When I tried to connect to McDonald's wi-fi, it didn't work. So I prayed for God to help me find a way to connect to the internet. I especially asked Him to guide Mom's words so she could give an inspired suggestion of, say, where we could go to find Wi-fi. Moments later, God answered my prayer by helping me over-hear the conversation of a young family who was also trying to connect to the internet here. The mother told me that sometimes you just have to try to connect a few times before it works, so instead of giving up on McDonald's, I gave it another try.

God also answered my prayer to guide the words of my Mom. While trying to boot up the computer (having shut it down when the internet failed the first time), the computer was taking forever to turn on. Mom suggested that we shut it off and try to turn it on again. Following her advice, I got the computer on a few minutes later.

Thinking about it, there was a long chain of miracles that allowed me to blog this morning, and if any one of the links in that chain were missing, I would have failed to keep my commitment. The moral of the story is that if God gives us direction, we should follow it right away. If we delay, it'll be harder to get back on the right path. Because God loves us so much, He'll always make it possible for us to do the right thing, even when He has to pull a lot of strings to make it happen.

I'm grateful for the learning experience God gave me this morning. Next time, I'm going to blog as soon as I can.

Cute Primary Kids

Today has been a much quieter morning than yesterday. The Roser's ward has church at 1pm, so many of us are sleeping in, and the rest of us are being quiet so the others can sleep.

Since Rori is up already, I decided to watch a One in a Million video. Actually, we watched a couple of them before we decided on one to share.






I liked this video (which I hope is working) because of the opportunities Addison took to be helpful and use his talents to serve others. I like that his family shared the Gospel with their housekeeper. But now I'm being distracted by watching family videos with Rori.

This has been a really good weekend. Not the best weekend for blogging. Tomorrow morning probably won't be a lot better, but after that, things should be back to normal.

Morning at the Rosers

Playing with Cadi and Rori is so fun that I totally forgot to blog this morning, but thankfully, Mom reminded me and is letting me borrow her computer. But this still isn't my normal blogging conditions because I'm also playing Cops and Robbers with Rori. (I arrested her for robbing the Sacramento Bank, but she was an under-cover cop and she arrested me for robbing the bank. When I promised to never rob the bank again, she let me be a cop so I could help her arrest Cadi. Then I robbed the bank again and 'resisted arrest' while trying to watch this video. I think it's about a young man talking about how Family History work is like mountain climbing.

I chose this video partly because it was one of the first ones I saw, and partly because of Sariah's interest in Family History. Plus, I was curious about the analogy. If I heard correctly, the idea is that, in rock climbing, you can't help someone else climb higher until you've reached a certain point yourself. Or, you can belay for someone, but they have to make the climb for themselves. I think he also said that it's no fun making it to the top unless there are other people there with you, but I'm not sure how that works with the rock climbing analogy.

You're going to have to watch the video for yourselves. Or think of your own meaning for the analogy. Right now I'm going to go play Wii wth Rori.

What Matters Most

I have to be quick today. You'll notice a change of formatting. Hopefully, that'll allow me to post videos like this one, and have the blog be wide enough for you to see the whole thing.




Here's a short, sweet video about love. It comes from our Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson.

I don't know why, but I've been really looking forward to General Conference this April. I've just been in a General Conference mood. I look forward to hearing the new messages from the Prophet and the Apostles. I can't wait to get more personally applicable guidance that I know is coming from Heavenly Father, not just my own random thoughts. I want to learn more about what He wants me to do and become, and He'll be able to tell me quite clearly through His servants.

In the meantime, this video has a wonderful message that's personally applicable to anyone, and as soon as you follow President Monson's simple guidance, you'll feel a great deal of love and joy. How fortunate we are to have prophets to remind us of what matters most!

New Conference Video

This is a test to see if I can post videos on my blog now.




Also, watch Conference.

Identity Crisis

I haven't been able to find the kind of video I was looking for this morning. I wanted to find a video of someone standing up for their beliefs, daring to be different, defining themselves by the standards that they kept.

The reason I wanted to watch a video like that is because yesterday I saw a video that was similar in one way, but very different in other ways. In ASL class yesterday morning, we watched a video called 'Not Hearing Loss, Deaf Gain' in which deaf students were asked, if there was a magical pill that could restore your hearing overnight, would you take it? They all said no. When asked 'why not?', the answers they gave showed me a different perspective of Deaf Culture. One of them said that being deaf was part of who he was. He wouldn't be the same person if he could hear. He was Deaf - "first, last, and forever."

That really made me think about my concept of identity. Who am I? How do I want others to see me? What are my defining characteristics? I've had these kinds of thoughts before, and I've gained a few insights on them over the years. Allow me to share a few.

"What we think and do determines who we are and who we will become."
That quote came from President Uchtdorf in his talk, The Love of God. There's much more to his message than this little snippet, but this is the part I want to focus on. According to this quote, our thoughts and our actions are the primary factors that shape our identities and destinies. We are what we think and do.

It reminds me of another thought I came across. This one didn't come from anyone official, but it may be true anyway. "You are the kind of person who does the things you do." Example, if I ride my bike for fun sometimes, then I'm the kind of person who sometimes rides his bike for fun. If I play video games, I'm the kind of person who plays video games. If I share spiritual thoughts on my daily blog, then I might just be the kind of person who shares spiritual thoughts on his daily blog. Which, by the way, isn't how I normally think of myself, but here I am.

If this is true, then our identities aren't defined by what we can't do, or even what we can do, but rather by what we actually do. It doesn't matter what traits we were born with or what traits we currently possess. What matters is what we do with or about those traits.

I wanted to find a video of a Mormon, a bold, vocal, active-and-proud-of-it Mormon. Someone who didn't just believe the things that Mormons believe, but that did the things that Mormon's do (or are supposed to do). I wanted to find someone whose identity was being Mormon.

So what my identity? What do I do that defines me? The short answer, if the "you are what you do" concept is true, is "Everything." If I am what I do, then everything I do is part of who I am.

I must be confusing you by now. I'm starting to confuse myself.

But what do I do the most? What is or are the biggest part(s) of my identity? If someone asks me "Who are you? No, not your name, I mean who are you?" What should I say?

I'm a Mormon. I'm a writer. I'm a college student. I'm a nerd. I'm a bike-rider. I'm a blogger. Those are just the first handful of things that come to mind - there are lots more things that I do and therefore am. But which ones say the most about me, who I really am, my identity? Can I, should I, define myself as a Mormon? As a writer? As a Mormon writer/blogger? Sounds like a good identity to me.

The trouble is that people are so multi-faceted that they have billions of traits and habits that contribute to their identities. No two people have the same combination of traits, habits, actions, desires, and so forth. Therefore, everyone's identities are totally unique, and far too complex to be summed up in only a few words.

There's another problem. If we're defined by our actions and our actions are dependent on our abilities, then our identities, who we are, are limited by our abilities, what we can do. Or by our disabilities, as the case may be. If a marathon runner lost both her legs, she'd stop being a marathon runner. Would that alter her identity or would she still be the same person? Or what if she still has both her legs and could keep being a runner, but chooses not to. Does that change her identity? Maybe I have it backwards. Maybe it's not that not-running changes who she is, but that she changed who she is and therefore no longer runs.

Perhaps identity has more to do with choice than ability. If a person would help another person, but never gets the chance, he's still a good person for wanting to help. If a person would be a marathon runner, but can't be, perhaps they're still a runner at heart. This may be linked to the other part of Uchtdorf's equation: "What we think and do determines who we are..."

It's largely assumed that we can do whatever we want to do. If a person wants to be a runner, it's assumed that they can go and run. If they're not in good enough shape to run, it's assumed that they can get in shape, and then start running, if they really want to. It's not usually a question of 'what would you do if you had a choice?' because people usually do have a choice, so they can simply make the choice and determine what they do. Then our identities can be measured by our actions because those are the actions we chose.

I think our identities go deeper than that. The world sees our traits and actions, our abilities and disabilities, and judges us on that, but the Lord sees our hearts. What's in our hearts, our personalities, who we really are deep down, shapes our desires. Because So-and-So, deep in his heart, is a good person, he has a desire to help others. Our desires then influence our choices (assuming we have choices). So-and-So would help, if he could. And if we have choices, then our actions will reflect our desires. Because So-and-So can help, and wants to, he does. That's when our actions reflect our identities. So-and-So helps others - He is a good person.

So, is that where our identities are? In our hearts? I certainly hope so. I can't take this conversation much deeper, and this blog post is already long enough. I should get going soon, too. I have a class to get to. I don't feel like I've found any answers yet. I may have to continue this thought process throughout the day. I feel like I'm close to finding the answer. I just need to work it out a little more.

An Astronomer's Testimony

Yesterday, a friend from institute (a place where Mormon students hang out between classes) showed me a part of LDS.org that I had never seen before, the LDS video library. I was grateful that he showed me such a large resource for new videos for my blog.

Update on editing my blog and putting videos on it again: I found out that I am incapable of editing my blog. My blog uses a Blogspot.com address, but it is now run by Blogger. Blogger lacks the ability to modify Blogspot's webpages, though I am still able to post on my blog and edit my posts. If I really wanted a blog that I could edit, I could make a new one completely through Blogger. The transition probably wouldn't be as difficult as I fear, but in the meantime, I'll just use this blog.

Another update: I'm going out of town this Friday and I won't be back until Monday evening. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about my commitment to blog each morning. Should I see if I can blog while I'm out of town? Should I blog twice each morning for a few days after I get back? Would I be justified in just taking the weekend off? I should probably check with the Boss, but I want to hear your thoughts, too. Please let me know your opinion, either in the comments here or in the comments on Facebook. Right now, I'm thinking that if I can blog, I should, so I should talk to people who may or may not be able and willing to let me use their computers.

In the meantime, I need to blog today.

The friend who showed me the video library also showed me one video in particular. It's called We Lived With God. Personally, I would have called it An Astronomer's Testimony or All Things Testify Of Him. It's a good video. Four minutes long, plus the time it'll take to load the page. It's basically an astronomer telling how the universe testifies of God. (Technically, he calls himself a Chemist involved in "the chemistry of the universe," but since I have no idea what that means, I've simplified his identity.) He said, "As scientists, we can understand a great deal about when things happened, where they happened, how long they took, but science is completely silent of the subject of the who and the why of creation."

Later in the video, he speaks of science and religion like this:

To me, one of the most fundamental principles here is that the universe is God's handiwork. Therefore, if the scriptures are God's handiwork and the universe is God's handiwork, then science and religion represent two independent witnesses of creation. And we're told throughout the Old Testament that two or more independent witnesses are required in order to certify the truth.

They are not opposites, but they are like the vision seen from your two eyes. If you close one eye, then close the other, alternate back and forth, you don't see the same thing with the two eyes. But it is the combination of those two views that gives you three-dimensional perception, and shows you many things that neither eye by itself sees.

I love what he says about science and religion being two independent witnesses of the same truth. It may take the scientists a long time to realize that they're looking at God's handiwork, and it may take believers a long time to accept that may God used methods of creation that can be partly perceived through science. Ages ago, I wrote about how there's so much evidence to support evolution and the scriptures don't really say how God created all the animals, so maybe He made them through the process of evolution. Then again, that's just my guess. There are people who are way smarter than me on the subjects of both Biblical creation and the history of evolution. Maybe they have a better hypothesis.

All I'm saying is that, in some cases, science and religion don't necessarily have to disagree. God created the universe somehow. He may have done it through universal laws that we don't fully understand right now. He may have started it with a big bang. Who can say for sure? But what I can say for sure is that God created the universe, and it is very impressive. Part of the reason we know how impressive the universe is is because of the pursuit of knowledge through science. Both science and religion have a lot more to teach us about the world we live in, and personally, I'm grateful for both.

Using TIme Wisely

The last time I wrote about President Uchtdorf's talk Of Regrets and Resolutions, I mentioned that I should probably listen to the message again, but then I didn't have the time. I listened to it again this morning, and I now have something new I'd like to share.

Life is short. As President Uchtdorf put it, "We have a number of precious years which, in the eternal perspective, barely amount to the blink of an eye." No one knows exactly how long or short their lives will be, but almost without exception, everyone wishes their lives would be longer. But as Gandalf said in The Fellowship of the Ring (and you'll notice that I'm misquoting him by taking his words out of context), "-that is not for them to decide. All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

As Gandalf suggests and President Uchtdorf teaches, we must be wise with how we use our time on Earth, or we will someday regret it. In his talk, President Uchtdorf mentions many things that occupy much of our time, that in the eternal scheme of things, are somewhat trivial. Certain time-wasting websites and computer games come to mind. He then listed a few things that involve wiser uses of our time. Spending quality time with family was on the top of that list. President Uchtdorf advises us: "Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories."

This is excellent advice, but it isn't what really grabbed me this time. What spoke to me was the section below spending time with family, the one about living up to our potential. Once again, I quote from President Uchtdorf:

Our Heavenly Father sees our real potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good life, and to return to His presence. Why, then, do we devote so much of our time and energy to things that are so fleeting, so inconsequential, and so superficial?

I have occasionally pondered (in moments when my faith was waning) on whether it was fair for God to place eternal consequences on the decisions we make during our short, mortal lives. After removing all knowledge we had ever gained in our pre-earth life, after rendering us totally clueless, then comes the most important test of our entire existence? I may be exaggerating, but this is such a closed-book test that most of the students don't know they're even being tested!

But, of course, I am the one who's being unfair here. We're not nearly as clueless as I had supposed. God has given each of us the Light of Christ: a conscience that helps us recognize right from wrong. Through the Light of Christ, we can discern the truth of the teachings of prophets like President Uchtdorf. Through the power of the Holy Ghost, which can influence anyone, we can know that what he's telling us is true. In this "closed-book test" at least that one part of the book has been opened. And what he's telling us is that we need to stop wasting our time.

It's a bit of a paradox, in my opinion. Our Earth life only amounts to a blink of an eye in the eternal perspective, yet it's critical that we don't waste it.

When I think of a blink of an eye, I think of it as such an infinitesimally small period of time that it really doesn't matter whether that time gets wasted. I mean, really, how much can be done in the time period of a blink of an eye? On the other hand, when I think about life, I don't think in terms of heartbeats or split-seconds. I think of life in terms of years. How much do you think could be done in the time period of, say, a decade? How much progress could we make in that much time? How much work could be accomplished? How many memories could be created? How many lives could be blessed? How much more like our Savior could we be if we spent an entire decade working on it?

I've already used up two of my decades. Some of you may have already spent three. I can almost guarantee that we each have at least one or two left. More, if nothing tragic happens. What are we going to do with those decades? How are we going to spend that time? How much time are we going to spend on Facebook or Youtube? How much time we will spend with our family? How much time will we spend actively trying to become more like our Savior?

In the words of President Uchtdorf, "It is my testimony that many of the deepest regrets of tomorrow can be prevented by following the Savior today... The path toward fulfilling our divine destiny as sons and daughters of God is an eternal one. My dear brothers and sisters, dear friends, we must begin to walk that eternal path today;" (Italics in the original.)

I agree with President Uchdorf. Eternal progression may take almost an eternity, but we'll reach that goal a little bit sooner if we start striving for it today.

Climbing the Rock of Heaven

When Elder Richard G. Scott spoke of the Atonement and living a peaceful life in October 2006, he began with an analogy to rock climbing.

There are those who attempt to scale a difficult rock cliff by a method called “soloing.” They ascend alone, without equipment, companions, or any secure protection. They depend on their own skill and capacity. They do it for the thrill of living on the edge with high risk. It is done despite the probability that in time they will fall and be seriously injured or lose their life. They are like many who face the challenges and temptations of life without the security of following the commandments of God, guided by the Holy Spirit. In today’s difficult world they will almost surely violate critical laws, with painful, destructive consequences. Do not “solo” in life. You will almost certainly fall into transgression.

"There is a safer way to rock climb,"  Elder Scott continues. It involves a pair of climbers, one following a series of anchors, the other, the belayer, firmly rooted in a secure place. As the first ascends, the belayer takes up the slack. When the first climber finds a secure place, he anchors himself there and becomes the belayer so he can help the other climber follow after him.

Elder Scott related this method of rock climbing to facing life's challenges with the aid of the Savior. Jesus said, "I am … the Rock of Heaven … ; whoso cometh in at the gate and climbeth up by me shall never fall." (Moses 7:53) Christ is our belayer. The anchors that we are to follow are the commandments of God. The rope connecting us to the anchors and to the Belayer represents our obedience to those commandments. When we fall from the rock face, the Belayer catches us by holding fast to the rope, and we can resume the climb through the process of repentance.

This method of rock climbing ensures safety in what would otherwise seem like a very dangerous activity. Many people have a natural fear of heights, which stems from the risk of falling. When the risk of falling is negated, the fear can begin to subside.

Some people view this life as a difficult and dangerous challenge. It is difficult to keep the commandments and it is daunting to face life's challenges. The risk and consequences of even the slightest slip-up seem monumental, and they would be if we didn't rely on the Lord.

Because of our Heavenly Father giving us His Son and His commandments, the danger of falling is largely abated. We may slip up and lose our grip from time to time, but as long as we try to stay connected to the Lord, He won't let us fall too far.

The climb will still be difficult, and the Lord won't just pull us up to the top. He lets us climb the rock face on our own power so we can gain experience and strength and so we can have a full sense of accomplishment when we reach the top. Thankfully, the Lord is patient with us and will let us climb the mountain at our own pace.

Though life is difficult and frightening, we can have an assurance of safety by staying connected with the Lord through prayer, scripture study, and regular repentance. He will guide us along the right path and will help us return to it if we start to fall away. With His help, we can eventually reach the top of the mountain, and when we do, the accomplishment will be incredible.

True, enduring happiness, with the accompanying strength, courage, and capacity to overcome the greatest difficulties, will come as you center your life in Jesus Christ. Obedience to His teachings provides a secure ascent in the journey of life. That takes effort. While there is no guarantee of overnight results, there is the assurance that, in the Lord’s time, solutions will come, peace will prevail, and happiness will be yours.

Eternal Progress

I've just re-read some of my blog posts, looking for things I can share when I give my lesson on perfection later today. As I was reading, I was surprised at how much I've written over the past few weeks, and incidentally, that thought overlaps perfectly with the blog posts I read.

I read Riding the Bicycle and The Ladder of St. Augustine, among others, many of which talked about Eternal Progression. The basic idea was that we might not progress very quickly, but as long as we keep progressing day by day, after a while, we'll be surprised at how far we've come. When I started writing on my blog, I had no idea how much I would end up having written, but looking over it all, I'm kind of impressed.

I wonder if spiritual progression happens the same way. I don't feel like I'm making enormous amounts of progress. At times I doubt whether I'm making any progress at all. But perhaps, farther down the road, I'll look back on my life and be surprised at how much progress I've made. I hope that's what's happening.

When Elder Russell M. Nelson spoke of the commandment to be perfect in October 1995, he noted that it's easy to get discouraged if we think of how far we are from this goal, but he also shared an important perspective on this commandment that I may not have shared with you yet.

In Matt. 5:48, the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios,which means “complete.” Teleios is an adjective derived from the noun telos, which means “end.” 10 The infinitive form of the verb is teleiono,which means “to reach a distant end, to be fully developed, to consummate, or to finish.” 11 Please note that the word does not imply “freedom from error”; it implies “achieving a distant objective.”

Actually, this sounds really familiar. Maybe I have already shared this. But whatever. It's still good.

I love that last sentence of the quote. Most often, I think about perfection as not having any problems, and, thinking that way, I get discouraged, thinking that I'll never reach that goal. But when I think of Eternal Progression as a process that will last into the Eternities, I think that goal is a bit more realistic. I won't become perfect any time soon, but if I have an eternity to work on it, I may have a chance.

Elder Nelson also illustrated the difference between Mortal Perfection and Immortal or Eternal Perfection.

Mortal Perfection is possible in some cases. There are some things that we can do perfectly, such as pitching a perfect baseball game, bowling a perfect score, and playing a full game of golf and getting a hole-in-one on each course.

We can also achieve Mortal Perfection at keeping certain commandments. Some people go their entire lives without taking the name of god in vain. In keeping that commandment, those people were perfect. Many people pay a full tithe. That's a relatively easy commandment to keep perfectly, though it does take a lot of faith.

Immortal Perfection is more along the lines of what we think of when we think of Eternal Progress. Jesus Christ himself said that He wouldn't be "perfected" in that sense until after His resurrection.

Just prior to his crucifixion, he said that on “the third day I shall be perfected.” (Luke 13:32) Think of that! The sinless, errorless Lord—already perfect by our mortal standards—proclaimed his own state of perfection yet to be in the future.

"Eternal perfection," as Elder Nelson says later in his talk, "is reserved for those who overcome all things and inherit the fulness of the Father in his heavenly mansions. Perfection [in this sense] consists in gaining eternal life—the kind of life that God lives." Which, I may add, cannot be achieved until after the end of this life.

God does want us to be perfect, in every sense of the word, eventually. But He who knows us best knows that this is a very distant goal for us. In the meantime, He just wants us to strive for perfection and to make some progress toward that goal. As long as we continually improve, little-by-little, day-by-day, we can eventually become perfect, even as our Father who is in Heaven is perfect.

Spiritual Vertigo

For those who are unfamiliar with the term (a group which included me until I watched the video Spiritual Vertigo), vertigo is a feeling of disorientation that pilots sometimes get while flying through clouds. It means that they lose track of which way is up or down. Vertigo is extremely dangerous because if a pilot changes his course while experiencing vertigo, especially if he changes it by accident, he may feel that he's going in a safe direction when he's actually headed for danger.

During World War II, a Mormon pilot was going out with a group of other fighter planes. He was not an experienced pilot yet, and he was nervous about flying through the clouds (wise man). His flight leader told him (essentially) "Just follow me." He did. As they flew through the clouds, the Mormon pilot lost all track of which way was up or down, North or South, but trusting in his flight leader, he followed him faithfully and was led safely out of the clouds.

We are much like that Mormon pilot. We don't always know very much, and we certainly don't know as much as our Heavenly Father. In this world of differing opinions, it's easy to become confused about what's right and what's wrong, what's okay to do, and what's a sin to do. If we drift in our course, especially if it happens so gradually we don't know it's happened, we may be headed for spiritual danger while we think we're still on the straight and narrow path.

God knew that this would happen when He planned this mortal life for us. He knew that we'd get lost and confused. He gave us instruments such as the Light of Christ and the Gift of the Holy Ghost, so we can know right from wrong for ourselves, but He also knew that some of us would have a hard time following the Spirit. He knew that many of us would need a more obvious guide to follow.

So He gave us prophets to share His word, He sent His Son to be an example to us, He places righteous people in our day-to-day lives to nudge us in the right direction. God has given us many guides which, if we choose to follow them, will lead us safely out of the clouds.

Satan tries to disorient us, hoping that we'll crash into the ground or into mountains, and sadly, many people do. But even if we get lost and confused while flying in these clouds, we can make sure that we're headed for safety by faithfully following our flight leader. We may not always know what's best for us, but He does, and if we follow Him wherever He leads, we can literally follow Him to heaven.

Learning From Learning Experiences

I think I'm going to have to stop posting videos on my blog, at least until I can figure out how to get rid of that sidebar. Isn't it funny that I don't know how to edit my own blog? I can update, and even modify, the content of my blog, but it's gonna take me some time to figure out how to change the blog itself.

It's also taking me quite some time to find a message I want to share. I looked at the list of General Conference talks, but none of them spoke to me. I looked at a few videos on the Mormon Channel, but none of the ones I saw this morning held anything I want to share. Maybe I'm just tired.

In October 2004, Joseph B. Wirthlin gave a talk called Press On. Within the first minute of his message, he shares the thought:

Often those who struggle with adversity ask the question, "Why did this happen to me?" They spend sleepless nights wondering why they feel so lonely, sick, discouraged, depressed or broken-hearted. The question, "Why me?" can be a difficult one to answer, and often leads to frustration and despair. There's a better question to ask ourselves. The question is: What could I learn from this experience?

That's not an easy question to ask or answer when we're facing adversity. Mostly, when we face trials, we just want the affliction to stop. But every experience we have here is meant to be a learning experience. Lehi told his son, Jacob, that God would "consecrate [his] afflictions for [his] gain." Similarly, we can expect that God will do the same for us. But He can't do it alone.

You've heard the expression, You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink? Well, God can give us learning experiences, but He can't make us learn. We must actively seek the wisdom God is trying to share with us. We need to ask ourselves what we can learn from the experience, then, to make sure we don't forget the message, we need to apply what we've learned.

For me, it helps to write things down. It's easy for me to forget things and to not be able to focus. Writing helps me concentrate on my thoughts so I can organize them and make connections. If I'm having a bad experience, I can write down the details of the experience, maybe hypothesize about what caused it, write down a few things I could learn from the experience, then list ways that I can apply what I've learned in the future. If I tried to do all that just in my head, I'd probably get stuck thinking about my emotions of how the situation makes me feel. And moping won't solve anything.

I'm going to go get a pad of paper and try to find out why I had a hard time blogging this morning, and see what I can do about it in the future. I can't guarantee that I'll get awesome results, but maybe we'll see some improvement, and that'll be pretty good.

Temptation and Peer Pressure

This morning, feeling that another Mormon Messages video wasn't going to cut it today, I decided to use a General Conference talk this time. This talk is from Bishop Gary E. Stevenson, and it's about the 2000 Stripling Warriors. These "ancient young men," as Bishop Stevenson described them (nice oxymoron, by the way), were "exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity" (Alma 53:20). Thus, the title of his talk: "Be Valiant in Courage, Strength, and Activity." He should have left it at "Be Valiant in Courage," because he doesn't really talk about the other two.

But in talking about courage, he shares an experience that his John had, in which he had an opportunity to show moral courage. He was attending a prestigious Japanese university, which was a great privilege for him and the other students. One group of students was holding a party, and John and a few of his friends were invited to attend. At the party, there was drinking and loud music, both of which got worse as the night wore on. John became uneasy. One of the students began organizing all the party-goers into a circle so they could share marijuana cigarettes. John knew he couldn't partake of that. One of his friends said that they could stay in the circle, but just pass the cigarette along instead of smoking. That would have been easy and it wouldn't force him to embarrass himself in front of the other students, but he knew that he had to take a stand. He removed himself from the circle and left the party and one of his friends left with him. Just as they were leaving, police officers arrived and arrested everyone who had handled the drugs, including the friend who said they could stay. John and the friend who came with him were clean.

This story makes me think of Lehonti, though kind of in reverse. Lehonti was the commander of an army in the Book of Mormon (in case anyone reading this doesn't know). He and his soldiers were camped up on a hill, and the commander of an enemy force invited Lehonti to come down off the mountain to parlay with him. Lehonti knew that the enemy leader was probably up to some trick, so he refused to come down. But after the enemy leader kept asking and asking, eventually Lehonti came out to parlay and, sure enough, he got tricked, lost his army and was killed.

The moral of the story is to stay on the mountain. He had an uphill advantage, his force was pretty strong, and assuming he had as much food as his opponent did (the record doesn't say), he could have just held his ground and would have been pretty safe doing it. He only lost when he left the safe area. In John's story, he almost lost his opportunity to study in Japan, not because he left a safe area, but because he entered a dangerous one.

Most people know that when a typical college or university student talks about a party, they're really talking about alcohol consumption, or worse. John may not have been Mormon, but if he was, he might have known that going to the party at all was a bad idea, even before they brought out illegal drugs. It was an area loaded with temptation and peer pressure. Thankfully, most of the people reading this blog would be wise enough to avoid a situation like that, but unfortunately, that doesn't mean we're safe.

Bishop Stevenson continues his talk on the need for courage by telling us that Satan doesn't only tempt us when we're hanging with the wrong crowd. He also tempts us when we're alone. He doesn't need to get our friends to tempt us to break our standards; he can place temptations directly into our minds. A good way to counter this is with positive peer pressure. Just as the wrong kinds of friends can tempt us to make wrong choices, the right kinds of friends can help us make right choices. But we can't be with our friends all the time. Sometimes, we need to be able to stand alone.

Or do we? When Satan tempts us with thoughts such as "no one will ever know," he's hoping that we'll forget that God is always watching over us. Through his angels and the Holy Spirit, He's always with us, always watching us, always ready to help. Have you ever seen this Mormonad?

It's true. The scripture reference at the bottom is John 14: 18, "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." The aid of our Savior is always only a prayer away. If we pray for help in resisting temptation, we'll get it.

In these days, temptation is all around us. We face it daily. The people we choose to be around can make temptation harder or easier to face. Let us always try to stand by the Savior, so that when temptation comes, whether we're alone or with a group of the wrong sort of people, we'll always have at least one good Friend who can help us choose the right.

Daughters of God

I found a great video on the Mormon Channel this morning. Not all of it applies to me, obviously, but some of it does. And I'm pretty sure most of my readers are women, so most of it will apply to most of you. This is a video that, if you don't believe it right away, it's worth watching over and over until you believe it. As soon as you believe what's being said in this video, it become inspiring. For that reason, I thought it was worth sharing.




The video is split into several parts:

I know who I am.
I know my potential.
I know my strengths.
I know I belong.
I know my Savior, Jesus Christ, and I follow Him.
And a whole montage of other qualities many women possess.

I know who I am; a son of God. I know my potential; to become like Him. I know my strengths; well, I know of some strengths that I have, including optimism (most of the time), and the ability to see spiritual meaning in relatively mundane things. I know I belong; not to the Relief Society, but to the Priesthood and to the Church.

I know my Savior, Jesus Christ, and I follow Him. This part is harder. Even someone with low self-esteem can think of a few positive traits, but to say that I know and follow my Savior? I don't think I can do that. I know of Him, of course, and I know a little bit about Him, but I wouldn't say I know Him. And I try to follow Him most of the time, but I can't say I succeed very often. It's something I need to work on. Perhaps I'll come to know Him as I learn to follow Him. That makes sense, right?

I know that God knows me better than I do, and that He's still working with me, even when I feel hopeless. Apparently, He doesn't think I'm as hopeless as I sometimes feel. One of us is right about whether or not I'm hopeless, and one of us is wrong. One of us is Omniscient, and one of us is an idiot. I'd have to be truly insane to think that I know better than God does, yet I sometimes do.

I need to be more like a Paladin. (I know that this isn't really blogging material, and I'm sorry. I'll probably delete this later, but I have to type it down first.) I need to be more trusting. God gives orders - I obey. No questions, no doubts, no hesitation. If only I could be like that. Well, I know I could, but it would take an awful lot of self-mastery and faith and sensitivity to the Spirit.

I've asked before for God to override my own will and make me a tool in His hands. I wanted to be something like a remote-controlled Christian. I knew, and still know, that following my own will is a bad idea. If I follow my natural man, I'll be led to destruction. If I follow my own logic, I'll be lost forever. The only way to get out of this mortal mess and make any real progress toward salvation is to follow Christ. So I thought, why not cut out the middle man (the middle man being my own ability to choose)? Why not make me, almost literally, a tool in His hands? Why should I keep my ability to make choices, knowing how frequently I make bad choices? Thinking about it, I'm amazed that I made it to Earth at all.

I must have really trusted my Father. I must have thought 'This doesn't make any sense to me, but You know better than I do, so I'll just take Your word that this is the best way to do it.' For some reason, God sent us down here, knowing that we would make countless repeated mistakes. Maybe this is the only way we can truly learn. We need to learn from our experiences. We need to make our own decisions and learn from the consequences. I'm not good at either of those things. Apparently, God thinks I can learn. He thinks I can improve. He thinks I have tremendous potential. If He believes it, it must be true, but sometimes I just can't see it. I guess I just have to take this on faith.

I'm sorry I've been rambling. This blog post probably isn't very uplifting. Just watch the video a few times and something good will come of it. I'll try to do better next time.

The Saturday In-Between

It sometimes bothers me when stores decorate for a holiday too far in advance. For example, when they try to sell Christmas so early that they're still trying to sell Halloween. Now, I have nothing against Halloween as a fun/silly holiday, but it does Not belong in the same aisle as Christmas. Jesus was born in a stable, not a graveyard. But that's a rant better suited for October.

A few weeks ago, I was walking through a store and saw Easter decorations mingled with St. Patrick's Day decorations. The combination did bother me at all because the two holidays match each other's themes pretty well. The combo didn't bother me on a spiritual level either because I see the store-bought Easter, with its painted eggs and fuzzy bunnies, as so far removed from the Easter we observe at church, that they might as well be separate holidays. The fun/silly Easter lines store shelves along with the fun/silly St. Patrick's Day, while the spiritual side of Easter (hopefully) lies deeper in our hearts.

No, the reason I didn't like seeing Easter and St. Patrick's Day together in the store a few weeks ago was because I was seeing them in February. In my mind, at that time, it was a little early to start thinking about Easter. But now, it's March, mid-March even, and Easter is less than three weeks away. On that note, I hope that you'll forgive me for sharing a short message about the Atonement and Resurrection.





The "Friday" Elder Wirthlin spoke of could, symbolically, represent almost anything: a trial, our struggles with sin, an especially difficult part of mortality or mortality as a whole. Any disheartening time or experience could be called a "Friday" for the purpose of this analogy. You may be thinking of such a trial right now. Whatever the "Friday" is or was, it will be made right through the Atonement and Resurrection of Christ. As Elder Wirthlin promised, Sunday will come.

As I was watching this video, I wondered: If Friday was so terrible, but everything was fixed by Sunday, what was going on on Saturday?

I know that Jesus' body was taken off the cross and laid in a borrowed tomb (borrowed and returned a few days later), but I'm not sure which exact day that happened on. I hope it happened on Saturday, because I could really expand the analogy if it did. But even if it didn't, Saturday may still play an important part in the analogy.

If Christ was entombed on Saturday, that meant that someone had to do it. A group of people physically got the body of Jesus off the cross, physically carried it/Him (not sure which) to the tomb, dressed Him in burial clothes and laid Him in the tomb - all of which took physical effort. They even rolled that big, heavy stone in front of the door of the tomb. Don't tell me that wasn't work! The terrible Friday happened, and the wonderful Sunday came afterward, but in the meantime, there was a Saturday of work.

Somehow, those early saints came out of their grief long enough to gird up their loins and perform one final act of service in the name of the Savior. It couldn't have been easy for them, physically or emotionally, but it had to be done. So, as Christians and as people who truly love Jesus, they dried their eyes and got to work.

This is the same inspiring message we get every time a natural disaster strikes. On Friday, everything was terrible. The storm/earthquake/fire destroyed everything. Wreckage and rubble where there used to be homes. But when the earth stops shaking, when the skies clear, when the last of the fires are finally put out, the people get together to comfort one another and to rebuild. After every natural disaster in recent history, people have pulled themselves together and gotten to work. Then, in time, Sunday came.

But let's say Jesus wasn't buried on Saturday. Maybe He was buried on Friday. Maybe needing to bury the Savior was part of what made Friday so horrible for the early saints. Maybe there was no work done on Saturday at all. Saturday still happened, and there was a reason for that.

Perhaps it was out of courtesy. I'm not sure how much emotional pressure the human heart can take. Maybe having the most joyful experience in the world happen immediately after the most terrible one would be enough emotional shock to kill anyone who cared. I may be exaggerating. Still, it was kind of the Savior to give His friends some time to grieve before surprising them as He did. Or perhaps there was another reason for a Saturday of waiting.

We've been told (and I'm paraphrasing because I'm too lazy to fetch the actual quote) that our adversities and afflictions will be but a small moment, and then, if we endure it well, [blessings]. Sometimes, Friday can seem to take forever. We suffer and we suffer, and we wonder, "When will I get those blessings I was promised?" Eventually, the suffering ends, but that doesn't mean that we'll get the blessings right away. As Elder Holland said in General Conference in October of '99 (and I'll fetch this quote because it's a really good one), "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven;" Even after the trial is over, even after we've endured it well and earned the promised reward, sometimes we still have to wait. It's supposed to teach us patience, and it's just the way life is.

Whatever was done on Saturday, and whatever message we may gain from it, the overall message of that weekend and of Elder Wirthlin's talk was that Sunday will come. It may not come as quickly as we'd like, and it may take some work in the meantime, and it may only come after experiencing a Friday of pain, but it will come. God will not leave us alone. Not forever. Friday will end eventually, and Saturday won't last forever. We can all look forward to Sunday, even as we weather the storm.

Lend a Helping Hand

I don't have a lot of time today. Because of Daylight Savings Time, my biological clock let me sleep in until the other clocks said 7, and on Mondays (and Wednesdays), I leave at 8. However, thanks to the One in a Million project, I was able to quickly find a short video from an inspiring young woman.




When I selected the video to watch on Youtube, the thumbnail was too small for me to see any details, so when Brynn said why she likes to lend a helping hand - just one, I was a little surprised. Up to that point, and for the entire video afterward, she seemed so normal. Just a normal little girl helping up wherever she can. But seeming so normal is part of what makes Brynn so extraordinary.

When we (or I) have some characteristic or problem that could hold us back we (or I) tend to focus on it negatively. I allow my problems to hold me back because I give them more weight than they deserve.

Brynn has only one hand. Right now, I'm thinking of several things that it takes two hands to do. But Brynn didn't focus on the things she can't do; she focussed on what she could do, and she did them. She helped with the dishes, though I thought that would have been nearly impossible, she taught her sister how to walk, she helps her primary teacher return pictures to the library, and she makes friends with the new people at church. She even does something that most of us feel we can't do - Member Missionary Work.

Missing an entire part of her body, and especially one so useful as a hand, may feel like a disabling problem, but Brynn didn't let it hold her back. What are some "disabling" problems that we have? We may feel too shy to share the gospel. We may feel that we don't have the skills we need to help others. When we think about ourselves, we can find all kinds of things wrong with us, and it's so normal to think "I can't do it."

Brynn was probably in that slump once. Having only one hand, she probably felt much less capable than other kids. She probably got teased for it, too. Having that kind of childhood could have made her miserable and bitter, but it didn't. She rose above that negativity, and I think I know how she did it. Instead of thinking about herself and her problem, she thought about others. She reached out to help them. And service is a sure way to attract the Spirit, and the Spirit can be an empowering influence in anyone's life, no matter what challenges they have.

We can follow Brynn's example. By reaching out to others, we can attract the Spirit. When we have the Spirit with us, he can inspire us to know how we can help others (working around our disabilities if we have to). God knows each of us personally, and He knows what we can do. He knows us better than we do, and that includes knowing our abilities and disabilities better than we do. We can ask Him "What can I do to help?" with faith that we'll be able to do the things He asks of us, no matter how impaired we may feel. He knows us perfectly. We may be more capable than we think.

The Miracle of the Bible

My message today comes from the Mormon Messages video called The Miracle of the Holy Bible, and from the April 2007 General Conference talk of the same name.




In the talk, Elder M. Russell Ballard shares a few more reasons that the Holy Bible is a miracle. He said:

It is a miracle that the Bible’s 4,000 years of sacred and secular history were recorded and preserved by the prophets, apostles, and inspired churchmen.
It is a miracle that we have the Bible’s powerful doctrine, principles, poetry, and stories. But most of all, it is a wonderful miracle that we have the account of the life, ministry, and words of Jesus, which was protected through the Dark Ages and through the conflicts of countless generations so that we may have it today.

During the Dark Ages, the Bible was mostly kept from the common people and reserved for clergy. Many brave men worked hard despite intense opposition in order to translate the Bible into common languages, and many of those men were martyred for their inspired work.

Yet, as Mormons, we sometimes ignore the Bible, or at least I usually do. The Book of Mormon is so much more familiar to me. I grew up reading it. I know the stories better, and even the language of the Book of Mormon is easier for me to read than the Bible is. I know that the Bible, particularly the New Testament, is incredibly valuable for its stories and teachings, but I seldom tap into that resource.

Much later in his talk, Elder Ballard said, "We tend to love the scriptures that we spend time with. We may need to balance our study in order to love and understand all scripture."

I agree. When I took a few moments to read an Old Testament story a few days ago, I gained a wonderful insight, and I started to see the Bible in a new light. I now keep a copy of the Bible by my bed, and I even read from it occasionally. The other night, I read about David and Goliath.

I need to follow Elder Ballard's counsel and balance out my scripture study, so I can increase my testimony in the miracle of the Bible. People died so I could have it. I had darn well better read it.

A Balm For Little Problems

Meet Arina. After telling us about herself for about half a minute, she shares a story that I find spiritually touching.




I love this story because it shows that God watches over each of us and cares about how we feel. We may feel small and insignificant most of the time, and maybe our troubles are minor in the grand scheme of things, but we're never insignificant to God. He may not solve our problems for us all the time, but He will comfort us if we ask Him to.

Like Arina, I also know that we're never alone. We can always have the Spirit with us when we're worthy, and even when we're not worthy, God is still watching over us and looking after us. God's love is infinite and all-encompassing. It even covers the little things, like having bad dreams.  Even when you think that God is too important to care about your problems, you can remember that, as President Uchtdorf taught in October 2011, You Matter to Him.

That is, as Uchtdorf said, "a paradox of man: compared to God, man is nothing; yet we are everything to God."

He knows you. He knows your struggles and your troubles. He knows when you're having a bad day or a bad dream, and He will be with you. If you pray to Him, you will feel His Spirit, comforting you. Follow Arina's example and call upon the Lord in you time of need. He will answer your prayer.

One in a Million

Yesterday morning, while biking to school, I almost bumped into a light-colored car. Might have been tan. Biking home from school, I got chased for a block or so by a sandy colored dog. Then I casually watched the news and heard about a fatal lion attack.

I'm going to go watch a video now.




This is a really cute story. But I'm not sure it's something I can blog about. I have nothing to add.

Apparently, the Friend magazine has started something called One in a Million, where kids make uplifting videos and the Mormon Channel posts them on Youtube.

Here's another really good one:




There are currently 25 of them in all. I don't know if more will be posted later. They're each about a minute and a half to two minutes long. If you have that much time to spare, you may want to check them out on the Mormon Channel. I'd watch them all myself and share my favorites, but that's about 45 minutes of videos to watch, and then I'd have to decide which ones to share and which ones to leave out. My advice: pick one or two at random and see what cool, cute, inspiring message(s) you get.


I thought I'd do a few searches and find out more about this One in a Million thing and the first thing I found was this page, which has the One in a Million theme song (which is kinda cute) and a bunch of videos (if you can get them to run smoothly on your computer). After another search or two, I quickly found out how it all got started.

Did you know there are about one million Primary children in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? To celebrate this, the Friend magazine is sponsoring a new project, “One in a Million,” to show how each child is a special son or daughter of God. http://ldsmediatalk.com/2011/02/16/one-in-a-million-children/

According to another Church News article, they'll be adding videos throughout the year. There are 25 videos currently, but who knows how many videos there will be by the time the year ends? Looks like I'm going to have videos and stories I can share for a long time to come. (Running out of church videos is something I was worried about when my only source was Mormon Messages. They don't produce those quickly enough for my taste.)

I've only seen a handful of them so far, but as far as I can tell, they're all pretty good. You can expect that I'll start using them for blog posts in the future.

Check With the Boss

I recently had a moment to spare and there was a Book of Mormon handy, so I opened it to some random section (something about Amalekiah, I think), but then I thought 'Wouldn't it be just as interesting to read a random passage out of the Bible? Say, the Old Testament?' I mused on the fact that, even though we revere the Bible as the word of God, we don't read it nearly as much as we read the Book of Mormon. So, I opened the book and landed on 1st Kings. I read a few passages about King Solomon, how he was wise enough to ask God for wisdom instead of wealth, so God gave him both wisdom and wealth. There's probably a message there, but that's not the part that really stuck with me.

After reading about Solomon, I flipped ahead a few chapters and found a story about a prophet in 1 Kings 13. It starts with King Jeroboam worshipping idols. He gets cursed and he asks a prophet to ask God to remove the curse. The prophet does, and God does, and the king tells the prophet, "Come home with me, and refresh thyself, and I will give thee a reward." Good deal, right? But the prophet says,
"If thou wilt give me half thine house, I will not go in with thee, neither will I eat bread nor drink water in this place: For so was it charged me by the word of the Lord, saying, Eat no bread, nor drink water, nor turn again by the same way that thou camest."

Basically, "It doesn't matter how big the reward is. God told me not to do that, so I'm not going to do that." So he left.

Later that day, there's a man in the area who hears about what the prophet did and said, so he saddled up his donkey and chased after the prophet. Now I'll quote directly from the Bible. Note that the prophet that we've been talking about is referred to as a "man of God." So the other guy saddled up his donkey...

14 And went after the man of God, and found him sitting under an oak: and he said unto him, Art thou the man of God that camest from Judah? And he said, I am.

15 Then he said unto him, Come home with me, and eat bread.

16 And he said, I may not return with thee, nor go in with thee: neither will I eat bread nor drink water with thee in this place:

17 For it was said to me by the word of the Lord, Thou shalt eat no bread nor drink water there, nor turn again to go by the way that thou camest.

18 He said unto him, I am a prophet also as thou art; and an angel spake unto me by the word of the Lord, saying, Bring him back with thee into thine house, that he may eat bread and drink water. But he lied unto him.

19 So he went back with him, and did eat bread in his house, and drank water.

Five verses later, the disobedient prophet gets killed by a lion.

So what lessons can we take from this? If God tells you something and a stranger says something else, listen to God. Or how about: It's easy to resist big, obvious temptations, but watch out for the little sneaky ones.

Probably my favorite moral of the story came from my Mom. It told her the tale last night, and what she got out of it was "Check with the Boss." So often, we're faced with decisions which may or may not affect our eternal salvation, and so often, we reason within ourselves and we do whatever seems right. Why don't we check with the Boss? He knows what's right and wrong. He even knows how the concepts of right and wrong apply to our specific situation. A quick prayer like "I'm thinking about doing this. Is that okay?" could save us a major headache (and possibly a laceration) later on.

Are you ready for the kicker? The dude on the donkey wasn't lying. Here's the JST for verse 18:

18 He said unto him, I am a prophet also as thou art; and an angel spake unto me by the word of the Lord, saying, Bring him back with thee into thine house, that he may eat bread and drink water, that I may prove him; and he lied not unto him.

A few words change the whole story.

So here's my thinking: Maybe the man of God did check with the Boss, but he asked the wrong questions. Maybe, having been told that this guy was a prophet and that he'd been asked to invite him to dinner, the man of God prayed, "Seriously? Is this guy really a prophet? Did you really send and angel to tell him to invite me to dinner?" And since both of those things were technically true, God could have answered in the affirmative, without ever mentioning that this was all a test.

If he had asked, "Should I go with him?" the answer would have been "no," and he probably would have accepted that. But because he asked the wrong question, or completely failed to ask, he made the wrong decision and paid the price five verses later.

Does this seem like the kind of mistake that you or I could make? We've been commanded to do such-and-such, or to not do such-and-such, but still, this just seems like the right thing to do. Maybe this is the exception to the rule. Maybe God would be okay with us doing this instead of that, just this once.

Maybe we should ask.

But while I'm talking about this, I'm making the exact same mistake. Part of my commitment of blogging every day is that I'd watch a Conference talk or a Mormon Messages video, or something from the Mormon Channel on Youtube, and I'd share my thoughts on that video in my blog. But then I found this Bible story and I thought it was really interesting and I really wanted to share it, so I thought "Maybe it's okay for me to just share this story and not watch a video this time." I've not watched a video before and I haven't been eaten by a lion yet. Maybe this is okay. Or, okay or not, maybe I should share a quick video anyway. Maybe I should check with the Boss.

I just checked... But I've never really been good at receiving revelation. I just basically said "I'm going to go fetch a video, just to err on the side of caution. If that's not okay with you, go ahead and stop me." Then I felt... weird. I don't know if it was just my imagination or if it was an actual feeling that the video doesn't matter. I'm going to try again and see if I get that feeling again.

I did. No video today. But, just to be safe, I'm going to be extra careful to watch out for lions.

Angels Round About You

I was about to just let Sariah's comment be today's blog post, but then I found this video. Don't worry; it's short.




It's comforting that he mentions that God will still be watching over us and assisting us through His angels, even when our separation from Him is our fault. That, to me, shows how much He cares about us. When we sin, God can't help us as much as He'd like to - It'd be unwise of Him to give us anything that may seem as a reward for unrighteous behavior - But he still loves us, still cares about us, still wants what's best for us and still wants to help us obtain the blessings He has in store for the righteous. Our Heavenly Father is a God of mercy and unfailing, infinite love.

Reclaimed - Sariah's Comment

My sister, Sariah, has given me permission to share a (rather long) comment she made in response to Reclaimed.

My computer is acting wonky and won't let me post a comment on your blog.  I'm sure it's a problem on my end, not yours. :S   And now my comment ended up so long, I don't even know if I could post it as a comment on your status. lol  So, I'll post it here.

Something I thought of while reading your post was compost and decomposition.  Sometimes, garbage that has been properly buried changes and can turn into something that becomes a nourishing part of the soil.  Not all garbage does that (and in those cases, the part that won't, has to be completely removed before the soil can be good - or like in the talk/video, buried under layers and layers of good dirt so the land can become useful), but for the sake of this analogy, let's just think of the stuff that does decompose.  Or better yet, think of the serious sins, the ones that take longer and more effort to remove, as garbage that won't decompose, and think of smaller, less serious sins - as well as our thoughts, memories, habits, etc., as the parts of garbage that can decompose.  

When I think back on the things that I am most ashamed of, times when I made choices that were not just wrong, but I knew they were wrong - even when I know I've fully repented, it still feels awful to realize I did that.  BUT - now, as I do occasionally think of them, they also strengthen my resolve to be better today and in the future.  To never make those choices again.  To treat others with patience, kindness, and understanding.  To live more obediently and faithfully.  I'm not perfect at that and will still sometimes make a bad choice, but in general, I have improved a lot!  

Many sins are addictions and most of us don't even realize it.  Even sins that don't normally fall under the category of an addiction, can be an addiction. (Idleness, rudeness, gossip, dishonesty, etc... we don't consider them addictions usually, but in many ways they are.)  If we can understand that, we can better approach our attempts to overcome it and will understand that if we still sometimes make mistakes, it is because we are dealing with a serious challenge, one that is not going to just go away because we want it to.  We have to be patient with our progress, and forgiving of ourselves when we still stumble, as we are striving to truly change. 

Sin is bad.  It just is.  But it is also part of the plan.  No one was expected to escape it.  And knowing that none of us would, a Savior was provided so we could find our escape through Him.  Messing up - it's normal.  It's not something we should try to do, but we need to realize that through the process of repentance, we have the chance to be an even better person than we were before.  Those who struggle the most, are the strongest when they overcome.  If you feel like you are struggling an exceeding amount, then rejoice!  Not that you sinned, but that you are being blessed with the opportunity to become stronger than you would otherwise become!  Never forget that this IS part of the plan!  God did plan for us to experience sin and guilt and shame - so we could become more like him through the repentance process.  He doesn't want us to suffer, He doesn't hope that we'll suffer - He hopes that we will suffer as little as possible, but He will allow it so we can learn and grow.

As a parent, I don't like to see my children experience pain.  I cried when they got their shots, I feel so bad when I see Cadi's mouth sore from her braces getting tightened, I am sad thinking about the future pain of things like getting Wisdom teeth pulled, experiencing disappointment or a broken heart, - or even as far out as when they experience child birth for themselves, etc.  But I know that these painful experiences will be the best for them in the long run.  Without these painful things, they would not be as healthy and happy later in their lives.  So, I make the appointments, I pay the co-pay, I ask the doctors and dentists to cause my child pain, understanding that this pain will be small compared to the pain they could suffer if we try to avoid these experiences now.  I hope that these experiences are minimal, but you know - sometimes they make choices that cause cavities, so I take them to the dentist and tell them to fill it.  I provide some pain medication to make it bearable, but they are still going to have to experience the discomfort of the consequence of not brushing/flossing.  And once it is over, they are healthy again - and they've learned to be more responsible in that area.  They also learn that they lived through it.  Unpleasant things are not fun, but they can be overcome.

  

It does not mean we should try to make garbage for ourselves, that part is going to happen no matter what - the most righteous people in the world still have garbage that they are dealing with, despite their best efforts.  It's great if the garbage is bio-degradable so it doesn't take so much time and effort to turn it into something good and nourishing, but that will not always be [the] case.  All of us, at some point or other, fill our landfills with non-biodegradable garbage.  So when that happens, do not beat yourself up about it!  Just recognize that a change is necessary, and then repent, understanding that it is a process - that will take a long time and probably many stumbles along the way.  

We need to remember - Humility is not thinking that we are worthless, even when we make mistakes that we know better than to make!  Humility is not thinking we are hopeless because we have not overcome our weakness yet!  In fact, those thoughts are a sin - they are pride!  When we feel worthless, and without hope, we are denying the Savior's atonement.  We are staring Him straight in the face and saying, "Nope, I don't believe it - and I don't believe you.  I can't change and even You aren't capable of helping me.  Your atonement was wasted on me."  TRUE humility is recognizing that we NEED God and we NEED our Savior - and understanding that we DO have Them and that through Them, in time, we CAN overcome anything!  Humility is finding confidence in ourselves because we have confidence in Them!  Humility is allowing Them to change us, allowing ourselves to improve and grow, allowing ourselves to become more like Them - THROUGH Them!  And once we truly understand that - we can find joy and comfort in knowing that it is okay - where we are right now, IS okay!  It will take time, but as long as we don't give up and keep moving in the right direction, it IS enough.  

Something I learned from you when you were on your mission, and I quote it often, "God is easy to please, just hard to satisfy."  Of course He won't be satisfied until you are back with Him.  But He IS so pleased with your efforts to return!  And as long as you continue trying your best, you WILL make it.  Taking a step back is discouraging, but it is only tragic when we give up and don't push forward again.  As long as we are pushing forward, no matter where we are on the path, when we leave this life it WILL be enough.

Ryan and I have paid for a lot of medical bills, music lessons, grocery bills, etc in our children's lives so far - and plan to pay for a lot more still... and we have never asked, nor will we ever ask, for them to "pay us back".  We don't want that.  Neither do our Heavenly Parents.  As earthly parents, we just ask for them to take advantage of the opportunities we are providing them, to help them learn and grow and develop into better people.  Sometimes they don't floss.  Sometimes they don't practice.  Sometimes they throw away good food.  Sometimes we get frustrated about that, but we still love them and still provide these things for them.  And even if they turn into ungrateful teenagers that waste all of the opportunities we give them, we will still love them and continue giving them more chances.  And so long as they, in the end, take advantage of some of those opportunities, we will be happy and not worry about the chances they missed before.  

I think that our Heavenly Father is like that, too.  It won't matter very much how many opportunities we missed before.  All that matters is that we are trying to take advantage of the ones we can right now.  He is perfect.  He understands this plan far better than we do!  If He says it is so, I believe it.  I'm not perfect.  I stumble and fall.  I make mistakes and fill my landfill with lots of non-biodegradable and biodegradable garbage.  But I know He loves me and I know that He will be as patient as I need Him to be - far more patient than I am!  And I know He will help me to become a beautiful park.  It may take decades.  It may take my whole lifetime.  It may take into the eternities.  But eventually, I will get there.  And my park is going to be GORGEOUS!!!  I see bits and pieces of it sometimes.  A patch of green grass here, some flowers there, even a playground or two starting to develop.  Eventually, it will cover all of me.  In the meantime, I trust in HIS vision and HIS ability to create something so beautiful out of someone so flawed.