I found a great video on the Mormon Channel this morning. Not all of it applies to me, obviously, but some of it does. And I'm pretty sure most of my readers are women, so most of it will apply to most of you. This is a video that, if you don't believe it right away, it's worth watching over and over until you believe it. As soon as you believe what's being said in this video, it become inspiring. For that reason, I thought it was worth sharing.
The video is split into several parts:
I know who I am.
I know my potential.
I know my strengths.
I know I belong.
I know my Savior, Jesus Christ, and I follow Him.
And a whole montage of other qualities many women possess.
I know who I am; a son of God. I know my potential; to become like Him. I know my strengths; well, I know of some strengths that I have, including optimism (most of the time), and the ability to see spiritual meaning in relatively mundane things. I know I belong; not to the Relief Society, but to the Priesthood and to the Church.
I know my Savior, Jesus Christ, and I follow Him. This part is harder. Even someone with low self-esteem can think of a few positive traits, but to say that I know and follow my Savior? I don't think I can do that. I know of Him, of course, and I know a little bit about Him, but I wouldn't say I know Him. And I try to follow Him most of the time, but I can't say I succeed very often. It's something I need to work on. Perhaps I'll come to know Him as I learn to follow Him. That makes sense, right?
I know that God knows me better than I do, and that He's still working with me, even when I feel hopeless. Apparently, He doesn't think I'm as hopeless as I sometimes feel. One of us is right about whether or not I'm hopeless, and one of us is wrong. One of us is Omniscient, and one of us is an idiot. I'd have to be truly insane to think that I know better than God does, yet I sometimes do.
I need to be more like a Paladin. (I know that this isn't really blogging material, and I'm sorry. I'll probably delete this later, but I have to type it down first.) I need to be more trusting. God gives orders - I obey. No questions, no doubts, no hesitation. If only I could be like that. Well, I know I could, but it would take an awful lot of self-mastery and faith and sensitivity to the Spirit.
I've asked before for God to override my own will and make me a tool in His hands. I wanted to be something like a remote-controlled Christian. I knew, and still know, that following my own will is a bad idea. If I follow my natural man, I'll be led to destruction. If I follow my own logic, I'll be lost forever. The only way to get out of this mortal mess and make any real progress toward salvation is to follow Christ. So I thought, why not cut out the middle man (the middle man being my own ability to choose)? Why not make me, almost literally, a tool in His hands? Why should I keep my ability to make choices, knowing how frequently I make bad choices? Thinking about it, I'm amazed that I made it to Earth at all.
I must have really trusted my Father. I must have thought 'This doesn't make any sense to me, but You know better than I do, so I'll just take Your word that this is the best way to do it.' For some reason, God sent us down here, knowing that we would make countless repeated mistakes. Maybe this is the only way we can truly learn. We need to learn from our experiences. We need to make our own decisions and learn from the consequences. I'm not good at either of those things. Apparently, God thinks I can learn. He thinks I can improve. He thinks I have tremendous potential. If He believes it, it must be true, but sometimes I just can't see it. I guess I just have to take this on faith.
I'm sorry I've been rambling. This blog post probably isn't very uplifting. Just watch the video a few times and something good will come of it. I'll try to do better next time.
2 comments:
I have to admit, I actually laughed when I got to: "One of us is Omniscient, and one of us is an idiot." you are far from an idiot, but I love that.
We share so many of the same doubts and feelings. I wonder how many others do. Or are yours an outgrowth of mine as a mother who failed to be a mother of the army of Helaman? They DOUBTED NOT that their mothers KNEW it. Sorry, kids.
I am a split personality. Part of me has faith and knows these things are true. Part of me doubts and fears, looks at myself and thinks "not me". I remember telling my mother that I thought even God was entitled to one mistake and that I was it. Isn't that mildly insane considering some of the awful, awful people who have lived - at least people who have done truly awful, reprehensible things?! It is not reasonable, I am just a sort of a normal, substandard person, not an amazingly awful one. Still, that is how I felt and sometimes feel still. I know it cannot be true, so I fight it and reach out for the truth we have been taught. Sometimes I am blessed enough to get a reassuring hug, along with a little "you know better than that, now get back to work".
"Apparently, God thinks I can learn. He thinks I can improve. He thinks I have tremendous potential. If He believes it, it must be true." ?
Don't know why the ? at the end. Finger slipped? If anything it should be "!"
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