Under Construction

Since I knew I wouldn't have much time for blogging this morning, I spent a portion of last night on Facebook, looking for something I could blog about. I found this:

Though I'm sure it's just a translation error, I couldn't help thinking that, in a way, they're right. Today is under construction. We build it one moment at a time. Each passing moment makes this day more complete until it's fully over. Right now, it's too early to say that today has been a good day or a bad one, because it's still in progress. As long as there's even a single moment left in a day, it could still get better or worse, depending mostly on our actions and our attitudes.

That could be applied to our entire lives as well. We are all works in progress, under construction. As long as we're still alive, we can build on what we have and make our lives more meaningful. We can continually make repairs and renovations to the parts of ourselves we didn't build so well the first time, or, if our lives are already in really good shape, we could add another room, or a garden, or a pool. No matter what condition our lives are in, as long as we're alive, we can always make improvements to make ourselves that much better.

Today, I'm under construction, so I'm going to try to use today (and every day afterward, if I remember) to make myself a better person. Sometimes I worry about how poor a job I did earlier in life and I don't think I'm doing any better now, but I'm a work in progress. Every day, I have a new chance to repair and renovate the life I've been building and improve the kind of person I am. Some day, I'm going to have a full and complete life that doesn't need so many major repairs, but until then, I'm going to keep building on what I have.

Messages From My Past

Sometimes, when I don't know what to blog about, I read some of my old blog posts, hoping that something that inspired me before will inspire me again. This time, I was just struck by how much I need to continually reread the messages I wrote for myself. I've written messages about repentance and faith, about what it means to be a Paladin and why it's important, about the meaning of life and the purpose of my existence. All of these are things that I certainly need to remember, but that I sometimes forget.

Perhaps right now I'm starting to understand why God told me to start this blog over a year ago. These messages aren't just to bless me when I write them or to bless others when they stumble upon them, but also to bless me as I go back to reread them. It preserves the thoughts that I've had while under the direction of the Holy Spirit. It preserves the insights I've gained and the principles I've learned. It reminds me of spiritual truths that I know a knew once (because I was the one who wrote them down here), but may have since forgotten.

I've blogged about light and darkness, and while we all have some light in us, sometimes our inner light is stronger at some times than at others. By blogging when my light was at its brightest, I've captured some of the feelings and truths that have helped that light be as bright as it was, and I've preserved those thoughts, allowing me to tap into that light now.

I find myself a little bit lost at the moment. I get discouraged, and sometimes I wonder What's the point?, but then I look back and I remember that I know, or at least knew, what the point is. I wrote it down. We're here on Earth to practice and gain self-control, to prove that we can be trusted with the blessings God wants to give us. Thanks to this morning's rereading, I've been reminded of the power of prayer and scripture study - of tapping into a greater source of light than I have ever possessed for myself. I gained some direction, and learned where I can turn to receive even greater direction.

I feel like some kind of time-traveller, like I jumped back in time to learn from my past self, or that my past self jumped forward to give the current me a little help. It's kind of cool. It reminds me of stories I've heard of old pioneer journals inspiring the people that read them today. Those thoughts from the past are still shaping the future, just as what was written by my past self is now helping the future me. It makes me want to keep blogging, and especially to write stuff that my future self may need to read.

If, some time in the future, I come back and reread this blog post, what would I want to say to that future me? Perhaps that life is good. That even though it's hard sometimes, it's worth it to keep trying. And that it's important to pray - to really pray, not just to talk to God or even to talk with Him conversationally, but to close your eyes, maybe meditate a little bit, and really connect with God on an emotional level - to feel the spirit enter your heart, if only just to remember what that feels like so you can try to hold on to that feeling and fight to keep it.

And one more word of encouragement for my future self: You're doing good. And as long as you're doing good, you're doing awesome. And as long as you're doing awesome, you are awesome. God is proud of you. You've overcome, and may even still be fighting against, struggles that are harder than you probably realize. But God knows how hard your struggles are, and He is very deeply proud of how well you're doing. Keep fighting. You're doing so much better than you think you are. You are a Paladin.

I'm glad that I reminded myself of that this morning, and that this message will be here to remind me when I need it later. Writing this blog is one of the best things I've ever done for myself, and another good thing I do for myself is reading it.

You've Been Warned

On May 1, I consulted with you on the subject of making a new, anonymous blog. At that time, I had informed you that if I did make that new blog, and if I continued the practice of writing one blog post per day, some of those blogs posts I write would end up on the other blog rather than this one, so there would be some days when this blog wouldn't get any meaningful updates that day.

Today is one of those days.

Actually, today would be one of those days if I wasn't having so much trouble with the new blog. But whatever. I've written something, and I'll post it when I can. I'll count that as my blog post for today. I'm sorry you're not getting a good blog post today, but you can't say I didn't warn you.

Service - You Snooze, You Lose

The special project from yesterday was replacing worn-out parts of our fence so our fence now slides open and shut more easily. I wish I could take credit for this project - especially since it was honestly something I was planning to do - but I can't. It was the Pesqueras, a family that stayed with us over the weekend, who took the initiative, bought the materials, and showed up on our porch yesterday morning, ready to install the new parts. All I did was provide the tools and install the parts with a lot of help from the Pesqueras.

I found myself kicking myself yesterday because I really was planning on fixing the fence (including replacing the parts) myself, but I just hadn't done it by the time the Pesqueras decided that they were going to. I wanted to have done it, but I had put it off too long, and now I've lost my chance.

The same concept could apply to a lot of good things we could do. If you see a service opportunity and let it pass you by, thinking I'll do that later, the person you were going to serve might do the job themselves, or ask or hire someone else to do it, or perhaps someone else will step up to the plate, as the Pesqueras did, and your opportunity will be lost. The same could go for comforting someone, following a prompting, magnifying you calling, or doing virtually anything else. We have lots of opportunities to do good and be awesome, but many of those opportunities are only ours for a limited time, so if we don't take those opportunities when we can, we might never get another chance.

The Pesqueras certainly understood this. I'm not sure how long they were planning on being in the area, but I'm pretty sure you could count the number of days on your fingers. They had a very small window of opportunity, and no one would have blamed them if they let it pass them by, yet they stepped up, went above and beyond what anyone expected them to do, and accomplished in only a few days what I had been planning on doing for months.

I regret not being the one who replaced our worn-out fence parts. I was going to do it, I could have done it, I should have done it months ago, but I didn't. And now it's done. But I'm not going to waste any time crying over spilled milk. I'm going to take this experience, and (as I do with many semi-negative experiences) try to learn from it and help it make me a better person. I lost that opportunity to do good and be awesome, but I'll have others, and now I feel more committed to not let them pass me by so easily. I'll follow the Pesqueras' example and do what I can, when I can, rather than let things wait until later - and later learn that I waited too long.

And as a personal note to the Pesqueras, in case any of them are reading this, I really am grateful that you fixed our fence. It works so much better now, which is a great blessing for everyone who lives, or even visits, here. I'm grateful for the example you've shown me of working quickly to do good while you can. I'll try to follow that example. I only wish that I had done it sooner.

Priorities - Running Out of Time

Because I got distracted by a cute, cartoon owl, and because my computer is being painfully slow and crashing occasionally, and because I took some time to work on a special project (on which I'll do some more work when I'm done blogging), and because I spent a few too many minutes learning how magic wands and scrolls are made, I now have only half an hour to write a decent blog post. Next time, I'll try to get my blogging done before spending time on cartoon owls and magic wands (the special project was something of a priority task. It couldn't wait for blogging).

Just about everything we do in life takes a certain amount of time, which is really interesting since we only have so much time to spend on earth, and no one knows for sure how much time the really have. If I knew that my time was almost up (which, if we're talking about blogging, it almost is), I probably wouldn't spend quite so much time studying magic. Even the special project might have been put on hold. I might still have taken the time to meet the owl, though. I'll post a link to his website in the comments. He's really worth checking out, especially if you feel that life gets you down sometimes.

But my time is running out, or at least it makes sense to act as if it were. I constantly need to check my priorities and try to make sure I'm spending my time wisely, because no one knows how much or how little time I have left except God.

Thankfully, God is usually pretty forgiving of our foolishness. Even though we spend a significant portion of our time on things of the world and of our own imaginations and other things that don't really matter in the long run, He's grateful for whatever amount of time we choose to give to Him (though, for our own sakes, He usually asks for more time than we voluntarily offer Him). Time spent improving ourselves spiritually and blessing the lives of others is time well spent. With everything else, we should judge whether what we're doing is going to help us reach our eternal goals, and consider changing our behavior to more closely match our goals. For me, personally, I know I spend more time thinking about magic and other fantastical things than I probably should. I'll try to cut down on that, and spend more time working toward more long-term goals instead.

The Test of the Two Spirits

Yesterday, in Elder's Quorum, the teacher asked for three volunteers. Feeling slightly bored, I raised my hand first. I was followed by Trent, who is the other 11-Year-Old-Scout leader in our ward, and Michael, whom I don't know very well. I was handed a blindfold and asked to wait outside the room until someone fetched me. After a few minutes, I was led blind back into the room, where Trent and Michael guided me through an obstacle course made of the chairs we had all been sitting in. But here's where things got interesting: their directions sometimes disagreed.

I followed Trent more than I followed Michael, and it turned out that he was the one who was guiding me safely to where I was supposed to go. Since then, I've been trying to figure out why I decided to follow Trent rather than Michael. I think it may give me some insights into how we can discern between the Holy Spirit and the tempting ones.

When I first entered the room, I bumped into the doorway, and Trent apologized for letting that happen. It was my first hint that I was supposed to follow him, but at the time, I thought I was supposed to follow both of them. Michael gave me directions to not go so fast, which I thought was a good idea, so I moved more slowly, not realizing that I hadn't yet reached the part of the room with the obstacle course in it. When I reached the actual course, their instructions became more specific. Trent told me to come toward him, while Michael told me to go to the left. Following Trent, I eventually learned to mostly ignore Michael, though I still listened when he again told me to slow down (I think I had passed through the obstacle course at that point, and was being led by Trent to my destination, and Michael was trying to slow me down).

At first, I may have been following Trent more because I already knew (and thus, trusted) him better than I knew and trusted Michael. Or perhaps it was simply that he was being more vocal than Michael was. Going into the activity, I was pretty sure that my other quorum members would be the ones trying to mislead me, but while I could have mistaken Michael's voice for that of other Quorum members I didn't know so well, I already knew Trent's voice very well and easily identified him as one of the two people I could trust. By the time I figured out that there were only two voices and that they seemed to be in disagreement, I continued to follow Trent, figuring that he had led me pretty well so far up to that point, but I still sort of listened to Michael, thinking that if I bumped into something following Trent, I'd try following him instead.

The more I think about it, the scarier this experiment becomes. At first, I followed Trent partly because he was the more vocal of the two. Most of us know that the devil is more vocal than the Holy Ghost. If we decide to follow him, just because his voice is the one we hear more clearly, it would be so easy for him to lead us astray. On the other hand, I had a thought in my mind that I would start following Michael if I bumped into anything following Trent. If we decided to change course any time we run into opposition, we would likely end up following the path of least resistance, and that path won't lead us back home. Still, after following Trent for a while, I started to mostly ignore Michael, which would have been extremely dangerous if Michael had been the good spirit and Trent had been the evil one.

After having this experience, I thought about how we can discern between righteous influences and unrighteous ones. Familiarity, one of the first reasons I followed Trent more than Michael, isn't a good way to judge, because what if the group or individuals you're acquainted with are following the wrong path? You could easily end up following each other off a cliff like lemmings. There has to be some way to judge trustworthiness than by only trusting people you know.

One way to judge between good and evil influences is by comparing their instructions to what's taught in the scriptures. I'm reasonably certain that the scriptures contain the words of God, so anyone who teaches things contrary to what's in the scriptures is probably leading you astray. Then again, most people don't directly contradict the scriptures, but they interpret the scriptures in different ways.

We could, through careful examination, determine some people (like our church leaders) to be trustworthy, but then we run the risk of being misled by familiarity. It makes sense to pray to receive guidance, but if Satan plants a suggestion in our hearts after we've prayed, we might mistake that for God's answer.

I suppose the only real way to test between various influences is to guess and check. We may follow whatever suggestion feels right to us, and then check our results to try to determine if it was the right choice or not. The Holy Spirit will never lead us down wrong paths (difficult paths, sure, but never wrong ones), so we can know that if a spirit influences us to do something we know is wrong, we can know that's the wrong spirit to follow. The same thing goes for people. Good people don't intentionally mislead others, though it can be hard to judge people, since we frequently make mistakes.

Yesterday, I guessed that Trent was someone whose directions I could trust, and I was lucky enough to have guessed correctly. If I had guessed wrong, I probably would have bumped into a bunch of chairs and started following Michael instead. Either way, I'm sure I would have gotten to my destination eventually - it would just have been a matter of how long it would take and how many bruises I'd get along the way.

I'm not sure if this experience has taught me anything about discernment other than how important and difficult it is, but the importance of developing good judgement is enough of a spiritual message for this blog. If any of you figure out a good way to do it, let me know.

One Dedicated Father

I love watching movies about families and thinking as much as they love each other, my Heavenly Father loves me more. In Finding Nemo, a movie mostly about fish (in case you didn't know), Nemo, a clownfish, is captured by a dentist and held in an aquarium in Sydney, Australia. As soon as Nemo is taken, his father, Marlin, pursues the boat that took him, facing countless dangers along the way, including jellyfish, an anglerfish, and a total of three sharks. Upon hearing about the dangers and hardships Marlin was willing to face to get his son back, one bird remarked "That's one dedicated father if you ask me." But as dedicated as Marlin was to save his son, Nemo, our Heavenly Father is even more dedicated to helping us.

We have each, in a sense, been taken - not by dentists but by the tricks and traps of the devil, and just like Marlin, our Heavenly Father would do just about anything to get us home safe. Fortunately for Him, He, being immortal, does not need to face mortal peril to rescue us. He does, however, have to deal with terrible frustration and heartache, most of it cause by the people He's trying to save. But because He loves us more than Marlin loved Nemo, more than we can even imagine, God is willing to go to almost any lengths and face any hardships to save us.

I love how much God loves us and it makes me want to love Him back more than I do. I don't want to spoil the movie, in case any of you haven't seen it and are still planning to, but Nemo had to face some hardship and danger, too, in order to break out of the aquarium. Though he was discouraged after his first frightening, failed attempt, when he heard the stories of the courage and dedication of his father, he was inspired to try again. In a similar manner, we have some work to do in order to safely return to our Heavenly Father, and we can let His dedication to us inspire us to show a little bit of dedication to Him. He's willing to move mountains for us. Let us be willing to do our part as well, whatever dangers or hardships we have to face to do it.

There aren't many moments in movies that are more touching than when parents and children are reunited with each other. I can't even imagine what an emotional moment it will be when we're reunited with God. Let us each do what we can to make sure we get home clean and safe, no matter what challenges get in our way.