Messages From My Past

Sometimes, when I don't know what to blog about, I read some of my old blog posts, hoping that something that inspired me before will inspire me again. This time, I was just struck by how much I need to continually reread the messages I wrote for myself. I've written messages about repentance and faith, about what it means to be a Paladin and why it's important, about the meaning of life and the purpose of my existence. All of these are things that I certainly need to remember, but that I sometimes forget.

Perhaps right now I'm starting to understand why God told me to start this blog over a year ago. These messages aren't just to bless me when I write them or to bless others when they stumble upon them, but also to bless me as I go back to reread them. It preserves the thoughts that I've had while under the direction of the Holy Spirit. It preserves the insights I've gained and the principles I've learned. It reminds me of spiritual truths that I know a knew once (because I was the one who wrote them down here), but may have since forgotten.

I've blogged about light and darkness, and while we all have some light in us, sometimes our inner light is stronger at some times than at others. By blogging when my light was at its brightest, I've captured some of the feelings and truths that have helped that light be as bright as it was, and I've preserved those thoughts, allowing me to tap into that light now.

I find myself a little bit lost at the moment. I get discouraged, and sometimes I wonder What's the point?, but then I look back and I remember that I know, or at least knew, what the point is. I wrote it down. We're here on Earth to practice and gain self-control, to prove that we can be trusted with the blessings God wants to give us. Thanks to this morning's rereading, I've been reminded of the power of prayer and scripture study - of tapping into a greater source of light than I have ever possessed for myself. I gained some direction, and learned where I can turn to receive even greater direction.

I feel like some kind of time-traveller, like I jumped back in time to learn from my past self, or that my past self jumped forward to give the current me a little help. It's kind of cool. It reminds me of stories I've heard of old pioneer journals inspiring the people that read them today. Those thoughts from the past are still shaping the future, just as what was written by my past self is now helping the future me. It makes me want to keep blogging, and especially to write stuff that my future self may need to read.

If, some time in the future, I come back and reread this blog post, what would I want to say to that future me? Perhaps that life is good. That even though it's hard sometimes, it's worth it to keep trying. And that it's important to pray - to really pray, not just to talk to God or even to talk with Him conversationally, but to close your eyes, maybe meditate a little bit, and really connect with God on an emotional level - to feel the spirit enter your heart, if only just to remember what that feels like so you can try to hold on to that feeling and fight to keep it.

And one more word of encouragement for my future self: You're doing good. And as long as you're doing good, you're doing awesome. And as long as you're doing awesome, you are awesome. God is proud of you. You've overcome, and may even still be fighting against, struggles that are harder than you probably realize. But God knows how hard your struggles are, and He is very deeply proud of how well you're doing. Keep fighting. You're doing so much better than you think you are. You are a Paladin.

I'm glad that I reminded myself of that this morning, and that this message will be here to remind me when I need it later. Writing this blog is one of the best things I've ever done for myself, and another good thing I do for myself is reading it.