Undeserved Service

Today, I received service I didn't deserve. Of course, I'm pretty sure that's true of every day. I don't deserve the service I receive from my Heavenly Father or my Savior or my Family. The service they do for me outweighs anything I could ever hope to deserve or repay. But that's what service is, isn't it? Doing something nice for someone, regardless of whether or not they deserve it? In fact, one might even say that no one "deserves" service because service isn't something that a person deserves, though perhaps I'm being pedantic. The bottom line for me today is that I have been the recipient of far more service than I deserve, even if it can be said that I "deserve" any service at all, and I am thankful for it. I should be more generous with my service as a way of paying forward the service that I receive but don't deserve.

"Off" Moments

Today, I was reminded that everyone has "off" days, or at least "off" moments. Even the best people have moments when they're not at their best. That's part of why it's important to be patient with people. If a person is acting badly, it may simply be that they're having a bad day, and that doesn't necessarily make them a bad person.

With only one exception, no human being has ever been perfect, which means that there are times when even the best people act imperfectly, yet they are still good, Celestial people. So let's try not to be too hard on anyone, especially those whom we've just met or those who we know are usually good. Even good people sometimes have bad moments. Having such a bad moment doesn't mean that a person isn't good.

I Put My Heart Into It

Today, I had an opportunity to practice putting my heart into something, and it kind of worked. I wasn't feeling super enthusiastic about my job at the moment, but I saw a quote about how enthusiasm can turn even mundane tasks into pleasures, so I decided to try to drum up some enthusiasm for tutoring. I reminded myself that I enjoy helping people, and that mostly did the trick. Of course, the assignment was still difficult and frustrating, the student and I were both still tired, and I may even have caught some kind of bug, but despite all of that, I managed to get (or at least sound) excited about arguing in favor of switching to veganism. I managed to "put my heart into it," even though my heart wasn't really in it, and I'm sure that doing so will get easier over time. I consciously chose to put my heart into something, and I'm pretty sure I can do it again.

Tailored Trials

It's been a while since I've made a blog post like this!

I like this quote because it indicates that our challenges aren't as random as we might think. God knows what we can handle, and He knows what will best help us grow. He gives us challenges that are easy enough for us to overcome, yet challenging enough to help us grow. I bet that God would make an excellent DM. I'll probably blog more about that later. But for now, I just want to be thankful that our trials aren't random but are designed specifically for us. It's comforting to know that, whatever problems we face, they're the right ones for us. God chose them for us, and He chose us to face them. He knows what He's doing. Our challenges were made for us.

Putting My Heart Into It

Elder Terrence M. Vinson of the Presidency of the Seventy has taught me something about why I love D&D, even though he was actually talking about rugby. He said that his enjoyment of the game was greatest when he gave it his all and played his hardest. D&D isn't a physical sport, but I still play it pretty hard. I own multiple D&D books and several sets of dice, I write pages of information about the games I'm in, I think about D&D frequently, and when I play, I employ some voice acting and body language to embody my character, and I make game-affecting decisions based on what would make the most sense for my character and what would make for the best story. As with Elder Vinson and his rugby, I put my heart into D&D, and I love it all the more when I do.

I wonder if it's possible to "put my heart into" other things as well. To use a relatively safe example, can I "put my heart into" doing my household chores, if it isn't already there? Of course, I can go through the motions. I can do the work. But will doing the work help me become emotionally invested in the work? Will doing the work help me become motivated to do it? That doesn't seem logical, but conventional wisdom says "fake it 'til you make it."

On the other hand, perhaps "fake it 'til you make it" is primarily about establishing habits. I can certainly make a habit out of doing something without really putting my heart into it. For example, I'm pretty regular about running the dishwasher and taking out the trash, but that doesn't mean that I'm passionate about either of those things.

Then again, I do get some enjoyment out of it. Loading the dishwasher is a puzzle game, like a play-at-your-own-pace version of Tetris, and I like the rumbling, thunder-like sound the garbage bins make when I roll them out to the curb. Perhaps I should follow Mary Poppins' advice and find the element of fun in the work I need to do. If I find the fun and latch on to it, perhaps I'll have found the way to "put my heart into" my work, get more satisfaction out of it, and find more motivation to keep doing it. I'm not sure I fully agree with Mary Poppins' initial premise that "in every task that must be done, there is an element of fun," but I have yet to disprove her. Perhaps she's right. And if she's right, that means that I can find a way to put my heart into any work that I need to do.

So I'm going to look for the fun in my housework, my schoolwork, my vocational work, and my gospel work. I'm going to look for excuses to become passionate about some of the things I have to do, should do, or should do more often and more consistently. I'm going to look for ways to "put my heart into" my work. Because if I find it, I can turn some of that work into play, and that might help me find the satisfaction I need to motivate me to keep at it.

A "Problem" with God's Plan

Today, I read and discussed a poem that touched on The Problem of Evil, specifically man-made evil. The poem referenced one of many man-made problems and said "This cannot be what You designed." The thing is, though, it is.

God intended mankind to have agency, the ability to choose good or evil, and He designed the Earth to be a testing area, to give us a chance to prove and discover what we would do with the agency God gave us. All of us choose evil occasionally. Some people choose evil more often than not. God accounted for that by giving us a Savior who made it possible for us to repent. God knew that the evil choices of some people would cause suffering for others, and He accounted for that, too. The suffering we experience on Earth is character-building and temporary.

Sure, it stinks that some people misuse their agency and cause others to suffer, but life was bound to involve suffering anyway; that's part of the plan, and agency is essential to the plan as well. The evil caused by mankind is tragic, but it's not an indication that God didn't plan things out. God's plan accounts for all the choices people make, including all the evil choices people make. That's why He gave us the Atonement and encourages us to do good in the face of evil.

True, God doesn't want us to do evil, but the evil that people do is still a part of God's plan.

I'm on My Side

I keep a journal, but I sometimes wonder whether it does more harm than good. I sometimes vent my frustrations, voice my anxieties, and criticize myself in my journal. All in all, I'm too negative in my journal, but saying so kind of reinforces my point. I'm too hard on myself, and I sometimes beat myself up over being too hard on myself. It's a vicious cycle, and I hope to break it by actively being on my own side.

I want to treat myself the same way I would treat a struggling friend. I want to support myself and encourage myself. I want to congratulate myself for mini victories and help myself dust myself off from mini failures. I want to have my own back and help myself succeed.

Of course, it sounds weird to say that, and I worry that thinking of my "self" as a separate entity from myself might lead to mental problems later on, but my negativity isn't doing my psyche any favors either, and if telling myself "I believe in you" works, even a little bit, I don't care how crazy it sounds.

I've been my own worst enemy for far too long. Now I'm going to try to be my own best friend.