Only God Can Save Me

While riding on a lightrail train a while back, I saw a guy wearing a shirt that I thought read "Only God can save me." As it turned out, the shirt actually said "Only God can judge me." I like my version better.

Saying that "only God can judge me" gives us license to do whatever we want, unrestrained by social conventions, common courtesy, or even basic morality. It is to proudly say that we are unwilling to change our behavior, even if the ability is well within our reach. Pride is a prevalent problem in each person's lives individually and in the world in general (If you don't believe me, ask Ezra Taft Benson), and when we say "only God can judge me," we are pridefully asserting that we refuse to address our vices and that no one has any right to comment on them or complain about them.

Saying that "only God can save me" is to admit that we have vices; vices that only God can remove. It is to humbly say that we are willing to change our natures to more closely match God's, even if the ability escapes us. Sin is a prevalent problem in the world in general and in each person's lives individually, and when we say "only God can save me," we are admitting the truth that only God can save us from ourselves and from the influence of the world.

I'm not sure if there's a T-Shirt that says "Only God Can Save Me." I wouldn't be surprised if there were, especially since I'm sure that one could be made easily. If there were one, and if I had one, I wonder if I'd be brave enough to wear it. It would take a certain amount of guts to tell everyone that "only God can judge me," but it probably takes a comparable amount of courage to say that "only God can save me."

I don't know what it is about sin that makes people want to keep it secret. Is it just embarrassment? Is it the influence of Satan, trying to prevent people from seeking, offering, or accepting help from others? Whatever the reason, many people have at least some internal reluctance to admit that only God can save them, and when their vices do come to light, some people then become defensive, essentially saying that only God can judge them, and maybe not even Him. I want to be a better person than that. I want to be humble enough to admit that I have many problems that I need God's help to solve. And I want to have the courage to reach out to others and remind them that only God has the power to save us, and even then, only if we have the courage to admit that we need saving.

Blogging From My Phone And Why Only God Can Judge Me

Our internet connection is back, but I think I'm going to continue to blog from my phone from time to time, not only because it maintains the excuse to write short blog posts, but also because it allows me to blog wherever I am and whenever I want. Whenever I have a blogworthy thought, I can blog about it. I don't have to wait until I get home tonight my computer (by which time, I will probably have forgotten the blogworthy thought). I can blog about whatever I feel like blogging about while it's still fresh in my mind.

Case in point: My brother just told me that I'm probably as good a person as I think everyone else is. For context, I know a lot of good people who don't think they're all that good. My mom is constantly doing good things for the benefit of others, yet she usually disagrees with me when I tell her how good I think she is. And just a few days ago, my brother had us pull over to help someone who seemed to have crashed. It turned out that they didn't need our help, but we would never have known that if my brother hasn't said that we should pull over and check. My brother is a good person, and as we made our way back to the car, I told him that.

He returned the compliment this morning when I got out of bed at around 6:30 to take out the trash, despite the rain. It was a good act, technically, but I only had to take out the trash this morning because I had forgotten to take it out yesterday. The facts that it was early and that it was raining lightly were irrelevant. Besides, my brother probably doesn't know a few other things about me that make me not such a good person. Though I suppose I don't know everything there is to know about him, either.

Our judgments of ourselves and others stem from what little we know about ourselves and others. All we know about what we know about others is based on what we see of them I'd based on what we see of them. If we see then do good, we might conclude that they are good people, partly because we don't see whatever evil they may hide. We know ourselves a little better, since we know both the good and the bad that we do, yet we may not know all the context. For example, if we make bad decisions in the face of difficult circumstances and strong temptations, that's fairly understandable. We're only human. But if our bad decisions come as a result of only mildly taxing circumstances and weak temptations, then we certainly have room for improvement. The trouble is that we can be rather poor judges of how challenging our temptations and circumstances are.

Only God knows exactly how good people are and how difficult their challenges are, so He is the only being who can properly judge anyone. We might judge others as being good and ourselves as being not as good, but we are missing several pieces of important context. We can't judge people properly because we don't know them or their circumstances perfectly. Only God does. So, while we may justly point out the good and bad things that people do, perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to judge anyone as being good or bad people, because (if for no other reason) we don't perfectly understand the context of the circumstances under which those people do those good or bad things.

Taking out the trash doesn't make me a good person, and having bad habits doesn't necessarily make me a bad person. Only God can judge what sort of people people are.

Guidance and Resistance

In Dungeons and Dragons, each spell has a numeric level. There are weak, 1st level spells, like Comprehend Languages and Detect Magic, and there are powerful, 9th level spells, like Miracle and Time Stop, and everything in between. Each spellcaster can only cast a certain number of spells of each level per day, and when you've used up your day's allotment of spells, you can't cast any more spells for the rest of the day. For example, a 1st level Cleric can cast only two 1st level spells per day, while a 5th level Cleric can cast four 1st level spells, three 2nd level spells, and two 3rd level spells per day. The higher level a spellcaster is and the lower level a spell is, the more times that caster can cast that spell each day. However, there is one spell level so low that (in Fifth Edition) even a 1st level caster can cast spells of that level as many times per day as they want, even if they've already expended all their other magic. These infinite-use spells are called 0th level spells, or cantrips, and they can be very useful.

Two of my favorite 0th level spells are Guidance and Resistance, which each provide a small bonus to almost anything you could want to do while playing D&D. Are you looking out for traps? You might pray for Guidance. Do you need to overcome the effects of a disease or poison? Pray for Resistance. Want to jump across a chasm? Pray for Guidance to help you time your jump. Is someone trying to manipulate you with magic? Pray for Resistance to help you retain or regain control of yourself. I'm currently playing a Cleric character who regularly prays for Guidance and Resistance to help him and his companions tackle nearly every challenge that they face, but he's not the only one who can do that.

We don't need to be able to channel holy magic in order to be able to pray for help. Anyone can pray for assistance with the hope of getting it. Often, the amount of help we get is small, almost impossible to notice, but sometimes, it's enough to make a difference. And best of all, it's free. We can pray for help as often as we need to, as many times per day as we want. There are no limits to the amount of help we can get from God each day.

It may seem like a waste of divine power to pray over simple things, like asking God to bless our meals or grant us safety as we drive from one place to another, but the power of God is infinite. It can't be wasted because it never runs out. The source of God's power is inexhaustible, no matter how frequently we pray for aid. Also, even if it was a waste of God's power, it's completely within God's power not to grant it to us. We can ask for help as much as we want; God can always say "no" whenever He needs to, even though He usually says "yes."

However, God usually only grants us such aid when we remember to ask for it, which prompts two questions: Why does God make us pray for help that He's already willing to grant us, and if He usually grants us aid just for our having asked for it, why do we ever forget to ask? It may be that God requires us to pray for aid so that we know that our blessings come from Him, rather than from mere luck or science. By praying for aid and getting it, even our everyday actions can bring us closer to God. So why do we forget to pray for aid? Why indeed.

Maybe we think it'd be a waste of God's power for Him to lend us a hand from time to time, but we should let Him be the judge of that. He has invited us to ask for His help. If He (for whatever reason) chooses not to grant us the aid that He's invited us to ask for, He's still free not to. We don't have to worry about asking too much, because God can always say "no."

Maybe we think it's not worth the time it takes to pray for help. I'll admit, a +1d4 bonus to your d20 roll sometimes isn't worth using a Standard Action to get it, but it only takes a couple of seconds, and praying for help is even easier in real life than it is in D&D. In fact, we can pray for God's help while we're in the act of doing whatever it is we want God's help in doing, so it really takes no time at all.

I think the real reason we sometimes don't ask for heavenly aid is that we simply forget to. Maybe we forget that help is available to us if only we remember to ask for it. Well, consider this your reminder. If you find that you need another reminder later, reread Alma Chapter 34 and ask yourself if there's anything so trivial that God doesn't want you to pray about it. As for me, I get a reminder of how easy it is to pray for guidance and resistance every time my Cleric character does it.

How to Gain Enough Confidence to Come Unto Him

After scaring our pants off with the idea of having a personal interview with the Savior, Elder Jorg Klebingat reminded us about how we're supposed to feel about such a meeting, and how we could feel, if we prepare for it. Yesterday, I shared the first half of the first paragraph of his talk. Here's the second half:

Would sins, regrets, and shortcomings dominate your self-image, or would you simply experience joyful anticipation? Would you meet or avoid His gaze? Would you linger by the door or confidently walk up to Him?

Elder Klebingat taught us that the feelings of doubt and dread come from the adversary.

The adversary knows that faith in Christ—the kind of faith that produces a steady stream of tender mercies and even mighty miracles—goes hand in hand with a personal confidence that you are striving to choose the right. For that reason he will seek access to your heart to tell you lies—lies that Heavenly Father is disappointed in you, that the Atonement is beyond your reach, that there is no point in even trying, that everyone else is better than you, that you are unworthy, and a thousand variations of that same evil theme.

Notice that Elder Klebingat called all those things lies. It is a lie to think that Heavenly Father is disappointed in you. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is not beyond our reach. There are still good reasons to keep striving to be righteous. You are not worse than everybody else. And you are worthy of God's love.

These are encouraging thoughts, and I believe that many of them are true, but I wonder about one of them. Is it a lie to think that Heavenly Father might be disappointed in me? I try to be righteous, but I sometimes fail. Wouldn't He be disappointed in me then? Isn't He disappointed when I get frustrated and angry, sometimes even with Him? Or is He just happy that I'm still trying to become a better person, even if I often fail at that? God is sometimes very patient in extending mercy, and sometimes He's rather vengeful in meting out justice. How long can I expect Him to be patient with me before He ultimately gives up on me? If I were Him, I'd have given up on me years ago. Hasn't He? Won't He?

I can imagine Heavenly Father being disappointed in me without giving up on me, but I can't imagine God giving up on me without Him being disappointed in me first. If what Elder Klebingat said is true, that it's a lie to think that Heavenly Father is disappointed in me as long as I'm trying to be righteous, then I'd guess that means that He hasn't given up on me, and so there's still hope. If that's true, then I'd say there's hope for anyone who's trying to follow God, even if they're doing very, very poorly at it.

I'd bet that a lot of people suffer from a lack of confidence before God. Elder Klebingat must have taken that bet, too, since he dedicated his Conference Talk to such feelings. In doing so, he presented six suggestions that will help us dispel feelings of self-doubt and restore feelings of confidence in our spiritual standing with God.

The first suggestion is to "take responsibility for our own spiritual well-being." This can be a painful choice to make, but we can't approach God honestly if we blame others for the way we are. God knows that we struggle with human weaknesses and that we will occasionally succumb to our weaknesses, through little or no fault of our own. But He also knows whether we're actually struggling against those weaknesses or not. If we only accept our weaknesses as just being part of who we are, we will never become better than the way we are right now. On the other hand, if we accept that this is the way we are now, but continue to strive to improve ourselves, God will be patient with our weaknesses, and those weaknesses will help us to become strong.

Elder Klebingat's second suggestion is to "take responsibility for our physical well-being," but in the name of time, I'm going to skip that one. If you feel that this may apply to you, I encourage you to review Elder Klebingat's talk yourself.

The third suggestion is to "embrace voluntary, whole-hearted obedience as part of your life." I'm not sure how well I like this one. I love the "voluntary obedience" part, but I'm a bit worried about the "whole-hearted" part. It reminds me of the "behavioral blank check" I had apprehensions about a few days ago. Though I ultimately decided to at least try to be obedient to all of God's commandments, even His future ones, whatever they may be, I wonder how willing I am to give all of my heart to God. There are some things that I enjoy doing that may not be completely in harmony with all of God's teachings, but that I don't feel ready to give up yet. I know that God doesn't have a problem with wholesome recreation, but what of recreation that's slightly less wholesome? Clean, peaceful video games are fine, in moderation, but what about Mario games, which involve kicking turtles around and throwing fireballs at walking mushrooms? The video game industry refers to this as "comic mischief," but I must admit that it's at least a little bit violent. It's probably not the kind of thing that Heavenly Father fully approves of, but it's not so bad that I need to give it up, is it?

Elder Klebingat said that "you can’t watch a bad movie and expect to feel virtuous because you did not watch a very bad one," and that "choosing something bad over something worse is still choosing wrong." I guess that answers my question. But still, I don't want to have to stop playing video games completely. I want to follow Jesus Christ, but I don't want to be so Christlike that I stop playing games with mild violence in them. Not yet, anyway. I'll have to blog more about this later. I'm running out of time and I have three more suggestions to list.

The fourth suggestion is to "become really, really good at repenting thoroughly and quickly." Repenting quickly is something that bothers me a little bit because it feels too easy. I feel like I need to suffer some remorse for my sins before I repent. I feel like I need to feel bad about myself, to punish myself, I guess, before I repent, and meting out my punishment for my wrongdoings is not my job - it's Gods. I should let Him decide how long and how hard I suffer before my sins are forgiven. He, through His prophets, has counseled us to repent quickly, so He can forgive us quickly when He's willing to. Sometimes, He'll let us "learn our lesson" but other times, we make ourselves suffer more than we need to because we feel unworthy of God's forgiveness, but we should let God be the judge of that - not us.

The fifth suggestion is to "become really, really good at forgiving." The assignment of punishment is God's job in both our case and in the cases of others. God will be just, or He will be merciful, but He has commanded us to be merciful, so we don't cause others to suffer any more than He thinks they should. Also, when we refuse to forgive others, we suffer a bit for it as well.

Elder Klebingat's final suggestion is to "accept trials, setbacks, and 'surprises' as part of your mortal experience." Life happens. Sometimes, life can be pretty rough. I'll admit that sometimes, God uses the trials of life to remind us that we need His help, and that we may need to repent of a few things to get it, but a lot of the time, God uses the natural trials of life to give us opportunities to overcome them and become stronger. Not all earthly trials are godly punishments for wrongdoings. Sometimes, they're really only there to give us experience. Elder Klebingat said:

Some trials come through your own disobedience or negligence. Other trials come because of the negligence of others or simply because this is a fallen world. When these trials come, the adversary’s minions begin broadcasting that you did something wrong, that this is a punishment, a sign that Heavenly Father does not love you. Ignore that! Instead, try to force a smile, gaze heavenward, and say, “I understand, Lord. I know what this is. A time to prove myself, isn’t it?” Then partner with Him to endure well to the end.

God doesn't want us or anyone to suffer any more than we need to. Sometimes, we need to suffer to get us to repent, and sometimes we need to suffer to become stronger. God will help us to judge between those things as we strive to follow Him. God wants us to come closer to Him, to "partner with Him" to help us understand and do what's right. He's not against us. God will never side against us. He always wants what's best for us. I still think that God may be disappointed in me sometimes, but I know now that God will never give up on me. He loves me. He loves all of us. And when we come home to Him, He'll be standing there ready to welcome us with open arms, ready to embrace us, if we're confident enough to come unto Him.

When God's Not Around

I'm a little late in blogging about this, but in Elder Kim B. Clark's recent General Conference talk, he quoted John 16:32, in which Jesus says “I am not alone, because the Father is with me.” Elder Clark shared this to remind us that God will be with us to support us in our trials and in our attempts to be righteous. This concept is given additional support by John 8:29, in which Jesus says "and he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him." Yet, in last week's Sunday School readings, we read that, during His crucifixion, Jesus said, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt 27:46; Mark 15:34). It would seem that Jesus felt as though God wasn't there to comfort and strengthen Him, at least not in that exact moment. But we know that Jesus was still perfectly righteous and perfectly worthy of remaining within God's presence, so what happened that prompted Jesus to ask that question, and what implications does that moment have for each of us?

The Come, Follow Me manual goes a long way toward answering the first question simply by quoting Elder Jeffrey R. Holland:

I testify … that a perfect Father did not forsake His Son in that hour. … Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. … For [the Savior’s] Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.

(“None Were with Him,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2009, 87–88)

 So, it would seem that God didn't forsake Jesus entirely, but He did temporarily withdraw His Spirit, not because Jesus had done anything wrong, but because doing so would make the test more solitary and complete. As bumper stickers and Facebook posts occasionally remind us, when God seems absent during times of trial, we should remember that the teacher is always silent during a test.

Throughout our lives, we will be tested to see whether we can be trusted to obey God's commandments, and some of those tests involve an apparent lack of support and supervision. The question isn't always just "Will we be good people?" Sometimes, it's "Will we be good people, even when God's not around?"

Over those few days at the end of His mortal life, Jesus faced His ultimate test, and part of the intensity of that test was having to go through part of it without the heavenly aid He rightfully deserved. Yet, Jesus stood firm and passed the test despite the apparent lack of Celestial aid, and so can we.

We occasionally feel like God isn't always around to help us, and it is sometimes our fault that He's not, but we can endure our trials and overcome many of our obstacles, even when it feels like we're not getting God's help in doing so. Sometimes, part of the trial is having to overcome it apparently alone.

Personally, I'm not convinced that God ever leaves us. It seems to me that He always has at least a few of His angels and a portion of His Spirit watching over us, ready and willing to offer their comfort and support when they can, yet that's not always possible, and that's not always anybody's fault. I believe that God is never far away from us, even when we push Him away, but I also believe that He sometimes doesn't make His presence known to us, regardless of our righteousness, if only to make the trials of life a proper test. It's not as much of a challenge to be our best selves when we know that God is there, both to help us and to judge us, but it is a much more daunting challenge to maintain those standards when if feels like God's not around, even if He secretly is.

Pass Up Passing Judgment

I know that God wants us to do a lot of things on our own, especially the things we can handle on our own and/or will need to learn eventually anyway, but there are also some things that are best left to His judgment, such as most cases of passing judgment on others.

We are not supposed to judge others, or at least, we're not supposed to judge them unrighteously, yet many people do. People mete out accusations, judgments, and punishments as though it were their place to do so, and admittedly, in some cases, it is, but not for most of us. To everyone who has not been specifically chosen as a judge, the Lord has said, in Mormon 3:5 and several other scriptures, "Vengeance is mine, and I will repay." Instead, we should probably follow the advice of a post I just shared on Facebook: "Just love everyone; I'll sort 'em out later. -God"

Years ago, I criticized a shirt that said "Only God Can Judge Me." My stance may have softened slightly since then, and I acknowledge that there are some people with the authority and responsibility to judge. However, while there are some people who must judge others, most of the rest of us shouldn't. It's difficult to know a person's motivations or intentions, and it's usually not any of our business anyway. There is often no need for us to pass judgment. Let's let God (and His delegates) handle that.

The Test of the Two Spirits

Yesterday, in Elder's Quorum, the teacher asked for three volunteers. Feeling slightly bored, I raised my hand first. I was followed by Trent, who is the other 11-Year-Old-Scout leader in our ward, and Michael, whom I don't know very well. I was handed a blindfold and asked to wait outside the room until someone fetched me. After a few minutes, I was led blind back into the room, where Trent and Michael guided me through an obstacle course made of the chairs we had all been sitting in. But here's where things got interesting: their directions sometimes disagreed.

I followed Trent more than I followed Michael, and it turned out that he was the one who was guiding me safely to where I was supposed to go. Since then, I've been trying to figure out why I decided to follow Trent rather than Michael. I think it may give me some insights into how we can discern between the Holy Spirit and the tempting ones.

When I first entered the room, I bumped into the doorway, and Trent apologized for letting that happen. It was my first hint that I was supposed to follow him, but at the time, I thought I was supposed to follow both of them. Michael gave me directions to not go so fast, which I thought was a good idea, so I moved more slowly, not realizing that I hadn't yet reached the part of the room with the obstacle course in it. When I reached the actual course, their instructions became more specific. Trent told me to come toward him, while Michael told me to go to the left. Following Trent, I eventually learned to mostly ignore Michael, though I still listened when he again told me to slow down (I think I had passed through the obstacle course at that point, and was being led by Trent to my destination, and Michael was trying to slow me down).

At first, I may have been following Trent more because I already knew (and thus, trusted) him better than I knew and trusted Michael. Or perhaps it was simply that he was being more vocal than Michael was. Going into the activity, I was pretty sure that my other quorum members would be the ones trying to mislead me, but while I could have mistaken Michael's voice for that of other Quorum members I didn't know so well, I already knew Trent's voice very well and easily identified him as one of the two people I could trust. By the time I figured out that there were only two voices and that they seemed to be in disagreement, I continued to follow Trent, figuring that he had led me pretty well so far up to that point, but I still sort of listened to Michael, thinking that if I bumped into something following Trent, I'd try following him instead.

The more I think about it, the scarier this experiment becomes. At first, I followed Trent partly because he was the more vocal of the two. Most of us know that the devil is more vocal than the Holy Ghost. If we decide to follow him, just because his voice is the one we hear more clearly, it would be so easy for him to lead us astray. On the other hand, I had a thought in my mind that I would start following Michael if I bumped into anything following Trent. If we decided to change course any time we run into opposition, we would likely end up following the path of least resistance, and that path won't lead us back home. Still, after following Trent for a while, I started to mostly ignore Michael, which would have been extremely dangerous if Michael had been the good spirit and Trent had been the evil one.

After having this experience, I thought about how we can discern between righteous influences and unrighteous ones. Familiarity, one of the first reasons I followed Trent more than Michael, isn't a good way to judge, because what if the group or individuals you're acquainted with are following the wrong path? You could easily end up following each other off a cliff like lemmings. There has to be some way to judge trustworthiness than by only trusting people you know.

One way to judge between good and evil influences is by comparing their instructions to what's taught in the scriptures. I'm reasonably certain that the scriptures contain the words of God, so anyone who teaches things contrary to what's in the scriptures is probably leading you astray. Then again, most people don't directly contradict the scriptures, but they interpret the scriptures in different ways.

We could, through careful examination, determine some people (like our church leaders) to be trustworthy, but then we run the risk of being misled by familiarity. It makes sense to pray to receive guidance, but if Satan plants a suggestion in our hearts after we've prayed, we might mistake that for God's answer.

I suppose the only real way to test between various influences is to guess and check. We may follow whatever suggestion feels right to us, and then check our results to try to determine if it was the right choice or not. The Holy Spirit will never lead us down wrong paths (difficult paths, sure, but never wrong ones), so we can know that if a spirit influences us to do something we know is wrong, we can know that's the wrong spirit to follow. The same thing goes for people. Good people don't intentionally mislead others, though it can be hard to judge people, since we frequently make mistakes.

Yesterday, I guessed that Trent was someone whose directions I could trust, and I was lucky enough to have guessed correctly. If I had guessed wrong, I probably would have bumped into a bunch of chairs and started following Michael instead. Either way, I'm sure I would have gotten to my destination eventually - it would just have been a matter of how long it would take and how many bruises I'd get along the way.

I'm not sure if this experience has taught me anything about discernment other than how important and difficult it is, but the importance of developing good judgement is enough of a spiritual message for this blog. If any of you figure out a good way to do it, let me know.

WARNING: ENDGAME SPOILERS

This blog post will contain spoilers for Avengers: Endgame. If you have not seen Avengers: Endgame, and you still intend to watch it before you experience any spoilers, a) You should probably get on that as soon as possible, and b) You should definitely skip this blog post, as this post will contain spoilers for the first and second acts of the film.

Were the title of this blog post not occupied with a warning about Endgame Spoilers, its title would have been "Still Worthy"

First, a little bit of backstory. The opening scene of Avengers: Infinity War, the film immediately before Endgame, depicts the mad titan Thanos aboard Thor's ship, having defeated Thor and killed about half of Thor's people. Thor, one of our many protagonists in the Avengers series, was the first of our heroes with a real chance to defeat Thanos, and he failed.

Reeling from this failure, Thor traveled to a dwarven forge where he could create a replacement for his hammer, Mjolnir. One of Thor's main heroic qualities is being worthy to wield this legendary weapon, which no one else can lift, but it was destroyed in a previous film, hence the need for a replacement.

Armed with his replacement weapon, an ax named Stormbreaker, Thor sought a rematch with Thanos, who was now well on his way to accomplishing his misguided plan to destroy half of all life in the universe. Thor's power now overwhelmed Thanos, gravely wounding him, but as Thor gloated in his victory, Thanos completed his. Thanos succeeded in killing one half of all living beings in the universe, and then he teleported away, leaving a once-again-defeated Thor behind.

Which brings us to Endgame.

Not knowing where Thanos had gone, there was nothing Thor could do but brood over his failure, but he eventually learns of Thanos's location, which is also the location of a plot device that could bring everyone back to life. Thor and his allies confront Thanos and defeat him, only to learn that Thanos had destroyed the plot device, making it impossible for Thor or anyone else to bring back those whom Thanos had killed. Thor killed Thanos in retribution, but the damage had already begun. Thor had failed to stop Thanos twice and had then failed to undo what Thanos had done.

Thor was absolutely crushed by his many defeats and failures. He turned to drinking heavily and ultimately became a fairly sad excuse for a human being, which is all the more tragic as he had once been a God and a King. His fall from celestial heights to a terrestrial pit almost utterly destroyed him. Yet, he got another chance. Using a time machine his allies invented, Thor traveled back in to to a point when both Mjolnir and the plot device still existed. But by the time he got to a time and place where his hammer was, he was surprised to find that he was still worthy to lift it.

Despite his failings, and despite his stumbling into vice as he brooded over his failings, his hammer still considered him a worthy hero. I wonder what it was that Mjolnir still saw in him. And, on a related note, I wonder what God still sees in me.

I am not a God. I never was one. I am human, even more human than Thor. I fail occasionally, some might say frequently, and I usually lament over my failings when they happen, though not as hard as Thor lamented his. I haven't turned to drinking, but I have other vices which, in my estimation, make me unworthy of most, if not all of God's blessings. Yet, God still speaks to me when I speak to Him. He still blesses me with more blessings than I probably deserve. And He still encourages me to keep fighting, even though I often feel as hopeless as I think Thor felt.

We all fail, to one level or another, almost constantly. Yet, God still considers us worthy of His love and help. Thor was surprised he was still worthy to wield Mjolnir, and I am frequently surprised that I am still worthy of God's love. Perhaps God and Mjolnir are more charitable than I thought they were, more charitable than I think I would have been. I wouldn't consider myself worthy of God's blessings any more than I considered Thor worthy to wield Mjolnir at that time. Both I and the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe are lucky that I am not the judge of who is and isn't worthy. Mjolnir judges the hearts of Marvel heroes, and God is the one who judges our hearts, sometimes more kindly than we think we deserve. Thus, we are sometimes surprised when God weighs our hearts and decides that we are still worthy.

I'm thankful that God is the judge of worthiness rather than me, and I'm thankful that He more readily forgives me than I forgive myself. I still have a ways to go before I can be declared worthy of all of God's blessings, but for now, I'm just glad that God thinks I'm still worthy of any of them.

A Few Insights From (One of?) Peter's First Healing(s?)

Last night, Joe and I read in Acts chapter 3 about one of the first, if not the first, recorded healing after Jesus' ascension.

And a certain man lame from his mother’s womb was carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple which is called Beautiful, to ask alms of them that entered into the temple; 

Who seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple asked an alms. ... 

Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk. 

And he took him by the right hand, and lifted him up: and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength.

And he leaping up stood, and walked, and entered with them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising God.

Acts 3: 2-3, 6-8

There are a couple of things that stand out to me here. The first is that the lame man didn't get what he asked for - he got something better. That happens a lot with God. We, in our finite wisdom or mortal desires, ask for something we want or that we think is best, only to find that God knows our needs better than we do, and He's already preparing something for us that's better than what we asked for. When we pray for a blessing and don't get it, we need to remember that God is a lot more wise, patient, loving, and benevolent than we are. He's not saying "No," because He's mad at us or because He just doesn't feel like blessing us just then. Everything He does is planned to work out for the best good for everyone. If He withholds a blessing from you, or gives you a different blessing than the one you asked for, or answers your prayers in a way that you didn't expect, just know that God knows what He's doing, and be grateful that God has even better blessings ahead than the ones that you asked for.

Another thing that stood out here is that Peter didn't let his inability to give the lame man what he asked for stop him from lending a hand. Sometimes, people ask us to do things that we can't do. Everyone has different talents and resources. Peter couldn't do anything for the lame man financially, but he could still help him in other ways. We can't all do healings. Not all of us have money to spare. And some of us don't even have time or energy to help much, but everyone can do something. Sometimes, we have no more that we can offer but a kind word, a friendly gesture, or a smile, but sometimes that's just what that person really needed. Let the Spirit guide you. When you think there's nothing you can do, you can turn to Him for advice, and a good example.

It occurs to me that there's not a whole lot the Spirit can do for anyone. He has no body that He could use to physically help anyone. He has no material possessions to share. The Spirit often can't do much more than be a voice is someone's head or a feeling in their heart, but He doesn't let His limitations stop Him from doing what He can. He can be the voice of reason, a word of advice, a shoulder to cry on (even without an actual, physical shoulder), a warm feeling of comfort, a light of inspiration, or warning against evil. And He is all that and more. Though there are many things that He can't do, He is always doing what He can.

A third lesson I want to take from this is that when you're happy, be happy! If you've got something to say, say it. If you've got something to do, do it. It usually doesn't matter a whole lot where you are or who may be watching. Don't let others rain on your parade, and especially don't let them make you hesitate from doing what you feel you should. Sure, the temple probably isn't the best place for "leaping," and though praising God is usually a good thing, it didn't seem like he was doing it quietly or reverently. But God had just done something wonderful for this man, and he wanted to thank Him as joyfully and emphatically as he could. I don't think God would fault Him for that. God cares more about people's hearts than their actions (I think), and this man's heart was clearly in the right place. As soon as he was able to move on his own, the first place he went was into the temple. That says a lot about that man and his character. Not that the act of physically walking into the temple means much, but it being the first place he went as soon as he was able - where he went when he wanted to praise God - says a lot about the content of the man's heart.

And a lot of the rules people insist that others follow have more to do with tradition and customs than actually following the example and teachings of Jesus Christ. Jesus didn't do a whole lot of shouting or leaping Himself, but I don't think He spoke anything against it. Sometimes we see someone that we don't think is acting the way they should, but it may simply be that we don't understand their situation. We may think that so-and-so should keep his voice down, especially in the temple, but we may not know what it is that he's so excited about. We don't know what's going on in other's lives, so what room do we have to judge them? Anyway, that's my two cents on the subject.

So, those are my handful of thoughts out of those few verses. There are certainly one or two things in there that we could each learn from and apply. Just thought I'd share those insights with you. I hope they do you some good.

Political Ramblings

On the subject of religion and politics, and particularly on the church's stance on politics, there's a really good video on Youtube, posted by LDSPublicAffairs, that helps to clear things up.





As the video explains, the church does not participate in party politics. It does not support or oppose any specific candidates, and church buildings and property are not to be used for political events or messages. However, the church maintains the right to speak out on moral issues that could affect society.

I personally think that those who have extra knowledge of what's right and wrong should try to help others to make good decisions. Now, I don't think we should force people not to sin (that was someone else's plan), but I do think that it's a Christian attribute to want to help people avoid the suffering that would be caused by the consequences of making bad choices. So, here's my question: Does making something illegal force people not to do it?

At first glance, that seems like a stupid question, and maybe it is. It's illegal to kill people, but (surprise, surprise), people still kill each other. It's also illegal to steal, kidnap, abuse certain substances, and do all kinds of wicked things, but people still do them. The law does not force them not to break God's laws.

But what about marriage? To get married, you need a marriage license, right? In order to be legally married, you need the government's help. If two people want to get married, but it's illegal for them to do so, they're not going to get the government's help in getting married, so they literally can't do it.

Then again, marriage as recognized by the country and marriage as recognized by God are two separate things. God may recognize a marriage that the government may not, and the government may recognize a marriage that God does not. The government can say that two people are married, but as far as God's concerned, they may not be.

So part of me is thinking, what's the big deal? So those two guys have a piece of paper that say they're married, and the government recognizes that piece of paper and treats those two as if they were married, but what does it really matter? Their marriage was probably "until death do you part" anyway, so they know it's going to be dissolved as soon as one of them passes on, and if their marriage was never valid in God's eyes in the first place, you can bet it won't be valid on the other side, where God has full jurisdiction. So why should we get all worked up if some people say that certain types of marriage are valid on Earth?

My answer to that question, along with so many others, is that I don't know, but thankfully, God does. Only God knows what kind of affect same-sex marriages will have on society. Some say the affect will be positive - that no one will judge other people for being different - and others say that the affect will be negative - that children will grow up learning that something that's morally wrong is socially acceptable, encouraging them to abandon the moral principles that hold society together. I certainly don't know enough about society or psychology to know what people are going to think or do if certain laws are or are not passed. All I know is that God knows what's going on a lot better than we do.

God wants us to make our on decisions, but He also want us to make the right decisions. He tells us what the right decisions are, and He encourages us to choose them by telling us about the rewards for righteousness and the consequences of sin.

You know, maybe that's what law is trying to do. It creates consequences for doing things that aren't acceptable, to try to dissuade people from doing such things. Does that force people not to do those things? I don't know. But what I do know is that I've allowed my political ramblings to get me WAY off-topic. I do want to get back to the basics - to things that even I can understand. Maybe I'll talk about the Holy Ghost next, or maybe some more about Faith. We'll see. Until then, I'm going to try not to try to figure out anything as complicated as politics. Religion is tricky enough.

In God We Trust

I go on Facebook sometimes, looking for inspiring quotes and images to share on my blog. I have a lot of religious friends, so it usually works out pretty well. But I also have a lot of political friends who post  news and articles about the government, and not all of it is good news.

The trouble with politics is that you never know who you can trust. Which news sources are telling the truth? How heavily slanted is their bias for or against whomever their talking about? And the politicians! They all make promises, but can any of them actually fulfill those promises? How many of them don't even try?

I wonder what things would be like if there were no "government." What if, whenever there was a decision to be made, whoever cared went to the Town Hall, shared their opinions, listened to other peoples' opinions, and took a vote? What if the so-called "government" was literally "of the people and by the people?" I don't have strong opinions on much of what goes on, but I really would like it if I at least felt like my voice was being heard.

What we have now seems to be an army of lawyers arguing in legalese, setting up and slipping through legal obstacles and loopholes of increasing complexity, while playing a political game that essentially amounts to a popularity contest. Those people may be much smarter, or at least more clever, than I am, but I'm not sure if I trust them to make decisions that'll effect my life.

So who can we trust? When everyone who is in office, or who's trying to get into office, or who's talking about anyone who is in or are trying to get into office, are liars, who can you trust?

Thankfully, we don't need to trust any of them. We only need to trust God.

Forget the "end of the day." At the End of Days, there's really only one Government, and it's not a Democracy, or a Republic, or anything like that. It's a Monarchy. And the Monarch is God. He made the laws. He is the judge. He enforces His laws through a system of rewards and punishments, both in mortality and afterward. And if we follow Him, regardless of what a few thousand knuckleheads do or don't do in Washington, things will all work out in the end.

But here's a good question: Why would I, who "would really like it if I at least felt like my voice was being heard," be satisfied with a Government in which I had absolutely no say at all in what the laws are? Wouldn't I like to vote on some of God's laws? Or at least be able to vote for lesser punishments for those who are guilty of certain sins (like the ones I'm having a hard time giving up)? Why should I accept the rules and authority of someone who won't let me have a say on what the rules should be?

A big part of the reason boils down to trust. I trust Him. I know He's wiser than I am. I know He's a good person. I know His rules make sense to Him, and they'll all make sense to me later on. In the meantime, it's all about trust.

If that's not enough for you; if you don't want to trust God, well, you don't actually have to. You can quite literally do whatever you want to do. But sooner or later, one way or another, you will have to acknowledge God's power. He's the boss, even if for no other reason than the fact that He says He's the boss and He has the muscle to back that up. In that sense, He's a lot like other monarchs. You don't have to like it - it's just the way it is. But luckily, this Monarch cares whether you like it or not. Even better, He cares about your happiness; your Eternal Happiness. And He designed His set of rules and laws, rewards and punishments, so as to encourage all of us to follow the path that will lead us to the greatest and most lasting amount of joy possible.

I sometimes lose sight of that. Sometimes, I know I should do A, but I really want to do B. I think B will bring me more happiness than A, even though God told me otherwise. Still, the choice is mine, and the natural consequences follow. Whether I'm happy or not is based entirely on my choices, and in that sense, I still have a great deal of freedom, despite living under a monarchy. Also, I suspect that for most of God's rules, they aren't just laws that He made up - they're laws of nature or physics or whatever, that He understands and is kind enough to warn us about. I mean, either He twisted the laws of medicine to manipulate us into obeying the Word of Wisdom (and punish those who don't), or He knows medicine well enough to know what's not good for us, and He's nice enough to tell us what to avoid. You can guess which one I think is more likely. Maybe His other laws are like that, too.

It's time that I trusted God enough to obey all His commandments, not just the ones I like and understand. When it really boils down to it, I'm not sure if there's any one person that I'd rather trust.

Tithing - The Lord's Richest Blessings

One last post on tithing, then I'll move on to other topics. In April 2011, Elder Carl B. Pratt of the Seventy gave a talk on tithing, which he titled "The Lord's Richest Blessings." In that talk, he shared the following story:

The early 1920s in Mexico were hard times. The violent revolution had just ended. There was little cash circulating, and most of it was in silver coins. People often conducted their business through barter, or exchange of goods and services. 

One day toward the end of summer, Grandpa John came home, having completed a trade and having received as part of the deal 100 pesos in silver coins. He gave the money to Ida with instructions it was to be used to cover the upcoming school expenses of the children. 

Ida was grateful for the money but reminded John that they had not paid any tithing all summer long. They had had no cash income, but Ida reminded him that the animals had provided meat, eggs, and milk. Their garden had provided an abundance of fruits and vegetables, and they had made other trades for goods not involving cash. Ida suggested they should give the money to the bishop to cover their tithing.

The law of tithing requires ten percent of our increase, but not all goods are monetary. John and Ida hadn't  received any cash that summer until John made a trade for those pesos, but Ida knew that they had received many other kinds of blessings that could only have come from the Lord. They had had their "increase," and Ida knew they should pay tithing on it.

Now, exactly how much tithing did they owe? How much increase had they received? It would have been impossible to judge the exact amount, but my guess is that they gave more than they technically owed, and there are a few good reasons to do that. First, you don't want to estimate too low and end up short-changing the Lord. It's better to give too much than too little. And second, there's the law of compensation to consider. The more we give to God, the more He gives back. If they had only owed 80 pesos worth of tithing when they paid 100, I wouldn't be surprised at all if God gave them at least an extra 20 pesos worth of blessings to balance the accounts. God is just, fair, merciful, and generous.

But He doesn't always pay in cash. As Elder Pratt said later in the talk:

We might conclude that since we pay tithing with money, the Lord will always bless us with money. I tended to think that way as a child. I have since learned it doesn’t necessarily work that way. The Lord promises blessings to those who pay their tithing. He promises to “open … the windows of heaven, and pour … out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it” (Malachi 3:10). I testify that He fulfills His promises, and if we faithfully pay our tithing, we will not lack for the necessities of life, but He does not promise wealth. Money and bank accounts are not His richest blessings.

No, the Lord's richest blessings are the kind that we obtain in the eternities. But thankfully, we're promised that God won't let us starve because we paid our tithing. Elder Pratt testified that, "if we faithfully pay our tithing, we will not lack for the necessities of life." He also said that when we pay our tithing, God "blesses us with wisdom to manage our limited material resources, wisdom that enables us to live better with 90 percent of our income than with 100 percent."

I don't know if God ever promised any faithful person that they'd have a lot of money. Maybe Abraham, since he was pretty rich, as I recall. But usually those who are most blessed by the Lord aren't necessarily rolling in dough. They have sufficient for their needs, and enough inner peace to be okay with have only that much. God doesn't want us to be greedy or stingy, or to split hairs while we're counting coins. God wants us to give generously, so He can give generously (though not always financially) to us.

Again, as I may have said yesterday, it's relatively easy for me to say that. I don't deal with money much, neither giving nor receiving. But I do deal in time. God gives me just as much time as He gives everyone else, and I spend it just as quickly as everyone else does. Maybe I should be more careful with where my time goes, and spend more of it doing what God would want me to do. It's not exactly tithing, but it is a way I can repay God for my blessings, and maybe God'll do some good with my time, just as He does with everybody's tithing money. We should all thank God for our many blessings, whatever form those blessings take.

A Question of Self-Perception

Another lesson I picked up from "Lord, Is It I?" is that we're sometimes not exactly as morally strong as we think we are. When Jesus told His disciples that one of them would betray Him, He was talking to the twelve people closest to Him - the twelve people that we might have expected to be the most loyal to Him. Yet, each of them felt the need to ask if they were the one that was going to betray Him.

At first thought, this seems like a silly question. The Lord's prophetic remark referred to a future action that one of them would take. In order to ensure that they were not the one who would take that action, any of them could have resolved, right then and there, not to do it. When Jesus said "one of you will betray me," any of them could have said, "well, it's not going to be me!" and then made the conscious choice not to betray Jesus.

That seems simple, but maybe it's not. It's possible to betray somebody by accident, as Pippin did when he told everyone in the Prancing Pony that he was traveling with Frodo Baggins. Also, even if you resolve not to do something, it can be tragically easy to find yourself doing it anyway, as we can see in the case of Peter denying that he knew Jesus, any addict who relapsed after a vow of abstinence, or anyone who has ever made a New Year's Resolution. It would have been possible that one of the twelve were going to betray Jesus without knowing beforehand that they were going to.

That leads me back to the point of not knowing exactly how strong we are. Peter thought that he was strong enough not to turn his back on Jesus, but then he did, three times, after being warned that he was going to. It seems that he wasn't quite as strong as he thought he was. On the other hand, I'm sure that some of the other disciples thought they were weaker than they were. A few of them, I'm sure, would have died before they betrayed Jesus, yet they must not have seen that strength within themselves because they all asked "Lord, is it I?"

I've said many times before that God knows us better than we know ourselves. The flip-side of that statement is that we don't know ourselves as well as God does. Maybe we are spiritually weak, but we don't see, or don't want to see, that weakness inside of us. Maybe we have enormous spiritual strength, but we see ourselves as being weak. Only God knows how strong we really are, how much temptation we can really resist, and which temptations would make us buckle. As we strive to evaluate our strengths and weaknesses, we should bear in mind that we're probably not the ones who are best qualified to judge us. God is. He can see through the biases and preconceptions we have about ourselves and truly see us as we really are. If we seek His guidance as we examine ourselves, He can help us see the truth. We may not know what we would or wouldn't do, but He does.

Frequent self-evaluation is important, but it's also important to remember that the measurements we make of ourselves may not be completely accurate. Instead of relying solely on our own observations and perceptions, we should look to God for answers to important questions, including the questions we may have about ourselves.

The Hatchet Anecdote

At the beginning of Elder Allen F. Packer's talk, The Book, he shared this amusing anecdote:

As a young 12-year-old Scout, I received a gift of a much-desired addition to my Scouting equipment. It was a hatchet with a heavy leather cover! On the next overnight hike, we arrived in camp after dark, wet and cold from the heavy snow on the trail. All I could think about was building a big roaring fire. I immediately went to work chopping a fallen tree with my new hatchet. As I chopped, I was frustrated because it didn’t seem to be cutting very well. In my frustration, I worked harder. Disappointed, I returned to camp with only a few pieces of wood. By the light of someone else’s fire, I discovered the problem. I hadn’t taken the cover off the hatchet. I can report, however, the cover was chopped to shreds. The lesson: I became distracted with other things.

How often do we do that? How often do we become so intent on getting something we want, like a roaring fire, that we go about getting it the wrong way, or sacrifice something else we want, like the cover for our hatchet, to get it? How often do we let the fulfillment of short-term desires lead to long-term consequences?

There's an oft-repeated saying that "Patience is a Virtue." It's also a Christlike attribute. When Jesus Christ was tempted to turn stoned into bread, He refused. Though He had been fasting for over a month at that point, He chose to go hungry for a little while longer rather than to abuse His divine power. He could have gotten bread, or meat, or anything else He wanted, but He exercised patience, and later He got bread, several baskets full, with God's blessing.

Most of the time, we don't want to be as patient as Jesus was. Sometimes, we let our immediate needs and wants distract us from what lies down the road. As a boy, Elder Packer's desire to build a campfire distracted him from the fact that his hatchet's leather cover was still on. Had he realized the problem, he could have spared the hatchet's cover from destruction and have gotten wood more quickly at the same time. God's ways are better than our ways. When we follow God's plan rather than our own desires, we can save ourselves a lot of trouble later, and often get our righteous desires fulfilled in the process. God won't withhold any good thing from His righteous children (Ps 34:10). If what we want is really something that would be good for us, God will let us have it as we follow Him and trust in His ways and timing.

Another lesson we can learn from this story is that sometimes we substitute effort for grace. When things go badly, we sometimes try harder rather than seeking God's wisdom to find out why things are going wrong. Elder Packer was 12 years old and, I assume, a Member of the Church at the time. He would have been baptized and would have received the Gift of the Holy Ghost. And even if he hadn't, anyone can receive answers to prayers. When he found that his hatchet wasn't being very effective, he could have sought guidance and possibly have been inspired to check to make sure the cover was off. When things go wrong in our lives, how do we handle those situations? Do we always seek the Lord's guidance and directions for how to overcome our challenges and achieve our goals, or do we sometimes rely on our own wisdom and strength, often exercising more strength than wisdom?

Another principle this anecdote touches on is the contrast between light and darkness. It was dark in the area where the boy was working, so he couldn't see the problem clearly. Not only did this make the challenge more difficult, it also made the situation more dangerous. Imagine a 12-year-old Scout trying to chop firewood with a hatchet in the dark and try to count the ways in which things could go wrong. That young man was lucky that the hatchet's cover was the only thing that got destroyed. He could have been seriously hurt trying to cut firewood in the dark, even with the hatchet's cover still on. Trying to get through life without the light of the gospel is just as dangerous to our souls, if not more so.

Later, in the light of someone else's fire, the young Elder Packer was able to see what had been wrong. This reminds me of the beam and mote scenario. Most of the time, the parable of the beam and the mote is used to explain that we shouldn't judge others when we have problems of our own to work out, but the Master Teacher also said that once we had gotten our own acts together, we could then be empowered to help others (Matt 7:5). I'm paraphrasing pretty terribly, but the fact remains that the more light we have, the better we can share that light with others.

I don't feel like I have a heck of a lot of light, but I do have some, and I'm more than happy to share what light I have with anyone who reads my blog, partly because sharing light helps our spiritual light to grow. Sharing the first few insights I gained from this story helped me to see other lessons that could be learned from it, and I think I'll remember these lessons better than I remember what I blog about casually or what I passively hear at church.

Elder Packer didn't say whether receiving light from the other Scout's fire made that fire bigger or brighter, but it could have. With the light from the other Scout's campfire, Elder Packer saw the problem with his hatchet, and might have removed the hatchet's shredded cover. With the cover removed, he could have more easily collected more firewood and added it to the other Scout's fire, making a larger fire for both of them to enjoy. That may not be what happened that night, but I know that when I share light on my blog, I get more light in return.

I'm thankful for the ability God has given me to see spiritual meanings in the stories and events of life. I'm glad for the light that He shares with me when I follow Him and for the light that comes into my life as I share that light with others. I'm grateful for the insights I gained today and for the opportunity I had to share those insights with you. I should blog like this more often.

On Not Killing Everyone

SPOILERS FOR MARVEL'S ETERNALS!

They're trying to save the world.

Of course, that's particularly new to the realm of superhero fiction, but what's (relatively) unique is what they're saving the world from: the birth of a god (or, more accurately, a "Celestial"). Apparently, in this Marvel universe, a Celestial named Arishem planted a "Celestial Seed" into the Earth (possibly having created the Earth first) so that the Earth could serve as a womb/cocoon/egg for the planted Celestial (named Tiamat) until it was ready to emerge. When the Eternals learn of Tiamat's pending emergence, some of them try to figure out how to stop the emergence, because the emergence of Tiamat would result in the destruction of the planet. Yet, Tiamat's emergence would also result in the birth of a Celestial, who would, following the pattern, go on to create more worlds and more life (which would then probably also end with the births of Celestials). Some of the Eternals argue that they shouldn't interfere with Tiamat's emergence, Earth's destruction, and the creation of other worlds. It's the classic Trolley Problem, but with entire worlds on the line, instead of individual people, and the many worlds for which the one world would be sacrificed haven't been created yet.

It's a surprisingly interesting moral question to grapple with (or gloss over, in the case of the film itself). Should one person (or world) be allowed to die so that others could live? On the surface, it's simple moral mathematics. Two lives (let alone many) are better than one. Then again, we're talking about the future. A bird in the hand is worth two (or many?) in the bush. It's also worth noting that we know nothing of the nature of Marvel's Tiamat (at least, not based on the knowledge that I picked up in the film). Perhaps Tiamat would create countless utopian worlds and not destroy them. Or perhaps they would destroy and/or terrorize worlds that already exist. Tiamat's nature is an important, but unknown factor in whatever moral equation we may try to calculate.

Yet, of course, morality is never so simple as punching the numbers. It's one thing to say that two lives carry more moral weight than one, but it's another thing entirely to be willing to kill one innocent person in order to save two others. I don't know if I could do it. It may or may not be the right thing to do, but I don't know if I'd have it in me to do it. I blogged about this years ago, talking about the gypsies in The Hunchback of Notre Dame needing to quiet an infant Quasimodo in order to avoid capture by torturers. I didn't know how I'd handle such a situation then, and I don't know now. I believe, on paper, that killing one person to save multiple others is, at least in a Utilitarian sense, the right thing to do, but I don't know if I could, in practice, bring myself to do it.

But Utilitarianism isn't the only moral code to consider. There's another, highly weighted moral rule with few exceptions: Thou Shalt Not Kill. That seems fairly clear to me. Yet, couldn't it be argued that to not save a life you could have saved is a sin of omission? Is it worse to murder one person or to fail to save two? I don't know. As before, I think that only God can judge cases such as these, and so I ultimately leave all judgment up to Him.

I don't know whether the Eternals were right to try to save the world, and I don't know if it's good that they succeeded. I'm mostly just glad that I'm not the one who has to judge difficult moral cases like these.

The Faith of the Canaanite

As I read through my new Gideon Mini-Bible yesterday, I came across an incident that stood out to me, recorded in the Gospel of Matthew. In Matthew 15: 21-28, a Canaanite woman came to Jesus and asked Him to heal her daughter, but, surprisingly, He didn't. He didn't even answer her. Jesus' disciples began to be annoyed by the woman's pleadings and asked Jesus to do something about her, but He told them that He was there to help Israelites, not Canaanites. But this did not deter the woman. She continued asking for help, eventually getting this response from Jesus: "It is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." Now, not only was Jesus refusing to help the woman, He was insulting her and her people by comparing them to dogs.

This doesn't sound like the Jesus I know, or thought I knew. The Jesus I know is helpful and loving, or at the very least, polite. Even if, for whatever reason, He couldn't help the Canaanite woman, I would have thought that there was no way Jesus would have been so rude about it.

Yet, despite having be ignored, denied, and insulted, the woman did not become angry. She answered humbly: "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table." Then, Jesus turned, saying, "O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire."

Now, it's fairly easy too imagine that Jesus simply became exasperated by the woman's incessant requests and relented just to silence her. After all, He had once given a parable (I believe it's called the parable of the importune widow) in which He essentially recommends that course of action. In that parable, a woman asks an unjust judge for help, and he refuses, yet he gives in eventually as the woman annoys him by continually asking him for help. Yet, there are at least two things wrong with comparing Jesus to this unjust judge: one, Jesus doesn't want us to keep asking Him for things after He has already given an answer (just ask Martin Harris), and two, Jesus is not an unjust judge. He is a loving and merciful helper.

So, what gives? Why did Jesus deny the woman's request at first, citing some racist, exclusionary excuse, knowing that He would ultimately, gladly grant her request?

I think the answer is in His exclamation: "O woman, great is your faith!" Jesus wasn't being rude just for the sake of being rude or because He was having a bad day. He was testing her. He wanted her to prove that she had the faith, diligence, and patience to keep asking for aid, even when she wasn't getting it, or any positive response.

In life, we often go through hard times, and we ask God for help, and sometimes it seems like we aren't getting it. At those times, it's tempting to think that God has abandoned us and that He doesn't really care about us, when the reality may be that He's testing our faith and patience so He can reward us for being faithful and patient. There's a saying that the teacher is always silent during a test. Perhaps that includes the great Teacher being silent during the times when our faith is being tested. Sure, it still doesn't feel very good, but at least now we know that there's a reason for it.

So, if you go through a rough patch, and it seems like God isn't answering you, remember the Canaanite woman and impress the Savior with how faithful, diligent, and patient you can be. Keep asking, keep keeping the commandments, keep trying to do your best, and eventually, God will reward your faithfulness, whether He does so in this life or the next. It can be hard to be faithful, especially when God seems not to be faithful to us, but if we can learn anything from the Canaanite woman and, it's that God does hear and will eventually answer our prayers.

"Who is the man?"

I have never seen The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and unless I borrow it from the library sometime, I probably never will. But that hasn't stopped me from memorizing the opening song of that movie, The Bells of Notre Dame. The music is powerful, the story is gripping, and some of the rhymes are extremely clever. But the real reason I want to share that song this morning is because I finally figured out the answer to Clopin's riddle.

I'm sorry that this was the best video I could find to share with you. I wanted a version that showed the video with the audio, but the only video-included versions I could find were painfully incomplete, and I wanted to give you the full story. Enjoy the lyrics.

By the way, "Kyrie Eleison" means "Lord, have mercy" in Greek. Don't ask me about the rest of it. I thought it was all Latin.

The "monster" was, of course, Judge Claude Frollo, who, as I understand it, is the villain of the film. That would make Quasimodo the man, right? That was what I thought until recently, but no, he couldn't have been "the man." He was only an infant at the time. No, "the man" was the Archdeacon. His timely and surprisingly semi-effective call to repentance saved Quasimodo's life. I don't know in Judge Frollo's heart was ultimately changed by the end of the movie, because again, I've never actually seen it, but I'm pretty sure the movie has a happy ending for Quasimodo at least, and the Archdeacon is mostly responsible.

What qualities did the Archdeacon possess that made him "the man?" He had strong convictions and he acted according to them, but then again, so did Frollo. Perhaps the biggest difference between the Archdeacon's convictions and Frollo's was that the Archdeacon's convictions included mercy and Frollo's didn't.

Judge Frollo was more interested in dealing out justice, and he probably wasn't actually all that just about it either. According to Clopin, he "saw corruption everywhere..." including places where there was no corruption, like in the deformed infant. Also, Frollo refused to see any corruption in himself. Otherwise, he might have tried to "purge [himself] of vice and sin," and become more forgiving and merciful - more like Jesus Christ.

The Archdeacon, on the other hand, recognized the innocence of the child and even gave Judge Frollo a second chance. I'm sure he hoped that raising the child would soften Frollo's heart, and though that seems to have failed, since Frollo was still a villain by the time Quasimodo was an adult, at least the Archdeacon had given him a chance.

There are a few lessons we can learn from this. One is that we shouldn't judge others too harshly, especially since we're not perfect ourselves. Another is that sometimes we need to undertake more self-reflection and find out what vices and sins still need to be purged from our hearts. None of us are perfect, and God knows how we need to improve. If we're humble enough to seek His guidance on how to improve ourselves, He'll show us our flaws and give us counsel on how to remove them. Self-reflection and self-improvement is sometimes a painfully difficult process, but it's necessary to our eternal progress. We have to acknowledge and strive to eradicate our faults in order to become better people and ultimately become more like God. In the meantime, we should try to be patient and understanding with the faults of others. Anyone can condemn others. It takes a real man to forgive.

July 5, 2010

Dear Home,

I just spent most of my Email time writing an Email to Mom. I don't know if she plans on posting it here, but just in case, I figured I'd better write you something. By the way, it's not her fault that I took up so much time writing to her. I got lost on a philosophical tangent and lost track of time while I was writing. I plan on doing better next time.

NEWS: I am not leaving Flin Flon yet, but my companion, Elder Jons is. He's going to Winnipeg, and Elder Sheffield is going to be replacing him up here. All I know about him (from a breif conversation I had with him about a month ago) is his name, he wears glasses, and he used to follow an anime called Full Metal Alchemist.

Other News: On Monday (last week), Elder Jons and I walked on Flinty's Board Walk again, and this time, I had my pedometer with me. The Board walk trail itself is about 4000 steps long, but it takes another 1730 steps to get back where you started from there. All told, the circle is about 2.71 miles long, with a total of 5730 steps. I usually walk almost twice that many steps in a day, and we have a truck! In a bussing/walking area, I'd probably be taking tens of thousands of steps a day. Hmm... that'd be good exercise in preparation for Half Dome... Maybe I should mention that to the Mission President. Nah, I doubt it'd make any difference. Often, we as humans ask for the things we want, but God gives us what's truely best for us anyway. That's just the way life is. =P

I'm running low on time, but just an update about what Elder Jons and I have been doing up here, there's a lady up here who has been doing some serious renovations to both her front and back yards, with lot's of help from her family and some help from us. It feels good to be useful and to contribute to something good, like a beautiful new yard. There's still some work to be done in the backyard, so I'm gratefully not out of a job yet, but the progress that's been made so far is incredible, and very encouraging. I wonder if this is a little taste of what God and his angels feel when they're able to help someone come closer to Christ. That has got to be some very difficult, spiritually and emotionally taxing work, but I imagine the benefits are unbelievable. I'm glad that God let me volunteer to pitch in a little. Hopefully, I'm doing some good around here. I feel like I am. =)

Much love from your Happy and Helpful Missionary, Elder Andrew Robarts

from the email exchange to which Elder Robarts referrred:

Dear Mom,

I'm going to try the slipping-my-paragraph-replies-in-between-your-paragraphs idea again. Hopefully, it'll be easier to follow (mentally) than the usual way.

Mom:

It's hard waiting for transfer news and not being able to mail. It must be harder for you guys not knowing where or with whom you will be next. Hopefully you are too busy to think about it much. But I guess you need to prepare your investigators so they are not too shocked. Especially in case of a white out.

Andrew: 

(( Unfortunately, we're never too busy to worry about Transfers, though they're usually relatively predictable. This time, Elder Jons had been in the area for 6 months, a normal length of time that a missionary can expect to spend in one area (in this mission anyway), whereas I had only been here 3 months. President Paulson doesn't like moving two missionaries out of an area at once because there's a lot of knowledge that comes from serving in an area for a while that you can't exactly write down in an Area Book, so when it's time for one missionary to move on, his companion usually stays behind. So it's not too much of a surprise that Elder Jons is getting transferred to Winnipeg (his first time serving in a major city for a full transfer), and I'm staying here. My new companion will be Elder Sheffield. I've met him once, but only once, so I don't know a lot about him, at least, not that I remember. I'll tell you more about him when he gets here. ))

Mom:

Andrew, you know that YOU did EARN your Eagle. I hope I helped you, but you earned it through the years. And YOU pulled off the project. I was so impressed that you found a way to get all those books to the Philippines. You truly are an Eagle worthy of the name.

Andrew: 

(( It's true that I did a lot of the actual project work (organizing the scouts, making sure everything was running smoothly, etc.), and I did put forth what little effort it took to Email the ambassador for the Philippines and have him tell me about Books for the Barrios, but making the flyers and putting the Project Book together was mostly you. ....Maybe we should just say 'we did it together', or that 'we helped each other do it', or maybe even 'I did it, but you helped A LOT.' Would that be fair to say?

Maybe it's comparable to how the Atonement saves us from sin. We couldn't be saved without the Atonement, and Christ's mercy does most of the work, but it still takes some effort on our part. Just like that, I couldn't have completed the project without you, and even though you did a lot (probably most) of the work and provided most, if not all, of the motivation we had to finish the project, it still took some effort on my part.

Either way, we succeeded, and neither of us could've done it on our own.))

Mom: 

This week I started taking the Family History class taught by Charlene Hisamoto. She showed us a clip which included this quote (or something rather close to it): "In your reunion you will see in their eyes either deep gratitude or intense disappointment."

Then I thought about our reunion with our Savior when in our reunion we will see in His eyes great love and either glad warm approval or sorrowful disappointment.

Andrew: 

(( Wow, that just gets you right in the heart, doesn't it? =/ It reminds me of when Alma and Amulek were preaching to (the Zoramites?), teaching about how, if we don't repent, we'll be brought to a perfect knowledge of our guilt, we'll dare not to look upon the face of our God, and we'll wish we could command the mountains to come and bury us, to hide us from our Eternal Judge. It makes me shudder to think that this life is a test and, before too long, we'll be held accountable for everything we've done (or should've done), and we may not pass the test.

On the other hand, I think that many of us, at least you and I, are doing a lot better than we imagine ourselves to be doing. Too often, we see our many flaws and ignore our many qualities. We see the mistakes we've made, while failing to see the progress we've made. I think that God is probably happier with us than we are with ourselves. Of course, that just may be one of the 'pleasing doctrines' that the churches taught during the Great Apostasy. I think in Nephi or Second Nephi it talks about doctrines like that: 'If it so be that we are guilty, God shall beat us with a few stripes, but then we shall be saved'. Then again, Hope (specifically, Hope of receiving Eternal Life) is one of the Christlike Attributes that we, as missionaries, are meant to study and obtain. I'm supposed to Hope for salvation, and so are you. Maybe we just need to remember that God is the ultimate judge of our characters, not ourselves.

Note to Self: Stop going on philosophical tangents when you're supposed to be writing Emails home. I'm bad at going off on tangents like that. =/))

Self-Deprecation

In each of the three new Apostles' talks, the speaker falls victim to a vice from which I also suffer: self-deprecation. Elder Rasband did it the least, saying mostly only that he felt "amazed" and "overwhelmed." The other two said that they were, as Elder Renlund put it, "evidence to the truthfulness of the Lord’s statement early in this dispensation: 'That the fulness of my gospel might be proclaimed by the weak and the simple unto the ends of the world.'"

I call self-deprecation a vice in part because, as I wrote last night, we have no right to judge anyone, including ourselves, and partly because it can lead to a much bigger problem. Self-deprecation can lead to one feeling like they're worthless, but we all know that that isn't true. None of us are worthless. The worth of souls is great in the sight of God, and we all have or are souls, so each of us has great worth in the sight of God. Yet, when we allow ourselves to fall victim to self-deprecation, we lower our self-esteem and take one step closer to thinking that we have absolutely no value at all.

Granted, most people who self-deprecate don't actually think they're worthless (which is good, because they're not), but they do undercut their perception of their value, and this puts them at odds with their Heavenly Father, who sees great value in each of us. The way I've heard it, self-deprecation is not an aspect of humility, but of pride. President Deiter F. Uchtdorf said that:

Humility does not mean convincing ourselves that we are worthless, meaningless, or of little value. Nor does it mean denying or withholding the talents God has given us. We don’t discover humility by thinking less of ourselves; we discover humility by thinking less about ourselves.

Furthermore, President Ezra Taft Benson said that a central feature of pride is enmity, or opposition, especially to God. Those who self-deprecate often exercise pride to do so, since God tells us that we have great value, but we tell ourselves that we don't.

Now, by saying all this, I don't mean to insult or ridicule anyone for thinking little of themselves. That would be counter-productive. Nor do I mean to say that the honest admittance of weakness isn't wise. What I do mean to say is that I don't think God wants any of us to beat ourselves up or put ourselves down. That doesn't mean that you're a bad person if you do that; that just means that you've got something to work on. And having and admitting a fault, like the habit of self-deprecation, isn't a bad thing, either. You just have to address the weakness and strive to overcome it rather than letting it define you and spoil your self-esteem.

I am fully convinced that God loves you and thinks you're a wonderful person. I also believe that He thinks you're fully capable, or at least capable of becoming capable, of everything He asks you to do. Just like the three newest members of the Quorum of the Twelve, we may sometimes feel weak and simple, but that doesn't mean that we are weak and simple, and even if we are, that doesn't mean that we're bound to stay that way. We have infinite potential, and we're each already living up to some of it. So, next time I'm tempted to think badly of myself, I'm going to ask God what He thinks of me and how He thinks I'm doing, and I'll try to be humble enough to accept His assessment, even if His opinion of me is much higher than mine.

Encounter Difficulty

One of the (surprisingly fun) challenges that I ran into when I started running D&D games is designing combat encounters. There's a lot of math involved. Ultimately, you add up a bunch of numbers that represent how strong the monsters are, multiply to total by a modifier based on how many monsters there are (and how big the party is), then compare the product to a set of numbers that tell you how much your party can handle, based on the level and number of adventurers in the party.

What I ultimately got out of all of this is that whether an encounter is Easy, Medium, Hard, or Deadly isn't based solely on the monsters involved. They're only half of the equation. The other half is the adventurers. An Easy fight for one party might be a Deadly fight for another. That's partly why I don't think we should label any challenge as being "easy" or "difficult" without also qualifying that label by saying whom that challenge is "easy" or "difficult" for.

For example, I write a lot (assuming you count these blog posts as "writing"). I get a great deal of practice typing words onto a page on my computer. I regularly string thousands of characters and hundreds of words together into sentences and paragraphs that usually, hopefully, end up making some sense. I have a great deal of experience at writing. So, when I am called upon to write a few hundred words or a few pages on a given topic, my challenge is not in finding the 's' key or in forming coherent sentences. Those "challenges" are easy for me. Yet, I know that that isn't easy for everyone. Not everyone does a lot of typing. Not everyone speaks English fluently.  Not everyone has as much experience with writing as I have. Writing a few paragraphs can be a great challenge for some people, even though it's not that much of a challenge to me.

We shouldn't judge how easy or difficult other people's challenges are based on how easily we think we could overcome them. Something that would be easy for us could still be a terribly difficult challenge for them. So we shouldn't judge others for the challenges that make them struggle. Perhaps they just have less experience dealing with that sort of challenge than we do. Or perhaps this is another case where "the grass is always greener on the other side." We don't really know how tough other people's challenges are, and we certainly don't fully understand how tough those challenges are for them.

That's why I'm glad that our challenges are being designed by Someone who knows how much we can handle, and that each hardship in the whole human experience is tailor-made for the humans who will experience them. God gives everyone challenges that are easy enough for them to overcome but that are also difficult enough to actually challenge them. In that sense, every challenge is, in fact, challenging. So, we shouldn't be hard on anyone who struggles with anything that would be easy for us. There's a reason God gave that challenge to them instead of us, and there are reasons why God gives us the challenges He does. It's not that some people are given difficult challenges and others are given easy challenges. "Easy" and "difficult" are relative. Everyone is given challenges that are difficult for them.