This blog post will contain spoilers for Avengers: Endgame. If you have not seen Avengers: Endgame, and you still intend to watch it before you experience any spoilers, a) You should probably get on that as soon as possible, and b) You should definitely skip this blog post, as this post will contain spoilers for the first and second acts of the film.
Were the title of this blog post not occupied with a warning about Endgame Spoilers, its title would have been "Still Worthy"
First, a little bit of backstory. The opening scene of Avengers: Infinity War, the film immediately before Endgame, depicts the mad titan Thanos aboard Thor's ship, having defeated Thor and killed about half of Thor's people. Thor, one of our many protagonists in the Avengers series, was the first of our heroes with a real chance to defeat Thanos, and he failed.
Reeling from this failure, Thor traveled to a dwarven forge where he could create a replacement for his hammer, Mjolnir. One of Thor's main heroic qualities is being worthy to wield this legendary weapon, which no one else can lift, but it was destroyed in a previous film, hence the need for a replacement.
Armed with his replacement weapon, an ax named Stormbreaker, Thor sought a rematch with Thanos, who was now well on his way to accomplishing his misguided plan to destroy half of all life in the universe. Thor's power now overwhelmed Thanos, gravely wounding him, but as Thor gloated in his victory, Thanos completed his. Thanos succeeded in killing one half of all living beings in the universe, and then he teleported away, leaving a once-again-defeated Thor behind.
Which brings us to Endgame.
Not knowing where Thanos had gone, there was nothing Thor could do but brood over his failure, but he eventually learns of Thanos's location, which is also the location of a plot device that could bring everyone back to life. Thor and his allies confront Thanos and defeat him, only to learn that Thanos had destroyed the plot device, making it impossible for Thor or anyone else to bring back those whom Thanos had killed. Thor killed Thanos in retribution, but the damage had already begun. Thor had failed to stop Thanos twice and had then failed to undo what Thanos had done.
Thor was absolutely crushed by his many defeats and failures. He turned to drinking heavily and ultimately became a fairly sad excuse for a human being, which is all the more tragic as he had once been a God and a King. His fall from celestial heights to a terrestrial pit almost utterly destroyed him. Yet, he got another chance. Using a time machine his allies invented, Thor traveled back in to to a point when both Mjolnir and the plot device still existed. But by the time he got to a time and place where his hammer was, he was surprised to find that he was still worthy to lift it.
Despite his failings, and despite his stumbling into vice as he brooded over his failings, his hammer still considered him a worthy hero. I wonder what it was that Mjolnir still saw in him. And, on a related note, I wonder what God still sees in me.
I am not a God. I never was one. I am human, even more human than Thor. I fail occasionally, some might say frequently, and I usually lament over my failings when they happen, though not as hard as Thor lamented his. I haven't turned to drinking, but I have other vices which, in my estimation, make me unworthy of most, if not all of God's blessings. Yet, God still speaks to me when I speak to Him. He still blesses me with more blessings than I probably deserve. And He still encourages me to keep fighting, even though I often feel as hopeless as I think Thor felt.
We all fail, to one level or another, almost constantly. Yet, God still considers us worthy of His love and help. Thor was surprised he was still worthy to wield Mjolnir, and I am frequently surprised that I am still worthy of God's love. Perhaps God and Mjolnir are more charitable than I thought they were, more charitable than I think I would have been. I wouldn't consider myself worthy of God's blessings any more than I considered Thor worthy to wield Mjolnir at that time. Both I and the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe are lucky that I am not the judge of who is and isn't worthy. Mjolnir judges the hearts of Marvel heroes, and God is the one who judges our hearts, sometimes more kindly than we think we deserve. Thus, we are sometimes surprised when God weighs our hearts and decides that we are still worthy.
I'm thankful that God is the judge of worthiness rather than me, and I'm thankful that He more readily forgives me than I forgive myself. I still have a ways to go before I can be declared worthy of all of God's blessings, but for now, I'm just glad that God thinks I'm still worthy of any of them.
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