489

With the song from yesterday still stuck in my head fresh in my mind as I walked to the bus stop, I decided to write my own verse for it - something about hope for forgiveness through the Atonement. What I got was a deeply personal message from me to my Savior, which still brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about it. Because I love you, I'll share my verse here.

Sometimes, I feel I'm out of hope

The end of my worn, fraying rope

There's only one way out, and that is thru ya.

But I've been here so many times

It's not a second chance, it's a four-eighty-ninth

You ransom me again. Oh, Hallelujah!

I chose the number 489 specifically. Not only does it kind of rhyme with "times," it's just one shy of how many times Jesus said we need to forgive each other.

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Matt 18: 21-22

Like many other Christians, I don't believe Jesus truly meant that we should keep track of how many times we have to forgive each other, so that we could stop after the 490th time. I think He meant for us to keep on forgiving others until our forgiveness is no longer needed.

And I think - I hope! - it's the same way with God. He might keep a tally of sins we've yet to repent of, just so the debt to justice can be paid in full, but since the debt has already been paid, and Jesus Christ has become our creditor, and all He asks in payment of the debt is an earnest effort to not add much more to it, I kind of doubt that They're counting up our sins so They can cast us into hell after the 490th one. In fact, one of Them has said something to that effect:

Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.
D&C 58:42

If He "remembers them no more," that means He's not keeping track of them. He's not counting. As long as we're repenting, He'll forgive us as many times as we need Him to, whether that means 491 times, 4,900 times, or more. At least, I hope He will.

I don't know how many sins I've committed over my 25 years. Mercifully, the first 8 years don't count against me, but even in the 17 years between my baptism and now, I've definitely committed many more than 490 sins. Probably many times more. The same could be said for all of us, and thankfully, there's still hope for us all.

I don't want to think about how many times I've had to ask my Savior to forgive me. Probably, He doesn't either. I'm sure we'd both rather put my sins behind us, both by my overcoming them and by our not bringing them back up once they've been forgiven. I've made a lot of mistakes over the course of my life, but fortunately, it doesn't really matter exactly how many there were. What matters is that I'm trying to overcome them, and that God is willing help me as many times as I need Him to.