I'm not sure what lesson I'm supposed to learn from the experience I had yesterday and today. This morning, my initial reaction to my mother's initial reaction is that I had been terribly thoughtless and that we all should try to be more conscious of other people's feelings than I had been.
Shortly thereafter, despite being clearly upset, Mom suggested that I might run an errand that would increase my mileage and officially put me ahead of her. All day, I had been torn with a unique moral dilemma: I felt morally obligated to do something that I felt would be wrong to do. I wanted to be helpful, and I said in a text message that I would run that errand after doing another chore, but I didn't want to do it because I thought it would upset my mom even worse, even though she had suggested it, suggesting that she'd be okay with me doing it, suggesting that she was okay with me winning, even though she had seemed not to be.
I could have blogged about the difficulty of reading people, or the thin line between friendly competition and less-friendly competition. I could have blogged about encouraging everyone to do their best, or about trying too hard to do better than other people. I could blog about relationships growing stronger after having experienced a strain.
But in the end, I'm not sure it really changed anything. I hadn't been planning on riding today, and I didn't. I ran out of time to run the errand, and by the time I get another chance, it won't matter anymore. Bike month is almost over, Mom is winning, and I'm not likely to bike any farther on Saturday or Sunday than she does, though we both want to ride over 350 miles by the end of the month, and I have more miles to go to reach that threshold than she does. Maybe she'll join me on my "catch up" ride, or maybe she won't. Maybe she'll end up with more miles than me, or maybe not. I'm not sure it matters anymore. I'm not sure if it ever really mattered.
Yes, we both joked about needing to ride hard lest the other beat us. Yes, I spent several hours yesterday trying to catch up to, and perhaps beat, Mom's score, but I didn't do it out of a desire to beat my mother at a competition. Ask anyone I've played Magic with; winning is not the most important thing to me. Yes, I'll play to win, but the desire to win is not why I play. I play because it's fun. I accept challenges to challenge myself. I rode my bike yesterday because I didn't want to give up too easily and because I knew it would be an experience.
And it was an experience. I dipped my feet in Folsom Lake, literally thanked God I found a drinking fountain before I ran out of water, and ate a sandwich on a picnic bench while looking up at a statue of the angel Moroni. There were a lot of uphills and downhills, hard stretches and pleasant rest stops, and I managed not to get myself badly sunburnt. It was a great experience. And it added up to 61.8 miles that, for a few hours at least, put me in the lead; the lead which Mom retook during her commute this morning or afternoon.
Tomorrow, I'm going to bike as far as I have to to get 350 miles by the end of the month, and if Mom wants to come with me (and maintain her lead), she's more than welcome to. I'll enjoy the company. If she decides she'd rather do something else, I strongly hope that she's okay with me going anyway, even if it puts my total miles just barely above hers. I don't care about the competition, and I hope she doesn't either. We're family. Why should we ride against each other when we could be riding together?
1 comment:
My apologies! My reaction was supposed to be at least partly humorous. I think there was a bit of an edge because 1) I do think you need to get a job and 2) I am jealous - all around me people younger than I are retiring, but there is no retirement in sight for me. I was blessed to be a stay at home mom most of my children's lives, and I am glad of that. However, I became a displaced home-maker at a fairly advanced age and I worry about what my old age is going to be like. At an age when I thought I would/should have some leisure and time to relax, be a grandma, do volunteer work, and have some fun, I am working hard to survive and too tired to do much else including so much that NEEDS doing.
I am glad that you made that ride, enjoyed the challenge and the experience, and I am sorry I spoiled it for you.
You are a good challenger and you have really made it a contest! But there is no "victory" for either if one stops to let the other win. Someone asked me earlier who was winning. I replied that everyone who bikes is winning. This has been the most amazing May is Bike Month for me - I have earned more badges and biked more miles than ever before or likely will manage again. You have been part of helping me do that. I hope we both make the 350 and whichever one of us ends up with the most miles, we have both accomplished a lot and mostly enjoyed doing it. Ride on!
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