How to Escape the Trap of Self-Esteem

 Self-Esteem is a trap. High or low doesn't matter. Either way, it's a trap.

It's easy to identify low self-esteem as a trap because it has a debilitating and discouraging effect on a person, but high self-esteem isn't much better. It gives a person confidence, but it can also give them arrogance or complacence. A person with a high opinion of himself may think that he's already good enough, and a person with a low opinion of himself may think that he never will be. Both are wrong.

As Elder Cornish put it in his recent and excellent General Conference talk, "Of course, there is no such thing as 'being good enough.' None of us could ever 'earn' or 'deserve' our salvation," so thinking too highly of ourselves doesn't make much sense. But he also said:

The answers to the questions “Am I good enough?” and “Will I make it?” are “Yes! You are going to be good enough” and “Yes, you are going to make it as long as you keep repenting and do not rationalize or rebel.”

So we don't need to be down on ourselves just because we're not perfect yet, or because we're so far from being perfect, or because we're not making progress toward perfection quickly enough, or because we're not making progress at all. God is patient. God is working with us. And because of Eternal Progression, we literally have all the time in the world. As long as we don't give up on the idea of making progress, it's not too late for us.

But giving up on the idea of progress doesn't always mean "giving up." Sometimes, it means thinking that we've already made all the progress that we need to make. Those who think that they are already good enough don't have any reason to try to get better. Thus, those who think too highly of themselves are just as stuck as those who are crippled by low self-esteem.

The solution to both high and low self-esteem is humility. In Pride and the Priesthood, President Uchtdorf taught us that humility doesn't mean thinking less of ourselves, but thinking less about ourselves. Our self-esteem, our opinion of ourselves, doesn't matter. As Elder Cornish said, "The only opinion of us that matters is what our Heavenly Father thinks of us." He is the only one who has an accurate knowledge of where we stand and how far we still need to go.

So, whether you think you're already good enough or you think you never will be, think again. Or better yet, ask God what He thinks. He may offer correction or encouragement, but whatever He tells you, it will be true, it will be accurate, and it will be exactly what you need to hear. I truly believe that God knows us better than we know ourselves and that His opinion of us is far more accurate than ours is. We shouldn't think of ourselves too highly or too lowly. Instead, we should follow Elder Cornish's counsel to "sincerely ask [God] what He thinks of [us]."