Not long ago, I felt like a loser, and I pondered for a little while about what that actually means. What makes someone feel like a loser? I don't think it's simply losing. A person can win and still feel like a loser, or lose and still feel like a loser. I think that whether we feel like a winner or a loser depends on our attitude, and it mostly reflects how we respond to winning and losing.
My sister has a T-Shirt with a short phrase encouraging its readers to "Find a defeat in every victory and a victory in every defeat." Finding a victory in every defeat makes sense to me. When things go badly, it can be comforting to reflect on what you did right. Finding a defeat in every victory made less sense to me, initially. The way my sister explained it, even when things go well for us, there is always room for improvement. Even when we win, there is always something we could have done a little bit better. If we strongly care about improving ourselves, we can look for those things and work on them.
I'm not sure "winners" do that. (And at this point, I should probably clarify that I'll be using the terms "winners" and "losers" to refer to people who feel like winners or losers, respectively, regardless of both whether or not they actually win or lose and whether or not they have what a personality that facilitates winning. For this blog post, "winners" are those who feel like winners, whether they are actually winners or not, and the same is true for "losers.") When "winners" win, they celebrate their victory rather than looking for room for improvement. Conversely, "losers" hardly have to look.
With "losers," the "defeat in every victory" is all too visible. A "loser" can hardly ever experience a victory without feeling like they've been defeated. While finding a defeat in every victory is a helpful tool for self-improvement, that's not really my issue. "Losers" like me already know of hundreds of ways in which we could improve, having learned them from the countless victories and defeats we've experienced over the courses of our lives. What we need to look for, to keep our morale and motivation strong, is victories.
"Losers" often look for victories in their defeats as a coping mechanism for feeling like losers. Many of us have gotten good at that. What we're not always so good at is seeing the victories in our victories. No matter what goes right, we fret about what we could have and think we should have done better. I think that many "losers" like me could benefit from not doing that so often, and instead allowing our victories to remain victories. We'll still see the defeats in them; that's part of our nature. But we'll be happier if we make the effort to see the victories in them, too.
1 comment:
I think winners can look for ways to improve without diminishing their accomplishment or feeling of accomplishment. (I rather dislike the term "defeat", but I guess that's personal preference) "Losers" often feel like they ARE losers even when they do win. "Winners" feel like they ARE or can be winners even when they have (temporary to them) losses. State of being or quality even more than state of accomplishment. Winners feel like they can improve without feeling like the room to or need to improve diminishes their worth. Also, winners realize that winning is more than coming in first. Sometimes, it does not even involve coming in first. To realize what it really means to win is true victory.
I feel like a loser much of the time. I think a lot of the problem is which "cheering section" I give the most attention / credence too. And that I look at all that needs to be done and let it overwhelm me no matter how much has been done.
Post a Comment