I have a problem. Actually, I have several problems, but the problem that's bugging me right now is that I'm not good at saying "no." Saying "no" is a valuable, sometimes vital skill, and I am not good at it. So when people make requests of me, even when those requests require a good deal of sacrifice on my part, I rarely say "no."
I should change that. Service is good and all that, but too much of it can be unhealthy. One should not serve other's needs at the expense of serving their own. We each need to deal with our own problems before we can solve other people's.
That's not true, is it? Solving other people's problems can be part of how we solve ours. We can, and sometimes should, solve other people's problems, despite having unsolved problems of our own.
What if I rephrased it? We each need to become self-sufficient before we can try to meet others' needs as well. No, that doesn't work, either. None of us can be completely self-sufficient, and as long as we're sharing, or at least trading resources, none of us need to be.
"We can't help others while we, ourselves, need help"? Wrong.
"We can't give to others unless we have sufficient for ourselves"? I think I'm getting closer.
I think that what I'm trying to say is that I need to spend more time taking care of the things I need to take care of, like my homework and my callings, and less time taking care of the things other people want me to take care of. There's only so much "me" to go around, and some of me is already spoken for by my personal obligations. If I have any "me" leftover after I do what I need to do, I'll see what I can do for you, but even then, I'm not sure I always should.
I haven't been myself lately, and I think that part of the reason for that is that I'm burning myself out. I'm trying to do too much for too many people, and eventually, something is going to have to give. I can't keep this up forever. At some point, I'm going to have to say "no."
I tried to say "no" today. I was supposed to attend three meetings today (one training meeting and two firesides), but I also had homework to do, and I really needed to take a break, so I decided to only attend the training meeting. I said "no" to the meetings that I had felt obligated to attend. But just as I was getting into my math homework, I got a call asking me if I could help some people move furniture from one house to another. And I just couldn't say "no." I ended up spending the rest of the day moving furniture and boxes because I was too service-oriented and weak-willed to keep my already-too-short weekend to myself.
I have a problem. I have a very serious problem. I need to learn how to say "no" without going on to say "no problem." I need to learn to put my foot down. I need to learn how to be selfish, to take care of myself, to make sure I take care of my own needs before I spend my limited resources solving others'. I know that other people need help, and I know that I have opportunities to help them, but if I keep this up, I am going to need some serious help as well. I don't mean to be rude; I almost never mean to be rude, but I have my own problems to worry about. And my inability to refuse to help others is one of them.
1 comment:
Interesting that some people have no problem saying no even when they could and should say yes. Some people appear to never sacrifice and serve. Eventually, they don't get asked and they don't volunteer. Others feel guilty if they ever do say no and also feel guilty and stressed about the things they didn't do while they were serving others. I think for most of us the struggle for balance is a life-long struggle. I do think, that if you err on the side of service, the Lord will bless you. But it is true, you can give too much. He does not want you to run faster than you are able. I need to learn to listen to the Spirit who just might help me know how to choose more wisely.
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