I heard a story a while back about a hobo who went to church. He wore raggedy clothes, probably hadn't shaved for a few days; he didn't look like a guy who was going to church - and the congregation agreed. For the most part, they ignored him and tried to forget he was there. Then someone got up to the podium to start the meeting, and he introduced their new teacher. As everyone looked around to see who the new teacher was, the hobo got up. He took his place at the podium and proceeded to give a lesson that went something along the lines of "when saw we thee a stranger?" and everyone felt ashamed of themselves.
It was one of those sappy Facebook stories, but when I heard it, I wasn't thinking 'Oh, I guess I need to be a better person, then.' I thought 'How unfair! Those people weren't ready. People don't come to church to be tested on how well they live gospel principles. They go to church to learn gospel principles, so they can go out into the world and apply them.' But I realized a few minutes later that we are always being tested. All parts of our mortal lives are part of the test, even when we least expect it, like when we go to church. Every waking moment of our lives, we're being tested, and that feels like a lot of pressure, especially considering how important this test is. How we act here, at church, at work, at school, at home, and everywhere else we go, is what we're going to be judged on during the Final Judgement. Our entire lives are THE TEST.
Of course, that doesn't really seem fair either. There's a good portion of the world that doesn't even know there's a test going on, and those who do know still have a lot working against them. This, in my opinion, is a difficult test, and I worry about how badly I think I'm doing. And I can only wonder - Am I doing this badly because I'm human and the test is meant to be very difficult, or am I doing badly because I'm a sinner and I need to repent and do better? And how can I know if I'm "doing my best" (which is all God really asks of us), when I could always be doing better? It's theoretically possible for a person to keep all the commandments perfectly, but in practice, only one person has ever, or will ever accomplish that. Do we need to strive for perfection and repent every time we fail (every freaking day of our entire freaking lives), or is it okay not to be perfect?
I guess I'm upset because I don't think I would have passed the hobo test, and I don't want to feel like that would have made me a bad Christian. Nobody's perfect. I try to be good, but am I good enough, or do I need to repent and try to be better? I guess that it's obvious, when you phrase it that way. But always trying to keep all the commandments perfectly all the time, and having to apologize every time you fall short, knowing that you're going to fall short over and over again for as long as you live, sounds like a fruitless and painfully frustrating struggle to me.
So why bother? Why bother trying to be perfect all the time when you know it's not going to happen? Why bother even having this stupid test when you know that no one is going to pass it?
But wait, people have passed it. People - normal, human people - have gone to the Celestial Kingdom and come back as angels, so we know it's possible. But... how? They weren't perfect. They were human! They couldn't have been perfect. So how did they pass the test?
Maybe we don't have to be perfect. I don't know if we need to try to be perfect, but judging by this, I don't think we need to succeed. We probably do have to try anyway, because even just trying is hard (and painfully frustrating) and this test was meant to be hard. But thankfully, we don't need to succeed. That takes a little bit of the pressure off, but I'm still worried. I'm not doing as well as I'd like to be doing, and I have no idea whether that's a problem or not.
1 comment:
You probably would have gone out to the car and gotten a little food packet.
Maybe you would have pretended not to see him. I probably would have, too. That is sad. But neither of us would (and neither did they) kick him out or say mean things to him. So, we wouldn't have done the best thing, but we would never have done the worst thing. and maybe now we would do a little bit better. There are people in church EVERY week that need a greeting and a smile.
Sometimes I feel discouraged and frustrated, too. Sometimes? All too often! I am certain that those who think well of me are sadly deceived, even those blessed with the power of discernment. But who do you think is talking there?
IT IS A HARD TEST. A very hard test. Because the stakes are so very high.
It isn't about whether we will get to sit on fluffy clouds and sing hymns all day. The test would not need to be so hard for that. It is about will we be able to become LIKE GOD - including His power and might. You can't hand that out willy-nilly. We don't even want that! Would you want to be put behind the wheel of an 18 wheeler hauling explosives and set out on the freeway without a lot of training and testing? no way!
Fortunately, it is an Open Book Test. With a coach you can ask questions. Totally awesome. And do-overs.
And it is a PLACEMENT test, not a totally Pass/Fail test. How well we do will determine where our next class is. Yes, there are things we can do that will disqualify us from advance classes, but not that many really. Most of the time we can go in, apologize, make amends, and start over wherever we actually qualify.
Despite "this life being the time" we are not really expected to get it all in this life. We are expected to try and to be facing the light and moving even if slowly in the right direction. There are two basic requirements: Love the Lord and being WILLING to follow Him. We are supposed to try and to keep trying. It is the desire and attitude that makes the ultimate difference.
If we love God and are willing, we will still mess up, but not on a fatal scale. We will move forward even if it is a struggle and sometimes we slip back.
Read "Believing Christ" by Stephen Robinson. Start with the parable of the bicycle. Then go ahead and read the whole thing. We have it.
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