Each of us has problems that we cannot solve and weaknesses that we cannot conquer without reaching out through prayer to a higher source of strength. That source is the God of heaven to whom we pray in the name of Jesus Christ.
-President James E. Faust, The Lifeline of Prayer, General Conference, April 2002
There are times when I want to face my problems myself, my own way, rather than admitting that God's ways are better, and I need His guidance and strength. There are times when I want the "bragging rights" or self-esteem of having solved a problem with no outside help. There are times that I want to think of myself as being strong enough or wise enough that I don't always need God's help for everything. It is, in all honesty, a Pride issue. I want to see myself as being smart or strong, or at least not totally helpless, not constantly needing help.
The unfortunate truth is that we are helpless, or at least that we need God's help more often than some of us want to admit. What I want to do, knowing that I need God's help almost constantly, is to find a way to seek, receive, and accept God's help, while still finding a way to be proud of myself.
In Alma Chapter 26, Ammon, a Nephite Missionary and one of the sons of Mosiah, rejoices in the success that he and his bretheren had in preaching the gospel to the Lamanites. His brother, Aaron, warns him, "Ammon, I fear that thy joy doth carry thee away unto boasting." (Alma 26:10) But Ammon said to him:
I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.
Alma 26: 11-12
Ammon had no illusions about his self-worth or his abilities, but even as he described himself as being "weak" and "nothing," it didn't seem to bother him as I know it would (and does) bother me. I don't like that I have problems I can't solve and weaknesses I can't overcome. I don't like being weak and worthless. I want to be stronger; strong enough to overcome my many faults and weaknesses - by myself. But God doesn't work like that. For whatever reason, God made us all so weak, or life so hard, that nobody can reach our eternal destination without His help.
But why? Why would God require that we come unto Him? Why would God make certain that we can't get through life without Him? Maybe it's not actually His fault that we need Him. Maybe He simply has more wisdom than we do. Wisdom comes by experience, which is why we're here on Earth, but we don't have a lot of experience yet. God has much more experience and wisdom than we do, so we need to turn to Him. That's not His fault, and it's not our fault. It's just the way it is.
And perhaps God gave us a lack of strength or a surplus of challenges so that we would have to turn to Him for strength, and then, when we pray for strength, He tries to teach us wisdom instead. Instead of giving us the strength to move the boulder He put in our path, He tries to give us the wisdom to choose a better path. It's a little bit underhanded, but it makes sense. And He has our best intentions in mind. And if it's true that He has infinite wisdom, then whatever He's trying to accomplish by all this, this is the best way to do it. It just doesn't sound very good to me, though that may be because of my own lack of wisdom. I still don't like it.
Theoretically, God's trying to make us more like Him, and I'd guess that'd include giving us more wisdom and power. I know it doesn't make sense to give people power before they gain wisdom, but is this really the best way to gain wisdom? Struggles, challenges, and frustration? Are we supposed to beat ourselves against the unsolvable problems in our lives until we realize that we have no choice but to turn to God for help and for advice? There's got to be a better way - a faster, more efficient, less painful way - to gain wisdom and experience. But if God, in His infinite wisdom, prescribed that this is how we're supposed to gain experience for ourselves, it has somehow got to be the best, or perhaps the only, way.
Sometimes I think life is too complicated, and sometimes I think it's painfully simple. I'd prefer it to be painfully simple, because then I'd have a prayer of understanding it. Maybe this is all about faith. This is God's plan. It's a good plan, even if we don't understand how it works. Maybe we just need to trust God and have faith. God puts challenges in our lives. Maybe He wants us to overcome them (on our own), maybe He wants us to overcome them with His help, maybe He wants us to find a way around them (on our own), or maybe He wants us to follow Him instead.
When we encounter a problem, I think we're supposed to pray for wisdom, try to figure out a plan, take the plan to God for confirmation, and react based on what we feel. If we feel we should go for it, we should pray for God's help to carry out the plan and go for it. If we feel bad about the plan, we go back to the drawing board, praying for wisdom again. If we're not sure whether we got an answer or not, I think we should probably go for it, praying for help as we go. If it doesn't work, we go back to the drawing board, a little frustrated, but determined to eventually either overcome the obstacle or find a way around it.
It sounds impressively complicated, but that's life. And if you ask me, life is one huge pile of obstacles and challenges that God wants us to learn from and eventually overcome. In that sense, life can be taken as one huge challenge, and we can approach the bulk of it the same way.
Step One: Encounter Challenge
Step Two: Pray for Wisdom; Attempt to Find a Solution
Step Three: Take Solution to God in Prayer and Ask for Confirmation
Response A: Confirmation: Pray for God's Help and Proceed as Planned
Response B: Rejection: Return to Step Two
Response C: No Response: Pray for God's Help and Proceed as Planned
Step Four: Proceed as Planned
Did it work?
Yes: Good! Thank God, Then Return to Step One
No: Keep Trying. Pray for God's Help and Proceed as Planned
If That Fails, You May Need to Return to Step Two
I should make a flow chart out of that. It might make life easier for me, or at least certain aspects of it.
As for my struggles with my feelings of worthlessness, perhaps I can comfort myself with the knowledge that when God and I work together, I'm awesome. It's a symbiotic relationship. It's like magic. The magical energy comes from God, I channel it, and God works His magic through me. I can be a conduit. That's pretty cool, I guess. Not quite as cool as producing the magic myself, but maybe we're all working up to that. Maybe the strength I want to have now is a reward that God wants to give me later. For now, He's trying to prepare me for it by teaching me how to wield a portion of His power and the power that He already gave me. When I think of it that way, it really does sound awesome. Maybe this plan isn't too bad after all.
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