Changing and Changing Back

You know you've got something the way you want it when you change it, and then decide that you liked it better the way it was. For Christmas, my brother got my a red dragon lego set, and I've had endless fun modifying my dragon from its original design. Originally, it could only stand on its hind legs. Its arms or front legs were too short, and its hind legs put its hindquarters too high off the ground. When I changed its hind legs so that my dragon could stand on all four legs, its hind legs proved too weak to support the dragon standing up. After a great deal more tweaking, I've managed to modify its hind legs to the point where it can stand on its hind legs or all fours, or even leaning very far forward - it's that well-balanced.

I also made some wonderful improvements to its wings. Originally, it had a few plates on it that were too unsightly to be worth their minimal functionality, so I removed them. In their place, I added a pair of spikes, and put some plates for stability on the underside of the wings for a bright accent of color that doesn't draw too much attention to itself. The spikes I added to the wings mostly came from spikes I removed from the dragon's back. It was a tough decision to make my dragon have fewer spikes on its back, but its wings and tail look much better for it, and now there's a spot on the dragon's back where a lego man can sit to ride the dragon.

The part of the dragon I'm working on now is its head. The dragon's head has always seemed a little big, but since its the most complex part of the dragon, I've found it difficult to modify. After a careful study of the construction of the dragon's head, I found a way to remove a few plates from it, making the head slightly smaller. This has also had the effect of changing the way the dragon's mouth closes. Rather than having the teeth come together when the dragon's mouth is closed, so the closed-mouthed dragon always looks like it's snarling (and has no option of breathing fire through its teeth, but I don't care about that), its lower jaw now comes up behind its upper jaw, so the closed-mouthed dragon looks like its upper teeth protrude over its lower lip, like that of an alligator or a crocodile (I forget which is which).

This, at first, was not appealing to me, but there's a reason I think I may keep it. Whenever I made the sound of my dragon roaring, it's always been the same sound, "FRAWR!" with a definite "F" sound before the classic "RAWR." I was never sure why my dragon made that sound, and I'm still not completely sure, but I think that the fact that my dragon makes that sound will ensure that I keep the version of its head that makes it look like its upper teeth rest on or over its lower lip. When you make the "F" sound, it starts by putting your upper teeth on your lower lip and breathing out through them, exactly as my dragon would if it started roaring when its mouth was closed. I'm not sure if this is a coincidence, mostly because I have no idea why it wouldn't be, but it certainly seems that my dragon was almost destined to have the kind of mouth it has now.

Through all of these modifications, I have gone through a process of constantly tweaking its form, trying out new shapes for its appendages and placements for its pieces. Some of its limbs have gone through several versions, always returning to the form in which they are now. It's too early to say whether I'll keep the current form of the head, or change it back to its original form, but I might keep changing it back and forth until I decide which form I like better.

In life, we too can change and change back, but for us, change comes less quickly and with more difficulty. It's harder to change a habit or a human heart than to change the shape of a lego dragon. However, when a change is made, and a comparison can be made between the two forms, a decision can be made between the two versions, and you can usually tell which version of yourself you like better. Sometimes, the new you is an improvement. In fact, that's pretty much the whole idea of changing - to change for the better. But sometimes, you pick up a habit or attitude, or even something easier to change, like a hobby or a preferred style of clothing, and ultimately find that you liked yourself better the way you were before. That's okay. Except in the case of sinful behavior, it's perfectly alright to try new things, experiment with new styles and forms of yourself, and then decide which version of you you like better. Making a small change for the sake of experiment, and then deciding to change back to the way you were before, may be a sign that you like yourself just the way you are (of course, that's not always a good thing, but that's a lesson for another time).

In life, we're meant to change. We were born imperfect, and we're expected to be a little bit less imperfect by the time we leave. The only way to accomplish that is by changing. Sometimes, we change for the better; sometimes we change for the worse. It's important, when we change for the worse, that we recognize that fact and make the effort to change ourselves back. When I change something about my dragon, and then decide that it made for a change for the worse, I'm not usually too stubborn to admit that I was wrong, to acknowledge that my "improvement" didn't really improve the dragon, and to change it back. I hope that's even more true for myself. I make changes to myself sometimes, and I hope that most of them are changes for the better, but if one of my self-improvement projects backfires, I hope I won't be too stubborn to abandon the project and change back to the way I was. Making changes and evaluating the results are part of life. I frequently evaluate the state of my lego dragon to see how I might improve it. I should do at least as much for myself. And when a change turns South, for either me or my dragon, I hope that I'll be wise enough to change it back.