In contrast to most nights, I currently have two thoughts I'd like to blog about. One of them concerns the immutability of God's laws (Even when our laws change, His don't). The other is about something else I saw on Facebook, plus thoughts pulled from a country song, contrasted against a widely-accepted virtue and church doctrine. The question that is raised, and hopefully answered, by these sources is "How honest should we be?"
I couldn't find the story again, but it went something like this: A parent was having a pretty rough day at home, trying to keep the kids out of trouble and trying to get the messes cleaned. While they were at it, they were preparing some toast, which ended up getting burnt. Their spouse, having just returned from work, or just finished preparing to leave for work, I can't remember which, ate the toast and commented about how good it was. The moral of the story was to be patient and sympathetic and, when necessary, to lie.
But according to a song by Brad Paisley, "That's not a lie - That's love." Sometimes, things go badly, but complaining about it would only make it worse. If you love someone, you would want them to feel good about themselves and their accomplishments. If that takes lying, so be it. Surely, it's kinder to give an insincere compliment than an honest complaint.
Or is it? Insincere compliments, especially when they're known to be insincere, can be just as painful as an honest complaint. My advice is to say nothing, or to be honest, but not brutally so. In the case of the burnt toast, the spouse could have simply said "Thank you for cooking this for me and for taking care of the kids." That would have been sympathetic without stretching the truth.
As members of the church, we believe in being honest. One of the temple recommend interview questions is "Are you honest in all your dealings with your fellow man?" Also, I'm sure that Jesus never lied to anyone, even to spare their feelings. It may take careful and/or clever word choices to be both honest and kind at the same time, but it can be done, and we should speak that way to each other rather than lying to each other to spare each other's feelings. Kindness is good, but honesty is essential. So if, after a hard day, someone serves you a piece of burnt toast, thank them kindly for it, but don't lie to them about how it tastes.
1 comment:
Whenever I have heard that story, while appreciating the sweet thoughtfulness and love behind the compliment, I have thought "And for the rest of their natural lives, the loving wife fed her loving husband burnt toast." Your response is better. One can almost always find something to sincerely compliment. To eat it without complaint and compliment her work and effort to care for her family is honest and supportive. To do something to help without in any way seeming judgemental about her ability or skill, is even better. But that may be another subject for another day. Look for the good and compliment it. See the service and the effort and give thanks. Express sincere appreciation. and help.
Post a Comment