Too Close for Kindness

In "Bonking on Branches," I said that some people aren't terribly bright. That wasn't a very nice thing to say, especially when I was specifically referring to someone I'm particularly close to and whose feelings I care about. I wonder sometimes whether we're as kind to our family members as we are to others and if we're as kind to ourselves as we are to our families. The gospel is full of teachings that encourage us to love everyone. Shouldn't that include, well, everyone? Family, friends, strangers, neighbors, coworkers, members, nonmembers, and ourselves?

I think most of us do alright at being kind to others. When around strangers, neighbors, coworkers, members and nonmembers, we tend to be on our best behavior. Some of us may need more practice at treating friends like family, but I think more of us struggle at treating family members, including ourselves, the way we'd treat our friends.

The problem may be that we're more comfortable around our own families than around others. We're more ready to open up and say how we really feel, even if it comes out bluntly or sharply. Other times, we jest, poking fun at each other or ourselves. Maybe we don't mean anything by it, but it still runs the risk of hurting feelings, and really, why would we do that to our own family? Why would we do that to ourselves? Don't we care about our own and our family's feelings? Don't we want ourselves and our families to be happy? Why would we ever say unkind things to or about the people we're most closely connected to?

One idea that may help us avoid being unkind to those closest to us is to stop and think, would I act this way if I wasn't so closely related to this person? Would I talk this way about a coworker? Would I say those things about my boss? Would I be this rough with someone from my ward whom I know is struggling with a personal challenge? (And believe me, we are all struggling with personal challenges.) If we take a moment to think about whether we'd say or do certain things to or about people we're not as close to, we can train ourselves to treat our family as well as we treat our friends and neighbors.

Now, I'm not saying any of this because anyone was unkind to me. They weren't, at least not within living memory. The real reason I'm saying this is because I and a few people I care about are often too hard on ourselves. We treat ourselves far less kindly than we treat others. We insult and chastise ourselves. We give ourselves a hard time, when I know that we would never do any of that to anyone else. To everyone else, we're kind, thoughtful, and sensitive people. Why is it that we so rarely extend that kindness, patience, and love back to ourselves? By seeing ourselves as our siblings' sibling, our children's parent, our parents' child, our neighbor's neighbor, or a friend of a friend, we may end up being more kind to ourselves that we might otherwise have been. At the very least, we all have at least one Friend who would hate for anyone to be mean to us, even us. God loves everyone, and He wants us to love everyone, including our family members, including ourselves.