What Others Expect of You - Agreeing to Leeches

As I was searching for the exact quote of the "duty" definition I didn't like, I found this. It's an excerpt from Robert Heinlein's book "Time Enough for Love." The reason I didn't share it yesterday is that I wasn't sure how much I agreed with it, and I'm still not sure. Like most things, it has at least some truth in it; I'm just not sure exactly how much of it is true. It's another thing I'm going to have to ponder a while longer before I decide exactly where I stand on it. Anyhow, I found it interesting enough to keep the tab open overnight. Perhaps you'll find it interesting, too.

Do not confuse "duty" with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different.

Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.

But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad [a thief] than it is to deal with a leech who wants "just a few minutes of your time, please - this won't take long"... Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time - and squawk for more!

So learn to say no - and to be rude about it when necessary.

Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you.

This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don't do it because it is "expected" of you.

I think I needed to read this. I probably still need to really think about it and come to grips with the wisdom that's in it. I am, as Heinlein might say, guilty of the vice of agreeing to the requests of leeches.  I need to "learn to say no - and [perhaps even] to be rude about it when necessary." That's a skill that I lack that I feel I could greatly benefit from gaining. It's not useful in all situations. Like Heinlein said, saying no to parasites doesn't mean that you never do favors for friends. But like he said, it should be one's own choice, not a "duty" to do whatever is asked of you. Some people ask too much too often. You do not have a moral duty to do all that such people expect me to do. I do not have a moral duty to do all that such people expect me to do.