Mixed Feelings

Near the end of the last talk of the Sunday Morning Session of the April 2019 General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson gave some advice that I'm a bit afraid to follow: "Ask [God] how He feels about you. And then listen.” I hesitate to follow this advice because I'm afraid that God might have mixed feelings about me.

Of course, He loves me, but He loves everyone, and that doesn't necessarily means that He likes me; there is a difference. It's possible that He loves me because we're family, but doesn't necessarily like me as a person. I'll admit that that felt wrong as I typed it, so I think that God may like me, but still, I can think of several things He probably doesn't like about me. I have many flaws and failings. I have faults that I haven't overcome yet and sins that I still haven't fully repented of yet. I'm facing the right direction, but I'm making very little progress, if any. If God had to judge my soul right now, I'm not certain that He would assign me to the Celestial Kingdom. I don't feel worthy of that. I know that my worthiness (or lack thereof) doesn't affect God's love for me, but it would affect whether God is proud of me or disappointed in me. I sometimes suspect the latter.

Still, it would be good to know for sure. I should ask God exactly how He feels about me, even if I expect those feelings to be mixed. Besides, I wouldn't mind knowing approximately where I stand in my relationship to Him. I may be doing better than I think, but even if I'm not, it'd be good to know. Doctors need to know how well (or poorly) a patient is doing in order to know what treatment to prescribe. It'd be good for me to know how well (or poorly) I'm doing so I can know where and how much I need to improve.

So, I think I have to ask Him. I'm not sure what the answer will be, and I'm not sure that I'll like it, but I have to ask. God may or may not have mixed feelings about me, but I think it may be important for me to know what those feelings are.