I got a decent amount of homework done today, but it wasn't very satisfying. I don't feel like I did my best on that last paper. I kinda rushed it. This... this is an interesting thing to notice about myself. I'm not really upset that I did or might have done poorly, and I'm not worried about what grade I'll get. I'm disappointed because I don't feel like I did as well as I could have. I feel better when I do my best.
The stoics teach that it's unwise to set our value on the outcomes of our actions or of luck. We can't control the outcomes, but we can control our efforts, so making a solid effort should be satisfying enough. The reason I'm dissatisfied right now is because I don't feel like I put in as much of an effort as I could have. If I had put in a worthy effort, I think that would be satisfying, regardless of whether I felt excited or nervous (or nothing) about the coming grade.
I would like to feel satisfied. I'd like to feel proud of myself. I'd like to feel that I had done well. In order to do that, I will need to put in greater effort.
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