Elder Hugo Montoya's General Conference talk, Tested and Tempted -- But Helped, mostly focussed on how we can help each other overcome our trials and temptations. Much of what he says is, I believe, good advice. However, his first suggestion, go the extra mile, has me feeling a bit concerned.
What does it mean to go the extra mile for someone? Elder Montoya quoted the Lord: "The Savior said, 'Whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.'" Does that mean that, to be good Christians, we need to do everything that is asked of us, and then some? What if (and this is purely hypothetical, of course) a person has a relative, friend, or acquaintance who asks a good deal of them - perhaps even more than they can provide? Is a person morally obligated to provide twice as much service as is asked of them? There are people who would be in very serious trouble if that were true.
There are many people who, out of either a need or a want of help, "compel [others] to go a mile." Are all those others obligated to not only answer their every call to service, but to exceed even their benefactors' great expectations? I doubt it. Just as there are limits to what a person can do, there are limits to what God expects us to do. I'm sure God doesn't expect us to provide twice as much help as anyone ever asks of us. Some people ask too much for that to be practical. But then, what does God expect from us? How much service is considered the first mile, and how much is considered the second? If there are people asking you to do the service-equivalent of going four or five miles, is it still counted as "going the extra mile" when you do only a fraction of what they asked? "The Savior said, 'Whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain,'" but what does that really mean for us?
Naturally, it means that we need to do service for others. God expects us to love and serve each other, to help each other bear our burdens, and so on. But where do you draw the line? When can a person say, with a clear conscience, "I know that you need help, but you're asking too much of me"? When does a person gain the moral right to say "no" to a request for service? Does a person need to be pushed to their physical or emotional limit before they can say that, or is God more practical and merciful than to expect that much of us? How much service does God expect us to do?
I wish I had the answers to these questions. I wish I knew how much God expects of me and how great His expectations are compared to that which is asked of me. I'm happy to serve others most of the time, but at a certain point, I have to say that enough is enough. I just wish I knew how much service, in God's eyes, counts as "enough."
2 comments:
I know a little bit of your struggle and, to a lesser degree, I have experienced it with others. There are those who repeatedly ask for help without they themselves doing what they can to help themselves. Who ask for so much help that the sacrifice brings hurt to their helper or their family. When have we given enough? And when is giving help actually doing harm by enabling others in unhealthy practices?
This is a big struggle. All I can say is pray. Which is a hard thing, because I am hard of listening and if the Lord doesn't use the equivalent of a baseball bat, I don't always get the message. But the only sure answer is in prayer. Friends and counselors can give you support and share their opinions, but that is only so much help.
Thinking of a specific incident that is likely troubling you, I know there were at least 3 other more or less able-bodied individuals (some of them quite spiritual as far as I can tell), 3 licensed drivers who learned of the troubling request. Not one of us felt compelled to leap into the breach and volunteer. Wrong? Selfish? or justified?
At the time of Christ, Roman soldiers could compel any Jew at any time to carry his pack for a mile. It was required. The person had no choice. By going the 2nd mile, the victim became a victor, it became a free choice.
Truth is you are not forced to do the service you do. You will not be beaten, killed, grounded, or disrespected by those who care about you. Although you feel compelled to do this service, you actually have a choice. The service you give is not pleasant and yet you always try to be pleasant about it. I think you are already doing at least the 2nd mile, but you cannot do everything.
The one thing that may need doing, that is even more difficult in some ways than the service requested, is honest talk to the requester about their need to work on improving/changing their situation and also about your ability to continue to sacrifice.
I agree that serving anyone outside your own responsibility is already going the second mile. We should help take care of our own homes and people we live with, and do a good, fair amount of work at our job. I would say those things are the first mile that we are required to do. When we do extra work to help a co-worker, or do more than a normal share of household duties, or help someone outside of our own stewardship, that is going the second mile. You're pretty much racking up the miles.
This is a good thing for all of us to think about, since we know that we should serve others. It's something that is difficult for me with my health problems. What can I do for myself? When should I ask for help? When can I help others? I also think that you can only find the answer by praying and following what you feel is right. Right now, I keep feeling like I need to rest. It is hard to not be able to do things, and cause more work for others, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us individually, and as long as we try to follow the Spirit and the gospel, everything will turn out right.
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