My Fondest Dream

The other day, I was playing and singing hymn 134, I Believe in Christ, which includes some of the most inspiring, encouraging lines from any of our hymns:

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I’ll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: “Ye shall obtain.”

I find this highly encouraging because there is a lot of grief and pain in life, and yet, there is a good reward for enduring in righteousness, specifically the best reward I can think of: "my fondest dream."

Unfortunately, I don't know if I'm interpreting that phrase correctly. I want it to mean that God will reward me with my deepest desire, if I'm righteous enough to earn it. However, it could mean to say that I, the singer, most deeply desire the rewards that God is going to give me. God has promised us glorious blessings, but I don't know if those blessings include the one I currently want most.

My fondest dream is to experience enduring peace and rest. I want the battle for my soul to be over, permanently. I want to win, once and for all. That's not going to happen in this lifetime. Satan is far too persistent for me to ever let my guard down while I'm alive. But he can't attack me in heaven (or at least, I don't think he can), so my goal, my "fondest dream," is to get to heaven, so I can set my sword and shield down, lay down on a cloud, and get some rest.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure that's part of God's plan. God wants us to become like He is, and He is a creator, a Heavenly Father. I'm sure His plan for us includes giving us the opportunity to create countless spirit children and countless worlds for them to live on. I wonder if His plan also includes giving us the option not to. Right now, I don't want godhood; I want peace and rest.

Granted, these goals are all a long way off, and my mind might change by the time I get closer to that finish line. Maybe I will want to become a heavenly father by the time I earn that privilege. Who knows? But for now, my fondest dream is to finally get some inner peace and spiritual rest, and I hope that, for at least a little while, God will let me have it and enjoy it.

When I die, I want the words "Rest in Peace" to be said or written somewhere near my remains, because my fondest dream is that God will let me.