Its Lowest Point

While I was looking up the word "oscillate" to make sure I was spelling it correctly (I wasn't), I came across an example of using the word "oscillate" in a sentence: "a pendulum oscillates about its lowest point." And boy, does it.

Sometimes, I give in to temptation. I relax a little, maybe a little too much, and I let myself have a little fun, and it actually feels good... for a while. But then the pendulum swings the other way, and sometimes it swings back hard enough that I actually make some spiritual progress, and that feels good too, in a different way. But that doesn't last, either. Eventually, the spiritual high ends, and I swing back down, oscillating, as always, about my lowest point, the point that's farthest away from either kind of happiness.

That's kind of where I am right now. I don't currently feel the joy of the gospel, and I don't currently feel the fun of sin. Sometimes, I wish I could pick one end of the pendulum's arc and just stay there. But gravity won't let me. Neither will God nor Satan nor my conscience nor my weak will. No matter where I am in that pendulum's arc, I will always feel the pull in the other direction, and every time I oscillate, I will spend some amount of time at my lowest point.

That's life, I guess. This pattern of oscillating highs and lows is part of the human condition. I will never stop facing temptation, and I will never stop regretting giving in. Until I learn to resist the pull of temptation, I'll have to learn to live with the fact that I will frequently spend time at my lowest point.