Thursday, April 25, 2013

Another Utterly Ridiculous and Admittedly Untrue Theory

I'm in a bit of a pickle right now. I don't really feel like sharing any thoughts from the next General Conference talk or the one after that, and there aren't any new Mormon Messages to share. I know that I have to find something to talk about, but I don't have any ideas.

Well, okay, I do have one idea, but there's no point in sharing it because multiple prophets have made it totally obvious that my idea is completely false. Oh, whatever, I'll share it anyway.

DISCLAIMER:
NOTHING WRITTEN BELOW THIS LINE IS TRUE.
DO NOT BELIEVE ANY OF IT.

Yeah, I did that mostly because I just wanted to play with the text. xD

Anyhow, here's my idea: What if Satan doesn't hate us? Actually, let's take it back a step farther. What if there was no Satan?

I'm sure there are some red flags going up in the minds of many of my readers. A phrase like "I am no devil, for there is none" may be coming to mind. Please bear in mind that I am NOT talking about the world we live in. I'm speaking about a hypothetical world in which Satan did not exist.

What would happen there? Would mortality still be a test? We'd still have our own fallen nature to wrestle against, but I wonder how much of our desires to do wrong are part of our fallen nature and how much Satan helps the process along. It's natural to be tempted to break the law of chastity, but how much easier would it be to keep that law if Satan suddenly stopped whispering suggestions into everyone's ears?

I think that if it wasn't for Satan and his host of tempting spirits, it would be a heck of a lot easier to choose the right; too easy, I think, to be a real test. I think that, in a way, we need Satan. I think that without him constantly fighting against us, we'd never gain the kind of spiritual strength our Heavenly Father wants us to have.

So, let's suppose, in some strange alternate universe, the council in heaven went off without a hitch. No one suggested any alternate plan; no one rebelled against Heavenly Father; no one got cast out to become the devil; thus, there would be no devil, and therefore, no real test. At least one of the purposes of mortality would have been frustrated if Satan hadn't stepped up.

Now, let's say, in this alternate universe, God knew Satan wasn't going to rebel, so He asked for TWO volunteers: one to be a tempter, so people would have to make a choice between right and wrong, and one to be a Savior, in case people choose wrong occasionally.

One of the spirits said: Here am I. Send me.

And another spirit said: Here am I. Send me.

And the Alternate Universe God said: Great. I'll send the first spirit to do this and the second spirit to do that. You go and get your team together and start creating the earth, and you go and get your team together and fill the new earth up with tempters, and I'll meet you two down there in the Garden of Eden so we can get this party started.

Now, the alternate universe Lucifer feels morally conflicted about his new job, because on the one hand, it's an essential part of the plan, but on the other hand, when he wins, his brothers and sisters lose. In that sense, he's like a defense attorney, defending someone he knows is guilty. He doesn't really want to let the criminal off the hook, but he's morally obligated to do his best anyway.

Best case scenario, alternate universe Lucifer tempts us to do something, we resist the temptation and he secretly pats us on the back and says, "Great job! You're getting stronger. Now, are you strong enough to resist THIS temptation? No? Well, don't feel too bad about it. It was a harder test. Keep working on it and we'll try again later."

Doesn't that sound a whole lot better than Satan being a miserable, hateful, damned being who is literally hell-bent on making everyone else miserable, too? I guess that's why I like this alternate universe scenario so much. I'd rather have Satan as a personal trainer than a mortal enemy, because, in a way, that means there's one more person pulling for me, even if it often seems like he's really working against me.

END DISCLAIMER:
I'M RETURNING TO REALITY NOW.

The sad part is that he really is working against me. We hear it over and over again. Satan is real. Satan is evil. He's trying to destroy you and the rest of the world. And the worst part is, he seems to be winning. There's just so much freakin' misery going on! I just wish, I don't know... I guess I just wish things were different.

If Satan's going to be such an active force in my life, I wish I could imagine him having my best interest at heart. Sure, he makes life difficult for me, but coaches make training difficult for their athletes because that's how athletes become great. Coaches don't want their athletes to fail the training drills ("Ha ha! My evil test beat you again!"), they want the athletes to improve ("Hey, no slacking off! I know you can do a lot better than that. Hustle up!").

The last time I fought against Satan and got a real energy drive from his opposition, it was because I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to beat him. I became his antagonist, just as he, unfortunately, is mine. I wanted to win. And I wanted him to lose. I was prideful, and, I think, a little angry. Both pride and anger are sins.

ANGRY FOUR-LETTER EXCLAMATION! Even when I FIGHT Satan, he wins! >=(

But if he is my enemy... Well, how am I supposed to deal with him? In war, you deal with enemies by killing them, or at least capturing them or forcing them to retreat. If I'm "at war" with Satan, what am I supposed to do?

I'm supposed to repel his attacks without becoming antagonistic toward him. Which would be a whole lot easier if he wasn't so antagonistic about me!

Maybe I could see him as a rival. In sports, you don't have to wish evil on a rival team. You don't have to call them names or try to get them injured. You just have to play hard and score more points on them than you let them score on you. It's possible to do that while playing fair and being courteous, even to the opponent team. Maybe I don't have to hate Satan. And maybe I don't need him to not hate me. Maybe I can train hard to try to defeat my rival without becoming as bitter as he is. Maybe Satan's antagonism can encourage me to play a tighter defense and put more hustle into scoring points for the Savior's team, even without him, Satan, secretly wanting for me to do well.

Still, you can hardly blame me for wanting one more friend and one fewer enemies. Battling Satan can be pretty difficult. I think I would feel a lot better about that guy if I could imagine that he's actually trying to help.

1 comment:

motherof8 said...

I often feel so very sad about brother Lucifer becoming Satan that I find myself wishing your ridiculous, untrue story were true.

If it were true, would God tell us? Well, He doesn't lie, so I guess He at least wouldn't tell us what we have been told about Satan.

shucks

Either way we must struggle to conquer evil and to follow Christ. No question that HE is true, real, sincere, pulling for us; He is the Way.