The Shame Cycle

You know about the Pride Cycle. It's all over the Book of Mormon. A person or group is blessed, they prosper, they get proud, God withholds His blessings, the person or group falls, then they repent and are blessed and prospered again. It happens countless times over the generations.

What I want to talk about is similar, probably in name only, and probably only because I named it that way. It's something I call the Shame Cycle.

Every once in a while, someone feels down. Life gets people down sometimes. That happens. But when that happens, people generally try to cheer themselves up, and, depending on how down they were and how long they were down, they might try something desperate and or foolish, in hopes it cheers them up. Sometimes it's drugs or alcohol. Sometimes it's sinful behavior. Sometimes it's venting negative emotions. Whatever their chosen form of relief is, it's not good for them, but it actually works, in the short term. For a little while, they feel better. They may even feel okay for a while. But then the consequences of their actions kick in, and those consequences make them feel even worse than before. They feel down again. And they remember what they did last time that (sorta) cheered them up again. They do the same thing they did last time, it sorta works again, but then they crash again, and so it goes. Bad feeling, bad behavior, "good" feeling, bad feeling, bad behavior. Ad infinitum.

It's called the Shame Cycle because the "bad feeling," after the first few cycles at least, is almost always shame. People feel ashamed of what they had done, and they feel miserable about it, but they turn to the same bad behavior to dull the pain of their shame.

The good news is that I've found a way to break the cycle. The bad news is that it isn't easy. We need to learn to turn to Good behavior, even (and especially) when we're feeling bad, so we can get our "good feeling" from good sources. Doing exercise and giving service are great for this, as are playing and/or singing hymns. Really, any good thing you can do can invite the Spirit into your heart, which is one of the best Good Feelings of all.

It's tempting to turn to bad behavior for "good feelings," but that perpetuates the shame cycle, which only leaves people feeling worse. But if we turn toward good behavior for our good feelings, we can break the Shame Cycle and get good feelings that last longer and won't ultimately let us down.